What’s up guys. After last week’s MINTY Free Hit Guide I’ll be going through my top double gameweek picks based on my recent studies of the underlying stats and the eye test. I ended up with 61 pts on my FH last week so hopefully I can help a few of you out again. Here goes…

BETWEEN THE STICKS:
Flappy-handski (5.1m)
The former Gunner looks to be ripe for points should he shrug off a thigh injury. His latest comments seem to suggest so but a rest isn’t out the question. BUR and WBA at the London Stadium looks fantastic. Personally, I’d stay safe with a WHU DEF instead.
Big Emiliano (5.1m)
With his price skyrocketing faster than bog roll during this season, it’s easy to see why. A game at the Ethihad looks good for saves galore followed up by the shambolic attack of NEW for the current top scoring keeper.
The Stone (4.5m)
A nice pick if you’re banking on saves and a miracle Big Sam revival; Sam “The Stone” Johnstone isn’t a bad one this week. Wolves, as stated last week, look awful going forward whilst he also plays a Hammers side who have sold their main striker and are considering playing the man mountain – Diop, at striker. Antonio should be fine and fit to spoil the day for The Stone however.

THE D:
Cancelo Culture (5.8m)
Coming off the back of more returns, CC looks a prime pick at the back for MCI. My only reservation would be potential rotation after Pep’s classic, ominously vague comments on the Portuguese international.
Johnny Stones (5.0m) & Ruben Loftus Dias (5.8m)
Should you not have CC, I think these two are safe as houses for starts and points this week. Two plum fixtures and Pep has shockingly told us real, actual team news in that Ake and Laporte are out.
Aaron “Babyface” Cresswell (5.4m)
It seems like just yesterday the former Ipswich Town man made his move to the Hammers, it’s actually been 7 years… I wouldn’t take him over Stones personally especially for the long haul but after the MCI assets he looks a fantastic pick up. Set pieces and playing at LB now instead of stifled at a LCB role.
Vlad (4.7m)
At the other side of the WHU DEF is Vlad Coufal. Some attacking threat, nailed on and with two plum games – he’s a quality budget pick. If you can’t stretch to him then take a look at forgotten man Craig Dawson (4.5m) who absolutely loves a set piece header.
Chillers (6.1m)
Costing a fortune but near the top of my picks is Ben Chilwell. If Lampard wants to remain in the hotseat at the Bridge, he will need results against Fulham and Leicester. Chilwell has the season pedigree to haul this week. A hold more than a buy.
Andrade Roberto (7.4m)
Heftily priced and facing one of the biggest games of the season against United in the double, Robbo still looks like a wise investment with a Chris Wood led Burnley following a likely cagey top of the table clash of the titans. A keep but not a buy. Look elsewhere for premium investment. River Trent (7.3m) slightly cheaper and on direct FKs for those with limited change in their pockets.
Shawshank Redemption (4.8m)
Mr Corners and fresh of the back of a 7 pointer last week, I’d be shocked to see OATW drop Shaw for Telles at the moment. Very nice fixtures going forward too. Fulham and Pool, not too bad.
Harry Maguire (5.4m) – Already memed too much to allow for a nickname.
A goal disallowed for putting his 6”5 frame on some poor lil’ fullback (rightly so to be fair) last week, he is the premium option at the back for United. On 5 yellows though and I’m sure he’d take one against Pool if it helped the chances of winning that game.
Middle of the park:
Kevin (11.8m)
Top of the xG charts over recent times, top of the xA charts over the season (shocking I know…) the dilemma should be more so will you captain him or not? Did look tired against BRI last week.
Mo (12.5m)
Statistically underwhelming and even getting outshone in some departments by Bobby F and Mane, Salah is still one of the best picks and captaincy picks this week. He will play both games, he will be on pens, he will get chances. The big question mark is the United game.
Mr Penalties Worldwide (11.4m)
One of our community members (Abol) managed to have the armband on the diminutive England winger this week as his penalty sailed in the dark skies of Manchester. Personally, this is the highest risk, highest reward pick to opt for this week. Only 8 minutes against Brighton and hungry to set things straight, he’s a very intriguing pick. Do you have the balls?
Bruno (11.3m)
Still looking like he’s just climbed Everest, Bruno keeps playing and remains in the picks. Not performing as well along side Pogz, we will see if Paul even starts this weekend as OATW may opt for a more defensively astute lineup without the World Cup Winner. This should benefit Bruno but expect managed minutes and Paul back for Fulham.
Marcus “The Saviour” Rashford (9.6m)
Unlike Bruno, Rashy’s stats with Pogz are much better. Not a bad shout for this week and arguably the best at his price point for the double.
Big Phil Fodes (6.2m)
At his price, if we knew he’d start even 4/5 fixtures with managed minutes he’d be template. Unfortunately there’s a man named Josep Guardiola Sala in the dugout so even a hat trick you’re not safe (see Mahrez). Risky, but arguably worth the risk at his price point given the upside and fixtures.
The Lad Himself (7.7m)
Have seen a lot of other FPL content producers and community members tip him as a bad pick this week. I disagree. If you have him, you’d be insane to sell. Some of the best underliers in the top leagues across Europe. Jackie Grealish with a double is absolutely a stick. I’d even consider brining him in given the fixtures and games in hand he has to play. Loves a juicy double.
Tomas VARcek (5.3m)
The big man from Czech will be licking his lips at his fixtures this week against side who are about as good at defending set pieces at Sebastian Giovinco. A Soucek shoe-in.
Anwar El Goalzi (5.8m)
Not a massive fan myself after watching him for a couple of seasons now. In a purple patch but there are better options at the Brummie club. Okay as filler, cheap option.
Barninho (6.8m)
Hitting a little bit of form and more importantly for Barnes owners and buyers; minutes, he is a shrewd pick up for the double. Strong for his price point.
Up Top:
Michail “Glass Hams” Antonio (6.2m)
A monster in front of goal but with the hamstrings of Mike Wazowski. Surely, surely he starts both. If WHU owners want to sell their only other striker whilst he’s not even fit yet, I’d be flabbergasted. Minutes managed yes but I’m sure Moyes doesn’t want Big Issa Diop starting up top. High risk, high reward.
Ollie Statkins (6.1m)
Not even a safer pick this week given the mystery that is Covid at Villa. Should he not be one of the ones affected, you can expect a crisp 90 mins x 2 from the former Championship man. Has the stats and Grealish given plates to haul. Strong pick despite what Watkins owners may tell you.
Jamie “Chithousery” Vardy (10.1m)
He needs no introduction. A premium forward and if you have the cash, a fine pick. My issues is there are better picks in MID for a similar price.
GENERAL TIPS AND CLOSING COMMENTS:
Should you bench boost?
Team dependent but probably not. Another dub GWK to come and to plan for. If you have a couple single GWKers with decent fixtures and the rest are dubs then go for it.
Should you TC?
Possibly. KDB and Salah are very decent TC options. Sterling if you’ve had a few and want a punt.
General transfer advice?
Hits for single to dub GWKers effectively only cost 2 pts. Not a bad week to restructure your team.
Come check me out on Twitch for my weekly pre deadline stream happening live right now ( https://www.twitch.tv/spearmintspaff ). I am on Twitter too ( https://twitter.com/SpearmintSpaff ). It's not your usual FPL content, occurring at a regular, later time than other content creators for folks in stranger time zones such as myself in Canada and you notorious dead zone nutcases.
Usual KO for our stream is:
9PM UK GMT / 2PM CAD MDT / 4PM USA EDT / 1 PM USA PST
Thanks guys and good luck.
Current rank: #222,037. All time: #18.

My wife and I decided to finally get around to building our long discussed home bar since we can't go out during the pandemic lock downs.
Link to the album https://imgur.com/gallery/NlgnF8O
We saw this room when we first did the home tour before buying it and knew we needed to turn it into a modern British style pub. We used to live in the UK for 3 years and pub culture is one of the things we missed the most, other than easy travel. With the lock downs here we figured now was as good of a time to tackle this project as ever. The pub is named to evoke the style of British pubs and is named after an animal native to my wife's home of Guam and the state bird of PA, where I am from.
We started by ripping all the carpet up and lay click together LVP before building the bar itself, as has been pointed out to me in the DIY thread I made, I probably screwed up by building the bar structure over the LVP but time will tell. This project was done entirely by myself with the exception of hooking up the sink, I've never done plumbing so a friend came over to help with that (payment made in 2 for 5 whopper lunch and beer). We started laying the floor at the end of October, and the framing and rough built counters were done by Thanksgiving. The main bar was finished just in time for NYE although there are some additions and changes made after that, mainly minor details like the 2nd magnet holder and the shelf on the fireplace. Finally the pool table was acquired through FB market place the last week of January and at that point I consider it finished. I'm sure there will be minor changes and decorations added but all major components are in place and done.
The single most expensive item was the flooring where we spent about $1500 on the LVP and T-moulding. Although we bought extra to floor two other smaller areas of the basement, the entryway on the other side of the room and my office in the basement. When everything was done we have 11 boards of LVP leftover.
Lumber and plywood was about $350 for both the bar frame and the various shelves and magnet holders.
Walnut bar top was $225 for 7.5' of kiln dried 1.5" thick slab.
Various plumbing supplies were a total of $108
All the black Iron Pipe used for the foot rail, bar supports, magnet holders, and paper towel holder came to about $140
Pool table was a steal at $400 for 8' slate
The rest of the items and links are below
Bar Stools we got them on sale for $70 each total of $280
Beer Fridge was on sale for $499
Fireplace Shelf Bracket $26
Bar Shelf Brackets $50
Hanging glass holder $18
Ice Maker $138
Led Strip Lights for liquor shelf and under bar $30
Bar Light fixture $80
Bar Sink $80
Faucet $107
Total was about $4,000 although I'm sure there are a few things I forgot to take into account.
We've used it a few times with a couple of our friends that we trust through covid and it has turned into quite the popular hangout spot. We're really looking forward to being able to have lots more friends over and do plenty of drinking here.

Some general strategic notes for the remainder of the fpl season, followed by players to watch per team.
First of all, since we're nearing the end of the season, we're looking heavily at current form and fixtures to come. I've divided the teams into tiers.

Man United and Wolves: I would advise to pick 2 or 3 players from these teams as they are in great form, have something to play for and have fantastic fixtures.
Spurs, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man City, Everton, Newcastle: Good teams to pick from. Good fixtures for tot, che, eve, new! Pool and City are always good. Wouldn't pick more than 2 from any one of these teams though.
Leicester, Burnley, Southampton, Watford: Differentials can be found in these teams. Leicester not looking very good atm though. Would never pick more than one from either of these. More info in the team by team section.
Arsenal, Palace, Sheffield Utd, Brighton, West Ham, Bournemouth, Villa, Norwich: avoid.

Secondly, let's briefly glance over the chips remaining.

Wildcard: if you still have it, now is probably a good time to use it. All depends on your team of course.
Free Hit: use whenever your team have dodgy fixtures.
Bench boost: use whenever your bench players have good fixtures.
Triple Captain: use against Norwich? Chelsea is playing them at stamford bridge in gw36+. City is hosting them in gw38+. Any good captain against a leaky defense is a good shout at this point.

Now let's go for the team by team info:

Man United: fantastic fixtures, picking up good form, CL spot to play for, more or less rotation safe team. Pick 2 or 3 players.

Good picks: Wan Bissaka 5.3 (bonus magnet, getting better at crossing and even dribbling, best defensive pick imo), Maguire 5.3 (plays every minute, goal threat), Bruno 8.7 (instrumental for their attack, on shared penalties, high assist potential and great goal threat, uniteds kdb), Martial 8.0 (arguably the best pick of the bunch, 0.7 saved on bruno for a nailed nr 9 who is finding some great form and lots of chances, can be a lazy cunt at times though), Rashford 9.0 (consistent goal and assist threat, on shared penalties, nailed on).
Enabler picks: Greenwood 4.3 (could see more playing time now, wouldn't waste a utd slot on him though with Connolly around for 4.2).
Trap / half decent picks: De Gea 5.3 (too expensive for a keeper, uses up a united slot), Pogba 8.3 (plays deeper than either Bruno or Martial so avoid).

Wolves: fantastic fixtures, solid team, CL spot to play for, more or less rotation safe team. Pick 2 or 3 players.

Good picks: Doherty 6.4 (expensive but absolutely flying, plays far forward, links up with Traore, constant goal and assist threat), Boly 4.8 (second name on the team sheet after Coady, with him back in the team, wolves defense became almost impenetrable, huge goal threat on set pieces), Saiss 4.6 (budget version of Boly, less goal threat but takes some left foot free kicks), Jimenez 8.3 (what can I say? Most reliable forward in the game for two seasons running now. Nailed on, scores goals, is involved,...).
Enabler picks: Dendoncker 4.4 (not fully nailed on since he usually makes room when Nuno goes for a 523 formation, there are better options like Hayden, Luiz, Guendouzi).
Trap / half decent picks: Patricio 5.3, Coady 5.1, Jonny 5.4 (decent picks but just worse value for money compared to doherty, boly and coady), Neves 5.2 and Moutinho 5.4 (awkward price, they play too deep to justify a playing midfielder slot), Traore 5.8 (wolves' player of the season for me, linked up with Jimenez for 10 goals already this season, just not nailed because when Nuno goes for a 532, he comes on to run at the opponent in the final 25 minutes), Jota 6.4 (great in a 532 formation, a lot worse on the wing in a 523 because everything goes through Traore at the other side).

Liverpool: people say they will rotate when the title is won, I'm not convinced. I think Salah, Mané, Trent and Van Dijk are going to play 6 out of the remaining 7.

Good picks: TAA 7.8 (proves time and time again why he shouldn't leave your team, fpl player of the season imo), Salah 12.7 / Mané 12.5 (no longer essential to own one, but still great picks until we start seeing them rotated).
Trap / half decent picks: anyone else from the defense is worth a shout, but TAA is just better and I would no longer double up so imo just better to avoid. Henderson sits too deep to justify a mid slot. Firmino same story for the forward slot. Just avoid anyone else.

Man City: even more rotation since Pep has 2 games a week, 5 subs a game and is bald. Great fixtures though! I will highlight the players who might rise above the misfortunes of the great wheel of the pep.

Decent picks: KDB 10.7 (contender for player of the season, the almighty nailed one in peps clusterfuck was rested last time round, I expect Foden to be eased in and De Bruyne to be rotated more often so imo he is no longer essential), Mahrez 8.5 (best in form player in City's front 3, not safe from rotation but to me the best choice if you want a City player since I think he will get similar minutes to Sterling, offers more value and is a lot cheaper), Foden 5.1 (will be eased in at this point and a sight so see when he plays, awkward price though, too expensive for fodder and not nailed so no good for a mid slot, strong punt), Jesus 9.6 (good choice with Aguero out of the picture but not as nailed as you might think since apparently even Gündogan can fill the center forward role now, still tho, good punt)
Trap / half decent picks: Ederson 6.0 (just too expensive for a keeper), Laporte 6.3 (not nailed), Sterling 11.7 (why waste an extra 3.2 on him if you can get Mahrez instead?)

Spurs: good fixtures and some nailed on options in the team.

Good picks: Aurier 5.0 (stand out best defensive pick, has no back up at his position and has assist potential going forward, he is somewhat of a clown though), Son 9.8 (what a player, flying forward, nailed on, captaincy potential,...), Alli 8.3 (arguably even better value for money than Son, high amount of chances in the box, not as reliable to finish them as Son), Kane 10.9 (hate him or love him I guess, he will probably never be in my team, even less so under Mourinho. But a decent premium forward shout with the fixtures coming up. Fully nailed on and on penalties).
Traps / half decent picks: Lloris 5.3 (too expensive), Bergwijn 7.5, Moura 7.1, Lamela 5.7 (all very likely to rotate frequently but still possible punts, note that Bergwijn hasn't had too many chances so is either clinical or on a streak, I'd be weary).

Chelsea: decent fixtures, CL spot to still play for, good form going forward. Few of their players seem to be nailed on AND high value picks, though.

Good picks: Alonso 6.2 (seems to have nailed down the LB spot and is incredible going forward, just seems a high price for someone in a leaky defense), Mount 6.2 (more or less nailed, looked great after the restart, good value for money)
Keep an eye on: Azpilicueta 5.9 (nailed on, looks to have the RB spot for now but isn't worth his price at CB imo), James 5.0 (looks like he lost the spot to Azpi for now), Abraham 7.5 (fantastic option if nailed, but with Giroud starting games, remains to be seen what will happen there).

Everton: very solid under Ancelotti. Looking better atb after the restart so far. Great run of fixtures.

Good options: Digne 5.7 (we've all been here... still decent shout if you have the funds with Everton looking solid atb now, high offensive upside), Holgate 4.3 (fantastic pick right now, under the radar budget defender), Richarlison 8.3 (oop striker, most dangerous player in this team), DCL 6.5 (outstanding value, improved greatly this season, has tons of chances in the box, best Everton fpl pick for me)

Newcastle: with the fixtures coming up, this team has some great enabler picks.

Notable picks: Lascelles 4.3 (great enabler in defense, just like Evertons Holgate, nailed on), Ritchie 5.3 (oop nailed on, plays right winger and will be involved in attack, very pricey though and picked up a knock!), Hayden 4.4 (best midfield enabler at this time imo, picked up a knock though).

Leicester, Burnley, Southampton, Watford: these teams offer some interesting differentials or great value picks. Leicester is looking shaky though and dropping out of the top 4 seems like a real possibility still.

Notable picks: Justin 4.7 (made Pereira's spot his own at least until he's back from injury, looks great going forward, Barnes 6.2 (best Leicester pick imo, if I wouldn't be staying clear of them altogether, he would be my choice), Vardy 9.8 (Vardy will be Vardy and will always be at least a decent punt, but with Leicesters form and fixtures in mind, I'm avoiding), Pope 5.0 (best goalkeeper in the game, keep if you already had him, maybe don't get if you have to pay 5m), Taylor 4.3 and Lowton 4.2 (decent budget defenders with assist potential), McCarthy 4.5 (nailed on 4.5 keeper in a solid defensive side), Stephens 4.4 (nailed on budget defender in a solid defensive side with some assist potential), Ings 7.2 and Long 4.7 (both are great value for money as long as they're fit and nailed on), Sarr 6.3 (decent differential pick for this price), Kiko 4.2 (cheap defender playing for a side still playing to avoid relegation).

Arsenal, Palace, Sheffield Utd, Brighton, West Ham, Bournemouth, Villa, Norwich: avoid, apart from some enabler options.

Arsenal: Martínez 4.2 (nailed for the season with Leno out for 5 to 6 weeks), Saka 4.7 (arguably Arsenal's best player at this time), Guendouzi 4.2 (nailed?) Nketiah 4.4 (Arteta rates him and Lacazette seems to be the only competition in the spear of the attack, will see some minutes), avoid Lacazette (not nailed) and Aubameyang (winger since Arteta arrived).
Brighton: Connolly 4.2 (cheapest forward in the game and not the worst option out there).
Villa: Douglas Luiz 4.4 (nailed, some goal threat, villa have something to play for), Davis 4.3 (oop mid playing as a striker, rotates with Samatta though).
tl;dr: Above are some general strategical concepts for the remainder of the season, which teams to go for, what to do with remaining chips, what players to choose team by team. There is no in depth analysis, this is more like a summary.
Enjoy and feel free to add suggestions, I might edit them in.
Edit 1: I'm getting some questions on my assessment of keepers. My advise: keep the keeper you have value in. If you don't have one or want a new one on wildcard, I would advise Martínez 4.2 and/or McCarthy 4.5.

Original post created by FlagstaffMom in https://www.reddit.com/flagstaffacademy/.

Supplements

Summary

Some highlights from the meeting are: The April Board meeting has been rescheduled. Instead of being held on Tuesday, April 2nd, it will be held on Monday, April 8th. 2019-2020 Calendar Modifications:

School will start on Wednesday, August 14th, one day later than usual.
The elementary school will move to a quarterly system as opposed to the trimester system in the past.
Parent teacher conferences in the spring will be pushed forward to just before Spring Break.

The Budget Draft presented at the meeting was not posted online so I couldn't see the details. There was a high level overview discussion of the line items, which you can read further in the notes. Budget Discussion Highlights:

Linda Arnold will be retiring in June. Kim McCain will be taking over the work with Abstract Insights.
The school would like to hire a full time Behavioral Interventionist. There is no space in the building for the person with this position so they will likely carve out a section of the elementary art room since there are no longer big installations in there. However, there would be no HVAC or sprinklers so money would have to be spent to make accommodations for that. Estimates on that are coming in around $40,000 because of the mechanical aspects of that change.
FA's liability and property insurance, which includes Chromebook insurance, is going up 52% due to all of the recent natural disasters and the like. In 2017, the pool paid out more claims than the previous four years combined so they depleted their reserves and this is them passing that on to us.
Bids are being put out for a new custodial service because they have not been happy with the service.

Detailed Notes

Opening
Call to Order
Pledge of Allegiance, Roll Call, Recital of Mission Statement
1. Board members present: Bob, Cary, Leah, Kumar, Stuart (late 5:31pm)
Public Comment
1. None
Recognitions and Appreciations
1. Pancake Breakfast was a big success.
Approval of Agenda
1. MOTION: Leah motioned to approve the Board of Directors Meeting Agenda for March 19, 2019. Kumar seconded.
2. Discussion: None
3. VOTE: Vote on the motion as amended. The ayes have it and the motion carries.

II. Board / Administrative Working Session

Propose to change the meeting from Tuesday, April 2nd to Monday, April 8th. Leah made a motion to change the meeting and Cary seconded it. Vote on the motion passed.

III. General Working Session

2019/2020 Master School Calendar
1. Teachers preferred the one day later than the district start of school. We will have more time for teacher inservice. Katie said that she thought the Middle School Back to School night was supposed to be pushed to the next week, but that is not reflected on the calendar. Katie suggests moving the New Middle Schoolers day to the way it usually is, being the day before school starts. Cary asks how they received feedback from the teachers. Wayne says that the principals met with the team leads and got feedback that way. Katie says that the elementary school wants to go to quarters instead of trimesters, so we’re going to do that now. It will have more continuity with the conferences and more continuity with the middle school. Most elementaries in the school district on the trimester, but most schools aren’t K-8. There will be an additional grading period for teachers, but it doesn’t have that big of an impact. Conferences in the spring will be pushed out a bit to just before Spring Break. Kumar asks Wayne if, based on his experience, parents will be ok with this. Wayne says yes and explains that he has talked to some parents about it and they generally want to do what is best for teachers and kids. Leah moves to approve the calendar and Cary seconds the motion. It passes.
2019/2020 Budget
1. The budget draft was not posted online and I cannot read the screen.
2. Linda Arnold will be done working (retiring) in June for all of her schools. Her youngest is graduating high school. Kim McCain is working for Abstract Insights. Linda reviewed Kim’s experience and explains that Kim will be the new Linda. They are working on transitioning work over now. Kim will attend the finance committee meeting tomorrow.
3. Wayne says that the Budget Draft they’re showing on the screen is super high level. Wayne explains that the vote will occur on April 8th and that this is just for discussion. If the Board wants clarity on anything, Wayne can bring that on April 8th.
4. Currently, we are almost 15 students up from this year in terms of enrollment. We know that we have loss over the summer, but he is being conservative for us not to have a hit. Tuition (Kindergarten) - He knows there are discussions where Gov. Polis wants to fund full day kindergarten. We would not charge our parents for full day kindergarten in that case. We would gain a few hundred dollars potentially if that happens, which would be a bonus.
5. Dragon Flight tuition is awesome. We’re bumping that up a bit to be more consistent. It averages right around $25,000/month (school year months - 10 months)
6. We get around $30,000 in interest income for the amount in our account.
7. We left activity fees at 85%, although it has been decreasing every year. We are going to get more proactive on finding ways for that to come back in, even if it’s from Wayne himself.
8. Pingree for 5th grade trip is consistent.
9. Summer camp - There is a slight dip here because we are shortening the summer camp. We can’t clean until summer camp is over.
10. Sports and Athletics - we’ve captured everything we can for kids to do track, etc.
11. Chromebook fees
12. We should see an increase in mill levy. These are based on our enrollment in 2008. If our enrollment takes a hit, we’re ok.
13. PTO came in with $45,000 this year. Wayne and Jolene had their monthly meeting today. $20,000 hasn’t been asked for from staff for this year, so they’re going to roll it over to next year, so that number will increase to $65,000. They could adjust that based on the Gala. Cary asks if something else could be done with that money? Wayne mentions that they’d talk about that in the expenses. Kumar asks if the number could be increased. Discussion. The amount listed is the amount the PTO promised to us.
14. Capital Construction is funding that the state gives to charter schools to help for facilities, but it is minimal.
15. Net increase to revenue around $358,000.
16. Expenses - Targeting 90% - 95% of SVVSD. They accounted for 93% of the district. Peak to Peak is only at 90%. They added in a Behavior Interventionist position, which he will talk about in a minute. Wayne is passing out a historical salary data sheet so the Board can see what they have spent in salaries and see the change over the years. He mentions a bonus and stipends for when people do amazing work. He says he has been doing that for years, so there are people recognized every year. He is explaining on the numbers on that sheet correspond to the numbers on the budget draft. The actual change in budget is $251,000 from last year to this year. Bob asks what it would be if we went to 95%. Wayne says about another $70-some thousand.
17. Wayne explains that there is a difference between counselors and Behavior Interventionists. We need someone who really knows how to talk with teachers to build the classroom environment. Katie explains that we really need this help at school because others are being pulled from their tasks that they need to do. It would be a full time job that would pay around $45,000 - $50,000. Katie says that kids are coming in and are not able to manage their emotions. We don’t have anyone on staff that necessarily has that qualification. We need someone on the staff to help the students and help train us on what we need to do and how we can handle this. Wayne says that only the Tier 3 students are getting that special ed service, but other kids are not being served and are outside of what we do. Katie says that trauma informed teaching is really big right now and we need to address it when the kids are young to avoid consequences when they are older. Adams and Douglas Counties are hiring a lot of these types of positions for their school districts. Katie explains that with technological devices, kids are coming in with less social and emotional skills, and we need to deal with that.
18. Increasing Paid Time Off Hours. Wayne says this will help accommodate substitute teachers time.
19. Increase in PERA and Health Insurance
20. Wayne is starting to skim through due to the lack of time.
21. Wayne says we are sending out a bid for a new custodial contract because we have not been happy with the custodial service.
22. Liability Insurance, which includes chromebook insurance, our liability and property insurance is going up 52% (!!!) due to all of the natural disasters and the like. In 2017, the pool paid out more claims than the previous four years combined so they depleted their reserves and this is them passing that on to us. Wayne has talked with others to get quotes from new providers and asked about moving around coverages and deductibles. He is working to get that down. Stuart asks if that is expected to go down. Wayne mentions how the hail storms are just decimating properties.
23. Talk about how some of these categories are combined (for example, the way Dragon Flight field trips are categorized with other things) and Kumar asks if we should break these out. Wayne said the categories are chosen by the CDE so we can’t change those.
24. The rest of the district services are just slight changes. There may be an increase in Tech because district technology is getting new costs as well.
25. Everything else is fairly flat.
26. Furniture and fixtures has a big drop because of all that we did this year.
27. Stuart asks if there are any large expenses coming up to consider. Carpet will need to be replaced, which we’ll start looking at toward the end of this year. Wayne mentions that there is no space for someone like a Behavioral Interventionists, so we may carve out some space from the art room since there are no longer big installations. However, there would be no HVAC or sprinklers so we would have to spend the money to make accommodations for that. Estimates on that are coming in around $40,000 because of the mechanical aspects of that. Kumar asks about the lawn. Wayne says we’re still dealing with that and we’ll have to see.
28. We need to submit a budget to the district by April 15th. The budget the Board has to approve isn’t until May. Until we get true PPR, we won’t truly know these numbers. In June, we’ll set PPR, but enrollment won’t be set until October. Leah mentions that the budget is typically amended at the beginning of the next school year. Linda encourages questions now though, if there are any, so that they can be answered now. Wayne wants everyone to know we’re on track for the 90% - 95% to match SVVSD.

IV. Consent Agenda
V. Executive Session
VI. Closing

Action Item Review
Adjournment

This weekend the top two women's leagues in England, the Women's Super League and Women's Championship kick off. To mark that occasion I decided to do a mini write up on every PL's related women's club for those of you that are curious about your own club's women's team or all the clubs' sides.
After following Spurs for about a decade, I decided a few years ago that I didn't have enough whiplash from near successes and wanted to add their women's team to the mix, which at the time was in the 3rd division. The ensuing years have been mostly upds as they've gone from the (mostly) amateur game (National League), to the semi-pro/pro 2nd division (Championship), to finally their first ever season in the fully professional Women's Super League.
While the results were great, it also has been really rewarding to get to know names that were servants to the club that they and I love but fans likely will never had heard of or will hear of. Case in point is the recently retired Jenna Schicalli who was born and raised a Spurs fan, recently ending her last stint with the team from 2009-2020 in which she helped captain the team through multiple promotions, including the two I just spoke of. It's interesting to hear the perspective of players that are playing simply for the love of the game and club, since often times they have to have another job to supplement the little income they get outside of the top flight.
Following the ups and downs of the women's team has been rewarding for me, getting at times either double the joy from victories across the club or double the pain from defeats on the same weekend. But either way it was more football for me, and that's part of why I love the women's game. Maybe you will be in the same place as me and maybe not, but I figured at the very least this sort of post may pique your curiosity to see where your women's side sits in the pyramid in comparison to the men's side in the PL. Are they also in the top flight? Not far out in the Championship? Or down in the regional leagues?
I'll be trying to provide a brief summary for where each team is at, and due to a lack of info and familiarity some teams (especially the lower league teams) won't have the most info but I'll do my best!
It should be noted that the 3rd tier and below had their seasons cancelled with no pro/rel, whereas the WSL and Championship had their seasons canceled but PPG was still used to decide pro/rel and Champions League places. So that's why some teams were promoted and relegated while other first or last finishers didn't move at all.

FAQ

What competitions are going on this season?

Leagues - Women's Super League, Championship, and the National League, and all the way down to the regional tiers (5th-7th)
FA Cup(s) (19/20 & 20/21) The 19/20 FA Cup was postponed during the quarterfinals in March, they'll be played out in the next couple of months while the early stages of the 20/21 FA Cup are also being played
League Cup - The primary League Cup in the vein of the men's competition and is competed between teams in the professional and semi-professional leagues, the Women's Super League and Championship respectively. The national and regional leagues below also have their own similar competitions going, much like the men's game.
Champions League - Chelsea and Manchester City will be competing from the Round of 32 onward this season. Note that the format of the women's CL will be changing next season to more closely align with the men's competition, and England will have 3 spots in the competition as opposed to the current 2.

How can I watch the leagues? (Inside and outside the UK)

If you're in the UK WSL matches will be broadcast on BT Sport and BBC iPlayeRed Button. The rest will be free to view with an account on the FA Player website. Currently only one Championship match a week will be streamed, though all WSL and Championship matches will be available to be viewed on demand in the FA Player website.
Outside the UK, the answer is similar to the answer I just provided, substituting BT Sport and BBC for other TV broadcasters in select nations. If your country/region doesn't have a TV deal, all WSL matches and will be available live for free on the FA Player!
When it comes to the lower leagues, some teams have streamed matches but it's largely absent from the women's game outside of the top league(s).

Where can I talk about the leagues?

/FAWSL has been restarted and is gaining traction as a place to discuss all the relevant clubs and matches. There are women's club subreddits for some of the large teams, but it seems that most PL club subreddits are open to women's team news being posted there as well.

Arsenal

Current League: WSL (1st tier) | 19/20 finish: 3rd/12
As much as I hate to say it, one of the titans of the English women's game. Arsenal are ever-present around the CL spots (fitting for the only English team to actually win the competition), though last year they finished just outside a CL spot in 3rd place on PPG as the WSL season was decided early. They'll only have domestic competition to focus on this year, and that may end up being to their benefit. Having arguably the best women's player in the world in Vivianne Miedema doesn't hurt either, with the 24 year old still improving year after year.
Opening fixture: Arsenal vs Reading - 6th September 12:30 BST – Watch live for free on the FA Player
FA Cup 2019/20: Arsenal vs Tottenham Hotspur on 26th/27th September - Watch live on BBC iPlayer and BBC Red Button

Aston Villa

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 1st/11 in Championship on PPG (Promoted)
The lone promoted side in this year's league, taking Liverpool's place. Villa will be aiming to stay in the WSL and will likely achieve that with (relative) ease, looking at the improvement from this off-season on their already strong Championship squad.
Opening fixtures: Aston Villa 0-2 Manchester City - 5th September 14:30 BST - Watch live on BT Sport (UK), or free on the FA Player (International)
Reading vs Aston Villa - 13th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player

Brighton & Hove Albion

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 9th/12 in WSL; 19/20 FA Cup quarterfinal vs Birmingham City on 26/27 September
Brighton are still relatively fresh blood in the WSL, only joining in 18/19 as one of two promotions during the restructuring of the top two leagues. They finished 9th/11 in their first season after promotion from WSL 2 (now Championship) and last season didn't get a chance to prove they had improved, finishing 9th/12. They likely don't have anything to fear in regards to relegation, with their seasoned squad having a lot of professional experience by now, but with how other teams around them have been improving you likely won't see them climb much higher up the table.
Opening fixture: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Birmingham City - 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player*
FA Cup 2019/20: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Birmingham City - 26th/27th September

Burnley

Current League: FA Women's National League North (Premier Division) [3rd tier] | 19/20 finish: 5th/12
Following back to back promotions from the 5th tier in 17/18 and 4th tier in 18/19, Burnely found themselves playing just a single step below the semi-professional game. They finished a surprising 5th with a few matches in hand on some of the teams above them, but there likely would have been no catching league leaders Sunderland who had yet to lose a match in 14 played.
Opening fixture: Sunderland AFC Ladies v Burnley FC Women on Sunday 20th September

Chelsea

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 1st/12 in WSL (Champs), 19/20 League Cup Champs
One of the standard bearers for women's club football in England, Chelsea won their first league title since 2017-18 (not the longest wait, eh?) Chelsea will be aiming to once again win the league as well as to reach their first ever Champions League final. Chelsea have reached the semi-finals in their last two attempts (17/18 & 18/19) but were knocked out by Wolfsburg and Lyon, two of the most dominant sides in women's Champions League history.
Adding Danish women's national team captain Pernille Harder this summer for a world record transfer fee in women's football probably will help give them a slight boost in the league and CL. That's in addition to Sam Kerr who Chelsea added in the second half of 2019. The Australian at age 26 is already the all time leading scorer in two leagues, NWSL in the United States and W-League in Australia.
Opening fixture: Manchester United vs Chelsea - 6th September 14:30 BST - Watch live on BT Sport (UK), or free on the FA Player* (International)
FA Cup 2019/20: Everton vs Chelsea on 26th/27th September

Crystal Palace

Current League: Championship | 19/20 finish: 9th/11
Palace joined the WSL 2 (now Championship) in 2018/19 during the restructuring of the 1st and 2nd women's divisions, gaining their spot through an application. They had finished 3rd in their league so they weren't slouches, but they still have yet to break through to midtable of the Championship. They finished 10th/11 in their first foray in the 2nd division, below all four of the other newly promoted sides including Sheffield United who were actually a division below them in 17/18. They didn't get to prove themselves much better than that in 19/20, only finishing one place higher when the season was cut short this past spring. All that said, they have added players with WSL and Championship experience and should hopefully finish at least mid-table in this upcoming Championship season.
Opening fixture: Charlton Athletic vs Crystal Palace - 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch replay for free on the FA Player*

Everton

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 6th/12; 19/20 FA Cup quarter-final vs Chelsea 26/27 September
Everton finished midtable last year but their 10 additions between spring (3) and summer (7) may have them either on the outskirts of a Champions League spot if everything clicks or stalling or falling in the table due to needing time to click. French forward Valerie Gauvin is likely the new addition to watch in their squad.
Opening fixture: Bristol City vs Everton - 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player*
FA Cup 2019/20: Everton vs Chelsea on 26th/27th September

Fulham

Current League: London and South East Women's Regional Football League (5th) | 19/20 finish: 5th/10
The lowest division representative in this list, Fulham have a storied history, one with the highest of highs and lowest of lows. Highlights include in 2000 they were the first full-time professional women's side and a 2003 FA Cup victory. Sadly the team was dissolved twice in four years (2006 & 2010), not reforming until 2014 as Fulham FC Foundation ladies. Fulham have been in the 5th tier since 14/15, winning promotion from the 6th tier the previous season. They finished a surprising 4th/10 in their first season in the top flight, but haven't been able to finish past 5th, routinely in the lower half of the table though not needing to stave off relegation. The team has been receiving more and more attention and from the main club notably becoming Fulham FC Women in 2018 with reinvestment in the team, and that may lead to improved results this upcoming season and hopefully promotion in the near future.
Opening fixture: Denham United vs Fulham FC on Sunday 13th September

Leeds United

Current league: National League Division One North (4th tier) | 19/20 finish: 2nd/12
Leeds United were among the top sides fighting for promotion, the closest challenger to Barnsley when the season was called off. It is expected that they should be able to repeat that effort this season. The club has yet to reach the semi-professional game, and finally exiting the 4th tier would be a huge step in achieving progress to that goal.
Opening fixture: Norton & Stockton vs Leeds United on 20 September

Leicester City

Current League: Championship | 19/20 finish: 6th
Leicester City was brought into the fold of the main club, going from a partner to being integrated as one of only a few fully professional clubs in the Championship. They'll likely be fighting with Liverpool and Sheffield for the one promotion spot, and one shouldn't doubt their capabilities in winning it all.
They're the lone 2nd division team left in the 2019/20 FA Cup, though with just about the toughest draw, facing the defending champs Manchester City.
Opening fixture: Leicester City vs Blackburn Rovers - Sunday 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch replay for free on the FA Player*
FA Cup 2019/20: Leicester City vs Manchester City 26th/27th September

Liverpool

Current League: Championship | 19/20 finish: 12th/12 in WSL (Relegated)
Lot of criticism has been swirling around this team, some just and unjust, but even the main club could understand that the men winning the league and the women being relegated in the same season wasn't the best look. Sure, the fact that they went on PPG in a season that didn't complete didn't give them a fair shake, but they'll have to prove this season that they truly belong in the WSL. In Leicester City and Sheffield United they have very strong opponents in the fight for promotion.
Opening fixture: Liverpool vs Durham on Sunday 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch for free on the FA Player*

Manchester City

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 2nd/12 in WSL
Perennial 2nd place finishers in recent years, outside of a league win in 2016, City have finished 2nd every season since 2015. Losing this past season on PPG has to be one of the more bitter pills to swallow, but after a 2-0 loss to Chelsea for the newly revived Women's Community Shield this past weekend, City will be hoping that their new recruits including Sam Mewis and Rose Lavelle, 2019 World Cup winners with the United States, will help push them past the hurdle of 2nd place as well as give them a boost in Europe. Similar to Chelsea, they have yet to reach a Champions League final, only making it to the Round of 32 and Round of 16 in the last two seasons, getting knocked out by Atletico Madrid both years.
Opening fixture: Aston Villa 0-2 Manchester City - 5th September 14:30 BST - Watch live on BT Sport (UK), or free on the FA Player* (International)
Manchester City vs Brighton & Hove Albion - 13th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player*
FA Cup 2019/20: Leicester City vs Manchester City 26th/27th September

Manchester United

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 4th/12 in WSL on PPG
The best of the rest outside of the top 3, which is pretty good for a team in only its 3rd season of existence. They easily won the Championship in 18/19 with only 1 draw and 1 loss and their first year in the WSL saw them continue their impressive form. This year they're aiming to challenge for the Champions League, though it should be said that last year there was a clear gap between them and a CL spot with 4th placed United getting 1.64 PPG while Arsenal in 3rd had 2.40.
The Red Devils hope that the additions of World Champions Tobin Heath and Cristen Press will propel them to a Champions League spot this year, finally breaking into the top 3 of the WSL after a long wait of...3 years.
Opening fixture: Manchester United vs Chelsea - 6th September 14:30 BST - Watch live on BT Sport (UK), or free on the FA Player* (International)

Newcastle United

Current League: National League Division One North (4th tier) | 19/20 finish: 6th/12
Newcastle had been in the 3rd division as recently as 2016/17 when they were relegated after gaining only 7 points in 20 matches. They have yet to truly challenge for promotion back into the 3rd tier, finishing 5th, 9th, and 6th in their seasons after relegation. Most recently the team entered into a partnership with Northumbria University to provide Strength and Conditioning, Performance Analysis and Physiotherapy as well as management of the club itself.
Opening fixture: Durham Cestria vs Newcastle United on Sunday 20th September

Sheffield United

Current League: Championship | 19/20 finish: 2nd/11
Sheffield finished under Aston Villa in PPG and it's a wonder where the two teams would have finished in a full season. That said, their solid base has been improved upon roster wise, but the loss of manager Carla Ward to WSL side Birmingham City may be the largest challenge to the club. They took their time in replacing her, and it'll be up to former Liverpool Women and Newcastle United U23 manager Neil Redfearn to keep up with Leicester and Liverpool.
Opening fixture: London City Lionesses vs Sheffield United - Sunday 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch replay for free on the FA Player*

Southampton

Current League: National League Division One South West (4th tier) | 19/20 finish: 1st/11
After back to back promotions from the 6th tier in 17/18 and 5th tier in 18/19, Southampton FC Women were looking to establish themselves in their first season in the 4th division. They ended up fighting with similarly named Southampton Women's F.C. for promotion to the 3rd tier, but with only 11 and 12 matches played respectively, it's a wonder who would have been the side to clinch the league. Southampton's official women's side should expect to be the favorites going into this season, but time will tell for how things add up.
Opening fixture: Poole Town vs Southampton FC on Sunday 20th September

Tottenham Hotspur

Current League: WSL | 19/20 finish: 7th/12;
Spurs are a contrast to Manchester United, both being promoted to the WSL the same year but under quite different circumstances. After years in the lower tiers Spurs were able to get a bit more investment to add to some of their longterm players. After each subsequent season they've retooled their squad with each season, exemplified by the fact that Josie Green is the only remaining player on the squad that played with the team in the amateur game. Speaking of that time, Spurs' results truly bloomed in 2016/17 when they won four trophies, including promotion to the 2nd division. They finished 7th place in 2017/18, their first semi-professional season, the highlight being securing their first ever victories over top flight sides in cup competitions. The 2018/19 saw them rocket up the table, finishing 2nd and in a promotion spot under the juggernauts of Manchester United. Their first WSL season followed a similar pattern to their first WSL 2 season, once again finishing 7th and they're still waiting to play in their furthest advanced round in the FA Cup, a quarter-final with Arsenal.
I'm dreading Spurs' match vs Arsenal in the FA Cup later this month, but I am happy when I look back on prior results and see all the progress that has been made. Spurs had an infamous 10-0 loss to Arsenal in the Round of 16 back in 2016/17 when they were an amateur side, but when facing them in league play this past season 2 1/2 years later, they only lost 2-0. They're still looking for that first win over a top half side in the WSL, but with a season of WSL under the squad and management's belt, they should be able to achieve an upper mid-table finish and hopefully be an increasingly challenging fixture against the top sides.
Opening fixture: Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham - 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player*
FA Cup 2019/20: Arsenal vs Tottenham Hotspur on 26th/27th September - Watch live on BBC iPlayer and BBC Red Button

West Bromwich Albion

Current League: National League Premier Division North (3rd tier) | 19/20 finish: 7th/12
West Brom have had a brief yo-yo situation as of late, finishing 6th in their division 16/17, relegated from the 3rd tier in 17/18, winning back promotion 18/19, and seeming to settle back into midtable in 19/20. At this point it seems they should be focusing on stability and remaining in the 3rd division.
Opening fixture: West Bromwich Albion vs Nottingham Forest on Sunday 20th September

West Ham United

Current league: WSL | 19/20 finish: 8th/12
West Ham are another team that's relatively new to the WSL, making the surprising jump from the 3rd tier amateur game all the way to the professional game in 2018/19, bypassing the Championship when the FA was restructuring the leagues. They settled right into midtable in their first WSL season with a 7th place finish, the highlight being a surprising FA Cup final appearance in what ended up a 3-0 loss to Man City. The next season saw them stay in just about the same place, finishing 8th on PPG. As the team has brought in more players on a permanent or temporary loan basis, West Ham will be looking to finish in the upper midtable and challenge fellow midtable sides as well as the CL contenders more evenly.
Opening fixture: Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham - Sunday 6th September 14:00 BST - Watch live for free on the FA Player*

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Current League: National League Division One Midlands (4th tier) | 19/20 finish: 1st/12
One of the victims of the lower leagues getting cancelled with no pro/rel, Wolverhampton were running away with their league on 14 wins, 1 loss, and an incredible +73 goal differntial when the season was cancelled. Wolves will hope to repeat their dominance but this time with a complete season and the reward of promotion to the 3rd tier, just a league below the Championship.
Opening fixture: Leafield Athletic vs Wolverhampton Wanderers on Sunday 20th September
Hope that was interesting to folks, let me know if I got anything wrong or you have any questions. There will be match threads on /FAWSL for some of the matches today, hope you join in on the discussion if your team is playing!

Warning ! Super long vomit of details and pain.
There are so many books and blogs I’ve read. So many podcasts and online classes!
Historical context : I met my now husband at work. He was going through an awful divorce. She would take his car and steal his wallet when he was at work. She hired a private detective and had him followed. She was mean and nasty to him and abusive to their children. One day I drove him to the DMV to get a new license and bought him some clothes because she had taken everything. He had 2 small children with her and he suffered greatly knowing he was going to lose them to her even though he thought she was bipolar. I didn’t want to get involved with him. His life was a complete mess. We were friends and colleagues for over a year. We worked closely together and did very well in business as a team. I confided in him and he told me about his life. He made me laugh and made me feel safe. One day, at a work event, he hadn’t shown up as expected and I felt a pang in my heart that perhaps he wouldn’t show. When he finally did, 2 hours later, I felt so happy to see him walking up. I knew at that moment I loved him. We had sex that night. He still wasn’t legally divorced. His divorce took 3 long years to finalize. His ex dragged him through the mud and emasculated him. He smoked pot daily and took anti anxiety and anti depression medication. He told me of many traumatic events in his past. The first being he was run over by a car when he was six. The second was a plane landing on the highway behind him and exploding, killing a family in a minivan behind him. The third, his ex got pregnant after 6 weeks of casual dating and having the baby and then him asking for a paternity test and discovering it was his son.
Despite the trauma and drama, he loved me and I loved him. I struggled with the fact that though he said he didn’t love his ex, he married her to raise his son, thinking he would make it work. He had a second child with her 3 years after the first. He claimed that he didn’t love her still but he was married and she was his wife so sex with her was his only option and the second baby just happened. 6 years into the marriage, it became intolerable. She called the police and had him arrested for spousal abuse. She filed for divorce and made him go through court ordered anger management and drug tests before letting him see his children. He claimed it was all an exaggeration and I believed him. He was under a lot of stress and would be angry from time to time, but I saw no evidence that he was an abusive or hateful man. He loved his children and everyone thought he was the nicest man they knew. People would tell me I was so lucky to meet such a nice man.
We dated while he finalized his divorce for 2 years. At first, I kept it causal (in my head at least). Though he expressed that he loved me very early on, the thought of going “all in” with him made me a little uncomfortable since he was still not officially divorced and he’d been through so much. I thought he’d need some time to heal and I could be there for him until he was ready. I didn’t date anyone else but I was 38 and had lived as a single lady for a long time before meeting him. I still texted here and there with other men. One guy in particular and I had always had an on again off again relationship. We were quite perfect for each other yet were never in the right place at the right time to make it work. We’d been meeting in each other’s places once every 3 months or so to see each other and exchanged texts on a regular basis. After being intimate with my now hubs, we were on a business trip and he looked through my phone when I got out of the car to go in a store and found a text to Mr. out of town where I’d said “I want to snuggle.” He felt completely betrayed by it and was very angry with me for saying that to another man when he had said he loved me and we’d been intimate. Honestly, I was shocked by his feelings. How could he feel so strongly about this when we’d not discussed how our relationship was defined and he was still legally married? I apologized profusely and said I had no idea he felt so strongly about an exclusive relationship with me and said I’d break it off with any others even if a “textual” relationship and I did. I told all of my casual dating friends I had from the past that I was now in a relationship and tied up any loose ends. I didn’t delete them from my phone or social media, but I did not contact them again, nor did I hide the fact that I was now in a relationship and was unavailable.
He finally got a divorce and he and I had been living between his place and mine fairly permanently together. The only time we were apart was on the weekends he had with his kids. We both felt it was important that he have that time with them and they didn’t need to meet me yet. His boy was 6 and his girl was 3 when we met. They went through a lot in the divorce and we didn’t think they needed a new woman in the picture just yet.
I did feel jealous when his kids needed him when we were together and he’d have to drop everything and cancel or abandon plans to rescue them from some ridiculous chaos his ex had invented. She was always texting him when we were together about something to stir up trouble. One night, he was staying at my house and around 1 am, she calls to say their cat had been found dead by the road and he needed to come and bury it. (He suspects she killed the cat) But he left in the pouring rain to go and bury the cat. There was always something she needed or wanted to fight about. She posted pictures of me on Facebook and called me a whore. She had us followed and photographed as “evidence” of an affair that he was openly honest with her about. (She has a carousel of men living with her with the kids at the same time) It was tough for me to share him with another woman and their children, but I was kind and tolerant and of course, never wanted to be between him and his kids. I tried my best to be understanding and supportive of him in the most difficult situation.
Once they were divorced, he assumed ownership of the house they’d owned together. This was the house she’d grown up in. (His ex FIL “made him a deal” on the house and sold it to him for their life together) He said he didn’t want the house, but he needed to live there for a while since he’d lost so much in the divorce and the alimony and child support was equal to just about as much as he made in salary a month. He also wanted the house to maintain some kind of normalcy for the kids. He asked me to give up my lovely house in the city and move in with him officially in the suburbs while he saved some money and fixed the house up for sale. I didn’t like the idea of living in their house. It made my skin crawl to think of living in their life. He insisted that it was all he could offer and we could make it ours until we found a new place that was all for us. I begrudgingly agreed because it was the most logical division fiscally for him. I painted the walls and changed the fixtures and bought some new furniture and it was ok. Though I missed my friends in the city and felt as though I’d compromised what I wanted to help him. I wanted to be with him and I loved him, so I felt it was a supportive decision. By then I’d met his kids. They were emotionally damaged and he was the over protective “Disney dad” He bought them too much stuff and didn’t establish any expectations of them. I grew up in a rather strict household, so I struggled with the lack of structure and spoiling. I also had no clue how hard being a stepmom could be and felt awkwardly out of place and foreign. I felt like I was expected to love them right away and to “fall in” with a family that wasn’t mine. We still did ok until he proposed. He took me to Barcelona and surprised me with a proposal out of a fairy tale. It was more than a girl could ever dream of but I remember feeling a little numb as I said yes. As if, I was saying goodbye to a life that would never be free of other people’s interference. I wasn’t saying yes to OUR life together. I was saying yes to THIERS too. The ex, his kids, his parents and there was SO MUCH of all them that made me second fiddle to any decision or dream we might pursue. I loved him and said yes anyway. I had been unmarried for 39 years and felt comfortable jumping in to a new way of living with all the messiness it brought because I felt like I could handle it.
Once he gave me the ring, that is when it started to happen. One day while talking our dogs for a walk, he got upset with me for being indecisive about setting a wedding date and spending money on the wedding. He screamed at me so loud that I remember it echoing across the mountain... “I gave you the ring. Now it’s time for you to ante up!!” (It is a BEAUTIFUL ring!) I didn’t want to rush into picking a date and planning a wedding. His mother pressured for a date constantly. We found our dream home. I had been sick with shingles. We needed to fix up his old house for sale. I’d started a new job and so had he. It was a lot of change to manage and I wanted to take our time. If we were talking about forever, what did it matter? I ended up paying for all the repairs on his old house. I planned the wedding almost all on my own. All of his money went to his ex and his kids and I became increasingly stressed and resentful. I cashed in my 401k, took out a short term personal loan and he sold the house to put down a down payment on our new home. I continued to plan and pay for our wedding while he worked and laid by the pool and read a book. My job was incredibly demanding and I worked a lot. He didn’t seem very interested in helping me. I bought all the furniture to fill our new house and his mother demanded I make our wedding something her family could enjoy. It was very expensive and yet, I paid for it without too much complaining. Though I did often ask my husband to help me plan, or to help me manage his mother’s interference. I did express my need for him to help me with the expense of the move and the new house and the wedding, but it became more of a requirement to “align” with him and less of a discussion. He would always complain of being stuck in the middle in an impossible situation and did little to protect me or help me at all. He became more and more volatile. He’d lose his mind in traffic and drive dangerously. One night, we got really drunk tailgating at a college football game and I was bumbling happily around trying to find our car after and he got angry and pushed me to the ground, tearing my coat saying I was being argumentative and I should just listen to him. The police saw him push me down and intervened. They asked me to tell them if he’d been violent and I lied so he wouldn’t get in trouble. Once we were back together and on our way home, he kept yelling at me that I had just stupidly tripped and he couldn’t believe that I would put him at risk like that. Many many other small things became a long list of confusing outbursts and anger. One day, I was chatting on Skype with one of my long distance best friends (who happened to be a gay man) about how I was so stressed out with all the planning and chaos that seemed to surround him that if it weren’t for the dogs and the new house and the pool I’d yet to swim in, I’d love to just live simply in a little apartment again. I went on after saying that to say that clarify that I was just venting and that I loved him and was looking forward to the wedding.
He went through my phone and found this conversation and it has become the “single biggest betrayal of his life.” Even what his ex wife did couldn’t measure up to this horrendous confession!!
The day before our rehearsal dinner, I was so stressed and so behind that I felt like I was going to collapse. The rehearsal dinner was held in our backyard and family was coming that day to stay at our house, and I had no idea how I was going to pay for the rehearsal dinner or have the house clean and ready. I needed help. My best friend called and sensed my stress and took the day off of work to come and help me. We cleaned the house and arranged the remaining items for 11 hours straight hours before my parents arrived. My hubs had a “work meeting” in the city and ended up having too much to drink with a lady customer at a bar. As we do the same thing for work, I understood that sometimes you have to spend time with customers to build the relationship and though I was completely disappointed that he wouldn’t make me and our wedding a priority, I asked him to do just one thing for me if he was going to be out - Pick up my best friends dress on his way home. He begins texting me about 5pm reeally drunk that he was a failure and a loser and that nothing mattered. He finally comes home around 730pm (the meeting was at noon) and says nothing, goes straight to bed and passes out. We didn’t even know he was home until my friend began vacuuming in our bedroom and saw him splayed out across the bed. When my parents arrived 30 mins later, I lied and said he had a horrible headaches and wasn’t able to come out and greet them. The next day, I confided in him that I had no idea how we would pay the caterer the remainder of the bill. He insisted that my family pay for it. That my parents were worthless and that they should pay for something. I was 39 and made 3 times as much as they ever did and did not want to ask them in retirement to pay. I ended up asking to borrow $2500 from my aunt so we could pay. We owed more because his parents had invited 10 extra people to the dinner even though I’d told them I couldn’t afford any more changes and we wanted to keep it to wedding party and immediate family only. They showed up anyway!
We got married and it was a beautiful day, but I cried out of sheer exhaustion when we got home. My husband was angry with me. “Really!!? Crying in our wedding night!?” We left for our Hawaiian honeymoon a week later and it was beautiful! Until the last night... he got upset with me because I misunderstood his “instruction” to secure a beach umbrella while he went back to the room to get something forgotten. He yelled at me, said I had a dumb blank stare and I wouldn’t listen. He yelled at the poor man that was to dig a hole to set out our umbrella. He was mean. I ended up crying, feeling so betrayed in our room and him speaking to me harshly - so much that the guests next to us called the hotel to report a disturbance.
When we returned home and time passed, it got worse from there. He became very suspicious of me. Delusional and jealous. He claimed I was a liar and cheater. He’s called me a whore. Said my p*** was rotten. He’s accused me of giving him an std. He’s slammed a paint can down in our bathroom splattering paint all over the floor, walls, carpets and cabinets. He didn’t help me clean it up nor did he apologize for it. He blamed me for “blocking him in the bathroom - you know you can’t do that to me” Any time I would go out of town on business, he would start a fight with me. He would need to know every where I would be and who I would be with and constantly text me the entire time. Any time I would plan time with friends or family he would find a way to sabotage it or claim I was abandoning him or betraying him. He isolated me from friends and family. He said I was a horrible wife and that our wedding was a farce. Nearly every time we fight he finds a way to work divorce into it. I don’t get many presents on Christmas or birthdays. Special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays or Valentines are usually somehow overshadowed by his parents or his kids’ needs or wants and often by his ex wife’s bs. He claims sex is a fundamental need and he’s starving for attention and affection. Hes told me if I don’t have sex with him “he’ll need to find someone else to fuck to feel loved” I could go on and and on and on.
He’s said that I’m a self sabotaging avoidant. I found us a marriage counselor and he went with me for a while but I felt it wasn’t helpful because I was afraid of what he’d say when we left. He was so fake in our sessions and always talked about the deficit he felt in our marriage. That we were “hanging by a thread” and he was “desperately searching for water in a desert” He claims I am secretive and I give intimacy to others that I refuse to give him and it makes him crazy. He ended up not going with me to counseling and I continued to see the therapist alone. He helped me come up with strategies to try and fix how we communicated. I tried almost everything I could think of, yet his jealousy and rage only increased.
Fast forward to this year, our 4th year of marriage. His son moved in with us over the summer. His ex and new husband was verbally and emotionally abusing him and asked the court to allow him to live with us. He’s 15 and depressed and he came with a 1 year old golden doodle that I told them both I did not want to live with us. The dog came anyway. Hubs spends all of his time with his son and the dog and continues to neglect our relationship. He’d planned to buy the house next door with/for his parents without even discussing it with me. He leaves me alone for days without much word. Leaves the house without telling me where he’s going for hours, days. He puts everything before me and what I might need or want and continues to tell me I’m a liar and a cheater.
After being completely ignored on my birthday... not even a “happy birthday,” I felt suicidal. I’d become addled, startled by any noise, I trembled constantly, I had so much neck and back pain that I was convinced I had MS or cancer or maybe brain injury (I was in a horrible accident in 2019). I couldn’t think or make a decision, I could barely make sentences and I had lost all confidence and it was all effecting my work and well being. I don’t talk to any of my friends and never call my family. I am ashamed and exhausted and terribly sad that I cannot make an impactful change. 2 days after my birthday I googled how to best kill myself with the most absolute calmness and intent for over 5 hours. I went outside feeling alone and sat on the porch and cried thinking about how awful my suicide would make my parents and friends feel but I just needed the pain to stop. A hummingbird flew up to me and buzzed around me for almost 10 mins very closely and I felt it was a sign from my angels or God or something. So I went inside and wrote my husband and parents a letter saying I needed help. That I was feeling so sad and overwhelmed that I was contemplating suicide and though I didn’t necessarily want to do it, I saw no good way out of the chaos and pain. He had already told me we were done and that he wanted me to leave. He’d said he wanted a divorce a week earlier.
My parents came to get me. They drove 10 hours over night. My hubs became enraged claiming that my father was coming to kill him and that if they showed up at the house “it wouldn’t go well for them” He was doing this in front of his son. I hid in our room for days before and after I asked for help because I didn’t want his son to see me. I was so ashamed of being the way we were in front of him. I didn’t want him to see such ugliness and my weakness. He called his parents on speaker phone and announced that I was suicidal and that my father was coming to get him. They called me after and asked if I was ok and if they should come over. I said yes. I could use their help to tame him and assured them that I would never let anyone hurt each other. That night he said he was having a panic attack and asked me to call 911. 12 emergency responders piled around him and found nothing wrong with him.
An hour before my parents arrived, Hubs acquiesced at the last min and left the house so that my parents could help me load up the car with what I could of my clothes and art supplies and my dog and we left. I’ve been gone for 38 days. I’ve texted and emailed with him nearly every day. Some days he’s sorry and admits that he’s been a fool and angry and will get help. Some days he says he’s going to kill himself. Some days he’s angry and says I’m selfish and I’ve abandoned him and the kids when they need it most.
I feel better. I feel safe. The pain is mostly gone from my body and I no longer tremble. I’ve had dr visits and tests and nothing was found other than severe stress.
He’s been to the doctor since I’ve been gone. He says he has irreversible damage to his C4-8 and osteoarthritis that causes severe pain and that he’s got central apnea. I think he is possibly mentally ill.
The part where I’m confused is... I MISS HIM. I feel like I have abandoned him when he needs me the most. If he is truly in pain and hasn’t slept in years and has PTSD, shouldn’t I stand by him and help him get better?
I’ve tried to offer weekends to get together to ease back into it or to “date” to see if we can work back towards being together. He’s since filed for divorce and said that I’ve abandoned him. He only wanted me to leave for a week, “like a vacation” and that if I am to be his wife then I should be with him. No in between.
I can’t make myself go back there. It was too hard to leave and it nearly killed me. Is there anything I can do? I do love him. I did withdraw from him. I did stop talking or at times, yell and scream and fight back. I did spend time focusing on work too much or talk to friends about how I was feeling more than him. How am I supposed to love without fear when he’s scary and mean?
They say you get what you put in to a relationship. If I came into the relationship “half in” and established mistrust in the beginning and then withdrew when he became angry, did I cause a lot of the problem? I’ve apologized and tried to show accountability for any mistakes I made, but I think I’ll be waiting for him to be responsible for what he’s said and done until I die.
I am better but I still feel stuck and hesitant to end everything and walk away for good.
Is it all me? Am I Tyler Durden?

The Great Lakes Avengers!

Basic Info: The Great Lakes Avengers (AKA The Lightning Rods, The Great Lakes X-Men, The Great Lakes Defenders, The Great Lakes Initiative) are the 616 mid-west's premier super team! They came together because of a want-ad in a newspaper and have been protecting the greater Milwaukee area ever since. They've saved the world, saved the universe, saved Detroit, and even saved Christmas twice! The core team consists of Mr. Immortal, Big Bertha, Doorman, and Flatman. Different members have been on and off the team over the years, but this respect thread will only cover core members. The team is presented mostly as a joke... but they get the job done! (Not Included: Hawkeye, Mockingbird, Grasshopper I, II, III, & IV, Leather Boy, Squirrel Girl and associated squirrels, and Deadpool. These people either have way more feats when they aren't on the team or died/quit after an issue or in some cases a single panel.)
Sources: West Coast Avengers (WCA) | Avengers (A) | Avengers West Coast (AWC) | Avenger's Annual (AA) | Deadpool (DP) | Thunderbolts (TB) | G.L.A. Misassembled (GLA) | GLX-Mas Special (GLX) | Cable and Deadpool (CD) | Deadpool/GLI: Summer Fun Spectacular (DGS) | Fear Itself: The Home Front (FI) | Great Lakes Avengers (GLAII) | The Thing (TT) | Deadpool 2008 (DPII)

Mr. Immortal

Craig Hollis, AKA Mr. Immortal, is the founder and leader of the Great Lakes Avengers. As his name implies, he's immortal. He dies all the time, but never stays dead. He's an honest hero with some serious emotional issues, and he's probably had more on panel deaths than just about anyone I can think of.

Big Bertha

Ashley Crawford, AKA Big Bertha, is the tank of the Great Lakes Avengers. She's a mutant with the ability to massively increase her body fat, making her much tougher and stronger. Her secret identity is that of a super famous and rich fashion model who has stayed in Milwaukee in order to be with her friends and bankroll their super hero team.

Physicals

[Durability] Falls off of decently sized building, destroying the ground where she lands, and laughs the whole way. ^WCA46
[Durability] Tanks She-Hulk slamming her with a large piece of machinery. ^AWC49
[Durability] Takes fire blast from Original Human Torch. ^AWC64
[Durability] Thrown and driven head first into stone by Graviton. ^TB17
[Durability] Unhurt by smashing metal machine with a metal bending ass smash. ^DGS
[Durability] Bullets bounce off of her and elicit no reaction. ^DGS
[Durability] Takes a hit from someone with her powers, but stronger. ^GLAII6
[Durability] Takes bullets then a punch from Sluggo. ^DPII36
[Strength] Her clapping knocks a man's hat off and causes boom sounds. ^DP10
[Durability/Strength] Tanks a hit from Moonstone then sends her flying into a stone with enough force to break it. ^TB16
[Strength] Lifts a large girder. ^GLA1
[Strength] Jumps to the roof of a decently sized building with Mr. Immortal on her back. ^WCA46
[Strength] Stops a large truck then Hulk jumps away. ^GLA3
[Strength] More huge leaps. ^GLA
[Strength] Punches the head off of a giant robot. ^GLA3

Powers

Miscellaneous

[Base] The group originally operated out of her home, which was very nice and paid for by her lucrative modelling career. ^WCA46
[Transport] Has the finest personal aircraft that money can buy. ^AWC48
[Misc] She eventually abandoned the secret identity and became a plus size model. ^GLAII1
[Misc] She's about 7'6'' tall when powered up. ^GLAII2
[Skill] Successfully fights off four people with copies of her powers. ^GLAII5-6

Doorman

DeMarr Davis, AKA Doorman, is a very powerful, though limited, teleporter who joined the Great Lakes Avengers to make a positive change in the world. He sacrificed himself to save the universe and was reincarnated as a servant of Oblivion, collecting the souls of the passed for Death. He isn't super good or dedicated to his job as Deathurge, so he still makes lots of time for the GLA.

Physicals

[Strength] Sends a man reeling with a backhand. ^AWC49
[Agility] Seems to intercept Captain America's Shield throw. ^AWC64
[Agility] Allows a thrown sai to pass through his head. ^GLA2
[Agility] Allows a thrown sai to pass through his torso. ^GLA4

Powers

Miscellaneous

[Misc] Doesn't need to breathe, ^GLAII7
[Misc] He's a class 10 teleporter.... as long as it's to the next room. ^GLA4
[Work/Family] Here's a cute little story about how he earns his father's respect after they're both dead. It also gives a good idea of what his job as Deathurge is like. ^GLX
[Misc] He's about 5'11'' tall. ^GLAII2
[Misc] He's 30.. or 40... ^GLAII6

Flatman

Matt, AKA Dr. Val Ventura, AKA Flatman, is the deputy leader of the Great Lakes Avengers and really tends to act as the ribbon that holds the team together. He's played scientist, leader, and general administrative stuff since the beginning. While lighthearted and not super powerful, he's serious about trying to help people and make the world a better place.

Physicals

[Strength] Throws Doorman. ^DP10
[Strength] Wraps up and throws Zaran. ^GLA2
[Strength] Throws Doorman against a wall. ^GLA3
[Strength] Punches an AIM scientist over. ^DGS
[Durability] Crushed by thrown car but he's ok. ^GLAII7

Powers

Restrains raging Mr. Immortal. ^WCA46
Wraps up and restrains three brainwashed college students. ^AWC49
Temporarily restrains MACH-I and swings him into a cliff. ^TB16
Saves a child from a tornado. ^TB25
Helps unlock a door from outside. ^GLA1
He's almost invisible when standing at the right angle. ^GLA2 And again. ^GLA4
He's always been able to unflatten, but his allies didn't know for years. ^GLAII1
Restrains two bouncers at a super villain's bar. ^GLAII2
Can be used as a slingshot. ^GLAII7
His flat body makes him hard to hit with shuriken. ^DGS

Miscellaneous

[Education] He studied fashion in college. ^DP11
[Intelligence] He can discuss time travel/teleportation issues with Weasel. ^DP11
[Misc] He's gay, and it took him a while to admit it to his friends. He was inspired to come out by Living Lightning. ^GLA4
[Skill] Knows origami-fu and can take a number of forms. ^DGS
[Misc] Filed for Avengers trademark and ended up getting it for the team. ^GLAII1
[Misc] He's about 6' tall, though he appears slightly wobbly here. ^GLAII2
[Misc] He won Ben Grimm's super hero poker tournament! ^TT8
[Misc] Revealed that he dropped out of college and lied about his name and credentials. Unknown if anyone on the team is aware. ^GLAII3
[Misc] Willing to make the sacrifice play. ^GLA2

Dinah Soar

Dinah Soar was a founding member of the Great Lakes Avengers. She's some sort of pterodactyl person (alien?) whose origin is never expounded upon. Her voice can only be heard by the one being she decides to bond with, and that person was Mr. Immortal. The two were in love and dating before she died while fighting Maelstrom. Her beautiful voice is gone, but her memory lives on.

Physicals

[Strength] Keeps Big Bertha and Mockingbird from plummeting to the ground. She can't support them in flight, but acts as a solid parachute. ^AA19
[Strength/Durability] Knocks Original Human Torch out of the air with her 'razor sharp wings' and then takes a hit from him. ^AWC64
[Durability] Hit by a flying rock controlled by Graviton. ^TB17
[Agility] Keeps up with Songbird in flight until she has to dodge beam attack. ^TB16
[Agility] Avoids a gunman's bullets and whips around him a few times. ^WCA46

Powers

Miscellaneous

[Equipment] Has a whistle to communicate with the team. ^WCA46
[Misc] She can only ever speak to one person and has a very long natural lifespan. ^GLX
[Misc] Was killed and never came back. ^GLA1

Good Boy

Goodness Silva, AKA Good Boy, is the most recent person to join the Great Lakes Avengers. She's a Detroit native who recently lost her home to a super villain attack that also seriously injured her brother. She, like everyone in her family, has the ability to become her fursona, a giant blue male wolfman. I don't know if she'll be a permanent fixture on the team, but seemed fair to include her.

Physicals

[Strength] Lifts a police officer with one hand and pins him to the wall. ^GLAII2
[Strength] Lifts someone who has Big Bertha's powers with one arm. ^GLAII7

Powers

She has an enhanced sense of smell. ^GLAII3

Miscellaneous

[Fight] Fought a pitchfork themed super villain. Fight isn't shown, but she presumably won. ^GLAII1
[Misc] Wolf form is around 7'6'' tall. ^GLAII2
[Misc] Threatened to kill the man who destroyed her home and hurt her brother, but left him alive... if barely. ^GLAII4

As A Team

Some training with Hawkeye and Mockingbird. ^A309
They have a hover craft. ^TB17
They have a Quin-Jetta. ^GLA1
The Flatmobile! ^GLAII1
At one point they had a 40% mortality rate, and after Monkey Joe died they were at 50%! ^GLA3
Fighting some living Christmas trees while Squirrel Girl defeats the real Thanos. ^GLX
The team successfully talks down a struggling super villain and wins back the apathy of an angry mob. ^FI6
They all made it to the final table in Ben Grimm's super hero poker tournament! ^TT8
They were X-Men for a while. ^GLA4
Maelstrom's plan for destroying the universe. This was the greatest scheme the GLA ever stopped. ^GLA3 Here it is taking effect! It is stopped by pressing a big red button. ^GLA4

The Great Lakes Avengers are truly Marvel's least respected team. Someone has to take care of crises in the Midwest that aren't big enough for real Avengers to be called in! These guys actually have a solid team, but are held back by lack of drive, lack of opportunity, and generally quiet location. I can't wait for their next appearance, but it's ok if it isn't for a while, Mr. Immortal has to show up at least once before the end of the universe! Let me know if you see any issues or whatever with the thread!

MARIAH CAREY LOVES CHRISTMAS. She loves it with a fanatic’s strict adherence to the laws of Christmas joy. She loves it like no one has ever loved Christmas before. (Did you have an actual reindeer at your holiday festivities last year? Did you hang out with Santa? Didn’t think so.) Christmas is also a cornerstone of the Carey complex. Frank Sinatra might have made the holiday classically jolly, Sufjan Stevens might have made it indie whiny, and Ariana Grande might have made it horny, but no artist has come to define our commercially driven holiday fantasies more than Carey has with “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Since the song dropped on her 1994 holiday album, it’s made an estimated $60 million-plus in royalties. It’s stayed relevant, thanks to fans, of course; a cover on the 2003 Love Actually soundtrack; an album reissue; an annual “All I Want for Christmas Is You” holiday-concert series that sold out a show at Madison Square Garden last year; an animated film; an Amazon Music mini-doc about the undying meaning of the song; and streams on streams on streams. Last year, it finally hit No. 1 on “The Hot 100” chart, after a record-breaking (for its slowness) 25-year journey. Who cares how long it took? It’s her 19th No. 1 hit-putting her above Elvis and one away from tying the Beatles. Does it matter if you like the song? (Full disclosure: I don’t.) No! It is the omnipresent anthem of holiday happiness. And so this year, this exceptionally s**t year of 2020, Carey, who always wants everyone to have a good Christmas, really thinks everyone should have a good Christmas, and she’s got 15 executives assembled in a Zoom war room at 10 p.m. to make damn sure everyone does. They’ve been going for two hours now, plotting ways to bring the merry and bright, no matter what it takes.
“I will sing with a puppet if it’s incredible,” I hear her say with deadly seriousness, that raspy, built-for-a-torchy-ballad voice floating in from one of many nearby rooms in the house she’s renting for the summer. She goes on to suggest possible puppets, determined to sing only with the best one or none at all.
Carey tippy-toes across the marble floors, carrying the Zoom meeting with her as she hovers in the entryway behind me. She’s in her comfies-black leggings, a black off-the-shoulder peasant blouse, and full makeup-but even dressed down, she’s walking like she’s in six-inch strappy Louboutins (a habit she references in the song “Crybaby”). She mutes her iPad mic to greet me quickly. “Hi! A.D.!” (Everyone in her immediate orbit is reduced to first and last initial. Stories sound like mathematical equations in which M.C. and M.R. meet J.D.) “I’m so sorry this is running late!” She’ll be with me soon, she says. She just has to find a diplomatic way to let these men know something they are suggesting is ugly! She goes back to the call. “It just isn’t giving me Christmas warmth,” she says, delivering her criticism as delicately as one of her famous vocal trills.
Carey is running 30-well, 45-okay, we’re going to be real with you: We don’t know how many-minutes late. This is what we expect of her, no? The Diva who bathes in milk and will only be photographed from the right side. We think of these indulgences as readily as her vertiginous notes, or those athletic vocal runs, or her belting “Juust. Liiike. Hoone-aaay,” while she holds her finger to her ear to keep pitch. So it’s hard to be mad at Carey for fully embodying all the various Mariahisms that define her.
Anything less would feel like short shrift, to be honest. Plus she’s a generous diva. She’s dispatched her five-person team, her covid-quarantine pod, to tend to me while I wait. They’d been together since March, without any outsiders, until I was permitted to come tonight (with mask on face and fresh negative covid-test results in hand). The excitement of a newcomer has everyone bustling around like a live-action reenactment of the “Be Our Guest” scene in Beauty and the Beast. “Allison, can I get you wine?” asks her longtime tour manager Michael, as he shows me to a couch and lingers to tell me, in his languid, Idris Elba-British accent, about the first time he met Mariah, decades ago, as she was glamorously coming off a Concorde. “Allison, it would be more comfortable if you sit in here-the lighting is better,” says Ellen, her longtime house manager. “Allison,” Kristofer, her Ken-doll-handsome makeup artist, calls out to me as I’m walking from one great couch to an upgraded one, “I’m making fresh shortbread. Would you like it with jam or powdered sugar?” Her ex-backup dancer and current boo, Bryan Tanaka, smiles at me, doing his part by just being charming. Ellen fluffs a pillow, pours a glass of wine and a glass of room-temperature water, and puts them down in front of the seat Carey will eventually occupy. I am left to sit in a luxurious beige-toned room that smells lightly of vanilla and gardenias- exactly like my rich childhood friend’s suburban home.
The house is still daytime bustling even though it’s now edging on 11:30 p.m., which, according to Mariah Carey Standard Time, is the middle of the day, not the end. Carey is a self-proclaimed vampyyyyra. She loves a sunset, loves a sunrise, and would prefer to exist exclusively in those shadowy hours in between. (She has a sun allergy, she insists.) Her time zone has other quirks: True Love only occurs in summer, underneath the stars. Winter is always joyous. Any day has the potential to be Christmas. And she is eternally 12 years old, as she has been saying since at least 2008, which explains the recurring themes of butterflies, Christmases, dol-phins-epic, song-worthy romantic fantasies. It’s in direct opposition to the other version of extreme femininity she likes to play with, that of the diva in heels on the stair-stepper. Neither persona fully explains how effortlessly she can command a platoon of professionals to execute her vision until you consider that this dualism may be her secret to career control. One cannot be dismissed if one demands what one needs operatically. One cannot be told what is or is not age-appropriate if one doesn’t acknowledge age.
Anyway, the whole 12 thing-it’s sort of a joke and it’s sort of not. Carey turned 50 in March, and Moroccan and Monroe-a.k.a. Roc and Roe, a.k.a. Dem-Kids-her 9-year-old twins with ex-husband Nick Cannon, presented her with a cake with an enormous 12 candle, complicit in her continued crusade against getting older. One milestone is colliding with another. This year marks both half a century of existence and her 30th year in this business-30 years since her first album, Mariah Carey, came out. In those three decades, she’s produced 15 studio albums, been nominated for 34 Grammys (and only won five-don’t get her started), and done everything a star can do (an HSN jewelry line, a Champagne brand, world tours, a reality show, a Vegas residency, an American Idol judging stint). This year, she’s been taking something of a victory lap with a celebration she’s calling MC30, opening the vaults on neverbefore-seen video footage and an album of unreleased songs and demos called The Rarities, and she’s finally put all that legendary shade to paper with a memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey. She’s still ignoring her age, but she’s at least letting herself acknowledge the passing of time.
She’s been teasing this memoir for more than a year, mentioning it at a “Genius Q&A” during the press tour for her last album, Caution, but thinking about it for ten. It’s 300-plus meaning-packed pages, and, yes, what she didn’t include has meaning too. Eminem, who was reportedly “stressed” over what Carey might say about their rumored 2001 fling, doesn’t have to worry. “There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it,” she’ll say when I ask. And then, with a roll of her head: “If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”
What’s in the book is “for the fans” (of course) but mostly for herself, or at least a version of herself. It’s her turn now to “emancipate that scared little girl,” she says. It’s why she spent two years telling stories to her co-writer, Michaela angela Davis, turning the famed Moroccan Room in her Tribeca penthouse into an emotional vomitorium, in hopes that finally, after a career of people misinterpreting her, she can make it all clear. In a way, though, the story she tells in the memoir is the story she’s been telling herself, her fans, her critics-everyone-over and over again for years. And after 30 years of telling these stories, in different ways, you have to wonder why she still feels so misunderstood.
HIT IT, TANAKA!” yells Roe, getting into position as Ellen and Kristofer pull open the French doors leading to the terrace overlooking the pool. Carey strolls out to where Roc and Roe are waiting to surprise her. The conference Zoom is over, but there’s one more thing to attend to before we can sit down.
Carey’s latest single, “Save the Day,” dropped just a few minutes ago, at midnight, and the twins want to celebrate. The opening violins of the song swell over the outdoor stereo system, and they launch into choreography they’ve spent all day perfecting. The song is a long-delayed collaboration with Ms. Lauryn Hill they conceived of in 2011. They decided to release it now, since its message about the importance of coming together to fix the world felt relevant with national Black Lives Matter protests and the lead-up to the election. “It’s very auspicious,” she says, musing that it would have been the perfect song to play during the Democratic National Convention.
Roe executes a string of cartwheels while Carey looks on, hands raised to her face in beatific surprise, and Tanaka captures the moment on two iPhone cameras on tripods with lighting rigged. Rocky hits every dance currently popular on TikTok.
Rocky loves TikTok, but Carey thinks he’s too young to be on it. Recently, she had to put him on a “time-out” after he made a video asking his mom to say hi to “his fan.” Carey can be heard off-camera saying, “I’m on a business call,” and Rocky turns back to the camera and says, “My mom is not ready to be shot on TikTok,” sticks his tongue out, and blows a raspberry in disappointment.
“Okay, I was really on a business call,” Carey says, mildly annoyed at the whole situation. People assumed she just declined because she wasn’t wearing makeup. Plus she wasn’t the one who set up the account for him. “Co-parenting,” she says, then sings, “‘Yeah, it ain’t easy, baby. It ain’t easy.’ But you know what? It’s important. We keep it good for them,” she says of Cannon, whom she divorced in 2014. She won’t comment on his recent career drama (he was fired from his longtime gig hosting Wild ‘N Out for making anti-Semitic remarks on his podcast, Cannon’s Class) but speaks fondly of him in her memoir in the chapter called “Dem Babies.”
The performance ends. Carey runs to them, arms wide open, tears in her eyes, cooing over how lovely everything is-the dance, the sunflowers, the sign. She brings them in for a hug and photo op, but before the shutter can snap, Roe moves away too fast, ensnaring Carey’s large diamond butterfly ring in her hair. “Roe, wait, I’m tangled,” she screams, while Rocky emits a loud belch and giggles.
Carey says good night to the twins. It’s an atmospherically nice night, and she decides she wants to go outside to talk. “It’s better, right?” she says as we sit down at a long wooden table next to the violin-shaped pool (a Stradivarius, with a six-foot koi pond as the bow). Her people are again bustling, setting up the table for us, slipping out of the shadows, putting down drinks and candles, moving the whole setup outside.
“Ellen, will you make us some ‘horse devoirs,’” Carey asks, intentionally mispronouncing the word. “That’s what we call ’em.” “Are you cold, Mariah?” asks Kristofer, who exits to grab her a little throw. “Are you guys warm enough?” asks Ellen, who enters to put down snacks. More candles are placed around us. “Oh, darling. Don’t put that down there for me, because that is hideous,” exclaims Carey. “That is underlighting!” The candle is whisked away. Carey asks Ellen if she wouldn’t mind taking Chacha, her emotional-support dog, to her bedroom, so that she’s there waiting when Mariah finally slips off to sleep sometime after the sun comes up.
Finally, wine poured, throw draped, candles arranged to ensure we both look cinematically beautiful, horse devoirs on the way, she settles back and gazes out over the property, watching the fiber-optic pool lights dance through the rainbow and back again. She’s a little tired, she apologizes, and already a little emotional.
“Can you believe I’m back here?” she says, sighing. “Here” is an upstate rich-person’s enclave not far from where Martha Stewart is thirst-trapping with her chickens. Carey hasn’t spent time in this town since what she refers to as “the Sing Sing days”-when, in the mid-1990s, she shared an over $20 million compound with her toxic first husband, the former Sony Music CEO Tommy Mottola. Mottola discovered and signed Carey when she was 19. They married in 1993, when she was 23 and he was 43. Carey has repeatedly described the marriage as controlling. She felt like “a prisoner.”
Mottola and Carey split in 1996, but she still gets that clenched feeling in her gut whenever she talks about him. With a wave of her hand: “I say it all in the book. I’d rather people read it that way.” She takes a long sip from a big goblet of red wine. “And by the way, I forgot a lot of that stuff when I was writing the book. And then recently, people that were friends of his from childhood were like, ‘I hope she told the real story.’”
It’s not a new story in its particulars-it’s been alluded to in tabloids and interviews for decades by both Carey and Mottola. Even its emotional contours were out there already, in her own words, mostly in song lyrics. She’s made a habit of putting her stories-her past lovers, secret enemies, petty grievances, and big traumas-in her songs since she started writing them at 13. (And she does, may she remind us, write her own songs. That’s another thing she’s spent a lifetime reminding everyone-see the two-minute supercut of her saying “As a songwriter”-though she was only just inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame this year, a decade after she became eligible.)
“Honestly, if you look at the words to ‘I Wish You Well,’ it tells you a lot of things about different people in my life. It starts with ‘This goes out to you and you and you/Know who you are,’” she breaks into a half-sing. “And there’s a lot of different people referenced in that from my point of view as a songwriter.”
“And then, background vocals,” she says, indicating when the singers would have kicked in with the phrase “Can’t believe I still need to protect myself from you.” “And then back to the main verse: ‘But you can’t manipulate me like before.’” She’s speaking, but rhythmically; her fingers are waggling up and down near her ear like they do when she sings. She pauses. “It’s like I’ve been telling this story if someone cared to look deep enough. I just feel like there’s no way anybody could have known the complexities and the layered situation that is my life.”
Though her fans, her Lambily, as they call themselves (a combination of family and Lamb, as Carey sometimes refers to her loved ones), have usually paid close enough attention to know the significance of the songs that mean the most to Mariah. Even if she may have never come out and confirmed which lyric is about which incident or relationship, they have their theories. While my friend who is a Lamb Supreme has always suspected it, I, a solid Mariah fan who can sing at least ten of her songs without missing a word, was surprised to learn from the book that “My All” was not just about the general thrall of a new love so exciting you’d do anything to bone but about Carey and her brief fling with Derek Jeter.
The knowledge that this stuff is “already out there” made it easier for Carey to write the memoir. It removed the burden of dropping bombshells (though there are some) and instead lets her just confirm, contextualize, and detail things from her POV-like how she and Jeter met at a dinner party and started text-flirting, secretly, while she was at the end of her marriage to Mottola. Knowing that fans already suspected the song “The Roof” was about her first meeting with him made it easier for her to reveal what she wore the night they had a clandestine kiss on the roof (get it?) of his apartment building. There was Moët. She wore a buttery leather Chanel skirt. She remembers her boots and the rain and her hair curling in stunning detail.
“Of course I do! I can never forget that moment,” she says. “I mean, it’s not like it was some intensely deep, intellectually stimulating-again, it was a great moment, and it happened in a divine way because it helped me get past living there, in Sing Sing, under those rules and regulations.” When she belts, “I’d risk my life to feeeeyall / Your body next to mine,” in “My All,” it’s because she really was risking her life to have a night with Jeter in Puerto Rico, she says.
Her anxiety around Mottola sits just under the surface. She writes candidly about the security cameras she says were always watching her and the security team she felt was reporting her every move. “He was like this oppressive humidity,” she says. She could never escape. She could never talk about it, even if she was, in her own way, always talking about it. When she first discussed Mottola during a Zoom call we had the week before, she started to cry: “It ignites the triangle in my stomach.”
In his own memoir, Hitmaker: The Man and His Music, from 2013, Mottola denied being restrictive or controlling but deemed their involvement “wrong and inappropriate,” by way of apology, and takes credit for his part in her early success. Carey suspects he tried to sabotage her career after they divorced. More than suspects, she says, referencing a 2017 interview on Desus & Mero in which Murder Inc. co-founder Irv Gotti confirmed Mottola boosted a J.Lo and Ja Rule duet to mess with Carey. “It’s out there,” she says. She also knows he might be angered by her perspective, though she hopes he’s not. “I could have gone harder,” she says, suggesting she could have painted him as a monster. “And I didn’t. I give him credit where credit is due.”
So picking this same upstate enclave for her self-quarantine palace does seem inconceivable, but the kids needed space. “Not that the apartment wasn’t spacious,” she explains. (We know; we all saw it on Cribs in 2002.) Providing this for her children is just one way she ensures that they have a better life than she did. “They’re not running around with matted locks,” she says when asked how her own childhood has shaped how she parents. “They know that I’m here for them. They know that if they want to talk with their father, he’s a phone call away,” she goes on. “They have stability. That’s what I didn’t have. They will never have a holiday that’s not happy unless something I can’t do anything about happens. They understand that they are Black. They have a whole lot of self-esteem and self-worth that I never had. And I probably still don’t now. I know that I still don’t.”
She sighs deeply. She’s been up all day-like actual day. So tonight, with the wine and the eerily quiet country night, her 1 a.m. feels like everyone else’s: a time when the existential takes hold and won’t let go.
“But maybe one day I’ll feel equal to the rest of the human race. I didn’t even think I was worthy of happiness and success. I thought I wasn’t allowed to be that person that would have that.” She gestures again to the pool, the property, the basketball courts, the baseball diamond (“not a big one”). “Like, sitting here, looking at this? And after describing the shack?”
The shack is what she calls her childhood home on Long Island, a run-down house at the end of a nice block that she’s still embarrassed by. It’s easy to assume that her dogged adherence to the age of 12 stems from its being a simpler time, that there is something happy to relive there, but that’s not quite right. “I always say, ‘I’m only 12, yay!’ But when you see how many times I talk about ‘I was 12, and this happened,’ it’s clear I went through a lot of stuff as a kid.”
Carey grew up, as she tells it, poor, mixed race, in an all-white neighborhood that made her feel her mixed race-ness, where she was not white enough “but not Black enough to scare people into not saying stuff around me.” Her father, Alfred Roy, was a Black engineer from Harlem, and her mother, Patricia, an Irish American opera singer from Illinois who was disowned by her family for having his children, separated before she was 3. She lived with her mother and only saw her father on the weekends she’d go to visit him and eat his special linguine e vongole. One of the good memories. She never felt like her home situation was stable. She was always aware of tension between her parents and between her parents and her siblings. School wasn’t much better. In the book, she catalogues the racial slights she suffered at the hands of white children.
She writes about her childhood as the thing she had to overcome to become Mariah Carey. And because our traumas are like pothos plants, easily propagated from the clippings of the original, her parents’ trauma (her father’s of existing as a Black man in America; her mother’s of familial rejection for marrying a Black man and a career that didn’t come to fruition) became hers to overcome as well. As did the difficult upbringings of her older brother, Morgan, and her older sister, Alison, whom she now refers to as her “ex-brother” and “ex-sister.” Carey writes about witnessing Morgan’s volatility and fights with her mother. She discusses how she longed to have a real big-sisterly relationship with Alison but instead ended up in dangerous situations, sometimes with men, whenever she got too close. (Her nickname for me, A.D.-she asked to call me that, she told me, because she’s so estranged from her sister she doesn’t like to say Allison.)
“Alison and Morgan both believed I had it easier than they did,” she writes. She hasn’t spoken to Alison since 1994, though she maintains a relationship with the son Alison had at 15. Mostly, Carey constantly worries that they’ll go to the tabloids again, as she says they have done in the past. She doesn’t want them to see her as an “ATM machine with a wig,” she says. (Recently, Alison has made headlines for accusing their mother in a court filing of forcing her into sexual acts and satanic rituals as a child.)
“Here’s the thing: They have been ruthlessly just heartless in terms of dealing with me as a human being for most of my life. I never would have spoken about my family at all had they not done it first.” Even still, you have to wonder how Alison will feel if she picks up the memoir of her estranged superstar sibling and reads how her sister learned a hard lesson about what self-worth should be during the baby shower for her teen pregnancy.
I ask Carey if there is any chance of reconciliation with her ex-siblings in the future. “I have forgiveness in my heart,” she says, “and so I forgive them, but I am not trying to invite anybody to come hang out over here. I think they’re very broken, and I feel sad for them.”
Though she writes as candidly about her mother as she does about her siblings-their confrontations and competitions-she finds it harder to separate herself from the woman who discovered she could sing. (When Carey was barely 3, she sang along with her mother while she was rehearsing a song from Verdi’s Rigoletto, so the legend starts.) Carey still takes care of her, financially, “and always will.” She is one of the book’s dedicatees. “I tried to make her feel like I really do think she did the best she could,” she says and picks up her glass to cheers me.
“I cried writing a lot of parts of this book. Maybe it’s because I have such vivid recollections. You know what? I’m sure I’m going to have to deal with a lot of people being upset with me. I hope not.”
OF ALL THE KNOTS she’s eternally trying to unravel, there is one that, she feels, has refused to come loose easily: “I really have been like, ‘I’m mixed. I’m mixed. I’m really, really mixed,’” Carey sings at me, turning her lifelong repetition into a little ditty. “Like, whatever. Not to make a song out of it. That’s what we do.” This, according to Carey, is her most famous refrain, the one where she explains that she is biracial over and over again.
She already, actually, did make a song of it: “Outside,” from 1997’s Butterfly. She quotes it often in life and in the book (and will sing it on the Audible recording). And now she sings the lyrics to me: “Standing alone/Eager to just believe it’s good enough to be what/You really are/But in your heart/Uncertainty forever lies/And you’ll always be/Somewhere on the/Outside.”
When she cites feelings of alienation or shame, it’s often at the hands of white people. She writes about an incident where she was invited over to a friend’s house in the Hamptons, only to arrive and be called the N-word. It’s the Black women in her life who held her up when nobody else did. Her Nana Reese (her great-aunt on her father’s side) provided some stability. Her “aunties” were the ones who tried to help her learn how to do her hair. Da Brat once helped her escape Sing Sing to go get fries from Burger King. She dedicated a whole chapter to her Cousin LaVinia (“Vinny”), who was one of her closest friends. LaVinia recently died, but it’s her estimation of Carey’s struggles that most shaped her understanding of her mixed-race identity. “It’s like Vinny always said: ‘You kids had all the burdens of being Black but none of the benefits.’”
Before Davis and Carey turned in a draft of The Meaning of Mariah, Davis sent an email to her editor. “I was like, I have to put this on record that all the conversation around race and particularly the view of white people is all Mariah,” Davis says over the phone. They had a nickname for her when she got in this mode: “Militant Riah.” “There were a couple of times that she was like, ‘You’re being too careful. They hated me. I would never be good enough for some white people.’”
And yet, when she first debuted as an artist, a number of reviews misidentified her heritage. In 1990, a Los Angeles Times writer called her a “white singer who has a black vocal style.” Nelson George, a Black critic writing for Playboy, called her “a white girl who can sing,” while another accused her of being marketed as a “white Whitney Houston.” Carey says she can’t speak to the intentionality behind her marketing at the time-“I was 19, what did I know?” In her book, she references how her label sometimes “scrubbed” her music of its “urban inflections.” She recalls recording the “Fantasy” remix with ODB in 1995 and playing it for Mot-tola. “The fk is that?” he said. “I can do that. Get the fk outta here with that.”
Carey would eventually cease to be considered solely pop, becoming more of a crossover pop-hip-hop-R&B fixture. Even still, she’s spent a significant portion of her post-Mottola era defending her biracial identity. After Carey released the hip-hopheavy album Butterfly, comedian Sandra Bernhard made a series of racist jokes during her stand-up special about the way Carey was “acting [N-word-ish] … with Puff Daddy,” suggesting that the white-perceived Carey was all of a sudden acting “Black.” At the time, Carey commented, “If I was two shades darker, there’d have been people protesting for me.” (She ended up writing the NAACP, and the special was taken off the air.) The commentary didn’t stop in the 2000s. Even as recently as 2008, her race was being written about weirdly, e.g., when Jody Rosen sniped about her “racial ambiguity [being] mildly interesting” while trying to determine if she was a captivating pop star or just a good singer. (He decided on the latter.) But “Vision of Love,” she reminds me, went to No. 1 on the R&B charts first. And she performed it live for the first time on The Arsenio Hall Show. “Someone knew they were introducing me as a Black girl.”
In the 1990s, being a “white artist” or a “Black artist” often created deeply divergent music careers. White meant pop, Black meant hiphop or R&B, and within those silos, there were separate charts, audiences, magazine covers, award recognition, and dress codes, and to seek one audience meant potentially alienating the other. As Carey was building her career, there was very little room for crossover, and there wasn’t a lot of understanding afforded to those who didn’t really fit in the boxes. If you were acceptable to white audiences as a pop star, as Houston was, you ran the risk of alienating Black audiences and vice versa. It’s what Lena Horne called being the “kind of Black that white people could accept”: Carey, because of her light skin, and Houston, because of the way she spoke (softly, like a newscaster). The 2017 Whitney Houston documentary, Whitney: Can I Be Me, revisits the moment in 1989 when Houston performed at the Soul Train Awards and the crowd booed and called her “Whitey.” It’s only recently that we’ve begun to more fully acknowledge how damaging and destabilizing the label of “not Black enough” can be.
Davis and Carey met in 2005 at an early-listening event for The Emancipation of Mimi, one of Carey’s comeback albums. Four years earlier, Carey had suffered her first major flop with the movie Glitter. She’d been dropped by EMI a year after it signed her to one of those historic colossally big deals (reportedly, $100 million for five albums). She had a public breakdown and was hospitalized for exhaustion after she made an erratic appearance on TRL. (In the memoir, she reminds us that, despite all that, the song “Loverboy” from Glitter ended up being the best-selling single of 2001. “I’m real,” she mic-drops.)
The Emancipation of Mimi was a reassertion of Carey as an artist, her opportunity to set the tone for the next phase of her career, one she wanted to be centered around her Blackness, and she wanted to do that with a cover story for Essence. “It was very strategic that she started with Black women,” Davis says. At the time, Davis was an editor at the magazine. “Black women have always grounded her in truth,” she says.
Essence had never had Carey on the cover before. Previous editors-in-chief had passed “because, they literally said, ‘Mariah Carey has never said she was Black,’” recounts Davis. The writer, Joan Morgan, brought in evidence: stacks of clippings and transcripts where Carey said “I’m Black” or “My father is Black.” In the end, Davis won. They ran an article in which Carey discussed, similarly to now, what people didn’t know about her struggles with her racial identity. At the end, the article declared her “a grown ass Black woman.” The cover line read: “America’s Most Misunderstood Black Woman.” That was 15 years ago.
From a musical perspective, at least, many of the issues Carey faced early in her career feel less intense now. Hip-hop culture is pop culture. And thanks to Mariah Carey’s 1997 album Butterfly, the once-novel idea of a pop-hip-hop crossover-what her friend and collaborator Jermaine Dupri calls hip-pop-is essentially just what a new song by any artist sounds like.
It’s worth considering whether she would have been as big of a pop star if she had originally been marketed as a Black artist. Would she have been able to collaborate with ODB and the long roster of hiphop artists and producers she favored, and to see those songs become megahits, if her proximity to whiteness hadn’t made it all seem “non-threatening” to white audiences?
“The truth is I will never say I had the same experience as a darker-skinned woman,” Carey starts in. She acknowledges the privilege in her being accepted by white audiences and a white-run music industry, but to her, it also means “having a white mother, and being forced to live in white neighborhoods, and feeling ashamed that there is nobody visibly Black there … and I’m being so real right now that I want to edit myself,” she pauses.
“Believe you me, I’m not thrilled to be this skin tone all the time.” Then she launches into the questions she has asked herself her whole life and maybe continues to ask: “How was I supposed to fit in? I was, like, the only one that’s this weird mutant, mutt-using an antiquated phrase that I’m not asking anyone else to ever use again, but I’m embracing it- mulatto girl. I’m not even embracing it. It’s a horrible way of defining somebody. It actually means ‘mule.’”
Whatever it did for her career, she says, it also “distanced me from the comfort of support and protection from some Black people. Which is an even deeper kind of a pain, pile of pain, if that makes sense. It’s been a lot.”
IF THERE’S ONE THING that makes I Carey nervous about the release of this book into the world, besides some content that is going to “surprise even her best friends,” it’s that people will misconstrue why she’s talking about a lot of this stuff now. She has wanted to write the memoir for a decade, she says. “Whether or not it suddenly became okay to deal with stuff, this book was coming out anyway.” She doesn’t want to seem like she’s capitalizing on the moment.
But the current moment does seem to keep giving new context for her experiences. For example, the conversation surrounding Ellen DeGeneres’s reportedly toxic workplace behavior led to a clip of an interview with Carey resurfacing on Twitter. It’s from 2008, when there were rumors Carey was pregnant. DeGeneres, apparently determined to get Carey to confirm the speculation, challenged her to drink Champagne. Carey was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after. “I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say. And I really have had a hard time grappling with the aftermath,” she says. “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone because I had had a miscarriage. I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.” Carey goes on to say that there is “an empathy that can be applied to those moments that I would have liked to have been implemented. But what am I supposed to do? It’s like, [sings] ‘What are you going to do?’”
Her fans have also helped her reexamine her past. In 2018, a Lamb-led campaign, #JusticeForGlitter, turned her former career low into a cult classic and earned the soundtrack a place on the charts for a little while. The movie did come out the week after 9/11; it never truly got a fair shake. With the help of her Lambs, and a Change.org petition demanding that streaming services finally offer it, the album reached No. 1 on iTunes. That same year, Carey was on the cover of People, revealing her battle with bipolar disorder for the first time. It seemed to explain what happened during Glitter, when she went on TRL, but she chose not to elaborate further in the book. “Because I don’t feel like there’s a mental-illness discussion to be had,” she says when I ask. “It is not to deny that. I am not denying that. I just don’t know that I believe in any one diagnosis for a situation or a human being.”
For her, the real story of Glitter, which she tells in great detail for the first time, was the story of her working too hard, of succumbing to the exhaustion of sleep deprivation, and of her family betraying her. (Her mother called the police on her when she was acting erratically, and her brother was the one to check her into a recovery facility, she writes.) That’s perhaps the biggest benefit of this memoir to her: “Now, if people have questions, I can be like, ‘Please refer to chapter x,’ rather than me having to stick up for myself, protect myself, defend myself. Because we can all be wounded, but are we going to sit around licking our wounds forever?”
IT’S NEARING 4 A.M., and she could I talk more, but she desperately needs to use “the loo.” She slips away while her team comes out, partly to keep me company and partly to signal it’s time for me to wrap it up.
The first time we talked, Carey mentioned that it was a bit lonely realizing that she was the only one of her peers who lived to write her own story. Whitney’s gone. Prince is gone. There’s some pressure that comes with that: What story are you willing to tell about yourself, and what are you willing to accept? Carey has finally shaped her story the way she sees it: one of herself as a perpetual underdog who has risen, fallen, and climbed back as dexterously as her famed melismas. It’s the narrative that has propulsed her to greatness; it’s also her mental loop.
Carey comes back from the bathroom and, it turns out, a costume change. She’s swapped her peasant blouse for a black satin kimono robe. It’s humid, her hair has fallen flat, and her laugh is mingling with the chirping cicadas that have emerged. Sunrise is closer than sunset, and it’s starting to feel loose, like the last hour at the club, right before the lights come up, as the DJ tries to find the perfect song to send you off.
Tanaka slips his hand into hers and murmurs that the pasta aglio e olio he has made her is ready. Her emotional-support dog is waiting in bed for her. Her two kids are upstairs, happy but maybe only pretending to be asleep.
Despite how legends want to be seen, this is probably how we most want to see them. As living proof that a life of ups and downs and hard work and too much work ends with you rich as f**k, sitting next to a violin-shaped pool with the family you’ve created to supplant the one you had to endure.
Michael is recounting a story of the time a group of Bloods came up to Mariah backstage at the Source Awards and he was worried. “Oh, I’m good at diffusing tense situations because of my childhood,” she says. Everyone was scared, but they just wanted to take pictures with her on their disposable camera, no big deal. Despite urging me to leave, he pulls up a chair, and they start swapping memories.
“Oh, remember,” Carey says, lurching into another tale, “Jay [as in Z] has that great story of when we were all there together at the club and Prince was taking so long to perform? Whatever, it’s a long story, but he didn’t go on until like 5 a.m. with Chaka Khan, who was having Hennessy and smoking and still singing like a trumpet, and it was amazing. It was amazing.”
Not everyone was there, but everyone agrees it was amazing.
“By the way, this should have been in the book,” she says.
Yes, everyone agrees, it should have been in the book. There was a lot that could have been in the book.
“There’s so much more dragging that could have been done,” she says. “I really didn’t say everything,” she adds with a smile, leaving us hoping, again, for another piece of the story.
Source: Hejira (UK mix)

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How can I watch the leagues? (Inside and outside the UK)

Where can I talk about the leagues?

Arsenal

Aston Villa

Brighton & Hove Albion

Burnley

Chelsea

Crystal Palace

Everton

Fulham

Leeds United

Leicester City

Liverpool

Manchester City

Manchester United

Newcastle United

Sheffield United

Southampton

Tottenham Hotspur

West Bromwich Albion

West Ham United

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Relationship advice is confusing

Understanding Sump Pumps

Understanding Sump Pumps

Respect The Great Lakes Avengers! (616)

The Great Lakes Avengers!

Mr. Immortal

Physicals

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Big Bertha

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Doorman

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Flatman

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Dinah Soar

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Good Boy

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As A Team

A really insightful and candid New York article | Mariah, You don't know her. By Allison P. Davis.

pool fixture for this week 11 video

pool fixture for this week 11 top

Create a League Table in an Excel Spreadsheet - Part 1 of ...