First of all, apologies for the delay. Real life once again got in the way of my CBL updates but rest assured that the rumours of my demise at the shock of seeing Rebel get some votes last week are greatly exaggerated. (Vote Rebel!)
This may be a bit of a long one (ooer!) but I’m getting Monday and Tuesday’s updates done together to save me a little bit of time and allow me to catch back up. Hope you enjoy!
Premier League
Day 1
Kicking off the penultimate round of the season, two of the top 10 ranked celebs, Margot Robbie (2nd) and Alexandra Daddario (6th) took on each other for glory. They managed a combined total of 185 votes but ended in a league draw. Robbie managed a great win in principal drawing 1 more vote than her opponent. Both remain in their current positions so far this week.
A poem from u/Turtle123712

Now here are two a turtle might really be liking,
A beautiful lifeguard and an Aussie who’s striking,
It’s Robbie for me but it’s a close one,
I certainly would be shocked if someone loses by a tonne

Day 2
The second Premier League fixture of the week had the stretched out and very wet Jennifer Lawrence take on the hottest girl next door, Anna Kendrick. Given Kendrick’s sudden Season 3 demise (falling from 2nd in the WR to 8th so far) Kendrick faced tough competition from another sufferer of Season 3 fatigue, Jennifer Lawrence. Both managed a decent vote, but Kendrick was the girl on top in this rough and tumble struggle, winning by 17 votes. Kendrick remains where she is this week whilst Lawrence, performing stronger than her former rank would suggest, climbs 194 into 60th place.
u/rocketmanx said a little prayer

Bless the Kendrick and her cuteness. Bless the coming and going of Her. May Her sexiness sweep the tourney.

League 2
Day 1
Once again, two of the comic universe’s greats draw battle against each other in a battle of DCEU vs MCU. Unfortunately this was a case of an Amazonian half-god vs a human in a World War II military outfit as Wonder Woman’s Gal Gadot took on Agent Carter’s Hayley Atwell. The half-god won this battle which sees Gal Gadot climb 2 places into 20th, whilst Atwell drops 15 into 340th
u/thedemba2 got a bit lost in the moment methinks

I´m not invested on this conteast but i will be watching the results since it is a contest of Legs vs tits, this ones are good to know where the comunity is for future battles.
I´ll vote Gal because legs but my eyes will be on Hayley´s number and not on her neon....juicy....goddammit focus (gives myself a slap)

Day 2:
I had a slight interest in this having decided to put a tokens accumulator bet on this match. I considered that whilst both are popular, Dormer was likely to smash this. But the smashing machine was Bell as she truly worked her way through Dormer in attracting the votes. Kristen Bell beat Natalie Dormer by a fantastic 62 votes, seeing Bell climb 33 places in one match to 24th, whilst Dormer loses 9 WR points, but drops one into 5th place. Beckinsale takes Dormer’s former position as keeper of the 4th place throne.
u/Buck_Up_Man may be considering religion if he hasn’t already:

Can we just stop for a moment and thank the universe and any sort of higher power that we have these two incredible women on this planet? I mean, it’s a miracle

This competition is full of amazing miracles - and this pairing are at the top end of that scale.
League 3
Day 1
Sophie Turner squared up against Selena Gomez in Day 1’s League 3 fixture, and the tops were off. Sophie opting for the free-hanging cleavage which is a rarity from this phoenix, vs the more supported well rounded chest-plums of Selena Gomez. And more supported Gomez was as she won by a clear 43 votes. Despite the loss, Turner did better than expected with her vote share and climbed up one rank to 371st. Gomez stayed static in 15th.
u/The_Ugly_One82 had this interesting take

It's the hot body, weird face match-up of the decade!

Day 2
Kaley Cuoco and Megan Fox seem to be in that phase where they’re still popular, certainly attractive, but wavering in popularity against some of the more famous superstar alternatives. Sp putting them against each other in a match of attractiveness and (undoubtedly a factor) popularity was bound to be interesting. In this case, with a confident 28 point lead, it was Cuoco’s turn for glory. Cuoco climbs 20 places into 337th whilst Megan drops 4 to 363
u/hsikrut summed up what a small majority seemed to be thinking:

Megan's Fox-iness has worn off, for me. Kaleys bang is still bigger. Probably a draw, but we'll see

League 4
Day 1
Brie Larson and Victoria Justice have both been gaining in popularity as the season has progressed, so this is another great match up which was determined to bring in the votes. Brie in her black open fronted dress that shows off her b(r)est assets whilst Victoria Justice just displays everything in this competition. With only 11 votes in it, more voters wanted to carefully count the polka-dots on Victoria’s outfit than they wanted to keep Larson’s chest warm. Justice remains static in 10th place whilst Larson increases her rank by one to 28th.
u/Turtle123712 with another rhyme

Brie in black, it seems there’s not a lot better,
But justice has a background that’s much wetter,
Some Other comments say it’s chest vs the rest,
But for me in this matchup Brie is just the best

Day 2
It’s the battle of the lightly-tanned brunette with her chesticles gently cupped in her hands as she folds her arms, gazing into the voters eyes wantingly, vs the pale redhead wearing slightly more but in a very similar post and a gaze that challenges the voter to come and get some. Or perhaps I’m just imagining this being another one of those dreamlike scenarios where I have a personal choice to fulfil fantasies with. Either way, Olivia Munn and Kate McNamara battled in this round. A nice round 20 vote lead for the fiery one puts McNamara up 198 places into 55th, whilst Munn suffers a ranking injury falling 219 places into 275th. It may take her some time to recover from this.
u/rocketmanx

I'm betraying my love for redheads, but Olivia just oozes sex.

I hope he has the Kleenex ready to clean up that ooze!
League 5A
Day 1
The indestructible hot blonde cheerleader takes on the indefatigable daughter of Maleficent (see Descendants 3 – she was 23 when that was released). Hayden Pancakeday vs Dove Cameron was a battle of some of the younger celebs in the database with similar qualities. Unfortunately for Dove, Panfriedseabass managed to draw in a 13 point lead which doesn’t actually change much for her ranking as she remains in 285th. Dove, however, performed greater than expected and climbs just outside of the bottom 10 into 369th.
u/tobaccoroadeagle

this is what it sounds like when doves cry (due to not getting my vote). i don't care for her facial expressions more often than not. and even though it's been a few years, i have to assume that hayden is still very "bendy"

I wonder if she can still do the reverse crab?
Day 2
Alice Eve, the chestbumps that you could park a fire-truck between, vs Taylor Swift, whose legs you would need magic beans to climb. An unusual set of challenges but of those I would gladly attempt with either. For the league this ended as a draw, but for the rankings, the 2 vote advantage went to the two-inches between Eve’s bresticles. Alice climbs an impressive 213 places to 59th this week whilst Swift drops 1 into 34th.
u/thedemba2

the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake....oww sorry, i vote Taylor, damn legs and that face for the win always

Is it bad that I read this to the song?
League 5B
Day 1
With similar levels of skin on display, we see the black topping of Chloe’s Bennets vs the red topping of Liz’s Gillies. I could have easily sat and watched them pair of pairs battle if out for my votes, but it seems this was a very one-sided battle as Chloe Bennet clearly stole the show with a 48 vote lead. Despite the massive win, Chloe remains static at 42nd whilst Gillies drops 2 to 373rd!
u/troyale10 sees more quality in the smile she wears than the apparel. In fact, who needs clothes I ask?

Gillies coming with much more positivity into this matchup with her smile. As people say: a smile is the prettiest thing you can wear

Day 2
Jenna Coleman vs Olivia Wilde was always going to be a tough one. We have the impossible girl vs the impossible outfit. Even as a Jenna Coleman fan I found this very hard to vote. And it seems you did to with both finishing in a 70-70 tie. Coleman climbs 19 places with her performance into 298th, whilst Wilde drops 6 into 57th.
u/dal3y42x called it:

Even though Olivia Wilde has the better photo of the two, who could say no to such radiant beauty of Jenna Coleman?
I believe this fixture will end in a draw.

Transitional League
Day 1
One of hollywood’s finest beauties and one of wrestling’s finest warriors (actors?) took on each other in the battle that I would love to see in the ring. I’m not sure it would end this way in Alexa’s home territory, but Hathaway managed to pin Alexa down by 26 votes. Bliss, much to the delight of wrestling fans, climbs 3 places for her better-than-expected performance, albeit to 5th from last, whereas Hathaway drops 2 into 38th.
Another shout out to the u/Turtle123712 of many rhymes

Alexa Bliss she pins the rest,
But today she is up against Anne Hathaway’s chest,
Although Alexa’s rear is fine,
Anne will receive the vote that’s mine

Day 2
Amber Heard vs Eva Green, two of the lower ranked prime celebrities that don’t seem to be getting much luck on CBL (one in particular some may say deserves her fate, but that’s for you to decide). Fate may not be the decider though here as this round ended in a league draw, with Heard losing by a mere 2 votes! Heard only drops 1 rank this week into 370th whilst Eva Green climbs 1 into 372nd.
u/JustSoGinger remembers the spirit of CBL

Based on looks alone Amber get's my vote! I'll ignore her little flaws like, you know... domestic abuse 😶

Conference Premier A
Day 1
Adriana Lima vs Jenna Fischer is like comparing a young fit woman in a hot red bikini with a hot girl next door type woman in a silver-grey dress. And coincidentally, those are the outfits they wore in their battle pics. Not a high-voting round, Lima managed to win this one by 10 votes. Lima retains her 9th place position currently whilst Fischer actually performs better than expected so climbs 2 places into 35th.
u/The_Ugly_One82 couldn’t put his hand on what it is that he finds preferably about Jenna

On paper, Lima should have this no problem. But Fischer's got that intangible something that I always vote for.

I’m pretty sure I could find a tangible reason or two though...
Day 2
Arterton vs Kreuk should be a tough one. Both have similar body shapes according to their battle photos, but Gemma’s happens to be a little more...see through. Both have seductive eyes, but Kreuk has tidier hair. It’s all down to what the majority of voters found attractive and with 23 votes more than Kristen, Arterton won it. Gemma climbs 5 so far this week into 26th whilst Kreuk slides down the snake by 183 spaces into 282nd.
u/a_v_o_r the reddit thesaurus:

It's a very nice dress for Gemma, whilst Kristin's is more classic. But Kristin is just so pulchritudinous she makes me feel each day what real passion is, like very few could.

I found reading your comment to be very conflapinacating,especially with the use of flamancotorial language. See! I can make up clever sounding words too!
Conference Premier B
Day 1
Candice Swanepoel took on Madison Beer for the final match of day 1. It was...ah sod it, we know Candice won this by a mile! Candice and her juicy peach climbs 1 place into 17th whilst Beer also climbed 1 place into 360th.
Possibly in danger of re-running puns this season, but I am a sucker for puns, u/willrelf1992

If you ran a poel on these two, I believe Candice would come out on top. She is beautiful like a Swan, however it would Beer shame not to vote for Madison when she is looking like that. Close Madison win for me but a fairly easily Candice victory overall I imagine.

Day 2
And the final match update for today, the incredibly sexy Miranda Kerr vs the incredibly sexy Camila Mendes. Both ready to take on their pray like a Mantis on heat, but only one could win this match up. By 67 votes it was Miranda Kerr who took this one! Kerr climbs 2 places into 11th whilst Mendes suffering harsh defeat drops 2 to 368th.
Welcome to u/IX-Hermit who posted

Miranda for me, Camila seems nice though!
Also, I have no idea what I'm doing but this place looked so interesting that I had to finally make a reddit account

Stick with us and you’ll soon get drawn in voting for your favourite hot celebs!
Special mention to u/Buck_Up_Man for his rhyme:

I would, reptile in his shell
I’ll tell you why, oh yes I shall
While Kerr is fair in face and breast
C’s hips and skin are just the best

Quote of the Day
I’ve got 100 tokens to split between the best post of day 1 and day 2. For the benefit of our new followers, tokens can be earned/won through participating in the sub, such as commenting on matches and engaging in discussion, entering draws, quizzes, bets and any of the random challenges that the founders, Sharpus and Sarc, set us. Tokens can be exchanged for collectable cards that form a digital album. You can trade cards with fellow users, collect your favourite celebs and/or choose to participate in card battles.
I have the honour to be able to award 50 tokens on a daily basis when I, ‘Master of Rankings’ on CBL, pick my favourite comments on the battles.
So, drum roll please.....
Day 1 goes to u/Turtle123712 for his Alexa Bliss vs Anne Hathaway rhyme.
Day 2 goes to u/a_v_o_r for his splendotious use of language
Top 10
Not a lot of movement on top so far this week with Beckinsale and Dormer giving each other a rank. Still, La Lega and two more days of Season 3 to go!
After a long day of work, then dealing with a multitude of 8 legged beings at home, typing up today’s write up has been exhausting, so I hope it’s been enjoyable reading. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
https://preview.redd.it/jvqtvgaf6ln51.png?width=454&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e38720d10bdd0c2bdabc2fe028bce3cfc782311

LIVERPOOL CHELSEA

Matchday 34
14 April 2019
Kick Off: 16:30 GMT Convert to local time
Venue: Anfield
Referee: Michael Oliver Assistants: Stuart Burt, Simon Bennett Fourth official: Craig Pawson
Odds: Liverpool 8/11 Chelsea 18/5 Draw 14/5 (Via SkyBet)
Links
Where to Watch
Pre-Match Conference: Jurgen Klopp
Preview

Liverpool return to action on Sunday, with Maurizio Sarri's Chelsea visiting Anfield in the Premier League.
The Reds come into the game buoyed from a 2-0 UEFA Champions League win over FC Porto and will be out to maintain their place at the top of the table with victory over the Blues.
Chelsea were also victorious in midweek, as they beat Slavia Prague 1-0 in the UEFA Europa League on Thursday. Sarri's men were not at their best, but the victory was their fourth in a row in all competitions.
Liverpool top the table by two points from Manchester City, although they have played a game more than Pep Guardiola's side and know they can't afford to drop points if they are to be crowned champions.
Chelsea should provide a stiff test and are also in need of all three points as they continue their battle with Tottenham Hotspur, Arsenal and Manchester United for a place in the top four.

Statements
Jurgen Klopp:

"I feel the positive energy. It's a massive change from surprise we are up there to getting used to it and getting more confident.
"The five or 10 seconds after the Tottenham equaliser [at Anfield two weeks ago] was the best reaction in the stadium.
"We really feel as one with the supporters as a whole group. You don't walk alone, you're never alone in these situations.
"We are trying to keep this dream alive and at the moment it's all good."

Maurizio Sarri:

"To face Liverpool is going to be difficult for us but every game now is difficult.
"We know well the risks of this match but we also know that when we are able to play at 100% of our potential, we can gain points anywhere.
"We are in a very good physical and mental condition right now."

Match Facts

Liverpool are unbeaten in their last 37 Premier League games at Anfield - only once in their top-flight history have they had a longer unbeaten home run (63 between Feb 1978-Dec 1980).
Chelsea have lost their last five Premier League away games against fellow 'big six' opponents, including all three this season by an aggregate score of 1-11. However, the Blues have won three of their last four away league games against sides starting the day top, including a 2-0 victory at Anfield in April 2014.
Chelsea have won three Premier League games in a row for the first time since September 2018, when they won their first five matches in the competition under Maurizio Sarri.
Liverpool striker Daniel Sturridge netted the equaliser for his side at Stamford Bridge in the reverse fixture back in September; the only player to previously net both home and away against the Blues within the same campaign was Fabio Borini, who did so for Sunderland during the 2015-16 season.
Only three of the last 32 visiting managers have managed to taste victory in their first Premier League trip to Anfield (W3 D5 L24); Louis van Gaal in March 2015, Slaven Bilic in August 2015 and most recently, Paul Clement in January 2017.
Roberto Firmino has scored seven goals in his last six Premier League home games for Liverpool. However, the Brazilian has only faced Manchester United (8) and Everton (7) more often than Chelsea (5) without finding the net in the Premier League.
Chelsea's Eden Hazard has had a hand in more goals than any other Premier League player this season (28 - 16 goals and 12 assists). The only league season in which the Belgian has been involved in more goals was in 2011/12 with Ligue 1 club Lille (36).

Head to Head

Liverpool have not won any of their last six Premier League home games against Chelsea, drawing four and losing two of those - they have never endured a longer winless run against an opponent in the competition.
The Blues have only lost twice in their last 16 meetings with the Reds in all competitions, and both of those defeats came at Stamford Bridge.
Chelsea have already tasted victory at Anfield this season, winning 2-1 in the EFL Cup third round. They have never won twice away to Liverpool in the same season.
Liverpool wins: 77 Draws: 41 Chelsea wins: 63

Team News
Liverpool

Liverpool will welcome back left-back Andrew Robertson from a suspension that ruled him out of the midweek Champions League win over Porto.
~~Joe Gomez was named on the bench on Tuesday and is in line for a first appearance since early December, though Dejan Lovren performed well at the back against Porto.~~ Gomes is with U23s so definitely out for today's game.

Chelsea

Chelsea have the full squad to choose from, except left-back Emerson, who missed Thursday's game, will be assessed before the game.

Predicted Lineups
Liverpool XI:

Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Lovren, Van Dijk, Robertson; Milner, Henderson, Wijnaldum; Salah, Firmino, Mané

Chelsea XI:

Kepa; Azpilicueta, Rudiger, Luiz, Emerson; Kante, Jorginho, Loftus-Cheek; Hudson-Odoi, Higuain, Hazard

Form


Chelsea	D L W W W
Liverpool	W W W W W

Points Table

POS	CLUB	P	W	D	L	GD	PTS
1	Liverpool	33	25	7	1	55	82
2	Man City	32	26	2	4	62	80
4	Spurs	33	22	1	10	30	67
3	Chelsea	33	20	6	7	23	66
5	Man United	33	19	7	7	19	64

Format Credit: u/YIIZWL

The Monday After: Thursday Edition GW35-36

Hey guys,
It’s been a few weeks of premier league madness since the last ‘Monday After’ post. Hopefully you all managed to get through the doubles unscathed and out the other side with a green arrow! As the hysteria dies down, we look towards GW36 with fresh eyes, a fresh team (for those who recently used their WC) and still loads of points to play for. So this post is going to highlight the teams we should have in our thoughts, the teams we definitely shouldn’t, and what to do with the Triple Captain Chip for those that are still to use it.
Here’s my team and OR update. After GW34 I had 2 suspended players, 2 Brighton defenders and no Sterling. To fix these issues I decided to gamble on a huge -12 that didn’t quite pay off. Foster lost out on a clean, whereas Ryan managed a goalless draw against Wolves. Eriksen scored the only goal against Brighton whereas Sterling managed just an assist. So I’m actually 16 points worse off than I would’ve been! A calculated risk but a risk all the same. I’m not down and out just yet, though. My OR is just over 2k.
If you’re interested, I use my twitter to go over all of my transfer ideas, fixture planning processes, captaincy options and thoughts on FPL news. I’m quite active and my DMs are open so if you’re looking for more info than just these posts, you know where to find me!
Here’s some useful links that help me write-up these TMA posts:
Premier League Fixtures – A great way to line up the fixtures for the specific gameweeks you want to see. Orders the teams from best fixtures to worst.
Player Analysis by Performance – Amazing tool that compares every player based on Shooting, Creativity and Attacking involvement. Options for looking at any combination of teams too.
Player stats per Game – Great for looking at team stats per player for Offensive and Defensive plays. Also shows heat maps!
Teams to Look At
Liverpool - Every week that goes by I wish more and more for the chance to own 4 or 5 Liverpool players in my team. There are so many great options and I want them all! Sadly, we can only have three, and because we're so close to the end of the season, the ones we choose now will probably be with us until the end, for better or worse. Salah (13.2) is still the highest priced player in the league, but his current ownership % is nearly half that of teammate Mane (10.0), who has been playing extremely well, particularly at home. With his slump now over, however, Salah is quite enticing for a home game against relegated Huddersfield, but if his cost is just too much for your team without taking hits, then maybe it’s best to stick with Mane. For less than the cost of Salah, you could get Robertson (6.8) and TAA (5.6) in your team, which may actually be a better choice than two attackers based on how consistent they’ve recently been in defence. The only caveat in that is the rotation before the Champions League games. Trent and Robbo did look quite tired during the last match, so you could opt for Van Dijk (6.6) instead for the guaranteed starts. Last but not least, we have Firmino (9.3), who in the last 3 games has been 2nd highest striker for Shots, Shots on Target and Chance Creation. He’s first for Key passes too. If you can’t afford Salah, and have cash to spare for a striker, he is always an option. Maybe not captain-able over the midfielders, but a decent option none-the-less.
Man City - With the Champions League out the way, and another KDB injury, it’s actually easier than ever to predict the Man City line up. Sterling (11.6) has played every game in recent weeks and continues to return for his owners with no signs of slowing up. Aguero (11.8) is much the same as he’s been all season: Played when fit. The only difference now is he isn’t getting subbed at 60 mins. Bernardo Silva (7.6) continues to improve and has looked good recently, getting into the box more, and taking more shots than he usually does. Could be an option for those looking to triple up in City attack. Other attackers are less nailed and so may be worth avoiding so close to the end of the season, but Ederson (5.6) has played out of his mind recently and deserves a look in here for those wanting a way into the City defence. He's managed save and bonus points due to his efficiency between the sticks, and is the main reason for the Cityzen's recent cleansheets. Other options include Laporte (6.1), the DGW God, who has a bit more attacking threat for half a million more than the Goal Keeper. Mendy (6.1) is unfortunately still a rotation risk and should be kept at arms length. If you’ve got nothing to lose, though, he might be fun to own. You could even get Alonso in as well for a Holy Trinity reunion.
Wolves - If City win the FA Cup, 7th place means a Europa League spot (I think!). Wolves are currently sitting in 7th, exactly 1 point ahead of Watford who they play next. We all know what happened to Burnley this year with Europe troubles, but a newly promoted team getting European football is surely an amazing achievement worth fighting for. Wolves have two good fixtures before playing LIV in GW38, so those with just one asset could think about bringing in a few more. The usual suspects are still contenders for your starting XI: Jimenez (6.9) is highly owned and is still a rank killer despite his recent dip in form. Jota (6.2) has came leaps and bounds since the start of the season and has been giving it his all these last few games. Passes the eye test and has amazing stats to back it up. He’s some player! Doherty (5.3) has been playing well recently, managing to get on the end of a set piece for his goal against Arsenal, but more importantly kept a clean sheet against Brighton! If you don’t already have him, though, it may be best to go for Jonny (4.3) who’s been showing some real promise these last few games. One to consider if you aren’t feeling like holding on to a Dunk or Duffy. The rest of the Wolves midfield are a bit hit and miss, and with so many decent ways to spend your money, it may be best to look elsewhere.
Everton - What a turnaround ending to their season! We all ditch Everton, casting them to the fire, and they rise like extremely frustrating phoenixes that we wish could have started this incredible form before we got rid of them. But then if that happened it wouldn’t be FPL, would it? Regardless of the past, their recent form surely must be considered. Despite his recent knock, Digne (5.3) is set to play this weekend and looks like the best asset on the team. Set pieces, clean sheet potential, loves a cross and loves a goal. What more can you ask for? A better GW38 fixture maybe, but with Spurs potentially locked in 3rd place by GW38, it shouldn't be a terrible match up. Siggy (7.3) is another player in form, and has found the consistency we’ve been waiting for all season: 6 returns in 8 games. With Richarlison (6.4) flagged for injury, our Siggurdsson will be looked to as the teams main goal threat, and hopefully won’t be dampened by Richarlison’s absence. Either way, he’s been a monster lately and you could do a lot worse than grabbing him for the last 3 games of the season.
Teams to be Wary of
Tottenham - Spurs are currently in a great position. They’re sitting in 3rd, 3 points ahead of 4th place Chelsea. They’re unable to catch Liverpool and City, but they have much better fixtures than Chelsea and Manchester United (6th) who play each other in GW36. They also have better fixtures than 5th place Arsenal who play Leicester away and Brighton who are fighting to stay in the top flight. The only difficult fixture for Spurs is Everton, but like I said above, with a win against West Ham and Bournemouth, 3rd place will be confirmed before the Everton game even starts. So what does this mean for FPL? It means uncertainty. It means rotation. If it wasn’t for a few injuries and a suspension, I’d wager that no Spurs attacker was safe from a benching against West Ham considering they have just two days to rest before Ajax on Tuesday. As it stands, we know that due to his yellow card against City, Son (8.8) won’t be playing in the first round of the Semi Final, so he’s safe for now. Eriksen has played 90 minutes in every game since GW20, so he should be okay too (we hope). Every other player has been rotated often enough to be concerned, so keep this in mind if you’re planning on transferring anyone in. There is definitely points to be had with Spurs assets, we should just be wary of who we’re choosing.
Man Utd - Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s ‘New Manager, New United’ hype is now officially dead. The 4-0 loss was hard to watch, and the defensive errors leave very little to be desired. Add in the rotation we’ve seen in the last few games and Man United have now become an FPL minefield. With only the Chelsea game to show improvement before their tasty fixtures in GW37 and 38, we may have to just avoid the Red Devils altogether. We can usually count on Huddersfield and Cardiff to botch their attempts on goal, though, so if you really want a piece of the Man Utd action, you could wait for GW37 and then go for a cheeky punt on Shaw (5.0) or Lindeloff (5.0) perhaps. Just don’t go selling the whole farm for under performing, lowly owned players who’ll just end up hurting your rank. We’ll reassess after Chelsea.
Leicester - Now I know this may be controversial, but I’m not sure that Vardy (9.0) does like playing against the bigger teams. He certainly has played well against the top 6 in years past, but in this season his ratio of returns against bottom teams vs top teams shows a Vardy who loves pushing around the little guy. We haven’t seen Rodgers take on the big dogs either, so that coupled with the huge price tag; I don’t think I’d want to own Vardy much longer. Arsenal’s horrible defensive form is pretty enticing I’ll admit, but after that it may be a good idea to look for another way to spend your cash. I don’t think I need to mention Leicester defenders here, and other than Vardy, there isn’t much to say about other attacking assets. Not worth taking hits to get rid of anyone before the Arsenal game, but certainly plans to move them to other assets might be worth while.
Plans And Strategies
Triple Captain Chip - What a headache! At least with our Wild Card and Bench Boost we knew roughly when to use them, but the TC can be such a minefield! It’s a good time as any to remember to be mindful that a captain can always blank despite the odds, and we shouldn’t be too disheartened if the TC doesn’t pan out (RIP Sane GW25). Having said that, let’s take a look at the options. You’ll notice I’ve only highlighted Liverpool or Man City, and that’s because I feel that they have the highest ceiling for points this close to the end of the season and with such a close title race.
Mane/Salah home vs HUD (GW36)
Sterling away vs BUR (GW36)*
Aguero/Sterling home vs LEI (GW37)
Aguero/Sterling away vs BRI (GW38)**
*No Aguero due to poor away form
**Only if BRI are already safe/relegated
Any of these games has the potential for big hauls, but just know that the vast majority are going to be picking Mane/Salah vs HUD for GW36. It’s the best fixture on paper and a must win game for the Reds. If you’re looking to stay the course and coast through on a similar OR to what you have now, then maybe your best bet is to follow the pack so as not to fall behind. If you’re looking to get ahead and need a differential pick, even picking GW37 or 38 would provide an opportunity to jump up in the rankings, but only if GW36 turns out to be a dud. It’s a risk that could pay off big or see you fall even further back than you are now. Good luck!
End of Season Guide - A few key points kept cropping up while writing this article today, so I’d thought I’d include them in case it’s useful to know. First off, hits are a lot more costly now, as the players you bring in only have 3 games to recoup the loss of the -4 + player transferred out. It’s important to add this to your calculations whenever you’re doing a pro/con on a transfer between now and the end of the season. If possible, avoid hits even more than usual. Second, please keep in mind that the teams fighting to avoid relegation are going to be much tougher to beat. Sounds like an obvious tip, but a lot of the time we glace at the fixtures without really checking who is where in the league and what we should expect. Games like Arsenal vs Brighton or Cardiff vs Crystal Palace in GW37 are now no longer easy to call in favour of the top half team. Brighton showed us against Spurs that they are willing to do whatever they can to stay in the premier league. Cardiff, Brighton and Southampton should all be playing much better than their current table placing suggests, so remember this when thinking about Captain options and potential transfers. Lastly, the exact opposite effect can take place on teams no longer fighting for anything. Keep in mind that teams already ‘on the beach’ might be more inclined to take it a little easier at the end of the season, so bringing in their assets can turn out a little frustrating. It’s always best to target players who still have something to lose!
And that’s a wrap! Good luck out there with your GW36 picks. We’ve not got long left to go now so it’s one final push to cement that OR you’re hoping for, or a few weeks of punts if you’re already miles behind and just going to have a laugh from here on out. As always, thank you so much for reading, and following these posts! There is a tonne of amazing, encouraging managers in this sub and it makes such a huge difference when making content. Without the feedback in my first few posts, I might not have continued, so cheers guys. You’re all awesome!

Fitba Roundup: SPFL Gameweeks 28-31

I took a month-long break from writing these every week, but after the events of this weekend I’ve realised I just can’t stay away from the global entertainment phenomenon that is Scottish football.
As well as being extremely busy, part of the motivation behind this hiatus of mine was the nonsense that followed Brendan Rodgers’ departure from Celtic to Leicester City, despite him saying that he didn’t see it as a stepping stone, and that it was his dream job. Whilst according to the average /soccer user, this cemented the Scottish Premiership’s status as a diddy league unworthy of following, it DID provide an opportunity to examine Celtic’s support’s journey through the 5 stages of grief. First there was denial, then anger, before depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance that Moussa Dembélé was right all along.
Elsewhere, it’s brown trousers time for fans of Hamilton, Dundee, and St Mirren; and the race for a top 6 place - and a chance at European football - is going to go down to the wire.
A timeline of all of the patter in the SPFL, and results from the last month in the Scottish Premiership ‘reported’ below, taking a more detailed look at this weekend’s fixtures, and results from the Scottish Cup, the Challenge Cup final, and the national team’s Euro 2020 qualifying games (as much as it pains me to do so).
I’m not going to go into copious detail with every result, because there’s a good 30-something games to discuss, but there will be at least highlights of every game, just a click away.

Wednesday 27/02/19


Hearts	1 - 2	Celtic

Neil Lennon’s first match as caretaker manager for Celtic was a visit to his previous team’s city rivals. He was greeted by two banners, one from the Green Brigade directed at Brendan Rodgers reading “You traded immortality for mediocrity. Never a Celt. Always a fraud.”, and one from Hearts fans reading “Brendan Rodgers is here for 10 in a row”.
Once again the fans were centre of attention at Tynecastle, with Celtic’s support lobbing a coin at Bobby Zlamal, and Hearts’ support producing the staunchest tribute act of 2019.
If there’s a moment in this season where Hibs and Celtic fans have been united in tweeting “inject this into my veins”, it will have been when Odsonne Edouard’s 92nd-minute winner against 10-man Hearts provoked this reaction on the touchline.
Highlights.


St Johnstone	1 - 2	Hibernian

The official SPFL YouTube channel’s description for the highlights of this match does it more justice than I ever could - “Florian Kamberi went down as if "hit by a 40-foot truck" to win the spot kick that set Hibernian on course for a third consecutive win”.
Meanwhile, the BBC still can’t differentiate between former Hibs forward Dominique Malonga and current loanee Stéphane Omeonga.
You can watch the aforementioned highlights here.


Aberdeen	0 - 2	Hamilton Academical

Since awful home performances from Aberdeen are no longer remarkable, this game should exclusively be remembered for George Oakley’s Marco van Basten-esque wondergoal, and little else.
Highlights.


Rangers	4 - 0	Dundee

A solid performance from Rangers who went into half-time 3-0 up against a struggling Rangers.
Highlights.


Kilmarnock	PSTP	Motherwell

This game was postponed on account of no-one, including the players, being able to see a thing. Sorry, Motherwell defender Charles Dunne.

Saturday 02/03/19

Scottish Premiership


St Mirren	1 - 0	Livingston

What a huge result this is for the Buddies, courtesy of an 89th minute goal from Ryan Flynn! This result put them one point behind Dundee.
Highlights.


Kilmarnock	0 - 0	Motherwell

Worth the wait, then. 8 games without a win for Kilmarnock at this point.
Highlights for the morbidly curious.

Scottish Cup - Quarter-finals


Hibernian	0 - 2	Celtic

Without meaning for this to turn into a Scottish Football Fan Trouble Roundup, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that a bottle of Buckfast, or Bucks Fizz if you’re the Mail, was thrown at Scott Sinclair whilst it was 0-0, in the first of two incidents of bampot behaviour at Easter Road within the next week.
Not sure it quite had the desired effect, mind, as shortly after two belters from James Forrest and Scott Brown did the business for Celtic.
Full highlights with commentary.

Sunday 03/03/19


Aberdeen	1 - 1	Rangers

Having been sent off in his previous three matches against Aberdeen, Alfredo Morelos was welcomed back to Pittodrie by a banner reading “Morelos tu madre es un colchón”, or in Scots: “Morelos yer maw’s a mattress”. The Daily Record, of course, seeing this as just as offensive as the fans who fling bottles and coins at players and managers.
Sam Cosgrove had the Dons ahead from the penalty spot, but was at fault as Joe Worrall snuck in the equaliser shortly after half-time, forcing a replay. Full highlights with commentary.


Dundee United	1 - 2	Inverness CT

Brilliant late drama as wee Aaron Doran headed in a goal in stoppage time to book Caley Thistle’s place in the semi-final, in a game which they dominated. After beautiful goal from Joe Chalmers put ICT ahead, United were equal through a contentious penalty converted by Nicky Clarke. Inverness had the ball in the net again before the winner, but Nathan Austin had been ruled offside. Overall, ICT worthy winners.
Full highlights.

Monday 04/03/19


Partick Thistle	1 - 1

A hilarious performance from Hearts on account of how predictable it was; totally dominant with no end product beyond Christophe Berra’s 12th-minute opener, which was cancelled out by Christie Elliot on the counter attack an hour later. Uche Ikpeazu almost scored one of the competition’s greatest ever goals before half-time, and if he had, that most likely would have been it for Partick. However, they managed to force the replay, along with Aberdeen and Rangers, although neither game could be broadcast, because UEFA want you to watch the Champions League.
Full highlights with commentary.

Friday 08/03/19


Hibernian	1 - 1	Rangers

Rangers fans retaliated to the Morelos banner they saw at Pittodrie by coming up with a Spanish banner of their own, reading “de asientos vacios a ovejas que abusan sexualmente Aberdeen FC”, or in English: “of empty seats for sheep who sexually abuse Aberdeen FC”.
With the spotlight on fan behaviour as much as ever before, weeks of incidents were capped off by a moronic Hibs fan running onto the pitch trying to start on James Tavernier, before shiteing it as soon as Tavernier stood up against him.
Rangers totally dominated, and Hibs could have been down to 10 men within as many minutes if Darren McGregor had been sent off for his elbow on Morelos. Morelos couldn’t take his chances, and Rangers couldn’t take their chance to close the gap on Celtic, with Florian Kamberi equalising with 75 minutes played. Darren McGregor was eventually sent-off after all, for a second yellow in stoppage time.
Highlights.

Saturday 09/03/19


Livingston	3 - 1	St Johnstone

Two teams who haven’t really got going in 2019, but fair play to Livingston for responding in such a way to going down after Joe Shaughnessy’s early opener.
Highlights.


Celtic	0 - 0	Aberdeen

Aberdeen’s Scott McKenna may have been linked with Celtic in the summer, but before this game he announced he’d signed a deal with Trump International instead. A bold choice when you consider how popular Trump is in Aberdeen (not very) and also the world (not very).
This fixture is normally a bit of a goal-fest, with the last match between the two sides being a 3-4 Celtic win, but I put a bet on both teams to score, so it’s the first goalless draw since 1994.
Highlights.


Motherwell	3 - 0	Hamilton Academical

The two previous Lanarkshire derbies have been fiercely competitive, with Hamilton victorious when visiting Fir Park, and Motherwell taking the 3 points from the Hope CBD.
This game, however, was all but over in 10 minutes, with a David Turnbull brace putting daylight between the two teams, before Jake Hastie finished Accies off 25 minutes later.
Highlights.

Monday 11/03/19


St Mirren	0 - 1	Kilmarnock

Sickener for St Mirren, but an 87th minute goal from Liam Millar has ended Kilmarnock’s rotten run of 8 games without a win.
Highlights.

Tuesday 12/03/19 - Quarter-final replays


Rangers	0 - 2	Aberdeen

In part three of the epic saga, Aberdeen fans somehow managed to smuggle a blow-up mattress into Ibrox before this match.; yet, despite his best efforts to play as dirty as possible, Morelos managed to break his personal best, and go 2 games in a row without being sent-off against Aberdeen this season.
Game plan executed to perfection for Aberdeen as Niall McGinn capitalised on a dodgy Glen Kamara pass, and Conor McLennan rounded the result off an hour later.
Highlights.


Hearts	2 - 1

Shortly after Hearts meandered to a 1-1 draw with Thistle in the original fixture, their reserve team pumped Thistle’s 9-1, as if to rub salt into the wound.
Hearts went behind to a tap-in from Scott McDonald, but goals from Uche Ikpeazu and Sean Clare were the difference in the end.
Highlights.

Saturday 16/03/19


Hamilton Academical	1 - 0	Hearts

Sad news for Scottish football, after it was revealed that the Hope CBD Stadium, so-called after a cannabis oil company purchased the naming rights to New Douglas Park, would be renamed after just 6 months to the even more eccentric “Fountain of Youth Stadium”. This all comes after they were randomly disrespected by Lord Sugar on Twitter. Tough times to be an Accies fan for sure.
All of this was not enough to prevent Accies from getting one over Hearts, though, with Aaron McGowan’s goal the difference between the two sides.
This result also validates the first words in four months from 22 year old stroke victim Darren Thompson - “Hearts are shite.”
Highlights.


Aberdeen	1 - 1	Livingston

Another astonishingly insipid home performance from Aberdeen and possibly the coldest I’ve ever been at a football match.
Highlights.


Hibernian	2 - 0	Motherwell

Unfortunately ‘due to technical issues’ Hibs were unable to serve chips at Easter Road for this game.. Annoyingly, neither of Marc McNulty or David Gray’s goals were dinked over the keeper, as Hibs put some much-needed distance between themselves and an in-form Motherwell side.
Highlights.


Rangers	1 - 1	Kilmarnock

Before this match Rangers fans took to the offices of BBC Scotland in protest (I’m assuming?) against the unfair treatment they get on Sportscene.
Kilmarnock went ahead through Conor McAleny, who replaced an injured Eamonn Brophy, but Alfredo Morelos was able to equalise. Neither side will be entirely content with a draw, I feel.
Highlights.

Sunday 17/03/19


Dundee	0 - 1	Celtic

If you’re not willing to wait 96 minutes for goals, there was at least some entertainment in this game, as a man jumped down off one of the stands to chase after his tricolour that had just been confiscated by a steward.
If you do like waiting 96 minutes for your goals, then you were in luck, as that’s how long it took Odsonne Edouard to break the deadlock. No damage yet to Celtic’s plot armour.
Highlights.

Thursday 21/03/19

European Championship Qualifying


Kazakhstan	3 - 0	Scotland

All in all a very bad week for the Scottish men’s national football team. First we get absolutely done by the Northern Irish FA on twitter, and then we go on to get absolutely humiliated by Kazakhstan in our first qualifier. God help us.
Alex McLeish did remark that we started brightly, which is funny considering that we were 2-0 down within 10 minutes. There’s also this weird interview with Graeme Jones where he explains why the squad decided not to try to adjust to the different time-zones. Not sure the priorities are quite right in the Scotland camp.
The only highlight of the game as far as I’m concerned is when Sky lost pictures from Astana, but if you really want to see us get absolutely outclassed, then you can do so here.

Saturday 23/03/19

Scottish Challenge Cup


Connah’s Quay Nomads	1 - 3	Ross County

After a player of the round performance from Ross Stewart gave us the most Scottish photoshoot ever - without featuring a kilt or bagpipes - and helped Ross County into the Challenge Cup final, the country of Scotland could put their international misery behind them for a day to watch a Welsh team almost win the final of a Scottish cup competition.
The Nomads went ahead thanks to Michael Bakare 20 minutes in; it took until the 75th minute for County to turn it around. A quickfire double from Josh Mullin gave the Staggies the lead, before Jamie Lindsay secured what may not be Ross County’s last silverware of the season - they look likely to return to the Premiership as Champions.
Highlights.

Sunday 24/03/19


San Marino	0 - 2	Scotland

Where were you when Scotland went 70 minutes without scoring in San Marino? Would you like to experience it all over again? From Kenny McLean’s 4th minute opener, Johnny Russell’s almost-disappointing second goal, and that one moment where they got round the keeper and we actually thought they might score - relive it all here!
Finally, we continue with some action that actually happened this week.

Wednesday 27/03/19


St Johnstone	1 - 0	St Mirren

In the context of the whole season this doesn’t look like a bad result at all, but St Mirren will feel this is an awful point or three to drop.
The Buddies had the chance to go a goal ahead, but Simeon Jackson opted to try a weird panenka along the ground from his spot-kick, which Zander Clark had no trouble with. I mean it’s not as if it could all come down to one goal or one point for St Mirren at the end of the season, anyway.
Shortly after, Chris Kane put St Johnstone ahead by pouncing on a defensive error. Had Jackson’s penalty gone in, and the score remained the same, St Mirren would have been off the bottom before their must-win match against Dundee. They’ll be without Ethan Erhahon for that match after he was given a straight red for a poor tackle late in the match. Architects of their own downfall in this match, St Mirren.
Highlights.

Friday 29/03/19


Livingston	1 - 2	Hibernian

Livingston won’t have any worries of relegation, which is a miracle in itself considering how poor value they looked at the very beginning of the season. Meanwhile Hibs will have known that they could easily fall out of the top 6 with any missteps at this crucial point in the season.
Craig Halkett missed this match through an injury sustained prior to the game, and it was announced today he’d be leaving Livingston for Hearts at the end of the season - with this I reckon he’ll make the Scotland squad for the next series of international games.
In the end, goals from Paul Hanlon and Mark McNulty killed the game off in the space of 5 minutes, and Ryan Hardie’s late penalty was only a consolation for Livingston.
Highlights.

Saturday 30/03/19


St Mirren	2 - 1	Dundee

St Mirren may have been their own worst enemy in the middle of the week, but what a performance and result this is for them - and one which could well be fatal for Dundee.
Dundee went ahead after just 22 seconds through Ethan Robson, which could easily have destroyed any hopes St Mirren had of taking something out of the game, but Danny Mullen scored his third goal of the season - his third against Dundee - to reignite the Buddies’ hopes just 11 minutes later.
The winning goal came courtesy of speccy tube Brad Lyons, affording him the opportunity to premiere his speccy tube celebration in Saturday’s best exhibition of patter.
St Mirren leapfrog Dundee, and are looking much more likely to increase that gap at the moment than Dundee are to close it.
Highlights.


Motherwell	3 - 0	St Johnstone

This result confirms St Johnstone’s bottom 6 placement, and keeps Motherwell’s alive by a sliver.
Chris Cadden returning to the Motherwell bench will be a cause for optimism, and Motherwell looked improved when he came on, with Elliot Frear’s opener occurring 6 minutes after his substitution into the game, and David Turnbull doubling the lead 10 minutes later. Liam Craig had an early penalty saved for St Johnstone, and Richard Tait added a third to complete Saints’ capitulation in stoppage time.
Highlights.


Hearts	2 - 1	Aberdeen

Aberdeen remained without Shay Logan through injury, although he did pull on a kit for his stag do.
They went ahead thanks to Connor McLennan in the first half, but came out after the interval with apparently very little idea of how to play football. Sean Clare and Uche Ikpeazu got on the scoresheet to complete the Hearts comeback.
How it feels to be an Aberdeen fan right now can be summarised by Derek McInnes’ decision in the 86th minute to bring on centre-back Michael Devlin for our only dangerous attacker, Connor McLennan, in a Steven Caulker-esque move. I despair.
Highlights.


Kilmarnock	5 - 0	Hamilton

One of the most notable differences between Brian Rice’s Accies and his predecessor Martin Canning’s side is that Rice has set up much less defensively. As such, his side have been on the end of some right pumpings.
Highly-rated left-back prospect Greg Taylor scored his first ever goal for Kilmarnock, before a second half rout saw four other players on the scoresheet - Conor McAleny, Youssouf Mulumbu, Chris Burke, and Mikael Ndjoli.
This result means that Kilmarnock overtake Aberdeen into third, and will look to hold on to this European place. The job Steve Clarke has done is pretty incredible. Hamilton will be looking cautiously at St Mirren and Dundee beneath them.
Highlights.

Sunday 31/03/19


Celtic	2 - 1	Rangers

You already know how this one went down.
One man whose name shot up in the estimations of 95% of /soccer yesterday is a certain Scott Brown. The events of this match almost entirely revolved around him.
After Odsonne Édouard opened the scoring, the first notable incident involving Brown was the Celtic captain baiting Alfredo Morelos into elbowing him in the face, and laughing at him as he walked off back down the tunnel.
Ryan Kent levelled magically for Rangers, and Celtic too went down to 10 men after Dedryck Boyata went off-injured after their third sub.
When James Tavernier nonchalantly enabled James Forrest’s 86th-minute winner, Brown’s gameplaying saw him get punched in the face by Ryan Kent, which seems to have made both players more of a hero to each side.
Andy Halliday was then sent-off after trying to brawl in the tunnel, just before Brown gave a brilliant post-match interview where he claims not to remember what happened with Kent, and that the post-match scuffle with Halliday was just the Rangers man coming over to congratulate him.
All things considered, a good day for shithousing.
Highlights.
So after all that, the table looks as follows:

Table

Pos	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Form
1	Celtic	31	23	4	4	69	17	+52	73	W W D W W
2	Rangers	31	17	9	5	67	24	+43	60	L D D W W
3	Kilmarnock	31	15	9	7	44	28	+16	54	W D W D L
4	Aberdeen	31	15	7	9	47	36	+11	52	L D D L W
5	Hearts	31	15	5	11	37	36	+1	50	W L W L D
6	Hibernian	31	13	9	9	47	33	+14	48	W W D W W
7	Motherwell	31	13	4	14	36	41	-5	43	W L W D L
8	St Johnstone	31	12	5	14	30	42	-12	41	L W L L L
9	Livingston	31	10	8	13	33	33	0	38	L D W L W
10	Hamilton Academical	31	7	3	20	20	66	-46	24	L W L W L
11	St Mirren	31	5	5	21	23	58	-35	20	W L W D D
12	Dundee	31	4	6	21	25	64	-39	18	L L L L L

Championship Round
Relegation Round
That was a lot so thanks for giving it a read. See yous next Monday for more of the same!
^{Check out /ScottishFootball for good patter and discussion of the SPFL}
^{Last week’s matches were rounded up}^here
^{● data from}^{soccerway.com}
^{● thanks mods for}^2soccer2bot ^{but it’s still broken}

Fitba Roundup: SPFL Gameweek 9

The Scottish Premiership reached week 9 before I had a football-induced breakdown; so, if you have a spontaneous craving for a thousand words on Aberdeen Football Club’s lacklustre start to the season - and a roundup of all the other events over the last two weeks in Scottish football - just wait until you see this!

Scottish Premiership

Fixtures

KEY MATCH


Sat	20/10/18	Heart of Midlothian	2 - 1	Aberdeen

I’ll admit that my personal biases may have influenced me to write about Hearts-Aberdeen instead of Celtic-Hibs, but since I’m the one forgoing a uni essay to write this on the train, I can do what I like.
Hearts have deservedly garnered the attention of a wider audience following an almost perfect first 7 games, in stark contrast to the mid-table obscurity (well, as obscure as you can be under Craig Levein) of last season. They ended up making up the numbers in the top 6 following the end-of-season split, losing all 5 games against the teams above them.
Meanwhile, Aberdeen have been busy embarrassing themselves. The club received a 50-50 split of over 20,000 tickets for Sunday’s League Cup semi-final clash against Rangers, despite “commonsense” dictating the Glasgow team should have the “Lion’s Share”. Unfortunately, under half of these tickets have been sold, so Aberdeen have been forced to return part of their allocation. The whole thing is a bit tin-pot and, like I said, embarrassing, so I can’t really bring myself to write much more than that. The silver-lining to this is that we did get BBC Sportsound tweeting a picture of current Aberdeen captain, Graeme Shinnie, holding the head of a decapitated, former Aberdeen captain and current Rangers player, Ryan Jack. Every cloud.
The fact remains, this season’s Aberdeen are a far cry from the club that finished 2nd last season (and as such were one of the teams to ease past the Jambos at the end). Currently it looks as if they would be lucky to replicate that Hearts performance. It simply has not been the Dons’ season so far. Star defender Scott McKenna served the second match of his ban following his outrageous tackle on Odsonne Edouard, and, following calls from the Aberdeen chairman for a summit on the state of Scottish football, demanding greater transparency (a move I am very proud of,) the SFA finally published their reasoning for the retrospective ban. I am now going to talk about this, but would like to add the disclaimer that I know it was a terrible tackle and I know that he deserves to be banned. If you just want a breakdown of Saturday’s action, skip the rest of this paragraph. Now, I am attempting to study law, but it doesn’t take a brilliant legal mind to realise that paragraph 11 of the SFA report, specifically the point at which the referee states he saw the incident but was unsure of the extent of the contact, clashes a bit with the SFA’s Judicial Panel Protocol (available here for your interest), specifically sections 13.3.1 and 13.3.3.2. I just don’t believe for one moment that not one of the officials saw McKenna completely clatter Edouard, and I’m frustrated by the gymnastics taken by the SFA to ban an Aberdeen player for this sort of conduct when the likes of Alan McGregor and Leigh Griffiths have gotten away with stamps and kicks which have genuinely not been seen by the refs. I can’t believe it’s gotten me so tilted that I’ve actually whipped out the JPP. Riddy.
Anyway, now I’ve got that off my chest…
Fears that the Hearts bubble may have burst following the 5-month injury layoffs of Uche Ikpeazu and John Souttar seem to be unfounded. Hearts were fully in control for the opening half, but this may be down to the unique Aberdonian big-game tactic of letting the opposition attack you until they score.
When Hearts did take the lead through a Djoum header, they remained in control, before the opportunity to double their lead from the spot came in massively controversial fashion. There was absolutely nothing in the challenge which saw Lewis Ferguson penalised against Steven Naismith, which you can see 13 seconds into the highlight video below. Naismith tucked away the resulting pen.
Aberdeen were significantly better in the second half but trailed off after a Gary Mackay-Steven penalty pulled one back. Hearts were awarded the third penalty of the game, but this time Joe Lewis kept out Naismith’s effort. Hearts now have a 10 point advantage over Aberdeen, and stay 3 points ahead of Celtic at the top of the table. I imagine they will extend their advantage against Dundee on Tuesday, whilst Celtic prepare for European action and the League Cup semi-final.
Full highlights of this game here.
Final statement: Aberdeen have now faced every other member of last season’s top 6, and have yet to get a win. The Derek McInnes known for failing to deliver solid tactical performances in big games is going to be under the microscope soon because Aberdeen won’t finish in a European spot by bullying the bottom 5. If the Dons are anything but completely bodied by Rangers in Saturday’s semi-final it’ll be a surprise.
Happy birthday Craig Levein.

Saturday’s other matches


Celtic	4 - 2	Hibernian

Just a quick introductory note - “over 2.5 goals” is an extremely sensible bet in most Hibs matches.
Capturing the hearts and imagination of the Scottish football audience this week is a bizarre song about Leigh Griffiths and bees. The only way I can think to describe it is that it’s what you’d get if you took Flight of the Conchords’ “Albi The Racist Dragon”, but replaced ‘Albi’ with ‘Leigh’, ‘dragon’ with ‘Griffiths’, and put the air-quotes around the other two words.
Anyway, it is with a heavy heart I must announce that Celtic finally appear to have a degree of motivation about them. Despite mauling St Johnstone 6-0 last week this is by far their most competent and comprehensive performance of the season.
Meanwhile one can’t help but wonder what this Hibs team could achieve with some defensive solidity. One has to assume they wouldn’t be able to attack as fluidly, so for that reason we are glad that they are the way that they are. They were without their ubiquitous right-back David Gray, so switched to a back 3, and as such conceded 4 goals.
Within 20 minutes Celtic had gone 2-0 up thanks to Olivier Ntcham and Tom Rogic, before captain Scott Brown was forced off the pitch with injury. Hibs threatened to come back twice in the second half, with Flo Kamberi’s effort cancelled out by Edouard, before Martin Boyle’s goal to make it 3-2 received the same treatment.
Hibs fall down to 5th, Celtic now breathing down Hearts’ neck.
Highlights of the best encounter of the weekend here.


Motherwell	0 - 1	St Johnstone

Quite a big result for both teams, putting 5 points between St Johnstone and the bottom of the pack, and making sure Motherwell remain firmly in amongst it.
Just like my match report, this game never really took off, and it lasted 92 minutes before Jason Kerr broke the deadlock and made sure the points headed to Perthshire. Motherwell, whose strike force terrorised Aberdeen in the Scottish Cup semi-final last season, look bereft of creativity. St Johnstone have done well to take 3 points after being battered about the park, credit to them.
Highlights here.


Livingston	4 - 0	Dundee

I can’t believe I’m finally saying it, but it has finally happened. Neil McCann has been sacked! As the international break drew to a close with no sign of any change I was wondering if Dundee would persist and we’d see a Livingston ’05/’06 type season.
Although we may still see that. Jim MacIntyre’s arrival may not have been in time for Dundee to take advantage of the ‘new manager bounce’, because they appear to have been absolutely done here.
Gary Holt was on the radio today drawing attention to the fact that 3 of the 4 goals today came from defenders. Given that previous manager Kenny Miller’s plan was to source goals from Kenny Miller, it’s probably for the best that Declan Gallagher, Craig Halkett and Alan Lithgow have got their eye in early.
Steven Lawless added another long range goal to his collection to score the third, although he did not mean it, and I will not let anyone convince me otherwise. A proper rout to welcome Jim McIntyre to Dundee. Livi comfortably in the top half, they reside in 4th.
Have a look at the highlights here.


St Mirren	1 - 2	Kilmarnock

Oran Kearney’s step into full-time management may well be wiping years off his life at this point. He must be hankering back to the days of teaching PE, winning a few games of football and an Irish cup on the side, and feeling a degree of comfort in the decisions that had led him to this point. Jack Ross’ St Mirren team were a force to be reckoned with in the Championship, ousting teams fancied far heavier than them to the title, but having lost talisman Lewis Morgan and hired um… Alan Stubbs, they’re a dumpster fire that Kearney can’t seem to put out. 4 losses in a row from his first 5 games, the only comfort being Dundee, the source of their only 3 points in Gameweek 1, being equally terrible.
Kilmarnock, on the other hand, have had no such managerial woe, they’ve been a total revelation under Steve Clarke. If I’m not mistaken, this result means no team has more points in 2018 than Killie! Between that and having the best pies in world football, not a bad time to be part of the Rugby Park loyal.
They’ve achieved all this without relying too heavily on last season’s Premiership Top Scorer Kris Boyd, a fact which was pointed out to him during his part-time punditry gig on Sunday.
Kearney’s side actually took the lead through Adam Hammill’s 14th minute goal, and held on until half-time, but Alan Power and Aaron Tshibola scored 12 minutes apart before halfway in the second half, and saw out the rest of the game.
Full highlights.

Sunday’s Match


Hamilton Academical	1 - 4	Rangers

Kyle Lafferty had to sit this game out after dropping out of the Northern Irish squad to spend some time with his newly born daughter, or, if the tabloids are to be believed, to send dick-pics on snapchat. I forget what the official reasoning was.
Anyway, contrary to what the scoreline may suggest, Rangers made pretty hard work of this one.
They were up 1-0 through a well-taken first-half goal from Ryan Kent, but in the 80th minute Stephen Boyd scored the pick of the weekend’s goals to give me the faintest hope that Rangers might just be at it again. 15 minutes later, James Tavernier has scored two penalties and Alfredo Morelos has snuck in a goal just before full-time. Life’s a bitch.
Highlights of a fun one here.
Hearts stay 3 points ahead at the top, Aberdeen now 5 points adrift of the top 6 making up a mid-table with St Johnstone. Motherwell, Hamilton, St Mirren and Dundee all languishing.

Table

#	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Form
1	Heart of Midlothian	9	7	1	1	16	7	+9	22	W D W L W
2	Celtic	9	6	1	2	17	6	+11	19	D L W W W
3	Kilmarnock	9	6	1	2	15	8	+7	19	L W W W W
4	Livingston	9	5	3	1	12	5	+7	18	W D W D W
5	Rangers	9	5	2	2	22	9	+13	17	W W L W W
6	Hibernian	9	5	2	2	21	10	+11	17	W W W W L
7	Aberdeen	9	3	3	3	10	9	+1	12	D W L W L
8	St Johnstone	9	3	2	4	8	18	-10	11	D L L L W
9	Hamilton Academical	9	2	0	7	7	20	-13	6	L W L L L
10	Motherwell	9	1	2	6	8	15	-7	5	L L L D L
11	St Mirren	9	1	1	7	5	19	-14	4	D L L L L
12	Dundee	9	1	0	8	5	20	-15	3	L L W L L

Championship Round Relegation Round

BEST OF THE REST

Scottish Championship


Sat	20/10/18	Greenock Morton	1 - 0	Falkirk

Falkirk manager Ray McKinnon’s return to Cappielow had Morton not so much rolling out the red carpet as dishing out red cards to their support, who weren’t particularly welcoming in the first place. Incompetent Falkirk goalkeeper Leo Fasan was sent off 49 minutes in, and Robert McHugh made sure his former manager wouldn’t leave with a point.
Falkirk cast off from the rest of the table by 4 points.
Comprehensive highlights here.


Sat	20/10/18	Ross County	2 - 1	Ayr United

A top of the table clash between the two form-teams of the division. Ross County leapfrog Ayr into first thanks to two first half goals from Billy McKay and Josh Mullin, before Lawrence Shankland inevitably pulled one back.
Highlights.

NATIONAL TEAM

UEFA Nations League


Thu	11/10/18	Israel	2 - 1	Scotland

trainspotting_its_shite_being_scottish.mp4
Every so often as a Scottish football fan an event occurs which instils a fragment of hope and promise in an otherwise barren wasteland where one’s heart would reside. Such events could be, for example: Leigh Griffiths’ second free-kick against England; the sacking of Gordon Strachan; or the creation of the UEFA Nations League. Invariably, this hope is snatched away almost immediately, by events such as: Stuart Armstrong not booting it away; the hiring of Alex McLeish, a manager who has been out of work for two years, apparently with good reason; or losing by a very kind 2-1 scoreline having been completely outplayed by the 94th ranked team in the world.
Our national team is infamous for the problem of having our two perceivably most-talented players being left-backs, but, as pointed out by captain Andy Robertson himself, Alex McLeish has opted not to play a left-back in his system.
I will give Alex the benefit of the doubt here, Robertson as a full-back and Tierney on the left of a back 3 is an experiment he had to try, or he would have been slaughtered. However, that which I will not forgive him for is playing high-flying Bournemouth left-winger Ryan Fraser as the right sided full-back, the kind of thing that results in him withdrawing from the squad at the earliest opportunity, perpetuating the feeling that a lot of Scotland’s players don’t really want to play for Scotland. As someone whose dream it was as a wee boy to play for their country, it’s not a practice I have much sympathy for, but it happens.
Anyway, I digress. As I said, fully outclassed. Scotland went into the break 0-1 up, with Charlie Mulgrew converting a penalty, but thanks to a Dor Peretz goal and a classy finish from Kieran Tierney into his own net, Israel got their deserved result. Here’s a video of James Forrest running to cheer us all up.
Highlights.
Scottish League Cup semi-finals at the weekend, meaning the fixture organisation all gets a bit confusing, and I have to work out how I’m gonna do this. See yous when I see yous.
^{Check out /ScottishFootball for good patter and quality discussion of the SPFL}
^{Last week’s roundup can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/soccecomments/9methe/fitba_roundup_spfl_gameweek_8/?}
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Match Thread: Arsenal v West Ham

Information

Category	Information	Additional Information
Kick Off	Tuesday 15th April 2014	19:45 UK Time
Competition	Premier League	Fixture 34
Venue	Emirates Stadium	London, England
Links	BBC Match Preview	Pre-Match Press Conference

Arsenal Lineup
Szczesny
Sagna
Mertesacker
Koscielny
Vermaelen
Arteta
Rosicky
Kallstrom
Cazorla
Podolski
Giroud
Bench: Fabianski, Bellerin, Jenkinson, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Ramsey, Sanogo, Akpom
West Ham Lineup
Adrian
Reid
Tomkins
Jarvis
Armero
Carroll
Noble
Demel
Diame
Downing
Nocerino
Bench: McCartney, Vaz Te, Taylor, Jaaskelainen, C.Cole, J.Cole, Johnson
Stream http://www.ustream.tv/channel/sportzhdtvnewyo/theater - thanks to StevieG96

Match Updates:

First Half
1' And we're off!! COYG!!
1' Corner kick to Arsenal.
2' First shot of the game from Rosicky, easy for Adrian.
5' Diame shot, blocked.
7' Giroud looks a lot more energetic today.
9' First foul: Koscielny fouls Carroll. Free kick.
10' Noble's free kick comes to nothing.
11' Noble fouls Cazorla. Could we see something from Kallstrom? No, Cazorla takes.
11' Podolski's ever so slightly offside.
14' Tempting cross in, but too hard for Giroud to reach.
15' Foul on Armero. Rosicky gets the first yellow of the game. OP's no good at typing without looking.
16' Sagna a bit late on Jarvis, but he stays up.
18' West Ham attack with a nice cross into the box, Vermaelen heads out for a corner.
19' Diame gets a decent chance but skies it.
20' Commentators reminisce over Arsenal losses.
21' Carroll and his hair talk to the referee.
22' Arteta takes offence to Carroll's hair and fouls him.
23' West Ham corner, taken quickly. Another corner.
27' Adrian prats about with the ball.
29' Brilliant opportunity but Giroud fluffs it, easy for Adrian.
32' We're looking a bit better now.
35' 74% possession so far for us.
36' Nocerino fouls Giroud, yellow for him.
38' Downing cross straight into Szczesny's hands.
40', 0-1 Matt Jarvis scores a close-range header.
42' West Ham have had 13 clean sheets this season. Hopefully we can keep it at 13.
43' Corner after Kallstrom's shot is saved. 'How shit must you be?' chant from the West Ham fans.
44', 1-1! Podolski equalises and OP discovers her stream's half a minute behind.
45' 'Are you Tottenham in disguise?' chant, much better.
45' 2 minutes added time.
45+2' Close up of Giroud's hair. Not a fan personally.
Half time
20:35 BST I rediscover how shit the BetFred advert is.
20:35 BST Someone has covered Bowie's 'Heroes'. OP doesn't enjoy it.
20:37 BST Cesc walks around in Beats headphones to a cover of Elton John's 'Your Song'.
20:38 BST Paul Merson demonstrates how not to pronounce Cazorla's name.
20:42 BST Magical hovering people, magical hovering dog. Space isn't a feeling, don't be silly Skoda.
20:43 BST Ray Winstone attempts to convince OP to bet in-play. Now.
20:44 BST Apparently somebody shot the sheriff. This is a serious problem and nobody is doing anything about it.
20:45 BST Wrighty advertises Capital One and OP can't think of anything witty to say.
Podolski goal: http://gfycat.com/FrighteningUnnaturalAcornweevil
Second Half
46' Giroud and Kallstrom kick off.
49' Diame shoots from outside of the box, doesn't worry Szczesny.
51' Foul on Reid by Cazorla. Reid looks uncomfortable.
53' Arsene looks uncomfortable.
54' Tomkins puts out Vermaelen's cross, corner to Arsenal.
54' Tomkins puts out Cazorla's cross, corner to Arsenal.
55', 2-1 GIROUD!! He scores and kisses the black armband.
56' OP's stream disappears.
5?' OP loads NBC stream. Who are these people talking? http://www.rojadirecta.me/goto/zonasports.to/canal-1.shtml
58' GunnerGosha posts another link: http://p2plive.net/0415/arsenal-vs-west-ham-united
60' Giroud gets fouled by Armero, just outside West Ham's box. Yellow card for Diame who doth protest too much.
61' The NBC commentator can't pronounce Cazorla's name properly. Podolski takes, but Adrian saves relatively easily.
62' Kallstrom fouls Nocerino. Yellow for the Swede.
64' Cazorla shoots from range on the counter. It's not far off target.
67' Mertesacker doesn't want to be hugged when the ball's in play. Free kick to Arsenal.
72' Looks like Ramsey may be about to come on.
74' Foul by Kallstrom on the man with the beard. Big Sam does his best Fergie impression.
75' Rosicky off, Ramsey on
78' 3-1 PODOLSKIIIIIII!!! Sexy pass from Ramsey for the assist.
79' Jarvis and Downing off, Vaz Te and Joe Cole on
80' Has Ramsey had a haircut?
84' Carroll and his hair off, Carlton Cole on
85' Mertesacker does however like hugs when the ball's out of play.
86' Might Podolski play a whole game?
87' Cazorla off, Jenkinson on
88' Cazorla named Barclays Man of the Match
89' Witty comment from SS1's commentators about ladders.
90' Minimum of 4 minutes added time
90+2' Ramsey shot. Straight at Adrian.
90+3' Giroud down.
90+3' Giroud up. Does an impression of a blowfish.
90+4' Nocerino skies it. Shot assisted by Giroud.
90+4' Full time, 3-1 to Arsenal.

[Pre Match Thread] Manchester City vs Feyenoord [Champions League - Group Stage - Matchday 5]

Manchester City F.C. vs. Feyenoord
Competition : Champions League – Group Stage - Matchday 5 (Group F)
Venue: Etihad Stadium, Manchester, England
Date: Tuesday, 21 November
Kick-off : 19:45 BST | 20:45 CET | 14:45 Central USA
Referee : Ivan Kružliak
Assistants : Martin Balko, Tomaš Somolani
Fourth official : Roman Slyško
Manchester City F.C.
Manager: Pep Guardiola
Line Up – Ederson, Walker, Mangala, Otamendi, Danilo, Gundogan, Yaya Toure, De Bruyne, Bernardo, Sterling, Aguero (C)
Substitutes - Bravo, Foden, Delph, Silva, Fernandinho, Diaz, G Jesus
Sidelined – Mendy, Stones
Form Guide
All competitions - W W W W W
Champions League - L W W W W
Pre-Match Press Conference Statements
"We are already qualified but for the draw for the last 16 you never know. It is better [to win your group and] play the second leg at home. I will prepare and the players will prepare to win the game. The Champions League is a prestigious competition. We will play to win.
John Stones will be out between 4-6 weeks. All of the month he will be out. Hopefully he will recover well for the end of January. To win trophies we need all the squad, especially important players like John and Vinny. We have to play 12 games in a short space of time with only three central defenders, and one of them is a risk in Vincent, who is only just back. We have Manga [Eliaquim Mangala], Vincent [Kompany] and Nico[lás Otamendi] and of course Kyle [Walker], Danilo and Fernandinho as well. Benjamin Mendy, I think, can [play there] as well. We have options in that position. We will find a solution. It will not be a problem.
The favourites are Barcelona, Real Madrid etc. For people to put us there is a big honour. We haven't done anything yet. We have a big history to build in Europe."
Pep Guardiola
Feyenoord
Manager: Giovanni Van Bronckhorst
Line Up - Jones, Haps, Tapia, Van Beek, Diks, Vilhena, Toornstra, Amrabat, Larsson, Boetius, Berghuis
Substitutes - Vermeer, St. Juste, Nelom, Nieuwkoop, Jørgensen, Basacikoglu, Kramer
Sidelined –
Form Guide -
All competitions - D D L D W
Champions League – L L L L
Pre-Match Press Conference Statements
"Our aim is to get a result, as with any game. We have to be honest – not all teams are equal and we know who we're playing against: one of the best teams at the moment in Europe.
They won't be using all of their top team but it's still going to be a good team and we have to be on our toes to get a result. It's a tall order. Everybody would agree but at the end of the day, we're here to show what we're made of and go for gold. It's possible but not easy.
Striker Nicolai Jørgensen felt today not quite fit. Bart Nieuwkoop and Sam Larsson are strong, also [Renato] Tapia is fresh. We have an important match this weekend against Groningen. We don't want to run any risks tomorrow with players that have any small complaints.“
Giovanni Van Bronckhorst
HEAD-TO-HEAD
City have played Feyenoord only once (in the group stage earlier this season), and the match resulted in a 4-0 win for City.
ODDS

Book	Man City	DRAW	Feyenoord
William Hill	1.14	9.00	17.00
Bet 365	1.14	9.50	21.00
Bwin	1.12	9.50	19.50
Tipico	1.10	10.00	20.00

Payout odds in multiples of 1, i.e. odds of 2.60 means a total payout of €2.60 if you place a winning bet of €1.
Odds at 12:00 GMT. Just a look at how the bookies rate this game, and not an endorsement for betting/gambling.
MATCH FACTS
Manchester City

City, who had never played Feyenoord before matchday one, have won two of their previous three home games against Dutch clubs, drawing the other – although they conceded two goals in each match.
The Citizens' first two such engagements were both 3-2 UEFA Cup victories against FC Twente, in the 1978/79 first round second leg (4-3 on aggregate) and the 2008/09 group stage. Most recently, City were held 2-2 by AFC Ajax in the 2012/13 UEFA Champions League group stage.
City are unbeaten in their last 12 home fixtures in the UEFA Champions League (W9 D3), qualifying included, since a 2-1 Juventus reversal on matchday one in 2015/16. The Juve loss was their fourth in six matches at the City of Manchester Stadium, with just one win in that run. This season they have beaten Shakhtar (2-0) and Napoli (2-1) in Manchester.
Josep Guardiola's men took seven points at home in last season's group stage, beating VfL Borussia Mönchengladbach (4-0) and FC Barcelona (3-1) before a 1-1 draw with Celtic FC.
Third in last season's Premier League, City are making a seventh straight UEFA Champions League appearance – they have now progressed to the round of 16 for five campaigns in a row.
Last term, Guardiola's team came second in their section and lost on away goals to AS Monaco FC in the last 16 (5-3 home, 1-3 away).

Feyenoord

Feyenoord's record in England is W2 D3 L5. They have lost on three of their last four visits, most recently a 4-0 reverse at City's local rivals Manchester United FC in the 2016/17 UEFA Europa League group stage.
After Feyenoord lost 3-1 at Napoli and 3-1 at Shakhtar in this season's group stage, the Dutch club's 3-0 victory at R. Standard de Liège in the UEFA Europa League group stage on 12 December 2014 remains their only win in their last 17 European away games (D3 L13).
Feyenoord's last away victory in the UEFA Champions League, group stage to final, was a 1-0 triumph at Newcastle United FC on 24 September 2002, their last UEFA Champions League game in England. They have since lost all six away games in the competition, qualifiers included.
Having lifted a first Eredivisie title in 18 years last season, Feyenoord are in the last 32 of the UEFA Champions League for the first time since 2002/03, when they were eliminated in the first group stage.
The Rotterdammers lost in the third qualifying round in both 2012/13 (to FC Dynamo Kyiv) and 2014/15 (to Beşiktaş JK).

Will be updated as more information emerges

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Wednesday 27/02/19

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Scottish Premiership

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Table

Fitba Roundup: SPFL Gameweek 9

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BEST OF THE REST

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UEFA Nations League

Match Thread: Arsenal v West Ham

Information

Match Updates:

[Pre Match Thread] Manchester City vs Feyenoord [Champions League - Group Stage - Matchday 5]

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