130 Joker Quotes on Humanity That Really Make You Think

I hope you've got some time and a snack, because this one is going to be super long, as the events that follow span from late 2019 to last week. As per the rules, all names are altered herein.
Ok, so here's the backstory. My STBXW was my high school sweetheart. We started dating in 1992 when we were both 17 (we're both 45 now) and have been together ever since. She's the only woman I've ever been with my entire life. We married 5 years later at 22, fresh out of college. A year later, we had our 1st of two children, both boys. (22 and 17) 23 years I gave to her. Built her a house. Worked my ass off to give her the life she wanted. Sure, we had rough patches, but what marriage doesn't? Even in the worst of times, we found a way to pull through and come out the other side better. Which made the discovery of her affair that much more jarring.
Flashback to March 2020, when I 1st got the feeling something was "off". For a good 2 months prior, we were in a funk. I was on the mend from reconstructive knee surgery (blew out my ACL fall 2019) but still lacking in movement. At the time I only had about 55% range of motion on my knee. This took a toll on quite a lot in the house. I was out on worker's comp, as I had been injured on the job, and I was unable to do my usual household duties, so a lot got backed up. My sons would do what they could, but tasks only I was capable of doing had to be put on the back burner, or my wife had to do, which she wasn't pleased with. Things also crawled to a stand still in the bedroom between us. It had already slowed down prior to my injury, but in the state I was in at the time it completely stopped.
During these months, she (we'll call her Sue) was spending more time "hanging with co-workers" after work. Between November 2019 to March 2020 it was a regular occurrence for her. Naturally, I thought nothing of it. I've never in the 23 years I'd been with her had any reason to worry or not trust her. She has her friends, I have mine, and we have mutual. I'd go hang out with my friends all the time and there was no issue. It was all above board. It was around January of this year that I noticed something odd. Sue started getting noticeably distant with me. Sure, we were in a funk, but she'd never deny me affection to that point. The usual hugs and kisses she'd give me came to a halt. Her phone was attached to her hand long before my suspicion grew, but she'd always share and show me things she'd discovered on the web. DIY ideas and recipes on Pintrest, memes, all kinds of stuff. But she was now being guarded about her phone. Even her interactions with me became more snippy, as if she couldn't be bothered.
So we're now in March. Covid has arrived and New York City is locked down. Our chosen careers fall under the "essential" designation, so neither of us have to work from home. I'd just been recently cleared to return to work after 5 months on the shelf, and I was eager to get back after it, as 5 months on my ass rehabing my knee and not being able to do physical stuff drove me nuts. (For context, I enjoy physical activities. I'm an avid martial artist and I'm typically in the gym 4 days a week, on top of all of the home projects I did.) Within a week or 2 of the lockdown, my STBXW alerts me that she's going to have to start putting in extra hours. Again, I think nothing of this because of her field. Of course, I was under the assumption it'd be every other day, but no. It was every day. And not just an hour or 2. She'd come home 3 or more hours later, and go straight to the shower, spend a little time with me, a little time with our 17 y/o (22 year old lives with his GF crosstown) and then go to bed. As I'm able to support myself on my knee better, we started getting intimate again, but as you'd probably guess she wasn't mentally or emotionally present for it, which I noticed quickly.
So by early April, the picture started getting clearer to me. All of the signs were pointing to the idea that she was having an affair. That's when I decided I needed to find answers. So I scoured the internet on things I should be looking for. Signs of infidelity in one's partner, and sure enough she was pretty much ticking all of the boxes on such behavior. So then my search inquiry advanced to how to I find proof. I started with her social media. Looking at her FB entries from months prior, it's pretty much the usual. Pics of us and our sons, pics with her and her friends, and a more then a few pics of her nights out with co-workers. In these pics, it's a mixed bag of her closets friends from work, and a couple folk I've never met from her work. But I see one recurring thing in a number of these pics, one guy. In every picture he's in, he's rather uncomfortably close to her. His arm is around her shoulder, or his hand on her lower back. WAY to close for a guy I've never personally met. Needless to say that put a sour taste in my mouth.
But that wasn't the worst of it.
No, no, no. The worst was the fact that apparently, this dude is a friend of hers on FB and followers her on IG. So I go to look up his FB account and wouldn't you know it, I'm blocked. Why the hell am I blocked from seeing this guy's FB account, but he's friends with her on FB. Yep. Now I'm in Batman detective mode. At that point, I wasn't even trying to deny it. I knew she was cheating on me with this guy. My mission was to find out for how long. And over the course of April and May, that's what I did. You know I never had any clue the depth of info you could secure from phone, text and email records up until then. We have a family plan cellphone package, and I was able to pull up quite a bit of data. My STBXW's data history was telling. The 2 most frequent numbers she had interacted with from October 2019 to April 2020 was my own, and a number I'd never seen before. Take a wild guess who's number it was? A quick check on google and I confirmed it was the dude from the photos who blocked me on FB. (We'll call him POS, cuz that's what he is.) Again, the picture becomes even clearer at this point. But a lot of their messages and texts were disjointed, which meant she was deleting a lot of them. I knew she was cheating on me with this guy, but nothing in the data could serve as a smoking gun. I needed more evidence.
It's at this point that I tell my best friend Oz what I had found. He asked me did I confront her with what I had, and I said no because I felt like it wasn't enough. That's when he told me about an app that I could download to apparently spy on her communications in real time. I won't say the name as I don't know the rules on that here. I got it installed, sync up my data plan, and waited. Within days of doing so, I finally saw it. A text string between the 2 of them talking about how much fun they'd had the previous night, and making plans to do it again that weekend. Boom. Gut punch. To say I was completely devastating was an understatement. I guess that moment counts as my "D-Day", and for the next 2 days after I was just broken. I actively distanced myself from her those 2 days immediately after d-day, which she was noticeably shaking by. She'd try to console me and ask me what was wrong, but I'd brush it off and leave her presence. I couldn't even look at her. This woman, who I gave 23 years of my life to. Who I have given everything I could and more to as a husband, and she stepped outside of our marriage for a guy just 5 years older then our eldest son. By the 3rd day, I wasn't even sad anymore, I was pissed.
I contacted Oz to let him know my suspicion was confirmed, and he asked me had I confronted her yet. My answer was no, and I told him I wanted payback. I didn't want to just divorce her, I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to leave her life in shambles and fucking ruin her. It was going to take time to do so, and I devised a plan. In my readings and research on infidelity, I had saw a quote that resonated with me that went "the enemy of infidelity is unpredictability". Or something to that ilk. That was going to be the basis of my plan. I was going to make her life hell on wheels, while also secretly planning my exit strategy.
So we're now in early June, and I've still got the app installed. Pretty much every night, I'm gathering as much data as I can seeing their back and forth messages. They're talking like it's a full blown relationship they're in. Sexting, lovey dovey romantic stuff, nudes, the whole fucking bag. At that point I had stopped looking at any of it, I was just collecting info and cataloging on my private FPS server. Meanwhile, I start doing things "out of the ordinary". I start going out at odd times. I start coming home even later then she does. In her presence, I'm on my phone a lot more then usual and when she asks "what are you up to?" I just simply say "just stuff" and put my phone away. I'd also changed my log in info on everything, so she couldn't access any of my stuff. Mind you, for our entire marriage, we'd never hid anything from each other. But right around I'm assuming the start of her affair, she'd changed her password on FB, as well as on her phone stating "she had to because of the security breaches in recent months." Yea, really nice cover for hiding your affair from your husband. Anyway, I'd clued Oz in on my plan, as well as telling my older (and only) sister and two more of my closest friends what was going on. These are people I trust with my life, and I swore them to secrecy. (For context, Oz and I have been friends since we were kids. The other of our friends Joey and Nina we've known since High School. Make note of Nina, she comes into play down the road.)
July comes, and my STBXW is in full paranoia mode. She's texting and calling me a lot more frequently now, asking me if I'm going to be home when she's gets home, when am I coming home while she is and I'm not, asking me what am I up to, the works. I can see the seed planted in her head the month prior is starting to sprout, especially in her communication with POS. She's confiding in him her doubt and confusion. Telling him that I'M getting cold and distant. The fucking nerve of this woman!!! In the interim of these interactions with POS, she suggests that maybe they should stop meeting up at our house because she has no idea if I'd just show up, confirming that yes, she's had this fuckwad in my home. Thanks, Sue! POS asks her in that specific communication was she worried about me potentially cheating on her, which actually pissed her off. I can't even begin to describe the level of joy and how many laughs I got out of reading that exchange. My cheating wife arguing with her affair partner over if she's mad her husband could be cheating on her. Oh the fucking irony. Now bare in mind, I'm not hooking up with anyone. When I leave, I'm usually at Oz or Joey's throwing back some booze, watching fights and spending time with my bros, or at my big sis' house hanging with her and my BIL, who's like an older brother to me. My sis is 52 and her hubby is 58. She had told him about my STBXW's infidelity, but not of my plan. Couldn't risk it as he's a bit of a blabber mouth.
We'll fast forward now to October. That's when things seriously pick up. I've been in my "faux affair" for 3 months now, and Sue is hyper aware of the fact that I'm actively pulling away from her. It's been as long as the day I enacted my plan until the day she "confronted" me, October 20th, 2020 that I'd even touched her. No hugs. No kisses. No initiation of intimacy. Nothing. Not like she needed it, she was still fucking POS, just at his place or at motels. So that afternoon, she calls me at work, which wasn't rare before all this began, but certainly hadn't happened in a while and asks me to come straight home after work saying she had "something important to tell me." I'm not gonna lie to you all, I half believed she was going to come clean about her infidelity, but she of course didn't. Instead, I get home to her asking me was I unhappy with her. The. Fucking. Nerve. She sights the fact that I've been spending way to much time away from home, I don't show her affection anymore and our sex life has completely died. She tells me she's worried I'm pushing her away because I was resentful of how she treated me the months I was rehabbing my knee. And then came the punchline. She fucking asked if I was cheating on her. Folks, I fell out on the floor laughing hysterically. And when I say hysterically I mean Joker laughing gas hysterical. On the surface it looked like (to her assuming) it was me laughing off the notion of being unfaithful, but it was of course actually me laughing at the sheer irony of what was happening in front of my eyes. I'm tearing up, pounding on the floor in complete hysterics for a good 2 minutes before I compose myself enough to answer. I sit up and look her in the eyes for the 1st time in months shaking my head, but I don't give her and answer. I stand up, brush myself off, kiss the top of her head and go about settling in for the night.
Later that night, as I'm in my office I decide you know what? Given the brevity of what happened, I wanted to see what she was telling him. So I fire up the app and sure enough they're actually texting in real time. She tells POS "I know he's cheating on me. I asked him tonight and he literally laughed in my face. He fell on the floor and laughed for like 5 minutes. (It wasn't 5 minutes obviously.) He doesn't even care how I feel anymore. I don't know how or why, but he's gone. I know I've lost him. This is karma, I know it." The smile I had on my face reading that must've resemble the Cheshire Cat. She was breaking. POS attempted to console her, saying that if I cared enough for her, she wouldn't have had come to him to give her what I wasn't giving her, but the tone of her responses told me she was having doubt now. She had the nerve to step out of our marriage because I was unable to fulfill my role as a husband due to legitimate injury, and kept the affair going for at that point nearly an entire year, but the idea of her losing me to another woman was enough to make her waver? What a fucking weakling.
Now, during all of this I was also exacting the 2nd part of my plan for payback, getting all of my affairs in order financially. In September, I had met with a family attorney to get the ball rolling on divorce paper, with the mountain of evidence I'd piled up to that point. New York is an "at fault" state as far as Divorce, and the overwhelming amount of proof I'd gathered displaying Sue's infidelity pretty much solidified I could nail her to the fucking wall in a divorce case. My lawyer instructed me to get all of my financials in order in preparation for whatever division of assets might come as result. I went one better then that, secretly pulling all of my money out of our joint account and putting it in my personal account. I also started shopping around for an apartment as part of "phase 2".
We're now in November, and I've not changed my behavior. In fact, I've ramped it up. This is where my friend Nina comes into play. For context, Nina and Sue have never been what you call "close". I met Nina freshman year of high school 2 years before I met Sue. Even way back then, Sue has seen Nina as a "threat", as she's my closest female friend. There's always been an implied "I don't trust her" from Sue regarding Nina. She's never addressed it directly, but it's obvious to anyone who pays attention. Conversely, Nina's never been a big fan of Sue. Early in me and Sue's relationship, Nina called to attention to me how Sue was pretty much imposing herself into our little "square" of friends, whereas I didn't do the same with Sue's set of friends. That irked Nina because she knew why Sue was doing it, her. Among Sue's circle even now, there are no male friends...aside from POS. Whereas Nina is the only girl in my "square".
Nina had been "stuck" overseas due to the virus, and finally returned to NYC November 3rd. Oz, Joey and I decided we were gonna celebrate her return with a night at Joey's house for dinner and drinks. (There was only 5 of us, Oz, Joey, Joey's wife...who is also Nina's sister, Nina and myself. Sticking to CDC guidelines. We take the rona VERY seriously.) Nina, being the evil mastermind she is, comes up with an evil idea to trigger Sue. She suggested we take some photos in the same vein of the photos I discovered of Sue and POS months prior...and post them to my FB. And that's just what we did. It wasn't until the 5th that Sue got wind of it, as I'm guessing a few friends noticed my updates and saw how "uncomfortably" close I was with Nina. This really fucked her mind up, because she still believed I was cheating, and I can almost guarantee she "wanted" to accuse Nina, but she knew that Nina had been stuck in Europe for the majority of the year. Still didn't stop her from attempting to dress me down that night for being so as she said "handsy" in the pics. I saw this as a golden opportunity to deliver the the lead jab for my knockout blow. I say "So what about the pics with you and POS from last year? He was pretty handsy in them. But did you see me get bent out of shape over it?"
Dear in headlights. It was the 1st time I even mentioned the dude's name throughout all of this. The hamster wheel in her head started reeling in real time as she tried to to explain away those pics. To that point she hadn't even known I saw them, that's little I use FB. When I actually do post something it's like an event to people, which is why the pics with Nina specifically got so much traction among our circles. And explain away she did. "He's that way with everyone." "He's just a really friendly guy." "I can see how it looks, but there's nothing their." "I'm sorry if those pics hurt you. I'll delete them." No, no...the pics aren't what hurt me. The year you've been fucking the dude whilst lying to me that you're working extra hours and hanging with friends is what hurt me. But vengeance, as Lt. Comm. Warf from Star Trek: TNG so famously said "is a dish best served cold." From that night, Sue was being extra specially clingy and attentive to me. Like, annoyingly so. She's try to initiate affection and intimacy with me and I'd stonewall her at every chance. All the while, I'm still archiving everything she's saying to POS. Mind you by this point I'd long since gone numb. Any desire I might have had to save my marriage was dead. I'd checked out the day I enacted the 1st phase of my plan.
She's confiding in him that I've gotten worse. That she doesn't know what to do, and she feels like I absolutely hate her. (I do.) Then comes the bombshell. She says she can't see him anymore. The guilt is to much for her, and she feels like karma is suffocating her. She can't risk losing me. She says that she loves POS deeply, but she "still in love" with me, and she has to save her marriage before she loses me. No, my dear...you're about 8 months to late for that. POS loses his shit, saying such lovely things as "He doesn't love you the way I love you." and "You're making a mistake, you can't just throw me away like this." That text chain would be the last they'd have until about 3 weeks ago. Throughout the remainder of November into December, Sue is tuck in limbo. She's trying to gauge where my headspace is and is still unable to tell if I'm actually being unfaithful. Meanwhile, POS is steadily blowing her phone up daily, but she's not responding to him. I'd see her check her phone often, the quickly put it away. Meanwhile, phase 2 of the plan was now officially complete. The divorce papers were done. I'd found me a studio apartment in Co-Op City (New Yorkers will know the area) and signed a 2 year lease on it. All of my money was in my personal account. I was ready to throw my haymaker.
So we're now at Thanksgiving. My oldest and his GF were hosting a small gathering of our immediate families. So them (Oldest and his GF), Oldest's GF's parents (she's an only child) myself, Sue and our youngest. We have a great night. My oldest's GF is studying to be a chef, and she did all the cooking herself. The girl can fuckin' cook lemme tell ya'. As I had to keep up appearances of nothing being wrong between Sue and I, I initiated affection with her several times that evening. Kisses on the cheek. Cute lil' hugs. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders from behind. The gestures didn't go unnoticed by her, as she reveled in it. Bare in mind, this was the 1st time I touched this woman since I kissed the top of her head the night she "confronted" me in October...so just about 2 months. Not gonna lie, I felt repulsed doing it. But I had to. I couldn't risk the plan, and me being distant to her in the face of my boys, my oldest's GF and her parents would set off alarms. So my youngest decides he wants to stay over with his big bro for the night, so Sue and I head home. On the drive home, she thanks me for being so good to her, and says "I don't know what you're going through, baby. But I'm here for you." I had to hold off busting out in maniacal laughter again, and responded saying. "I know. I just need time."
So for the 1st time realistically since Springtime, we had sex that night. I figured fuck it, with what I'm about to do, may as well get some action before I delete her from my existence. I won't go into detail, but it wasn't "love making". When I was finished she was a lump of flesh laying their trying to figure out the direction of the truck that ran her over. No cuddling or anything after. I just got up, showered and and went to go sleep in my office. To her confusion though, I used a condom. 1st time 2 damn decades I did. She was definitely perplexed by it, but she didn't ask questions. (Sure as hell wasn't going raw in her knowing that she'd been doing so with POS for months at that point.) I wake up the next day and check my handy dandy spy app, and for the 1st time in weeks, she responded to POS. Dude went full novella. He professed his love for her. Said she was wasting her time trying to rekindle a flame in me that died. That she'd been "in a prison" with me for 23 years and deserved to experience the love and affection of a man who would cherish her. Mind you, this dude is 27 fuckin' years old. Five years older then our oldest son. And he's THAT sprung on a 45 y/o married mother of 2? What a grade-A, high quality SIMP. She chose to blow up our marriage and destroy the home we'd built for this dude? Pretty boy with a "soft side"? HAAAA!!!
She responded saying pretty much the same thing she said when last they talked. That she loves him, and enjoyed their time together, but she can't lose me. I'm still the love of her life, but she'll always have a place for him in her heart. That they can still be friends if he chooses, but the physical relationship between them is over. He begged her to see him one last time that week, and yep...you guessed it, she said yes. One more for the road, right? Who am I to say anything, that's what I did to her the previous night. Of course I added all of that to the archive I'd compiled. December 4th is when phase 3, the final phase of operation "Shinobi Ghost" started. The divorce papers where in hand. My new place or residence was set up. Now I had to slowly start moving me stuff out of the house. But 1st, I had to break the news to my boys. I called my oldest to the house that Friday night, had them join me in my office...and laid everything on that table. Not the specifics, but that there mother had been cheating on me for over a year, and I was going to be filing for divorce soon. My 17 year old was especially shaken up by this, because he himself had recently experienced his 1st taste of infidelity. Yep, his 1st GF had cheated on him just 4 months prior. Seeing his heart broken a 2nd time at the idea that his own mother was capable of doing this hit him hard. My oldest took it a lot better, and suggested taking his brother in to live with him until this blows over, to which I agreed.
We packed up some of his stuff, and he asked me was I gonna be ok. I told him "Yes, son. I'm going to be alright. And so are you. We're going to be alright. I promise." And then they were off. The hardest part was now over, and it was now time to arm the nukes. Over the next few weeks, day by day Oz would help me get a little of my most sensitive stuff out of the house. Gave him a list of all of the definite stuff to grab while Sue and I were at work and left him the spare key. This was all stuff Sue wouldn't notice was missing unless you told her it was gone. I'd also gotten a new phone and phone number, and told everyone who needed to know (Oz, Joey, Nina, My boys, big sis and my mother) my new contact info. Meanwhile, I'm keeping up the rouse with Sue and she's non the wiser. trickling bits and pieces of affection to her just to keep her off of the trail, whilst she's still in contact with POS. Not to the extent that they'd been prior, but there's still an emotional thing happening. The fog is feint, but it's still there. All the while, I gather everything, and I do mean everything. Every bit of data I've archived since I started the plan, call logs, texts, pics, emails...everything, and start making printouts. Folks, I must have spent over a $1500 on staples supplies. Printer ink, paper, binders, the works. And I cataloged everything in order, from the beginning of the affair until that last bit 2 weeks ago, December 16th in the binders. 14 of them.
I then put each one in a box, and gift wrapped each, addressing them to various people. My mother (my father passed 7 years ago), her parents, her 2 sister, her brother, her HR department (Did I forget to mention POS works for the same company, and there's an expressed rule against inter-company relationships because of the nature of what she does?), several of her friends, POS AND POS's parents. Lugged all of those fuckers to the post office and shipped them all out December 16th. ETA for delivery, December 22-24th. PERFECT. So we're now at Christmas Eve. Sue comes home around the usual time, no idea if she'd seen POS, I'd stop tracking her on the app the 18th. Figure I'd gotten all the mileage I needed from it. As per usual, she showers, hangs out with me a bit, I blow her back out on the living room couch (I know, I'm a fucking asshole) and she turns in for the night. The final phase was upon me at long last. The nuke I'd been arming since June was finally about to launched. In the middle of the night, I woke up and wrapped up one of the 3 remaining binders, with the divorce papers taped to the inside cover, and set it on my side of the bed with a note note that said "Merry Christmas" on it. Next to it I left my old phone, and the business card of my lawyer. I packed up the remainder of my most needed items, enough to fill 2 backpacks, and I left my home...that I spent 23 years in, for the last time.
That my friends, was one week ago. To Sue I am completely off the grid. Gone. Shadow ghosted. She's blocked on FB, but still hasn't blocked me for some reason, so I'm keeping tabs on the fallout. It's absolutely glorious. My packages have reached everyone I sent them out to, and Sue is getting crucified. Her youngest sister completely dressed her down. Both of her parents have condemned her. My mom absolutely destroyed her. Like holy shit, I know my mom has a mean streak...but the things she called Sue were un-fucking-holy. She's been frantically trying to find out if anyone knows where I am, but those that due, aren't saying a word. All over her FB feed she's desperately trying to reach me, because I'm guessing she knows I'm likely looking. But I'm not saying a fucking word to her without my lawyer present. That'll be the next time I share oxygen with her. She's got no way of spinning the narrative to paint me as the bad guy, because I've exposed her to everyone who matters to her. And from what a mutual friend who works in the same company as her, she and POS apparently are being put on administrative leave as of tomorrow, so yea...chances are she'll be going into 2021 unemployed. As for the the final 2 binders, well...one has been turned over to my lawyer as my final bit of evidence for my impending divorce, and the last one I put in my storage unit to be burned in Joey's fire pit when the divorce is final.
Do I feel guilty about this? No. Not even in the slightest. 23 years I did right by this woman. I gave her the home she wanted. I gave her the family she wanted. I gave her the life I felt we both deserved, and I loved her unconditionally. Never have I faltered. Never have I strayed. Never have I even entertained the notion of breaking my vows. When an issue came up that I felt was effecting our marriage, I came to her and told her, and we sorted it out as best we could. She opted to find comfort in another man's bed. Rather then come to me and say she was unhappy with our sex life at the time, she decided to step out with a young punk who gave her the tingles. So no, I have no sympathy for what I did, or for her. She can burn in hell for all I care. The most I stand to lose is my house, a car and maybe a couple hundred bucks a month in alimony, but seeing as the divorce is filed under the statute of adultery and NYS is At Fault, that might get waved with the insurmountable about of evidence I've provided. As far as I'm concerned, she's dead to me and I'm never looking back.
TL:DR - Wife of 23 years had a 1 year long affair with a co-worker 18 years younger then her. Pretended to be in an affair myself while collecting evidence of hers for the majority of 2020. Had divorce papers drawn up early Fall. Compiled all the evidence in early December. Shipped binders full of the evidence to everyone near and dear to her to arrive around Christmas Eve. Left one binder with the divorce notice attached inside on my pillow, as well as my phone and lawyer's card as she slept Christmas Eve. Completely went off the grid on her as her life completely imploded the following days after Christmas.
Quick edit: NYS is not fully "at fault". Under certain circumstances a divorce can be filed at fault, of which my lawyer has informed me my case falls under. I'll be meeting the STBXW with her lawyer tomorrow. I'm guessing I'll just update here.
2nd Edit: To the guy on Youtube and in my PM who said I got cucked for over a year, and all of my evidence will not be submittable in court claiming he's a "retired PI" with 20 years experience, you can fuck right the fuck off. Had a quick word on the matter with my lawyer earlier today (1/5/21) and everything provided outside of the phone calls are valid. Find something better to do with your time then harassing me, buddy.
UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/useKermit_Defrogg/comments/ksuv4t/update_fooled_my_cheating_stbxw_into_thinking_i/
UPDATE 2: Shit jus got even worse...
STBXW of 23 years just tried to kill herself last night : Kermit_Defrogg (reddit.com)

Saw that they'd done the first one, was hoping they'd do the remake after it came out, but I haven't seen them do it yet.

1. (0:42) 39 seconds of logos.
2. (0:42) Couldn't we have just opened at the start of the broadcast? What insight into this character does watching him warm up his voice give us? Answer: Nothing. (15 seconds of vocal warm-ups)
3. (1:13) What if I told you Jesus was walking among us again?
4. (1:25) Bill O'Reilly is really going out of his way to prove he isn't racist...even let him rename the show!
5. (1:48) Well, it's not a full on hologram...but close enough!
6. (1:58) As we learn later, it's Robots that are patrolling the streets...so, how are they able to "trust us" if there's no actual human interaction?
7. (2:02) Didn't you learn in high school speech class to never turn your back to your audience? As we see in the next shot (2:10) there's someone else controlling the screen, so why are you turned around and moving your arms around like you're doing anything?
8. (2:21) I will now laugh at the dangerous situation I've placed my film crew into because we'll do anything for ratings!
9. (2:32) Doesn't red usually indicate a threat?
10. (3:00) If this is in Tehran, why aren't these robots speaking Persian? Unless you're telling me that everyone in Tehran speaks English...
11. (4:02) Zero mention of why we are "pacifying" the Iranians.
12. (4:12) What will never happen again? War? The loss of life during a war? This statement is pretty vague. Not to mention the fact that for as long as Afghanistan has been going on, we've lost relatively few lives when you compare it to Vietnam...so, aren't we already on the right track?
13. (4:23) General makes an assumption about what Iranians are thinking.
14. (4:34) Just don't play stickball in the streets!
15. (4:36) Didn't the robots tell everyone to exit their homes? Why are they still inside?
16. (5:20) Reporter speaks about Tehran like they are on a Florida beach.
17. (5:58) These robots apparently have zero ability to scan radio frequencies.
18. (6:07) Someone says things are fine, then chaos breaks out cliche.
19. (6:37) My dad killed himself, I must avenge him!
20. (7:12) Kid clearly has a weapon, then raises it in a threatening manner. Yet people are somehow outraged that he's killed.
21. (7:26) For security reasons? You already saw all there was to see. No, this is for PR reasons.
22. (10:55) Undercover cop accuses criminal of being an undercover cop to avoid suspicion cliche.
23. (11:32) We can't call for backup because the other cops are corrupt cliche.
24. (12:18) Cops shoot first on the suspicion that they've been ratted out.
25. (13:24) Did he learn that move from watching Goldeneye?
26. (14:03) Holding his phone to his ear backwards.
27. (14:37) One sin off for not needlessly telling me that Washington, D.C. is in the USA. Although, we'll add that right back in for not putting a comma between the Washington and the D.C. I mean, they put the periods between the D and C. So, are they prejudiced against commas?
28. (15:27) I will now use the most extreme example I can think of in order to prove my point cliche.
29. (15:33) The answer to your question requires deep reflection in order to tell you that hardware and software have no feelings.
30. (15:49) Another sin off for not telling me that Detroit is in the USA. But, we'll add one right back on because of the underscore between Headquarters and Detroit. Again, what's wrong with a comma? Are you commaphobic?
31. (16:02) How are you hemorrhaging money that you don't have? Thinking like this will cause a robot bubble!
32. (16:06) Admission that they are bribing members of Congress.
33. (16:27) It's Batman, right?
34. (17:28) Because your grandma told you that you'd go blind, right?
35. (19:43) Corrupt cops meeting with criminal in a public place in broad daylight to discuss killing another cop.
36. (20:09) How do we make this guy look more like an asshole? Let's have him take a drink because those assholes at CinemaSins will make fun of us if he eats an apple!
37. (20:25) So, the arms dealer is also a hacker?
38. (20:33) Things went wrong, so you were right for suggesting we don't do it cliche.
39. (20:54) Suggestion that a guy who's lost both his arms and legs has let himself go because he's just too unhappy at his current situation to go to the gym.
40. (21:10) That's racist!
41. (21:30) I'm no expert, but I think she wants to click the mouse, am I right?
42. (22:12) What's the point of a TV screen that you can see through? Would you just constantly have to have it over a black surface to be able to see what's on the screen? If not, how could you see what's on the other side of the screen? Pointless technology is pointless!
43. (23:48) Best friend is in the hospital sex.
44. (24:10) No man is going to stop the sex to shut off a car alarm. If they wanted it to be realistic, she should've been the one to tell him to go turn it off and list all the reasons why.
45. (24:19) Not only did the bad guys rig the car to explode, they also programmed the car alarm to alert him when it was time to die...AND rigged it to not respond to the button on the keychain? But, it DOES respond to the button to open the car door? Shenanigans I tell you!
46. (24:46) You do have to give them credit, the garage door is messed up a little after the explosion...but no windows are broken?
47. (25:56) We will now open the floor to the non-medical person in the room to tell you that this medical decision is time critical.
48. (26:18) Only 3 months? It took Bruce Wayne 3 months to come back from a broken back...shouldn't it take longer to turn this guy into a cyborg?
49. (28:12) One sin off for that transition from dream to reality.
50. (32:45) Man, they got lucky he fell face up, otherwise he would've drowned in that puddle before someone could reach him.
51. (33:11) The reality of the situation, it seems, it that you've just made him a slave to your corporation. I guess you could say product, but since it's a human being (more or less), the correct term is slave.
52. (36:22) Zoom in and enhance cliche.
53. (37:36) Just minus the sex. Unless he comes with attachments. Where's the manual for this thing!
54. (39:54) Make up your mind! You call him a "what." Aren't the other robots "whats" as well? Or, do you have some weird robo-girlfriend that we don't know about that's influencing how you treat RoboCop?
55. (40:23) I think I know what they were going for, reaching the robot hand out for a handshake. But, I don't think any amount of programming would change his instinct to perform a handshake with his right hand.
56. (40:35) Why tell me that this place is in China now? I already know that from when RoboCop ran through the factory. Also, seriously, what is up with the comma hate?
57. (40:57) We get it! You're an asshole. But, the song is "If I Only Had a Heart." In essence, this is the ENTIRE reason Omnicorp went with the whole man inside a machine concept. So, this guy should really be fired because he's not on board with the corporate policy, right?
58. (42:07) So, he failed by accomplishing everything he was supposed to? He only failed because he didn't meet some arbitrary time limit that wasn't explained to him before the test started? Sounds like you're already trying to stack the deck.
59. (43:06) More Commaphobia. Also, you've already established that this particular building is Omnicorp's headquarters AND that it's in Detroit. Why are you telling me again?!
60. (43:10) Gary Oldman flew all the way from China just to give this briefing and then will fly all the way back to China for something he could've done over Skype. But, at least we don't have to deal with the HD skype conversation.
61. (44:09) Michael Keaton just described everything wrong with the video game industry.
62. (44:24) Why does his life depend on it? He's already living. If you just took away all the combat applications, he'd be a normal, functioning cyborg and could go about his life without you turning him into a slave.
63. (45:11) Why wouldn't you have done this before?
64. (46:12) Did Michael Bay pay them for Transformers product placement? (Ding) Michael Keaton saying "That's embarrassing," One sin off.
65. (46:20) We now bring you the movie "Jobs" starring Ashton Kutcher. Or, the good one with Michael Fassbender.
66. (46:28) That's racist!
67. (46:37) Thank god you told me we were back in China you commaphobes!
68. (46:56) At least he got to ride shotgun. Did they have to reinforce those seats to hold his weight?
69. (47:11) The 2 point 6 billion dollar man!
70. (47:17) Why didn't he try to shake with his left hand?
71. (47:25) No...you funded it to try and bring robots into the American market.
72. (48:01) Why does your gun have bullets that could kill him? I highly doubt this was authorized by the corporation...you're potentially going to destroy a 2.6 billion dollar asset...I don't think the CEO or the shareholders would be too happy about that.
73. (48:55) I'm assuming these are all out-dated models...otherwise Omnicorp is blowing a LOT of money on this particular test.
74. (51:29) Arbitrary legal distinction is arbitrary.
75. (56:52) That's....racist?
76. (57:28) OH...we're still in Detroit? Thank god you told me. Also, did you fall out of love with underscores now, too? These people seem to have a really complicated relationship with punctuation marks.
77. (57:36) As if reading it in the previous scene didn't tell you we were in Detroit we will now TELL you and let you read it again!
78. (57:36) Also, there are some disturbing stories in the crawl...half of the world's fish are gone! Giant squid sushi forbidden in California, greenpeace is attacked by wikileaks hackers. Are these the Easter eggs for the RoboCop sequel?
79. (1:00:07) Yes, great idea! Let's release a potentially defective product out into the streets in order to clean up said streets! Also, why were you just now uploading the database? Shouldn't that have been a part of the testing process? At the very least to make sure his hard drive had enough memory to store the whole thing and enough RAM to instantly recall it.
80. (1:00:12) The bullshit I'm about to do requires everyone leaving the room.
81. (1:01:29) After you got everything uploaded, why couldn't you have returned the dopamine levels back to normal?
82. (1:02:49) These people start moving out of RoboCop's way before RoboCop makes a move.
83. (1:03:17) I'm confused, is he convicted of murder, or is he wanted for murder?
84. (1:04:15) Roll Credits!
85. (1:04:31) You just called him a robot, but I thought that was illegal? Wouldn't Cybernetically enhanced be more accurate?
86. (1:04:42) There are only issues because you forced a "release date" on him, remember? You all failed to test him properly. But, sure, act like this isn't really your fault.
87. (1:05:08) A company who plans on doing $600 billion of business in the USA SHOULD admit this to the public...especially when that product is responsible for protecting them! But, I guess this movie is just here to tell us that corporations are bad.
88. (1:05:41) He didn't shoot him, unless you mean shoot him with a taser. The son knows he's a cop, right? The son has seen cop shows and/or movies...so, he knows what cops may have to do in the line of duty.
89. (1:09:41) Where did they get this view? Don't they normally view the scene THROUGH RoboCop's eyes?
90. (1:11:25) A hologram...and a smug looking one at that.
91. (1:11:32) The senator calls the host by his first name, but refers to Michael Keaton as Mr. Sellers. I guess he really doesn't like him.
92. (1:12:28) I don't like your point of view, so I will just turn you off. Even if it is disrespectful to a Senator.
93. (1:12:35) Well, seeing as you won't even LET anyone argue with that....I guess, no one?
94. (1:13:41) And, I'm going to be vague so that you then have to ask me who is calling you!
95. (1:14:03) I'm sure that order would hold up well in court. But, we get it! Corporations are evil!
96. (1:14:49) RoboCop is a dick to his wife.
97. (1:15:17) I get it that he's a little emotionally scared after what happened to his dad. But, I would also think that he'd be the most popular kid in school right now with a transformer as a dad, especially with the entire city of Detroit rooting for him.
98. (1:15:59) The power of phantom boners will do that to a man, er, RoboCop, er, whatever.
99. (1:17:18) Why does he have to digitally reconstruct the scene? Wouldn't it just be in his memory? Or, apparently the solving of this case requires you to see the scene from a third person point of view?
100. (1:17:59) Never underestimate the power of phantom boners.
101. (1:18:13) Bullshit that your security system and that of neighbors had enough cameras in place, and at the proper angles to tell you that your son was looking out the window, and an even greater amount of bullshit that it gives you an HD quality picture to be able to discern specific emotions just by looking at his face.
102. (1:19:30) Ah, RoboCop has a silent mode, too. Up until now, we've heard him stomping around because he didn't have his caterpillar drive activated.
103. (1:20:10) Good to see that the Patriot Act is still alive and kicking in a post 2020 world.
104. (1:20:33) How is that breaking protocol? He's a cop...isn't his "protocol" to solve crimes? So, how is this not following protocol? Just because it also happens to be personal?
105. (1:21:22) Ok, this gun fight scene was one of the coolest I'd seen in a while (at the time this came out). And, I would take a sin off except for the fact that the instructions Vallon gave, and then what they do don't match up at all. RoboCop can see in the dark, they can't without using some night vision/IR goggles type of stuff (which is bullshit that they have some HD night vision capability). So, they are only hindering THEMSELVES by turning off the lights and giving RoboCop an advantage. Especially when Vallon told them to aim for the head...and they are NOT using laser sights or anything. So, how are they supposed to aim if they can't see the gunsights?! Plus, all the muzzles flashes and explosions are absolutely going to ruin their night vision capability.
106. (1:22:56) Who looks at their criminal lair and says, "You know what we need...we need sandbags...lots and lots of sandbags."
107. (1:24:24) Every other cop is working in a cubicle...but these two have their own office?
108. (1:24:30) Roll Credits...I mean it this time.
109. (1:26:13) OK, maybe you had to shut him off, but you're making it sound like he wasn't completely justified in what he was doing. OK, maybe tasing that one dude went a little bit far, but you let the Captain up off the mat.
110. (1:27:13) As evidenced by all the virus protection software we need to have on our computers.
111. (1:28:18) Again with the see-thru TVs. And, on a bright sunny day, how can you see a picture at all?
112. (1:28:40) Communist propaganda in the crawl at the bottom of the screen saying that, "Inequality in America proves that Karl Marx was right." Also, the NSA servers were hacked...but, it's ok because machines are incorruptible, right? Oh, and the Mexican President opposes "Illegal Americans." And, the last bit was that SETI received a transmission!
113. (1:29:12) Wow, they are really trying to beat us over the head that corporations are bad. Who, in their right mind, would think it's going to be ok to keep a husband and wife away from each other. I'm surprised they've gotten away with it this long.
114. (1:29:31) If they were following the law, why would they get nervous?
115. (1:29:35) So....a slave, right?
116. (1:30:54) Is anyone really buying that he's had a change of heart on this issue? Of course not. He's served his purpose and now you're throwing him to the curb.
117. (1:32:39) That's sexist!
118. (1:34:54) Deliberately lying about facts that any of the police officers there could easily testify about.
119. (1:35:32) At least take the money! Do you know how much college is going to cost?!
120. (1:36:33) All the bright lights and he easily identifies RoboCop speeding in the opposite direction...Bullshit.
121. (1:38:58) Can he just instantaneously download a warrant or something? I'm sure there's some probable cause he could come up with. Either way, doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to say to a cop.
122. (1:39:08) Glass breaks before motorcycle hits it.
123. (1:43:04) It clearly is...you've had it out for him every scene you've been in during this movie!
124. (1:44:45) Why can't he cuff him? Sure, his programming prevents killing him...but, we've been given no reason to suggest that he can't arrest an Omnicorp employee. Was that Order 65?

Possible Outtakes:

1. During some robot scene, there's got to be several spots to use "Resistance is futile."
   
2. (16:27) When Michael Keaton is talking, use Christian Bale's voice from Batman Begins talking about being a symbol to show the criminals and the corrupt, blah, blah, blah.
   
3. When RoboCop is going through the surgery, the obligatory Six Million Dollar Man opening.
   
4. (17:28) There's got to be some audio from the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard uses a robot arm to give him a handy that you could use here.
   
5. (21: 06) "That's why you're the doctor, doctor." Can't think of anything off the top of my head, but there's got to be some angry Gary Oldman quote from one of his many other movies to use.
   
6. Don't know where you could put it, but the Gary Oldman speech from The Fifth Element about life coming from chaos, etc.
   
7. (22:54) When she hands him the beer, use the Homer Simpson quote "To Alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"
   
8. (33:16) After he says "Show me." Use the ending of the first Matrix, "Going to show you a world without blah, blah, blah.
   
9. (44:49) "Tastes like peanut butter." Then play "It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time!"
   
10. (52:07) After Alex tases him, use the audio from A Clockwork Orange, "All is forgiven...right, right?"
    
11. (54:00) After she opens the door, you should use one of the times Wall-E says "Eve-ah?"
    
12. (1:26:00) When he keeps saying confess, use the audio from Game of Thrones, Season 5 (I think?) when Cerci is being told to confess by the nuns or whoever those people are.
    
13. (1:29:56) When Michael Keaton asks "What's bigger than a hero?" The answer comes from Liam Neeson, "Legend, Mr. Wayne."
    
14. (1:33:24) After the question, "Will you accompany me?" Just have Ackbar yell out "It's a TRAP!"
    
15. Just before Michael Keaton and Alex shoot each other, use the audio from Batman where he tells Joker "You wanna get nuts, Let's get nuts!"