15 Best Baby Stores Online - Baby Stores for Clothes

Edited to remove the tables because when I obsessively checked this post on my phone I couldn't read them?? Also I tried to, but was prevented from, editing the title. I know it looks sanctimonious but that's just one small part of my personality I swear. D:
❤️ Section 1: Assets and Debt
Total Net Worth: $30,875 - all equity.
Retirement Balance: $0 for me; $20,500 for my husband in the state pension program for teachers. (My partner, L, has been paying into the state teachers' pension system for 5 years. For most of my 20s, I either worked at very low-paying jobs, or supported myself and others on a teacher’s salary, so no retirement for me. My current job does not have a retirement program, but one of my goals for this year is to either start a Roth IRA or get a new job with a 401k match… or maybe both?)
Savings Account Balance: $23,733 We’re moving this summer to a city closer to our families, and are saving all we can for a down payment on a dreamy spot. After we move, some amount of what’s left over will go into a retirement fund, and the rest will stay in this HYSA as our emergency fund. For us, three months of expenses, including childcare, is about $18,000.
Checking Account Balance: $455
Credit Card Debt: n/a, pay off each month
Student Loan Debt: $80,000 for L’s undergrad and MAT. $18,000 for my undergrad and (unfinished) MAT. (My undergrad degrees were mostly covered by the Pell Grant, scholarships, and a $10,000 529 from my parents. L was a nontraditional student - didn’t start undergrad until he was 24 - so none of his was covered. Most of my debt is for a MAT program I dropped out of after one year. I was trying to find any way out of teaching at the time (it is demanding, all-consuming, and carceral at once) and thought a PhD would be my only route. When I got my current job I promptly left the program and any dreams of a PhD behind.)
Equity: $83,875 (This number is from an online equity calculator, and is for our house in a very popular neighborhood in a very popular city. Our outstanding debt on the house is $295,000. We put our whole savings down in 2019, which was $9,000 at the time.)
❤️ Section 2: Income
Monthly Take Home: My base pay is $65,000, and L’s is $45,000. I worked a side gig last year that totaled about $10k in additional compensation; all of it went to savings so we don't budget for it. My take home is $4096/month for my full time job, and my current side gig income (grant writing) is variable, between $300 and $600 a month. L’s take home is $2262/month. My health insurance is paid in full by work. L’s insurance and B’s come out of L’s paycheck, as does L’s retirement contribution.
Income Progression: I’ve been working since I was 15 years old, moved out for college at 18, and paid my own bills starting that year. I won’t include that money here though (it was like $12,000 a year as a college student, for reference). Income below starts when I graduated with two BAs that had nothing to do with teaching.
Year 1: $15,600 (part time ABA therapist, full time baby anarchist)
Year 2: $32,000 (year 1 teacher salary: I accepted a spot in Teach for America for this giant salary even though I thought it was an obnoxious neoliberal org. Yes, I was also obnoxious at the time.)
Year 3: $33,000 (teacher, step increase)
Year 4: $34,000 (teacher, step increase)
Year 5: $35,000 (teacher, step increase)
Year 6: $15,000 (community organizer; at the time this felt like a dream job)
Year 7: $20,000 (community organizer & cafe worker)
Year 8: $40,000 (back to teaching, felt rich; this includes a side hustle writing grants on the side for $50 an hour)
Year 9: $45,000 (left teaching for my current job, quit the grants side hustle)
Year 10: $55,000 (got a raise, got pregnant)
Year 11: $65,000 (got a raise and promotion, had a baby)
Year 12: $75,000 (was promoted again in January but waiting on the pay increase to hit, hopefully with backdating. This money diary doesn’t reflect this salary as it hasn’t been reflected in my check yet)
❤️ Section 3: Expenses
Mortgage/PMI/Insurance: $2,110
Retirement Contribution: n/a (L’s retirement is pulled out of his check before he receives it: it’s $169 a month. Right now, I don’t have a retirement contribution)
Savings Contribution: $1000 to main savings, $400 to sinking fund (This is a super aggressive goal for us and is only possible because our childcare costs are covered by work)
Debt Payments: n/a right now (We have student loans to the tune of $100k but haven’t been paying a dime since they were paused due to COVID. But then the other day I checked and saw they've gained interest? Should we be paying them then? WWJD? I legit don’t know.)
Electric: $130
Internet: $100
Cellphone: $65 (For L & I both. We are on a bigass family plan with 40 gajillion other people.)
Subscriptions: $45 ($10 Spotify; $10 Youtube music; $2.99 Apple data (Why?!); $22 NYT (for newspaper and cooking app); also have a split subscription to the New Yorker with bestie F but we paid for a yearly deal.)
Car Payment and Insurance: $150 for a car payment; $202 for insurance (Insurance covers both of our used cars and my dad’s used handicap van. Our car payment is for our used Honda. We only owe $6,850 on the car and I’m back and forth on whether to pay it off with savings)
Medical/Therapy: $0 (My therapist is $140 a session, and I just started seeing her again once a month, but this is reimbursed by work. I also get an inhaler at least twice a month - that’s reimbursed too, costs $60 total.)
Misfits Market: $120 (For a weekly box, which really helps us cut down on overall grocery cost)
Gym membership: $30 (For my intense local yoga studio’s app which is so great in the winter. We also run and bike a lot, as long as it’s warm enough)
Donations: $100 (We give monthly to our local Democratic Socialists of America; the Working Families Party; and a small, local org. I’m also on an organizing committee for that org. We’ll give them one big gift of at least $250 this year, probably in May. I support a couple organizations with grant writing and grant-finding support as much as I can, which usually amounts to a few hours a month.)
Childcare: $0 B goes to a very precious Montessori preschool, and we can walk him there. It’s pricey af ($1300/month). The other $200 is to account for some babysitting from my little sister when L or I have to work weird hours. For now, work reimburses this full amount as a COVID perk; if that changes, we will have to cut costs significantly.
House cleaner: $160 (They come twice a month and charge $80 each time.)
❤️ Section 4: Money Diary
NOTE: We are masked and afraid everywhere we go.
✨DAY 1: THURSDAY✨
4:20 am: Good morning world! I shuffle into the kitchen in my panties and my slippers to fill up the gooseneck kettle. I recently got into pour over coffee even though it’s quite a commitment. With a toddler, a full-time job, and a Libra sun, I don’t really have time for meditative morning routines. This lengthy, half-naked coffee regimen is my closest attempt. As soon as I get the coffee brewing, our 18 month old, B, starts making noise. I open the door and see he’s got his pacifier in his mouth and his pillow in his arms. He wants to lay with Dada. I help him get in the bed with my husband, L, as quietly as possible. Last week L was super sick and we thought for sure he had picked up COVID. Blessedly all of our tests came back negative, but on the heels of that, he started having major tooth pain and had to have an emergency tooth extraction, AND he got an ear infection as he was coming down from whatever virus he had. I hate it :(
I get dressed and do some chores while they snooze to ease L's morning. I start the diaper laundry (usually his job - we use cloth), put away the dishes, start the Eufy vacuum, and get B and L’s breakfasts together: sunbutter and a little bit of syrup on some banana pancakes I prepped earlier this week.
6:30 am: B and L are up! The hour before we take B to preschool is kind of a marathon. L eats with B (and supervises his syrup consumption) as I clean out some more dirty diapers, brush my teeth, make another cup of coffee, strip our sheets, spray my hair with water to refresh the curl, return a few group texts, and wash some breakfast dishes. Somewhere in here I also eat two boiled eggs with Everything But the Bagel seasoning, and a bunch of grapes.
I help L get B loaded up in the car, and just as they pull off, my parents Facetime me. They’re calling to see B but are polite enough to talk to me for a few minutes. They live a few hours away, and are divorced, but cohabitating. The full story is long and spiritual for me so I’ll spare you. Anyway, my mom and I talk for a while about this couch she thinks I should buy from one of her friends, but it’s two hours away and we’d have to rent a U-Haul, so I think we’ll pass. I do hate our current couch though. Please drop comfy toddler- and dog-friendly recommendations in the comments!
8:15 am: I set out to walk the dog and listen to the Daily’s recent update on the coronavirus. Donald G. McNeill, Jr., says we’re in this through the summer, which is a bummer on the personal and global front, but I suppose it could be worse??? Maybe?? As soon as they finish talking I switch over to You’re Wrong About. I’m deep in the Jessica Simpson series and highly recommend this pod for any other nerdy, lefty, kinda burnt out millennials, especially those of you that are queer or queer-adjacent. Once home, I take my whole operation onto the front porch to work, since the cleaner will be here soon and I don’t want to crowd her in this time of COVID. I LOVE a clean house and I love paying someone else to do the big stuff, which is a recent luxury for us.
11:00 am: I’ve been working steadily in my email and google docs for a couple hours now, and it’s COLD out here. The cleaner leaves and I am grateful to go back into the heat. I Venmo her $80 for the cleaning (included in monthly expenses). I take a break from work and check out the job boards. My current job is the best, and highest-paying, gig I’ve ever had, but I’m planning to leave some time this year for several reasons. The premier reason: I recently learned that I’m qualified for several positions that pay over $100k at similar organizations. With that kind of money we could pay off our student loans, help our families out more, make sizable donations, and L could explore a career outside of teaching without freaking about a slight cut in his pay for a few years as he finds his niche. Or - maybe he’ll get into Edtech somehow and we’ll join Resource Generation. Who knows.
12:30 pm: I have a quick break and pull together lunch: half a cheese quesadilla, a big bowl of Smitten Kitchen’s roasted tomato soup, and a LimonCello LaCroix. L is on his planning period and asks me to edit his most recent job application, and I oblige. Since we’re both job hunting, I ask him if I can buy a resume template and guide on Etsy. I have sworn off online shopping for the year to curb my impulse spending, but he says we’ll just count this one as his purchase. Great news because I hate the formatting of my resume from 2016 and don’t want to fix it myself! $9.95
3:30 pm: My Zooms are over, my inbox is at 0, and I put up my out of office message because I’m taking the day off tomorrow to work on my resume and do some things to prep our house for sale. My high-functioning anxiety created an ambitious backwards timeline for this process back in December, and that timeline currently runs my life. I work for a few more minutes to tie up loose ends, and then walk O to a nearby shop to buy my favorite candle, curbside-style. When I get there the owner gives me some percentage off because it’s slightly discolored from the sun. Huzzah! $27.25, marked down from $40
4:45 pm: My angel of a baby sister, J, who lives just a few blocks away and is in a pod with us, comes to hang out with B for an hour so L can rest. I head to my good friend D’s place for my investment overalls appointment. She's going to alter their awkward wide leg into more of a tapered, mom jean shape. I have a capsule wardrobe which means I’ll wear these babies at least once a week, and plus I get to pay my friend, so I’m fine with the extra expense. When I arrive, she and her partner have the fire pit going, and we drink a couple glasses of wine together, yet more than 6 feet apart. I learn they are planning to move to the same new city as us in the next couple of years and legit cry happy tears.
Afterwards, I head out to pick up dinner for tonight. We are getting burgers from L’s favorite place as a treat. On my way, the WOLF MOON appears over the water and my stomach does triple flips. Then I pick up our dinner: a veggie burger with eggplant jam and kale for me; a real-meat burger with mushrooms, bacon, swiss, carmelized onion, and horseradish mayo for L; and an appetizer plate with pretzels, pimento cheese, onion jam, pickles, and chips for B. Delicious and unhealthy. The total is $34.54.
6:30: Home and eating dinner. B loves his meal, especially the “chokes.” He calls pretzels “chokes” because when L first started feeding them to him, I worried aloud that he would choke every time. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how a pretzel almost took out George W. Bush. Turns out our toddler is better at chewing than George W. Bush.
After dinner, L gives B a bubble bath while I do my own, very minimal, bedtime routine. Then L and I lay down with B to put him to sleep. He has a floor bed, which is a Montessori thing I learned about on mom blogs. L is a very hot and talented woodworker, so he took my floor bed dream to the next level by building a lovely house-shaped frame. The top beam is wrapped in twinkle lights and fake ivy. It’s a nice place to sleep, and we pass out here all the time.
10:30 pm: L wakes me up and we wander to our own bed.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 71.74
✨ DAY 2: FRIDAY✨
4:15 am: Wake up and go look at the clock. Decide this is a silly time to get up on a day off, drink some water, and go lay back down. But once in bed all I can think about is how much I want to read the news, organize my resume, and update this money diary. This is the problem with falling asleep at toddler time. So I get up again at 4:45, make my coffee, read a New Yorker article about Biden’s pandemic response on my phone, and sit down to work on this diary.
6:00 am: L wakes up! He works on breakfast for himself and B and I start meal planning for the month. This is one of my best and most recent life hacks. I found that if I chart out our cooking, weekly takeout, and leftovers at the start of the month, we save lots of money and are so much less stressed about the labor that goes into feeding ourselves. I pull out Smitten Kitchen Every Day and use it to inspire the month’s meals. So quaint to cook from an actual BOOK.
6:45 am: B walks out of our room and announces that he drank my water off the side table. He’s so proud! And so ready to eat. While he eats breakfast, I snack on some grapes and, at B’s request, blast 7 Days A Week by They Might Be Giants. This is the consummate children’s song for any household that dreams of a self-determined world. Over the next hour I take B to school; make myself a real breakfast (a soy chorizo and egg taco); and browse TikTok. Eventually I find a series about this Gamestop situation by a smart Irish woman and L and I watch it together. When it’s over we feel like shrewd stock brokers ready to win money, and L gets to work teaching virtually.
I spend the morning painting our front door and our kitchen wall to prep our house to sell, and talking to my (other) little sister on the phone. She’s an HR person with a job that’s taken her far away from our family, and we don’t talk that often. It is so good to catch up on her life. After that I have a fun, day-off Zoom call with longtime bestie and coworker K. We drink coffee and talk about The Future.
12:30 pm: I make lunch (tomato soup with goat cheese on top, and a savory scone on the side) and get a text from another bestie, M, who offers me a little grant writing contract work this week. Yay! I love them and love working with them. Next, I order our groceries for the week. I get baking powder, eggs, cremini mushrooms, vegan sausage patties, oat milk, ginger root, shredded cheddar cheese, plantains, black beans, doggy bags, broccoli, vegan chicken strips, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, capers, ciabatta bread, grits, bananas, avocados, greek yogurt, and on impulse, a pineapple on sale (?!). Maybe B will love it. The total comes to $94.08.
1:15 pm: I do a brief power vinyasa class in B’s room and take a shower. It takes me approximately two Drake songs to shower and dry off, as I don’t have to wash my hair today and I never shave. I work on my resume until L and I leave to pick up B. On the way home we stop at the park to play, and then we all get in the car to pick up groceries.
6:30 pm: We get home later than planned and eat together: leftover tofu ramen for us and veggie lasagna for B, who is so sleepy that he hardly touches his lasagna. L gets him in the bath around 7:15 and I run through my evening routine. There’s a lot going on in the house - preschool lunch and clothes to put up, a mountain of laundry in our room, all of the groceries for the week waiting to be put away, and dinner dishes are languishing in the sink. L starts on chores while I get B dressed.
As I’m dressing B, my mom Facetimes and B shows her several of his board books. While we’re talking my dad texts me a heart emoji - he overheard B and my mom talking from his room. He lives with a disability and a painful illness, so he goes to bed very early. We hang up with my mom and record a video of B making “P” sounds and saying “I love you” to my dad, and send it over. This is the first time B’s ever said “I love you!” Huge news. We read books and fall asleep next to B.
9 pm: I wake up and nudge L but he wants to keep sleeping. I go clean the dinner dishes, put away the food and reorganize the cabinets and fridge, and mop the kitchen floor while I listen to The Daily’s latest reporting on QAnon believers who are at once totally bananagrams and also remind me very much of my aunt. L wakes up at 9:30 because he and Y, my sister’s boyfriend, are gonna game. Cute! He finishes the laundry and I fold a few diapers to help out. Then we lay in bed together until game time, when I fall asleep.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 94.08
✨DAY 3: SATURDAY✨
5:40 am: Wake up at a ~*~weekend hour~*~!! Start my kettle, clean and moisturize my face, pull out the ingredients for waffles, and pick up around the house while I wait for it to boil. I try to read some, but get bored a few pages in. I’m currently reading How to Do Nothing and it’s good enough, but I think I need to chill on the nonfiction and read, like, saucy romance novels with hot bisexual leads. Send me your recs please!
Waffle time! This recipe is my go-to. I recommend whipping the egg whites first. B wakes up around 7:15 and helps me cook which is cute and very messy. He eats his waffle with honey, peanut butter, and grapes. L wakes up after him - he had a late night gaming!
8 am: I open yesterday’s mail and find an anti-abortion DVD from L’s grandma. It’s Abby Johnson’s “memoir.” Abby Johnson is an opportunistic right winger and documented liar who once moonlighted as a Planned Parenthood clinic manager. L is a preacher’s kid, so we’re not surprised to receive this from his grandma. For example: 10 years ago, when L and I were a couple years into our relationship, her Christmas gift to me was a book about how one can recover from being a slut by getting married and finding Jesus. This particular package really sends me over the edge, though. I decide to write them a short note later that states my own experience with abortion and sets a clear boundary on this kind of propaganda, and includes an article about Abby Johnson’s bullshit life. It’s unlikely this will change their minds - they are septuagenarian Southern Baptists, after all - but at least I’ll be in my integrity.
In the meantime, I group text L’s siblings, and they commiserate with us. His one sibling who is transitioning shares that grandma recently sent them a book about how to tell your gay friends they’re sinning. We agree that’s hilariously dense (and fucking rude) of her, and talk about how everyone under forty is a gay slut living their best life, so really it’s grandma’s loss. During this time I clean the kitchen, finish the waffles, and freeze them for B’s weekday breakfasts.
9:30 am: B asks to use the potty and does a great job peeing on his own! He’s geeked about it and is especially excited to have my parents on Facetime cheering him on. After that we head out on our morning walk. L takes B to the playground and I take O to the dog park nearby. She gets tired pretty quick and we all head to the thrift store. We need chairs for our hand-me-down kitchen table. The ones that came with it are awkwardly wide. L spots two sturdy ones that are just $5 each. Score! $10
11:30 am: B and L are both wiped out once we get home. They eat lunch and go to sleep. I clean up the kitchen, repot one of my plants, water our porch plants, and eat some leftover ramen for lunch. The Marie Antoinette episode of You’re Wrong About keeps me company all the while. 10/10 would recommend.
2 pm: B wakes up and eats some lunch. We watercolor together for a while (he on his big paper, I in my bullet journal), then walk down the street to the local high school while L preps potatoes for our fondue. The high school grounds are open on the weekends, and there’s an amphitheatre on site. B loves the echo in there.
4:30 pm: L joins us in the amphitheatre and together we drag B two blocks back home. I prep the fondue: brie, gouda, and more gouda with white wine. It ends up being a little clumpy but so delicious. My sister, J, and her boyfriend, Y arrive while I’m cooking. Y brings yummy baguettes from his bakery job for the dipping and we prep broccoli, green beans, and tempeh too. We sit down in our new chairs to eat and for the zillionth time I am so thankful we’ve been able to make a pod together this year. Fondue would be a terrifying proposition with anyone else, really.
While we eat, Y tells us he put in his two weeks at the bakery because their COVID protocols aren’t so tight and his coworkers are continuing to go to bars and out to eat. His plan for now is to get back on unemployment and find a virtual job sometime soon. Both he and my sister have worked food service their whole adult lives so the pandemic has been tough on them. Besides the fact that they’re delightful and perfect, this is one key reason we’re planning to move with them to our new city this summer: L and I will be able to easily afford the majority of the rent, deposits, and utilities on a pretty big, and centrally located, house. Living together will allow us to grow our savings and take our time looking for a Forever Home, and will allow J and Y to pay really low rent as my sister goes back to school full time and Y looks for a full-time job. I’m really looking forward to living with them and know it’ll be good for B, too. They leave around 7 pm and we put B to bed, this time without falling asleep ourselves!
8:30 pm: Turn on How I Met Your Mother in bed and the episodes are baaaaad bad. One entire episode casts sex workers as a punch line. Ick. L and I agree to find a new show, and fall asleep around 10.
11 pm - 2 am: B is up and between our two beds. Wahhhh.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 10
✨DAY 4: SUNDAY✨
6 am: Up and at ‘em! Discover I’m out of my fancy coffee and don’t want to emphasize the flavor of our grocery store beans with a slow pour, so make a french press instead. B wakes up too early so we watch toddlers together on TikTok while I drink my coffee, then read books while L makes us all eggs for breakfast. We head out for our morning walk around 9 am and stop at a coffee shop a few blocks away. I pick up Counter Culture’s Iridescent beans, buy an espresso brownie on a whim, and tip the cashier because she’s so sweet and tipping is good. The total is 23.03. L takes B to the playground and I drop my purchases and O back at the house before I head out for a run.
9:45 am: It’s 65 degrees and my run is glorious. I run to the water and pause Lil Yachty for a minute to take it all in. Once home I shower and put on a black LA Apparel catsuit and a marled black and white cocoon sweater from AA of the past (I like what I like!). We feed B lunch and then L puts him down while I clean up.
Around 11:30, J comes over after to watch B while we remove the storm windows from our whole house and clean the windows underneath as part of our work to prep the house for sale. We’re a solid team: L removes the storm windows and caulks all the gaps in the wood while I follow behind him and wash the windows inside and out. Our sweet neighbor catches us cleaning and offers to let us use her power washer for free next weekend to clean up the front of the house. I resolve to bake them some cookies.
2:30 pm: We are done with the window operation and it’s time for me to water all 57 plants in the house. Along the way, discover that I overwatered B’s hoya last week and it’s rotting. Noooo! I unpot it on the porch to dry the roots, but it’s raining so this might not work. There’s only one surefire solution: buy a replacement plant! I try to convince L we should go to the nursery, but he’s not so into it. I walk around dejectedly with a towel to clean up all the water I spilled, and Zelle J $70 for babysitting even though she insists she would do it for free. Next B, L, and I share a snack: crackers with goat cheese and harissa. Mmm. B skips the harissa but loves the goat cheese. Meanwhile I begin to stress about making dinner. We’d planned goddess bowls but L and I just aren’t feeling it after our marathon of house work. L requests Chinese and is suddenly more amenable to visiting the nursery, which is near our favorite Chinese takeout spot. Score!
5:00 pm: We leave the plant shop with a heartleaf philodendron for B’s room and a giant, lovely, perfect monstera deliciosa just because. The total comes to $53.24. Then we pick up our food: $33.08 including the tip. L ordered a large veggie lo mein to share with B and General Tso’s chicken, and I got family style tofu and vegetables. We start B’s bedtime routine at 6:30 and he’s out by 7:00 - early for him!
After he’s down, L preps his breakfast sandwiches for the week and I do some dishes. Then we take mutual advantage of the extra hour we have together. Even after 12 years it’s always so good with L. I fall asleep around 10 pm feeling blessed.
🌿 Daily total: 179.32
✨DAY 5: MONDAY✨
5 am: I make my pour over and get started on work first thing. I have a couple of deadlines this week and the side gig to balance so I’m already feeling pressed for time! I wrap up an entire grant report before 6 am and feel very accomplished. Then I pause work to start our breakfast, which is all pre-prepped, hallelujah. While L and B eat breakfast, I get dressed in a black turtleneck minidress, busted old tights, black ankle socks, and my Doc Martens.
I help L load up the car with B and all his gear, and tell L to be careful. Today is L’s first day back teaching in person since December, and we’re both nervous since COVID is still running wild in our red state. On the way to work he fills up his car for $18.33.
2:30 pm: After another grant report, seventy gajillion emails, forty Slack messages, and several hours of Zoom calls, I’m ready for a break. I finish eating the quinoa salad I prepped during Zoom call #2 and then eat a pear too. I see our Misfits box has been delivered. It’s $30 a week, and is included in our monthly expenses. I unpack it, clean the counters, wipe down the bathroom sinks, take O for a walk, and sit down to work on my side gig grant report, which is due Wednesday. I set a 30 minute timer because I don’t want to be too late picking up B.
4:25 pm: Worked longer than I meant to! Pack some snacks and pick up B. On the way home we get a giant bag of potting soil so I can repot those plants. It’s $18.52. Come home and engage in B’s favorite winter activity: pressing all the buttons in the turned-off car. Meanwhile, in another car across town, L picks up a big bag of Purina One, butter, maple syrup, and applesauce. That total is $28.64.
5:30 pm: The whole family is home and we kick it inside until it starts to get dark. L and I gather all the things and take the creatures out for a walk even though there’s a light, but very cold, rain happening. B is cranky and so are we, so the walk is quick.
We eat leftover Chinese food around 7 and start B’s bedtime routine. B falls asleep at 8 and I update this diary for a while, then go watch Ted Lasso in bed with L til about 9:30. It’s much better than How I Met Your Mother, for the record.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 65.51
✨Day 6: TUESDAY✨
3 am: B wakes up and needs a diaper change. I have the hardest time falling back asleep after: I can’t stop thinking about how I left B’s hoya out in the cold with its roots exposed most of the day yesterday and into tonight. But it’s too cold for me to get up again and pull it inside! So instead I toss and turn and hope it’s not dead yet.
6 am: L’s alarm wakes me up! No early morning reading and writing time for me. I get right up, make a giant pour over, and get breakfast together while L wakes up B. Then I actually sit down with them to eat: B and I both eat boiled eggs with everything but the bagel seasoning and some coconut milk yogurt, and L sips his coffee while his breakfast sandwich heats in the oven. I get dressed in my workout gear and walk the dog while L gets B ready for school. They leave, and I finally bring the hoya in, and start work, around 7:30. L buys coffee and snacks from the gas station on his way to work: $6.88.
9:30 am: I grab some crackers and peanut butter from the kitchen and notice a DMV bill on the fridge I’ve been meaning to pay, but don’t totally understand. I call them up and respond to emails while I sit on hold. Turns out I owe the DMV $10 for paying my Dad’s van insurance late. With the “processing fee” it comes to $11.17.
1:30 pm: Been on Zoom calls all morning, and decide to switch over to the side gig work for a bit. Meanwhile I eat that quinoa salad I prepped yesterday. At 2 pm, my longtime bestie and neighbor F comes over and we take O for a walk in the park together and have such a good conversation. While the context is (very) different, I’m reminded of the Toni Morrison quote when I think of F: “She’s a friend of my mind.” Such a gem, and such a smartie. At 3:30 I start a HIIT yoga class and it kicks my butt even though it’s only 20 minutes long. Afterwards, I shower and pick up B.
5:00 pm: L arrives home while B and I are playing, and we get in the car once more to check out a cute couch L scoped out on Facebook marketplace. It’s a sweet vintage brown velvet actually-for-real midcentury situation. Unfortunately we discover it’s also small and very uncomfortable. $200 not spent. Once home, my family goes for a walk and I make dinner - this grits and beans recipe from NYT cooking. It’s blessedly quick to pull together. Meanwhile D texts me and says my overalls are ready! YAY! She’s gonna drop them off in a couple of days. She says the total is $30. I include a tip and Venmo her $40.
7:00 pm: At bedtime, B cannot get enough of his books and we read All The World several times. He finally falls asleep around 8:20 and L and I eat dinner on the couch, with Ted Lasso. I drink a glass of red wine, which is a mistake: my anxiety spikes right after, my stomach hurts, and I can’t sleep. This is very upsetting as I want very much to be a wine mom. Does this happen to anyone else?
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 58.05
✨DAY 7: WEDNESDAY✨
5:45 am: Wake up with B cuddled into my back - L moved him to our bed in the middle of the night after his second wake up. Get my coffee and breakfast together and sit down at my computer to work on the side gig grant while everyone's asleep. Then L and I manage the morning rush together. I eat sourdough toast, two scrambled eggs, and some pineapple along the way.
7:30 am: Take O out for a walk and on a whim decide to listen to one of my favorite easy-listening pods: A Beautiful Mess. Normally the two sisters and co-hosts, Elsie and Emma, chat about things like home decor or craft making or how to balance kids and work. This episode is about the host’s evangelical upbringing, though, and is a real raw and honest tear jerker. Pair it with this, one of my top reads of 2020: “What Does the White Evangelical Want?” It gets me thinking about L’s upbringing in the church. He and all his siblings are all agnostic now.
Finally sit down at my desk and debate taking Adderall. I used it regularly in college and for a few years after in order to Do All The Things. I try to stay away from it now - I’m not trying to live an impossible life any more - but I also really want to pick B up earlier than normal today, and that means I need to meet all my deadlines and make it through two Zoom calls with my direct reports by 3 pm. I decide to take 4 mg. Right after I take it, three different friends text me at once and then, suddenly, I’ve spent an hour catching up via text. Get to work for real around 9 am.
3:00 pm: Wrapped all my calls, answered all my emails, washed all the dishes, ate some lunch, and finished the side gig work! OK Adderall, you beautiful bitch. Spend a few more minutes tying up loose ends and then gather my things to pick B up from school. The plan today is to go “play basketball” in the park near his school because he is OBSESSED with balls, and I’m trying to do more magical things every day with him. It’s cold but I’m ready to brave it on his precious, curly-headed behalf.
At 4 pm J calls and asks to go pick him up with me. Hooray, things just got even more magical! We head to a different-than-usual park together and run around until B sits in, and then drinks from, a puddle. We panic and J googles “What happens if my baby drinks from a puddle?” The search returns lots of stories of babies eating muddy rocks and surviving, so we decide it’s ok.
5:00 pm Head home and L is back from work! We take the smols on a walk and I tell L that I think nighttime screentime is making me anxious. I’m a sensitive creature and I really don’t want to blame the wine. He’s very perfect so he helps me think through an alternate plan for this evening: hot tea and book reading in bed, and maybe sex, too! Fun.
Next, I head home with O to pot the plants we bought the other day, and L takes B to the playground. They get back around 6:30 and I am very excited to reveal my new plant placements. Everyone feigns interest except O. Then we eat leftovers together and B gets in bed around 7:30. L and I promptly fall asleep next to him and don’t wake up again til 11 pm. Guess our new nighttime routine will have to wait til tomorrow!
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: 0
❤️ Section 5: TOTALS
Total Expenses: $478.71
Food & Drink: $220.25
Fun & Entertainment: $0
Home & Health: $109.01
Clothes & Beauty: $40
Transport: $29.50
Other: $79.95
❤️ Section 6: REFLECTION
This week reflects a new normal for us, I think! We just set the goal of saving up for another down payment in December, and that’s when I swore off online shopping both to save money and to stop lining the pockets of evil billionaires like Bezos (no shade to anyone who uses Amazon, this is purely a personal goal & I’m not sure I can meet it). This self-imposed rule is helping me reign in my discretionary spending overall. L and I have only been living a two-income, middle class life for a few years, and my lifestyle creep was a little out of control in 2020. That said, I can and do still regularly justify spending money on things that make life more luxurious and beautiful - like a $40 candle or a totally unnecessary but very lovely plant.
There are a couple of things not reflected in this diary that we regularly spend on: gifts (my achilles heel - for example, we spent three! thousand! dollars! on Christmas gifts in December), and medical bills. Both B and I had to visit the emergency room in 2020 and we are still getting random bills in the mail as our insurance company and the hospital duke it out. As I was editing this diary on Thursday, I received one for $787. Wahhhh. I think I’m gonna get on a payment plan, but even so that it will be over $200 a month.
Last thought: this process got me thinking in some detail about the contradiction of organizing for the fall of capitalism (and the rise of a more gentle and just economic system), yet believing everyone - including ourselves and our own families - deserve to live full and abundant lives. This means I compromise my own anti-capitalist values and beliefs every day, in big and small ways. Discuss?

I am 28. I live in Chicago. My salary is $60,000 as a Nonprofit Consultant. Come see how I spend my coin!

I actually cut out a lot yet this is still on the long side, so be warned. Sorry in advance.
SECTION ONE: ASSETS AND DEBT
Retirement Balance: ~$4,740. $4,450 in a Roth IRA I opened when I turned 26. I just recently started contributing more to it regularly. I was previously focused on building my emergency savings up. My last job didn’t offer retirement until the very end of my time there, and there was no employer match. I contributed the bare minimum to my 401k; it has about $300 in it. With my current job, retirement match is factored into the salary.
Equity: $0. Not a home owner.
Savings account balance: $15,765. $1,150 in a Chase savings account, $13,519 in a HYSA, $1,046 in my Qapital account. Technically I use Qapital to save for taxes, but I know I won’t owe anywhere close to $1,000 since my 2020 freelancing was infrequent. I doubt it’ll even be up to $250.
Checking account balance: $2,227 (payday was today!)
Credit card debt: $0. I use my credit card like a debit card so I can rack up cash back. I pay it off every day.
Student loan debt: $21,417. I graduated in 2015 with a BA in French and English. Original debt was ~$33,000. Before the pandemic my interest was 4.5%. Interest is now 0%.
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SECTION TWO: INCOME PROGRESSION2015-2016 - $15/hr as a remote intern for a major website. This was my first paid position out of college. I learned a lot about web content and writing for online audiences. This was part-time at 25 hours a week.
2016 - $2,700/month as a Content Writer. I created scripts and training materials for various companies to train their employees. Started this job in March and was unexpectedly laid off in December. Sucked at the time but turns out it was a blessing in disguise...The work was soulless and I didn’t like it.
2017 - ~$850/month stipend as an Americorps VISTA. At the start of the year I got a Development position at a nonprofit I volunteered at, hoping to gain grant writing experience. I absolutely would NOT have done this had I not been living at home. I also collected an additional $400 a month in unemployment until July since I was technically a federal volunteer, not an employee, therefore still eligible for benefits.
2017 - $37,000/year as a Development Coordinator, primarily writing grants. The person in this position left and I was asked to step in. I didn’t get my ed stipend since I ended my VISTA year 5 months early.
2018 - $38,250/year - COL raise.
2019 - $43,000/year then $45,000. I was promoted to manager.
2020 - $47,000/year - COL raise.
2020 - $60,000/year. I had been job hunting hard when COVID hit and I subsequently became discouraged. I was desperate to leave my job...the people I worked with were wonderful but I felt like my growth was stifled, the amount of staff turnover was draining, and our pay was below market rate. I ended up finding my new job through my network. I was very excited to not work in fundraising anymore. The events of 2020 confirmed that I didn’t want to make a career out of coaxing rich white folks to relinquish a tiny amount of their wealth to support youth of color. My now-boss and I talked extensively over Zoom before I received my offer letter in July. It’s been a great learning opportunity, even though starting a new job remotely is strange and sometimes lonely. Having a cat helps :)
Main Job Monthly Take Home**:** $3,846. This is after $50 is deducted for Vision, Dental, Medical.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $100-$400. I write product guides for a website sometimes. These days I only take on work if I’m anticipating new expenses that month. This income is in addition to my 60k salary, since what I make from my side hustle varies. Last year I made $2,200, the year before it was over $5,000.
Other: ~$250/year in cash back from my credit card
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SECTION THREE: EXPENSES
Rent: $1,025 in a decently-sized studio that I share with my cat. Rent encompasses all utilities, including internet. This is dropping down to $975 starting April 1 - yay!
Renters Insurance: $5
Savings (monthly unless it says otherwise): ~$300 goes into a High Yield Savings Account. I automate $50 a week then throw in an extra $100 - $200, depending on the month.
I save $80 - $120 with the Qapital app. I got it before they started charging so my account is free.
Retirement contribution: $315- $415 into a Roth IRA. Maybe I should up payments so I can max it out, really torn between that or boosting student loan payments. I throw an extra hundred dollars in there some months.
Debt payments: All I have is federal student loan debt. Since starting my job in July I’ve been paying $500/month, throwing in extra when I have it. I’m going to increase this to $600/month starting in February. Would love to have it paid off by the time I’m 30, or during my 30th year. I’m not holding my breath for student loan forgiveness, but if it starts to seem like a real possibility then I’ll cut back on payments.
Donations: $300 to my mom and dad. I come from a working-class background and make more than both parents combined. My dad was unemployed for a while, and as I write this has become unemployed again. I worry a lot about my folks financially. In our culture it’s expected that we take care of our parents as they age, so there’s that component too.
Also $25 to a local nonprofit. $9 to a local theater company for which I’m a board member. Our board is very low-key and not a fundraising one.
Then usually ~$500 more throughout the year for various causes.
Electric: Included in rent.
Wifi/Cable/Landline: Included in rent.
Cellphone: $43
Subscriptions: ~$63. $18 for Patreon, $10.89 for Spotify Premium, $16.34 for HBOMax, $7.62 for Disney+, $9.71 for Netflix.
Pet expenses: I spend roughly $80 on food + probiotics and $20 on litter, which I buy in bulk. The monthly amount really fluctuates though. I’ve spent about $1,500 on my cat since I adopted her in October. Including getting basic stuff like a litter box, a cat tree, toys, food/water bowls, a carrier, etc. along with the adoption fee. I took her to the vet earlier last month and that was $450. She was vomiting frequently :(
Car payment / insurance: $0. Car free, baby.
Therapy: $100
Paid hobbies: $120 annually for my personal website.
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FINANCIAL BACKGROUND
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes. I’m a child of immigrants and we place a high premium on education. Skipping college was never an option. Luckily, I’ve always done well in school and would have gone to college regardless. I think about grad school sometimes but there has to be a good ROI. Maybe one day. I borrowed 33k in student loans for undergrad, which isn’t that bad considering that I went to a private school that cost $200,000 over 4 years. I paid for the rest with work study, along with merit-based and need-based scholarships.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
We didn’t discuss finances too often. I did get an allowance when I was younger and paid for the things I wanted (mostly books and CDs from my local Borders) by saving that money. My parents always had the mindset that credit cards can work as emergency funds...as an adult I strongly oppose that way of thinking. My parents accrued a lot of credit card debt and I never wanted that to be me. Which is why I only use my CC now as a debit card. I never put anything on there that I can’t pay off in full.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I was in this program where teens get paid to participate in arts programs. I did theater for three years in HS, I think the stipend was ~$400 every two months. My first real job with wages was working retail the summer before college. I was making $8.25/hr. Both jobs were for spending money.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I didn’t worry necessarily, but I was aware that there were people with more than us. My mom was out of work for a few years due to some chronic pain and we had a Link card then. I had free/reduced lunch growing up and got fee waivers for all of my college apps. I was also aware of my privilege as an American citizen. My parents regularly sent money home to poorer family members. I learned early that it’s better to be working class here than it is over there.
Do you worry about money now?
Yes. I know I’m luckier than many. But I also have no generational wealth to inherit. Sometimes I feel really behind when I see people my age or younger with six figures in their retirement, $50,000 in stocks, or money passed down from family. I worry most about taking care of my parents in old age. I have an older brother so it’s a relief that we can at least share costs, when the time comes.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became 100% financially responsible when I moved out at age 25. Before then I was contributing $400/month towards rent. If I fell on really hard times I could probably move in with my folks, but otherwise I'm my own safety net.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
My mom cashed out an $800 savings bond for spending money when I studied abroad in college, but otherwise nope.
Day 1 - Wednesday
morning
Another dreary January day. It’s been consistently snowing for the past two days and very overcast to boot. I spend some time lazing in bed until my Mom unexpectedly calls to ask me if I can print out her worker’s comp form to see if she'll qualify for any. She contracted COVID from her job a few weeks ago and, thankfully, is recovering. I tell her I don’t have a printer and hang up, slightly annoyed, after telling her I’ll print it from the library later. This was the 4th day in a row of her calling me and conversations with her can be hard to cut short (I’m not an asshole, honest).
I get up and feed my cat, E., her breakfast with a probiotic, take my gummy vitamins, and get ready for the day (brush teeth, moisturize face and hair, put on black skinny jeans and a navy and white speckled sweater with hoop earrings). I throw some sliced bananas, kale, frozen blueberries, honey, almond milk, and ginger into the blender for a smoothie. Once that’s poured into a glass I take a seat at my corner desk to begin my work day.
Afternoon
My foul mood lingers but I work through it. There’s a big deadline coming up soon so my days have been pretty full. E. climbs into my lap while I work and I give her some head rubs. I adopted her 4 months ago. There was a learning curve for me, as someone who grew up with 0 pets, but E.’s made it very worthwhile. She only recently began to "loaf" in my lap and I love it, even during inopportune moments like Zoom meetings.
Lunchtime! Today it’s tomato basil soup I made over the weekend with open-faced grilled cheese on french bread. The bread is getting stale but it’s almost finished anyhow, and slathering it with cheese and butter works wonders. I put out the kitty’s lunch, too. E. eats some of it then jumps into my bed, curling up for a midday nap. Wish I could do the same. Sigh.
I buckle down and get back to work, now doing somewhat-tedious data entry. After about an hour and a half I decide to walk to the library to print my mom’s forms. I order a Toasted White Hot Chocolate with almond milk from Starbucks ($4.60) so I have something warm to drink on my walk. I’m not a coffee drinker because of my caffeine sensitivity. Sometimes even a mug of black tea will make me lightheaded if I drink it too fast!
Evening
Work day is over. I outline my to-do list for tomorrow and cross off the things I accomplished today. My Dad is downstairs to pick up the forms I printed for my mom. After dropping off the forms I change into comfy clothes and assign myself a freelance assignment. I’m applying for a weekend writing workshop next month that will cost $300. I may not get in, but in case I do, I want to be prepared! The fun thing about my freelancing is that I get to choose the topics I want to write about. I select an assignment on skincare products.
Time to make breakfast for dinner: smashed fingerling potatoes with sauteed bell pepper, red onion, and broccoli topped with a fried egg and half an avocado. Seasoned with Lawry's and drizzled with sriracha. I get cozy on my loveseat to eat dinner. I also send an email to a man I've been corresponding with daily, D, for the last month and a half. We met out of the blue on an online forum - not Reddit - and have been enjoying each other's online company :) I'm not rushing to label anything, especially since he lives a state away. We're just seeing where things go for now.
For the rest of the evening I read my book while E. sleeps curled up next to me and Wendy Williams plays on TV. Then I get into my nighttime routine: smoke from my one hitter, put on some music and hop in the shower, where I also wash my face. Out the shower, I lotion up with shea butter and rub a gentle toner on my face. I make a mental note to re-up on weed soon. It's taxed to hell (welcome to Cook County. They tax everything here) but at least it's stimulating the local economy. I floss and brush my teeth before getting under the covers.
TOTAL: $4.60
Day 2 - Thursday
Morning
My body naturally wakes me up around 7:30. I remain in bed, mostly browsing Reddit on my phone, before committing to getting out of bed. I feed E. her breakfast and daily probiotic, take gummy vitamins and clean the last of my dishes from the night before. The sun pours through my south-facing windows and my heart sings - yesss, let there be light! I brush my teeth, moisturize my hair with coconut oil and moisturize my face. I pick out a black ribbed turtleneck and black high-waist jeans to wear, but ultimately decide to rock my loungewear until I have to leave my apartment.
I make a smoothie with the other avocado half from last night, frozen mango chunks, the last of my frozen blueberries, ginger, almond milk, and honey. I highly recommend avocados in smoothies. The creamy texture is to die for! I log into my work email and have a couple fires to put out. While I work, I polish off the rest of my Vitner’s Crunchy Kurls. IYKYK. I also reply to my email from D. this morning. Yesterday we were both in bad moods but this morning we’re doing better, mood wise. We talk about how rough our Januaries were - with my mom recovering from COVID and his dad in the hospital since the beginning of the year - and how we deserve a nice treat for getting through the month. We agree that lifetime supplies of books (for me) and movies (for him) would be fitting.
afternoon
My morning was full speed ahead but things are slowing down so I pause to read a Money Diary on here. I so admire this diarist’s conviction in language learning/maintenance! My French is dans la poubelle because I haven’t kept up in a long time. For a while I’d do Duolingo, watch French-language movies and shows on Netflix, and book trips to Francophone cities so I could practice speaking (last trip was Montreal in December 2018). When COVID blows over I want to go to Martinique. I remind myself to check out some French-language films soon. I’m open to any recommendations, especially media that focuses on Francophones outside of France, or those from immigrant communities :)
I return to my data entry task. Giving away grants is fun. Tracking dollar amounts and grantee info with excel formulas, less so. I finish up the last of my soup and grilled cheese sandwich and give E. her lunch. I put on the student loan episode of Patriot Act as I eat. I’d truly be wowed if student loan forgiveness actually came to fruition. It’s either somewhat likely or not likely at all, depending on who you ask.
Post-lunch, I’m craving cupcakes bad. Did I mention I have an unrelenting sweet tooth? I look up cupcakes near me and mentally bribe myself with a cupcake order if I get my work done.
evening
My cupcake craving has subsided. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow. I normally eat dinner around 7 or 8pm but opt for an early dinner today: my leftover Mongolian Beef and peapod tips in garlic sauce, yum. I ordered Chinese takeout on Sunday. While my rice cooks, I bundle up for a trip to Walgreens. When I'm there I get a big thing of Dawn dish soap, some antibacterial wipes that are on sale, a bag of roasted cashews, a Reese's Fast Break bar, and a small bag of Pirate's Booty ($16.83).
By the time I get back my rice is nearly finished. My sink has some dirty dishes, so I wash those before reheating the Mongolian beef and peapod tips on my stove top. I'm one of those weirdos without a microwave… don't miss it at all though. I dig into my leftovers and reply to a message from D. which is quite imaginative. In the sexual sense ;) D. has a very sensual way with words and as a writer of course I'm into it. I go back for seconds, finishing the rest of my takeout leftovers. After dinner and some more reddit browsing I do my evening shower routine. At 10:30 pm my upstairs neighbor is annoyingly doing jumping jacks (that’s what it sounds like) or something that makes it very hard to focus. Ugh.
TOTAL: $16.83
DAY 3 - Friday
MorningI fell asleep unexpectedly and woke up around 2am. This kind of thing happens a lot. I guess my cat has adapted too, she’s always bugging me for food in the early morning hours. I feed my cat, brush my teeth, crawl back into bed and fall asleep an hour or so later.
I’m up again at 7:30, laying in bed before officially getting up. My mom calls me and I remember I promised to order her a Lyft to work. Her workplace has the COVID vaccine and she’s going to get the first dosage. She mentions that some symptoms are coming back - like shortness of breath, which she didn’t even have the first time - even though she’s been on the mend for the past week and just got the go-ahead from her doctor to work again. After I order my mom the Lyft ($31.46 incl. tip) I indulge in my nasty habit of googling medical stuff. I find an article about a woman who ended up in the hospital unexpectedly, 5 MONTHS after getting symptoms. Cue cortisol levels going up. I also have a work meeting this morning that I’m nervous about, having never led it alone before.
I get out of bed, feed my cat her breakfast + probiotic, take gummy vitamins, and get dressed with a black turtleneck, black jeans, and small hoop earrings. I try to breathe and remind myself that all will be fine. I have a habit of catastrophizing and generally thinking in worst-case scenarios, if that wasn’t already obvious. My meeting ends up going perfectly fine though, and my mom texts me later to say she took the train home (my Dad needed the car for work this morning). She is feeling fine for now. Since I skipped my morning smoothie I make one now with pear, kale, frozen strawberries, almond milk and honey. Eh, I’ve had better. But it’s drinkable.
afternoon
My morning flew! I’m running low on food so for lunch, I throw some crinkle cut fries in the oven. Grab an avocado, red onion, and a roma tomato from the fridge to make a quick guac. I also make a side of sriracha mayo.
Today is payday. It’s my rent paycheck so I’m not as excited tho. While my fries are in the oven I move some money to my Roth IRA. I watch one of my favorite Youtubers, King of Reads, while I eat my lunch. He has an interesting take on Gamestop Gate and basically says, abolish all this stock market shit. I do think there are a lot of evils in American capitalism, which was literally built off the backs of s colonized peoples. Like is this system even for us?
After lunch I get back to work. I also do something I seldom do: order groceries off Instacart. The anxiety of the day has drained me and I don’t feel like lugging a bunch of groceries home. Plus, the store I order from is cheaper than the one closest to me. I get some jasmine rice, a family pack of Nongshim ramen, green onions, carrots, zucchini, sirloin steak, ginger root, yellow onions, chili paste, bell peppers, white mushrooms, yellow squash, bok choy, kombucha, bamboo skewers, grape tomatoes, a bottle of Apothic Red and some hazelnut cookies. Add $10 for tip ($74.48). I do walk to the local grocery store anyway to 1) get some fresh air while it’s still daylight and 2) pick up smoothie ingredients. From there I get a big bag of frozen mixed berries, frozen mango chunks, an avocado, three bananas, almond milk, coconut sparkling water, and a sweet Belgian waffle ($18.15).
Evening
I knock out the last of my work tasks just in time for teletherapy at 5:10. I love my therapist. Been seeing her for going on three years and she’s changed my life. We talk and I feel lighter, remembering the progress I’ve made since I first walked into her office crying in 2018. After we hang up I get an email receipt for the cost, which is accounted for in monthly expenses. I put away my instacart delivery and message a bit more with D. Even though we’re just emailing, I truly enjoy his company. He makes me feel incredibly attractive and soft.
Glass of red wine in one hand, I play with E. for 15 minutes. Despite her age (over 10) she’s spry and will bug the hell out of me to indulge her. I spend the rest of the evening on the couch decompressing with my wine. I do my nightly shower routine but skip the weed because I know it'll make me fall asleep ASAP. Then I fry up the rest of my breakfast for dinner ingredients (minus avocado and egg) and eat them with sriracha.
TOTAL: $124.09
DAY 4 - Saturday
morning
Oops. Fell asleep and woke up at an odd hour. Again. Go brush my teeth and floss. My kitty is very awake and bugging me for attention so I smoke, play with her a bit, and go back to sleep.
Wake up a few hours later. I hear the unmistakable retching of my cat throwing up. Maybe she went too long without food...I mop up the small puddle with paper towels and spray my rug liberally with Nature's Miracle. When I feed E. her breakfast + probiotic she keeps it all down. I take gummy vitamins and get back into bed. From my phone, I go to my local dispensary's website to place an order for pick up, ultimately choosing a strain I've had before that's on sale. I log into my checking account to transfer money to my mom (accounted for in monthly expenses).
Actually get out of bed for real around 9:45am. Scoop E.’s litter box and prepare to get some freelance work done. I make a mango, pear and avocado smoothie with almond milk and honey and sit down to work. Girls plays in the background. I never watched this show when it was popular and was surprised by how funny it is (albeit problematic for a number of reasons).
Afternoon
Snack break! I brew some black tea and have it with the hazelnut cookies I got yesterday. 90 minutes later, once I’m two-thirds through my assignment, I make actual lunch: ramen noodles spruced up with minced garlic and ginger, scallion whites, bok choy, and mushrooms. All topped with scallion greens. Easy and d e l i c i o u s. There’s another snowstorm, urgh. I’m walking to pick up my weed and from my window, it doesn’t look too bad right now. Preorder a Honey Citrus Mint from Starbucks for the long walk ($3.27) and bundle up. It’s an hour round trip but I love walking and don’t really work out so...I take my exercise where I can get it. Stop by the ATM to withdraw cash for flower ($70). On my way back from picking up I indulge in a carrot cake slice from a popular bakery in the area. ($8.13 incl. tip). Okay, I’m set on sweets for awhile. For now :)
Evening
I finally wrap up my freelance assignment and share it with my editor. Shower time. Take a hit from my one hitter and do my nightly routine. Once finished, I change my mind on dinner. I’d originally planned to make a quick "bibimbap" (air quotes because it's very much a knock off) and even steamed rice ahead of time, but carrot cake is sounding good right now. Carrot cake it is! I have some more hazelnut cookies for a well-balanced meal. Give the kitty her dinner and fall asleep with the TV on.
TOTAL: $81.40
DAY 5 - Sunday
Morning
Woke up at an odd hour again. (around 4 am). E. is being a butt once again so I feed her an early breakfast with her probiotic. Brush my teeth, floss, and go back to sleep for a few hours. Get up and out of bed for real around 9:30 and clean up a bit, doing one load of laundry and vacuuming my rug and floors. I finally cook and eat the bibimbap meant for yesterday (minus the egg). I have a virtual date with a college friend I haven’t spoken to in a while, so we spend a few hours catching up! My friendship with her is ever-evolving. She was someone I put on a pedestal for a long time, until she disappointed me when I really needed her and hurt me deeply. I’ve worked to let go of that resentment and remind myself that 1) she is very much human, 2) she is not a better person than I am and 3) I can’t expect everyone to have the same heart that I have. Tough but necessary lessons to learn.
Afternoon
I really should deep clean E’s litter box today but ehhhh, not feeling it. I clean my bathtub, bathroom sink and mirror instead and wipe down some surfaces. I also sip some red wine blended with frozen strawberries (10/10, would recommend!) and start meal prepping for later. I’m making suya - West African meat skewers - so I thinly slice my sirloin steak while it’s semi-frozen and refrigerate the rest to fully defrost. I also chop up more garlic, ginger, bok choy, mushrooms, and scallions for ramen later. I know I’m going to get high very soon and won’t want to do too much, so I’m doing what future high-me will thank me for. Light an oudh incense stick, reply to a message from D., and submit my $250 invoice for freelance work. Put food out for E.
The snow is still pouring in from yesterday. Maybe we’ll get those 10 inches of snow after all. I smoke a bit and cook the same ramen as yesterday but add a fried egg and some sesame oil. I inhale the whole thing and drink all the broth, either it's really this amazing or I'm just stoned. For dessert, I brew black tea and have it with the rest of my hazelnut cookies.
evening
Shower routine time! As much as I hate cleaning the bathtub, that first shower afterwards is the best. Wash my hair with Aussie Moist conditioner (I keep my hair very short and cut it myself) and moisturize with copious coconut oil. Listen to one of my favorite podcasts while in the shower, Say Your Mind with Kelechi Okafor. I love listening to her and her brother’s banter, it feels like I'm among friends.
I've been eating throughout the day so I'm not too hungry come dinner time. I have some crinkle cut fries with sriracha mayo and crack open a kombucha. Rewatch more old episodes of Girls. Why is Adam Driver so attractive to me, even if his character on the show is awful (they're all awful, really)?
TOTAL: $0
Day 6 - Monday
morning
Odd sleep hours strike again! I should mention that I also brush my teeth while I’m in the shower, lest you think I brush once a day only :) Take gummy vitamins and give my nagging E. her early morning meal after playing with her a bit. Scroll on Reddit until I fall back asleep.
Get up and start the day for real at 8:40. Clean a few dirty dishes from last night and give E. breakfast, round #2 with her probiotic. Brush my teeth moisturize my hair, and choose an oatmeal, knee-length knit dress to wear with small hoop earrings. I make a smoothie with a navel orange, some frozen strawberries, frozen banana that I almost forgot about, and almond milk. It’s February now. Happy Black History/Present/Future Month. February is actually one of my least favorite months but after the January I’ve had, I’m ready to move on swiftly. E. is fascinated by all the snowblowing that our neighbors do outside the window. Chicago hasn’t been hit this hard with snow in 5 years - 9 inches!
This is a very slow morning, work wise. Snack on cashews. Work on some excel data and open a tab for Girl Scout Cookies. It’s that seasonnnn. Note that there’s a four box minimum to get cookies. I’ll save my cookie order for next week.
afternoon
The sunlight is giving me life today. I’m getting my Vitamin D through the window, though a walk to the beach sounds lovely. After doing a bit more work, it’s lunch time. I steam some jasmine rice and fry carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, bok choy, and scallion whites in soy sauce and chili paste for my knockoff bibimbap. With an egg this time. Then I decide to bundle up and walk to the beach for additional vitamin D. I only live five minutes away :) . The sand and shoreline are all covered in snow but peaceful nonetheless. I've actually never been to the beach in the dead of winter before. God, I love Lake Michigan. Never understood the hype around oceans, especially because you can't drink the water. Have my phone check in with my boss. Message a bit with D. and round up my tasks for the day.
evening
D. encouraged me to follow my impulses and order the greasy pizza I’m craving right now. But I have food in the fridge. Sigh. Cut up my veggies and season them for veggie kabobs to go with the suya, which has marinated in a spice rub. Put the veggies and meat on skewer sticks and put it all in the oven. It comes out…okay-ish. The meat is a bit overdone and not as flavorful as I'd hoped. Not terrible for a first try, I suppose. Eat two veggie kabobs and two suya sticks. Fall down the Reddit rabbithole for way too damn long. Also check on my mom and how she's doing. She said she's okay now, taking things one day at a time. Feed the kitty her dinner. Do my nighttime routine (including brushing my teeth) and snuggle in bed to watch more Girls. Snack on graham crackers since I have no other sweets or candy handy.
TOTAL: $0
Day 7 - Tuesday
morningMe and my fucked up sleep schedule. No judgment, plz. Wake up at an odd hour again, brush my teeth, feed the cat, smoke a bit, and go back asleep.
My mom calls me at 8 to tell me she might need me to call her a Lyft again - this is not a typical nor regular expense btw - because she has one of her work trainings and my Dad took the car for work. She asks if I still want to go to Nigeria this summer since she’s about to get tickets. IDK! I’m not comfortable traveling internationally...but my Nigerian passport also expires this year and it was a huge pain in the ass to get it in the first place. I enjoy visiting, though I always have a lot of personal shit to navigate while there. Being part of a diaspora is complicated.
Also wake up to a steamy message from D. Steamy enough for me to get myself off, truly the best way to start any morning. My period has started...fun. I was expecting it though. Feed E. her breakfast with a probiotic, take gummy vitamins, brush my teeth, moisturize hair, and get dressed in a grey turtleneck, black Adidas soccer pants, and gold hoop earrings. Blend frozen mango chunks, a small banana, greek yogurt and almond milk into a smoothie. I also brew a cup of lemon tea. Pop two ibuprofen and start my work day with a staff meeting.
afternoon
Light a candle and keep working! Ok, I actually break for a few YouTube videos, one from MelinaPendulum about the Sex And the City reboot. To sum it up: why do one?? What’s the point if Samantha isn’t even coming back? I put out E.’s lunch. I also steam some jasmine rice to eat with the suya and veggie kabobs from last night. Damn I wish I had some steak sauce. Oh well. Eat lunch and call a Lyft for my mom. ($25.99, incl. tip). Work with more Sex and the City in the background.
EveningThe work day has ended and I am desperately in need of snacks! I load $10 on my Starbucks app and then decide to not get anything. I planned to fuck up some hot chocolate but the way my cramps are fading and coming back, it’s best to stay away from a drink with 57 grams of sugar. Pick up some Lysol wipes, a bottle of club soda, Fig Newtons, Ritz Crackers to go with the block of cheese in my fridge, a Reese’s Fast Break bar, and some Haribo Happy Cola gummies. ($11.69)
Get home, pour a small glass of Apothic Red and play with E. for a little bit. Then go down another Reddit rabbithole before making my dinner - ramen, minus the egg. Still delicious! Message D. for a bit and do my shower routine. I did not read very much this week, maybe it’s a testament to me not liking my book that much? Hmmm....my neighbor starts his incredibly annoying exercise routine and I fall asleep waiting for it to stop.
TOTAL: $47.68
--
GRAND TOTAL = $274.60
Food + Drink = $133.37
Fun / Entertainment = $70
Home + Health = $13.78
Other = $57.45
All in all, this was an unsurprising week, especially since I’m already in the habit of tracking expenses daily. The two atypical things were the Lyft rides for my mom - an infrequent occurrence - and my weed purchase, which happens once monthly. I suppose I could have included that in my monthly expenses. Please don’t roast me for my sleep schedule! I know issa mess. Also, I feed my cat four times a day in case that’s unclear.
Edit: Any and every time I left my home I wore a mask and then washed my hands thoroughly upon return.

In 2020 I tried making a full-time income selling stuff online such as eBay - Here are my Results - AMA.

So we all know that eBay is an online website where people can pretty much list anything for sale: toys, video games, pre-owned clothes, rare and unique items, anything! While most people sell online as a hobby (kinda like a garage sale), for those who don't know, it is also possible to make a full-time income selling online. Basically, making places such as eBay your "full time job." That is what intrigued me so I decided to jump in a try!
In 2019, I was frustrated and had enough: I did not enjoy my full-time 8-5 job and never really felt like I had found my calling. I had been working part-time on eBay since 2018 and was much more passionate about that, however, I barely made a few hundred bucks a month doing that along with my full-time work.
So at the very beginning of 2020 on January 1st, I took the leap of faith and decided I was going to try online reselling full-time for the entire year. This is a summary and report on how that worked out for me, and I feel it might be an interesting read for those here who are contemplating or fantasizing about going full-time but want some reassurance and first-hand experience. This is also a good read for those wanting to compare numbers: see how my financials look compared to yours to figure out if this is an opportunity (or risk!) you want to try for yourself.
Also, one more upfront disclaimer: The numbers I provide in this post are UNFINALIZED ESTIMATES only. I am working with my CPA who decides on the final numbers to report and he puts together my final tax return. These numbers are from spreadsheets I’ve maintained all year but are not necessarily the final taxable amounts. (So if the IRS or state government is reading this post...once again, these are ESTIMATES ONLY!)
For those who are short on time, here is the tl;dr
I sold on the following platforms: eBay, Amazon FBA, Mercari, and other miscellaneous platforms (StockX, local sales, etc.) My gross sales for 2020 were impressive (over $77,000), however my net income after deductions left a lot to be desired (just under $13,000 total.) Yes, that means I only profited about 16% of my gross sales. So to give you a better idea, if I sold an item for $100 + free shipping, on average, I would only make a profit of $16 after shipping, fees, etc.
Conclusions: There is a ton of potential for this type of gig work and it is truly liberating to set your own schedule every day. On the down side, it is likely when you start off you will not make a living wage and it becomes nearly impossible if you are 100% reliant on this income without a safety net or support, at least starting out.
Okay, so let’s first describe my business and process:
I decided I would try the “Sell Everything” model. That means I do not focus on a specific niche or category but resell anything that has a good margin. This means I sell anything from new and pre-owned clothes, toys, video games from places such as thrift stores, as well as retail arbitrage from Walmarts, Targets, Best Buys, etc. I also established one wholesale book supplier in the later part of 2020.
I live in Hawaii so shipping is a huge disadvantage and challenge. As a result, I had to focus on smaller or compact items fitting in flat rate shipping boxes to increase profit margins.
I sell on the following platforms: eBay, Amazon FBA, Mercari, and other miscellaneous platforms (StockX, local sales, etc.) Basically, I compare prices and market demand between the platforms and list the item on the “best” platform. Majority of the time I use eBay because I have a basic store subscription which offers significant perks such as discounted Final Value Fees for certain product categories and overall, eBay has the highest sell though rate for my business.
My weekly schedule involves driving around (thrift stores, garage sales, retail stores, clearances, etc.) about 3-4 times a week. I spend at least 1 full day (might be broken up throughout the week) listing products (photos, weighing, typing, etc.) and performing administrative tasks such as keeping tax records up to date. I ship within 3 business days but ship as soon as I can, so I typically go to the post office 2-3 times a week. On my better weeks, I have between 25-30 packages sold (so nothing too crazy, but it’s decent.) On my worst week, I sold less than 5 items (but I was under quarantine with time away activated, so that was understandable and made sense to me.)
Next, let’s dive into some interesting takeaways and data:
My total gross sales was over $77,000.
Here is the breakdown of sales revenue generated from the following platforms:
eBay 70%, Mercari 18%, Amazon FBA 8%, Local & Miscellaneous 4%.
My overall average selling price per item was about $85.
Here is the breakdown of the quantity of items sold on the following platforms:
eBay 642, Mercari 62, Amazon FBA 198, Local & Miscellaneous 6
Total items resold in 2020: 908 items.
(That’s an average of 76 items resold per month, or 2-3 items sold every single day, 365 days a year.)
Looking at these facts, I can definitely say that eBay was king: for both sales dollars and volume sold.
Mercari was an interesting platform. It is not nearly as popular as eBay but you can crosspost and get a good amount of sales for items that are sitting for a long time on eBay without any attention.
Amazon FBA was a really weird situation: notice how I sold more than triple the amount of items than Mercari, but the earned less than half the amount of gross sales dollars? This is largely because despite being an Amazon seller for about 1.5 years now, selling consistently there, I am gated on a lot of high margin items. Typically, I have no choice but to resell small new in box items that only make me $10-$20 profit per items. Compared to places like eBay or Mercari where you can easily earn $200-$500+ profit per item (depending on the item of course) you can definitely see how being able to sell almost anything on eBay/Mercari versus being gated on Amazon really affects the final numbers.
A final note about local and miscellaneous sales: I’m an introvert. A big time introvert. (That’s largely why I got into reselling – it's a solitary business activity without much personal interaction – you just list and ship!) So I only met up with people in real life less than a handful of times. I’m also pretty scared of getting jumped when meeting for local sales – although I realize this is probably just an irrational paranoia of mine. Nonetheless, my personal business choice is to focus on online shipping platforms such as eBay instead of local pickup such as FBM or Craigslist or Offerup, etc.
Finally, (what you’ve been waiting for) let’s get to the nitty gritty numbers:
Gross Sales: $77,217.61
Estimated Taxable Income: $12,443.40 (again, this is an ESTIMATE! So don’t quote me on this, IRS!)
I won’t provide the specific line by line breakdown of how I got to that bottom line – because as I reiterate, these numbers are still being finalized by my CPA who will determine what goes on my final tax return. So I don’t want to say anything tax-wise that isn’t completely true.
I can provide the general percentage breakdown of my expenses:
“Selling Fees” were about 21% of gross sales - This is defined as a grand total lump sum of all my platform fees (eBay, Amazon, Mercari, PayPal, etc.) as well as my SHIPPING cost (mainly USPS, but also UPS.) Since I am shipping from Hawaii, that explains why this expense is pretty large.
“Inventory Cost” was about 51% of gross sales! Inventory is defined as any product cost necessary to bring the products to the market for sale. This is basically what I paid for the products (from thrift stores, retail, wholesale) listed on the invoice and does include sales tax, shipping, fees, etc. (since it’s impractical to show my resale certificate every single time I checkout and most places won’t even know what that is or they might tell you to leave because they don’t like resellers.)
Notice how large that amount is? To give a better idea, in order to sell a product for $100 + free shipping, that product on average typically costed me $51 to buy. Please note that this is an AVERAGE. That means yes, sometimes I get products for dirt cheap ($1 here, $0.50 here, free, etc.) and other times I pay a lot just to make a small amount of profit (a good example is me paying $50 for a certain retail item to resell it for about $85. After fees and shipping, that’s only $10-$15 profit that costs me $50 to buy!) At the beginning of the year, I also bought a lot of not so good “break-even” purchases. Occasionally I would sell an item for a loss but it doesn’t happen that often at all. At the end of 2020, I had about 300 active listings remaining across all platforms – that is equivalent to unsold inventory. So my total inventory cost also includes this unsold inventory that may possibly generate profit in 2021...(or just sit forever until I finally give up and trash it!) To give you some perspective, I still have some listings up from 2018 that haven’t sold and within the past few days in January 2021, I resold a product listed in 2019 – so it can take a while!
I also had a bunch of tax deductions that I recorded by the suggestion of online help videos on YouTube as well as advice from my CPA. I recorded deductions including:
Mileage, smartphone bills. Internet bills, monthly subscriptions (business-related), equipment purchased (needed new photography equipment, my laptop broke in the middle of the year so needed a replacement, etc.) I won’t disclose the total amount of deductions I recorded since this is being screened by my CPA, however I can say that I recorded a SIGNIFICANT amount of tax deductions. So even if you’re reselling part-time, RECORD ALL YOUR EXPENSES. Then also consult with a CPA or tax professional. You might end up with thousands of dollars in tax savings if you keep track!
Final Conclusions:
As you can see, I tried online reselling full-time in 2020 and as a result, I barely made over $1000 a month in profit. That is an average. Some months I earn only $700-ish dollars, other months are much, much more. Online reselling is THE definition of GIG WORK: to be successful, you are CONSTANTLY sourcing, tweaking listings, researching and learning how to become better. You are basically constantly looking for work that needs to be done. If you don’t have that “hustle” mindset, you will not succeed here – at least full-time. (You might make some good side cash along with your main job.)
You will also have difficulty succeeding if you are not in a safe financial situation when starting full-time. Luckily, I was personally in a position where I had a good amount of savings and am very good with managing my own money: throughout the year, I lived frugally and 99% of my spending in 2020 was for business expenses. (My girlfriend funny enough gave me some business supplies that I wanted for gifts instead of unnecessary stuff. Now that’s living frugally and financially smart!) I also have no debt so keeping my personal life afloat while I experimented with this was always manageable.
So if you are someone who has a lot of debt to repay every month, or you’re living paycheck to paycheck with rent building up, or you just had a baby and can’t take the risk of bringing no money home every work day, then this is not the time to go full-time. There is nothing wrong with working a full-time 8-5 job until you have a lot more freedom to live life on your own terms.
As I mentioned, despite the rather lackluster profit at the end of the year and the financial risks, I see so much POTENTIAL for my business! To give you a better idea, I nearly tripled my gross sales in the last half of Q3 through Q4 than I did for the first half of the year. True, this was partly due to seasonal shopping and sales but I also learned how to source significantly better and continued to streamline and improve my listing process. I also developed my first wholesale book supplier in Q3 as mentioned, which helped raise my overall earning potential.
During the lockdowns throughout 2020, when sales slumped significantly (non-essential business wasn’t allowed) I continued the hustle mindset and didn’t just sit at home and did nothing. Instead, I started driving for Instacart and Door Dash! (These services were surprisingly booming and 100% allowed during the lockdowns in my area.) So even when reselling started getting slow, I kept hustling because there is always work to be done and always money to be made.
The bottom line with reselling full-time? I LOVE being able to live life on my own terms and set my own schedule! A large part of why I went full-time and quit my 8-5 job was that I hated the daily grind: wake up, rush to the office at sunrise, drive back home at dusk, rinse and repeat. “Oh, you have a 1-2 day event you want to go to? Oh, you’re not feeling so good today? Well you used up all your paid time off, so you either come to work today or get an unexcused absense and a write-up!” That was my daily work life just prior to reselling full-time. Instead, I wanted to work on projects that made me excited while also having flexibility. Now, I feel motivated to hustle – sometimes for 10-12 days straight! Then, oh a new video game is coming out this week! Or, I want to meet with my girlfriend and her family all day on a week day. That’s totally in my control! I’ll just take today off and work tomorrow!
The freedom and most importantly the sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment is priceless when it comes to owning your own reselling business. Unlike a normal 8-5 job, where you work tirelessly to make your corporation richer, when you resell full-time, you are building your own BRAND and reputation. These things you can take with you even if you were let go by your 8-5 job because they are part of you, not owned by some huge, faceless company that might let you go due to Covid.
So that’s how my 2020 went. For 2021, I plan on doing it all over again and trying to exceed my 2020 results by a lot!
I’d like to treat this post like an AMA – post a question or comment below and I’ll see if I can answer it. Please note that there are some things I just can’t answer (due to taxes, legal, etc.) so if I don’t respond to everyone, please don’t take offense.
Also, I am not that reddit-savvy and I am not super active here on reddit, so there might be some delays in a few responses. Please be patient. I want to answer as many questions as possible and if I am allowed to respond I will eventually get to it.
(I will take down this post if for some reason it gets toxic or mean spirited. This is a learning opportunity and I won’t tolerate bad actors posting here.)

Girl defined exposed master post(sourced from the web archives since everything on the web is forever)

My experience as a JW- F 22 *long read*

This is going to be a lengthy one, so if you fancy reading, grab a cuppa...or a vodka
This passage is partly for myself, hoping that writing it out will work as a form of therapy, God knows I've tried every other form, and partly to help those in a similar circumstance.
Background
My dad (a very smart gent, who had a real education and sense of life) became a JW in his mid-twenties (after his mother started studying) and went to MTS. During this time, he met my mother, a lady who was home-schooled and followed the traditional route for a JW woman- pioneer and work at either a care home, as a cleaner or in a little shop.
They moved to where my dad was posted- a little town that needed a new hall- so my dad set it up, and so began him being super duper famous in the eyes of all the congregation members. They got married and had me- 'the baby of the hall' (given everyone else was like 108) and then a few years later, my brother. For a long time, it was just us 4. Dad was a 'great elder' so we spent most of our time travelling to different halls for him to give talks... a few people referred to him as 'modern day Jesus'. We very quickly became 'that family'. You know, the ones who do *every* demonstration at assemblies and constantly seem perfect. As you can imagine, it was all pretty tiring to keep up when you are being asked, "What would you like to be when you're older?" and you know fine well you cant give an honest answer such as teacher or midwife, you *have* to say pioneer or bethel member.
Fast forward 7 years or so and my mum decides she wants more children and needs my dad to help out more. They had my second brother and dad stepped down as an elder to be more on hand. Mum then decided that, given the age gap, my second brother would be really lonely growing up and convinced my dad to have a fourth child- my third brother. A year went by and much to everyone's dismay- she was pregnant again! This would be with my little sister, who thankfully, really was the last child.
Now, my mum ( like a lot of Jws) comes from a family who all suffer from mental health problems. This unexpected child made her go bat shit crazy and seriously depressed and she basically lived in her bedroom whilst I (age 14) dropped out of school and raised my 3 youngest siblings. This made me grow up *super* fast and ashamedly, resent my mother for taking away my childhood. My dad turned to drinking to cope and he was removed as a servant.
In a matter of years we had gone from 'the perfect family' to one that was barely keeping our heads above water.
Skip ahead a few years and I had gotten baptised (after being pressured for years to do so), gone to night school to do my GCSE's and I myself was on anti depressants. I had started working 55 hours a week in a nursery for £2.50 an hour and my siblings went there with me for childcare. Of course, the wage I earnt went to my family as 'money is greed'. I barely had a social life and was desperate to find someone, get married and leave.
I should add though, that regardless of all of that, we were a very close family, especially me and the three little ones, and my dad was like my best friend.
Where it started to get really shit
On one of the rare occasions I could go out, I met who would later be, the biggest mistake of my life.
Someone who at the time, made me feel like the most special person in the world... someone who liked me, for me. To cut an incredibly long story short, he was the biggest manipulator I have ever met. He told me that in order for me to be free from my current situation, I needed to marry him, and before he would consider doing that, he needed to sleep with me first to see if I was good enough for commitment. I thought this was normal. I had never been taught about boys, my parents never let me text or really communicate with any, so here started my long line of getting abused by various men.
After him sleeping with me whenever he demanded it, (I was too dumb to see that I was actually just being raped) he told me I should go part-time and pioneer so that no one caught on to what we were doing. My congregation absolutely adored him, as did my family, so again, I thought that I had found someone great and this was it.
One night I had a call from him saying he had gone on holiday with my best friend and had accidentally kissed her. I was so head over heals for this fucker that I said it was ok, and we could stay together. This completely messed up my head though and I turned to anything that I thought would take away my problems... mainly all the things I had seen my mum doing- popping any kind of pill to sleep, self harm and drinking. I really didn't care about what was happening to me, and it seemed as if no one else did either.
Going forward a year (one that consisted of more lows than highs) and we had planned a wedding. Blah blah blah, I got a phone-call from him one day telling me that my best friend had decided she was 'ready to date him now' so things between us were over. I was beyond crushed. What now? He was my scape goat... he was what everyone wanted for me. I knew he was a piece of shit, and yet even he didn't want me.
Yay, judicial and disfellowshipping
To top all of that that off, 3 weeks later he calls me again to tell me that he drunkenly told his new girlfriend that we had been sleeping together and she had now told his elders. They in turn had then told mine and a judicial was about to be held, so I 'should probably tell my parents before someone else did'...then asked if I wanted to pray with him for everything to be ok. LOL, you read correctly. What a twat.
I went downstairs and told my parents. My mum turned it into a Spanish inquisition and my dad didn't say a word, just placed his head in his hands. I couldn't work out which was worse.
A few days rolled by and it was my judicial. There sat 6 elders and my ex, in a circle, with a space for me. They asked for every position, for the exact number of sexual encounters, if he had ejaculated in me and even asked if I had been on my period for any of it. FUCKING CREEPS is all I can say about that. I'm pretty sure they were just doing it for their wankbanks.
They listened to both of our versions, his worlds apart from mine, and then took us into separate rooms to see if we had anything else to add and then deliver us the end result.
My elders immediately decided for me to be disfellowshipped (which, fair one, I had broken the rules) but his elders took 3 hours to decide, and 2 of them believed what he had done didn't warrant a disfellowshipping. *rolls eyes*. Eventually though, we were both disfellowshipped.
Life after being disfellowshipped
(For some background information, I had just started a teaching course and was being diagnosed with what wold later be discovered as endometriosis stage 4 and a load of other illnesses that basically meant I was in pain 24/7)
If I wasn't at work I had to stay in my bedroom...which had a lock on it for when the Saturday ministry group or family members came round, just to reassure everyone that I wasn't going to run out of my room and try and fuck people, as clearly, that's what you do when you've been disfellowshipped for sexual immorality.
It had now been 6 months of sitting in the back of a kingdom hall, people shaking their heads at me when they walked by and I was getting pretty done with it. I had told my parents that Wednesdays were staff meeting night- but they were actually pub quiz night at the local Weatherspoons. I would go there every week, neck as many drinks as I could, then go home. I had started to realise that there is actually a really nice world outside of being a JW, not a terrifying one like its made out to be.
One Saturday I told my mum I was going for an ice-cream with my friend. She told me that if I do, i would return to packed bags and that would no longer be my home. I went anyway, and upon my arrival, she really had stuck to her word, and i was being kicked out.
I cant talk much about the events of that day, and i don't really think i'll ever be strong enough to talk about them to be honest. But just know, it was really, really hard and has truly fucked me up for the rest of my life. *cue emotional breakdown and panic attack having just thought about it*
Life in 'The Big Bad World'
So I was now officially in the world, all alone, living with a colleague.
I made some amazing friends, all of whom have stuck by me ever since, but also got myself into another atrocious relationship. Blah blah blah again, he was a gambler and also someone who again, just had sex with me whenever they wanted to... on one occasion i was screaming and crying so loudly that his own mother came in and pushed him off me. Great times.
I got a flat with my best friend, broke up with that utter piece of shit (which took forever as he fully played the suicide card etc) and made him set up a standing order to pay back the £13,000 he had stolen off me.
It had been about 2/3 years now since I was kicked out. I had no contact with anyone in my family, other than my Dad messaging me to see if I had been at the Ariana Grande gig when it was blown up. (No, im not a fan of hers, i think he just momentarily cared and wondered if i was dead or alive). After he was reassured that i was very much alive, they went back to crossing the street if they saw me etc.
Reinstatement
One day I got a call from my dad, my grandma was dying and they would 'allow me' to go and say my goodbyes. So i did, and i took my brother with me. They gave me a set time so that i wasn't around when they were. The car journey was about 2 hours long and my brother spent literally the entire time emotionally blackmailing me to come back. It worked.
I called my dad and told him I was going to start coming back to meetings, and ta-da, everyone started talking to me again. Only occasionally mind, i was still a bad influence. He came to pick me up and sat in the second school with me. My little sister ran straight out and turned to my dad to ask if she could hug me. He said yes, and for the first time in 3 years, i held my little girl again. I felt so disgustingly selfish, like how could i have ever left and why on earth did i do this to her.
That was my new focus, i was going to come back and then fade away, anything that meant having those kids back in my life.
My saving grace however being that i still lived in my flat, so other than a Thursday and Sunday, i lived quite a normal life, and no one speaking to me at meetings meant i could rock up and sit silently, nursing my hangover.
I was attending meetings routinely when i got a call from the hospital, saying that i needed an emergency operation and it would be one that would put me out of working, driving and even walking for the best part of 6 weeks. I told the elders and they said they could understand me not attending on the week of my operation, but anything longer than that would hinder my reinstatement. How nice and understanding.
Cutting my ridiculously long story short, my mother had a breakdown and they decided to reinstate me sooner than originally planned for fear of my mum killing herself about me not being back to do her jobs again.
Everything was good again family wise, but then came along all of the pressures. I had to study with two sisters, go on the ministry and attend all meetings. My health meant i really struggled to do a lot of these, but i was basically told to shut up and get on with it by the elders.
Things with my family were so lovely again, even though my mum would say things like, "I know Jehovah has forgiven you, and now hopefully, one day we can too." The emotional blackmail never stops.
MY 'WORLDLY' PARTNER... NOW HUSBAND
During this time my best friend had downloaded Tinder in a hope for me to find someone to go on a double date with her and her partner of the time. I really wasn't into that idea but would find myself flicking through it when adverts came up on TV... and so one day i swiped right to the love of my life.
After a while of talking, we met up and he really, really was everything I had been looking for. I'm not just saying that because he's on here too lol.
He took on all of my shit, loved me for who i am and has held me through every breakdown ive had since. As our relationship progressed, I gradually explained the whole JW story. How on earth do you explain that to someone? I used to just say things that gave some context to what was going on, but it was never enough. "Yeah, my family are... uhh... really religious. Like really religious," I'd say - he'd just laugh and say it was okay. He really had no idea!
As time went on I realised he's a complete nerd as he went and read everything there is to know about Witnesses. Literally everything he could find. I was still going to my Bible Study (one of the terms of my reinstatement) and would turn up at his house crying that the world was going to end. He'd have to give me a hug and explain that it's a load of crap and why. I was comforted, but didn't particularly listen to the reasons. I'd just get on with it.
We reached a point where we were ready to move in together. He was still totally secret to anyone who was a Witness, but we had plenty of friends outside so it didn't matter. I got really upset because I thought I'd never be able to move in with him, and for the briefest of moments thought it'd just be easier if he became a Witness too. He said he'd think of a plan, and a couple of days later he came back with one.
My flatmate was reaching a point where she could no longer afford to live in the flat we shared, and my partner had just got a big four bed house to rent. He said that I should tell my parents I was moving in to a house share with a guy and a girl, both of them middle-class working people and not students. I told my parents I'd be renting a room there, and my mum wasn't particularly pleased. Obviously she didn't think it was appropriate I live with worldly people, and was concerned I'd turn into a heroin slut and all that really accurate stuff. I also managed - somehow - convinced the Sisters I did my study with that this was the best idea ever. Nobody really had much of a choice anyway, and we moved in to what would become the first home I'd had since I left the original one.
In order to keep up the facade, my boyfriend and I had to set up two additional rooms in the house to belong to me and the other phantom housemate. We borrowed clothes off one of our good friends and filled the room with her stuff. 'My room' also had all my things stored in it, and then the master bedroom (where we actually slept) had all my partner's things in it. He thought it was crazy we had to go to such lengths, and couldn't believe one religion had such power over people, but we went with it nonetheless.
My parents visited the house, and really had no idea that anything was awry. My boyfriend played a fantastic flatmate that seemed completely disinterested in me and was focused entirely on work, whilst often being 'away' on business trips. My parents thought he was really nice though (mainly because they didn't think we were together).
So, for the best part of a year I played the simultaneous rolls of contrite and repenting JW and regular, normal me all that same time. PIMO, I guess, though I still believe in God - just not the version of him that is written down in JW literature. It turns out, as I'm sure many of you can relate, that this is extremely mentally taxing. It was the biggest burden to bare. Sitting through meetings when I thought most of it (apart from the practical advice and nicer readings) was a load of utter fucking codswallop. It was a nightmare going to studies, going to meetings and dying of boredom, or going to the shitting ministry. I refused to knock on any doors.
Eventually, like trying to run with an anvil swinging around my ankles, it became too much. I was perpetually exhausted. I had a condition that made me extremely fatigued and left me in an awful amount of pain. I worked every day, and every day I wasn't asleep or working I was plastering a fake smile on and sitting through another meeting. The mental burden was exhausting.
I decided to call it quits.
PIMO TO POMO
Much to my partner's surprise, I just told my family one day that I was no longer going to attend meetings. They took it in a similar fashion to how I imagine a regular family would if I walked into their home on a Sunday and took a steamy piss all over their freshly-cooked dinner. Much sadness ensued. The normal defensive measures were initiated.

Claims of rampant selfishness and clearly not wanting paradise.
"How could you do this to [insert most emotionally blackmailing option possible]?"
"How can you do this to Jehovah?"
Repeat Step 2.
Inform Elders.
Have other important people in your life repeat Step 2.
Soft Shun

Need I say more? Thankfully, my immediate family made the decision to hang around. They carried on talking to me, and I'm fairly certain that Disfellowship Round 1 was so hard on my Dad that he didn't want to do it again. My extended family, however, took it upon themselves to shun me without formally shunning me. The soft shun. They still do to this day.
So I was now relatively free. I couldn't be blatantly obvious with my relationship, but after removing all Witnesses from my social media, I could post the odd picture or two of us together. I think my Dad had seriously caught on to me being with my boyfriend, and he even came for a night out with us. We'd never properly told him, and he was content to accept that he just happened to be home when we went out so invited him along. We had a really good time.
MARRYING SAID WORLDLY MAN
We had a really good thing going. My family (with the exception of my mum) sort of accepted the status quo. This became slightly more difficult when my boyfriend proposed, despite the fact it was a perfectly natural point to make that step. How the hell would we tell my parents? Then we'd absolutely be living in sin. I'd have to move out, and it would be atrocious. We meant everything to each other, so to go from my home to living somewhere crap just to satisfy someone else's religion didn't sit well with us.
We told my family, and said we'd still be living together in the run up to getting married. We were due to get married about 9 months later, and everything was fine until my mum told an Elder's wife the situation. Then it all kicked off. They tried to call me to 'learn the facts' to work out what to do. I was petrified. They called me when I was at dinner, and I almost froze. I started to immediately go into a panic attack, and all the old horrible feelings returned. My husband urged me to end the conversation and said that he'd call back. I was really surprised he said that.
WORLDLY MAN VS ELDER
That night, he did call them back. I didn't realise how much reading he'd actually done about Witnesses. All our doctrine, history, supposedly supporting scriptures. The lot. He spoke to the elders for about 45 minutes, and I sat at the door browning my pants whilst in tears. He told them exactly what the effects of disfellowshipping people are, how it causes lasting mental trauma and severe abandonment issues. They didn't like hearing this. In fact, they didn't like having a 'worldly' person armed with logic and knowledge having anything to do with them. He knew about the two witness rule, so told them categorically that we weren't intimate in any way and that they had no biblical grounds to take any action and therefore, they should very politely, fuck the fuck off. Also, if they fancied a meeting with me, he'd come along for moral support as there was no scriptural reason he couldn't and we wouldn't want to go beyond what is written, would we?
They left me alone, funnily enough. I've not heard from them since. They even left my family alone when it came to anything relating to me. They really, really did not like speaking to my husband. Crazy. I treated him well for that.
HAPPY(ER) ENDING
So now I'm married. I have all the family I need. It's been a lot of work, we have a child on the way, and our relationship is rock solid. We live in the same city as my family, and we all get on great. My husband is like a police attack dog whenever anything JW related is brought up, which has led to some heated debates and has resulted in us not talking about religion, ever. For anyone who has read this far and has wondered if things ever turn out alright, they really can do. Just hang in there.
WHAT DO I THINK OF MY TIME AS A WITNESS NOW?
A. Load. Of. Shit. The only positives I can take are the good Christian qualities I was instilled with as a child. They teach you nothing about life, and woefully underprepare you for anything that is not relating to the organisation. You live your life constantly in fear of something that won't ever happen.
The evidence that is out there - if you take the two seconds it takes to look - that really exposes the gaping holes in the doctrine. When I first left, my husband would try and explain to me why different parts of the Watchtower's interpretation is plain wrong, but I didn't really listen. I didn't want to listen, or to think about how stupid I'd been. It was just something I grew up with, I was out now, and that was good enough. I didn't want it any more.
Gradually, as time has passed and I've spoken about the worst bits with my husband, I've been slightly more open to looking at different views on the religious front. Not that I was closed-minded, I just never studied in any detail what you're required to believe as a Witness. I still felt like I was going to be struck down. The 'apostasy' stuff is so ingrained in us that it's almost life long. You feel that pang of guilt or fear when you think something is saying anything bad about JWs or their beliefs. It turns out, they don't really have the truth.
It started with my husband letting my know about the child abuse investigations, which disgusted me. He showed me the scriptures about shunning and how they're misapplied, and we spoke about blood at length. Blood was one of the only things I kept up whilst DF'd, but I can quite clearly see now it's a terrible interpretation of the scripture. We spoke about religion and God and everything at length, and he sat and listened to what I believed.
He joined this site and read about other people's experiences online - he's boring like that. After three months of showing me the odd thread, I find myself sat here now typing all this out. It's unbelievably therapeutic. It's great to know though, that there are other people out there who understand what it's like, that I'm not alone.
So, there you go... it really can get better.
For those of you who got to the end, bloody well done!

Becky ETF (BCKY)

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In 2020 I tried making a full-time income selling stuff online such as eBay - Here are my Results - AMA.

Girl defined exposed master post(sourced from the web archives since everything on the web is forever)

Girl Defined Exposed

My experience as a JW- F 22 long read

Becky ETF (BCKY)

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