8 Side-splitting Ways to Teach Classroom Jokes in English

I’m a big fan of Mansfield Park, it’s my favourite Austen novel by far. I’m aware that amongst Austen fans, Mansfield Park is possibly her least loved child.
I think that one of the difficulties modern readers have with Mansfield Park - that has contributed to its lack of popularity - is that Jane Austen expected her contemporary readers to have at least some understanding of the play ‘Lovers’ Vows’. Mansfield Park has 48 chapters, at least 8 of these chapters cover the characters attempting to act in that play and the events of the play are referred to in later chapters. They form a significant part of the novel.
Key things happen in these chapters which enlighten the reader about the true nature of the characters and even provide some foreshadowing for what will happen to them in the future. The characters and events of ‘Lovers’ Vows’ parallel some of those of Mansfield Park, and at times, contrast with them sharpley.
Unfortunately, most modern readers are completely unaware of the characters and events of the play. This means most readers will miss out on a great deal of what Austen was trying to show us.
It’s doubly difficult because as modern readers, we are looking back at a culture that we don’t fully understand and it makes it difficult to comprehend exactly why the play, the choice to perform as actors, and the actual specific play itself are so significant. In our culture actors are revered as icons and dramas and similar forms of entertainment sometimes bind us together. It’s very hard for us to understand the entirely different mindset of the people Austen was writing about.
It’s even more confusing for those Austen fans who know a lot about her life. Not only did Austen perform in plays at home, she also wrote them - so it seems very hard to understand why Austen appears to present plays and acting itself in such a negative light. Much of this can be easier to understand when you have some knowledge about the play itself.
Without this understanding, Mansfield Park can leave many people feeling rather disconnected, as if you were trying to join in with an inside joke that you don’t understand. Perhaps most damagingly, it can leave the reader with uncomfortable feelings about the heroine of Mansfield Park, Fanny Price. Her decision not to act in ‘Lovers’ Vows’ and her disapproval of people who do can make her seem cold, boring and a bit of a snob. I do not believe this was Austen’s intention and I think having a better understanding of ‘Lovers’ Vows’ makes it clear exactly why.
I wanted to help other Austen fans to understand more about ‘Lovers’ Vows’ in the hope that more people will be able to share my love of ‘Mansfield Park’.
With that in mind, I decided to write a summary of the events of ‘Lovers’ Vows’. Initially this was just going to be a quick summary, but I’ve found myself exploring each characters relationship to the play - and it’s become too long for a single Reddit post. So I’m going to post them as separate posts over the next couple of days.
I want to be very clear. These are just my ideas, I’m not a scholar or professional academic so any errors are my own. This is 100% my own interpretation of events.
I’d also urge you, if you are interested, to read ‘Lovers' Vows’ for yourself. It’s available for free at Project Gutenberg, which I will link to below. It’s quite an easy read and is very accessible. I can see why Austen was drawn to the play.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4554/4554-h/4554-h.htm
Before I begin, please be aware that this contains spoilers for Mansfield Park!
So firstly, who wrote Lover’s Vows and why is the authorship potentially significant when understanding the characters perceptions of the play?
‘Lover’s Vows’ was originally written in German by August von Kotzebue in the 1780s and was known as ‘Das Kind der Liebe’ which loosely translates to ‘Love Child’, meaning illegitimate child. The version of the play that Jane Austen appears to have used was an adaptation by Elizabeth Inchbald, which included significant revisions from the original.
Both of these figures are interesting because they were controversial in their own way, which may have impacted on how the characters of Mansfield Park perceived the play.
Kotzebue
Kotzebue was born in the Holy Roman Empire, in Weimer which is now a city in Germany. As well as being a playwright, he was a law student and was eventually to work for the Prussian ambassador at the Russian Court. He married a Russian woman and became a magistrate. Buffeted about by the events leading up to and including the Napolionic wars, he lived in both Russia and Germany. He was eventually assassinated because of his political views. His life was really interesting and it is worth your while to read about it on his Wikipedia page.
His literary work was initially well received and he wrote several successful plays. However his reputation was deeply damaged when a satirical play, published under a different name, was attributed to him. This play accused several leading political figures of various sexual perversions. I haven’t been able to find out whether he did actually write it or not. He claimed that he had not when the matter was investigated by the police. Whatever the truth of the matter is, he never really recovered from this situation and the damage it did to his reputation.
Inchbald
Elizabeth was born as Elizabeth Simpson in Surrey, England in 1753. She was from a relatively ordinary family, was one of 9 children and was a Roman Catholic. Already, this would have made her a somewhat controversial figure for some people in England as there was a public distrust of Roman Catholics.
Eventually, Inchbald became an actress and married another actor who was much older than her and also a Roman Catholic, Joseph Inchbald. Joseph already had two illegitimate sons. The couple do not appear to have had their own children.
Inchbald’s life demonstrates the moral complexity of the Georgian era. As an actress, she was already someone marked out as being part of a morally dubious section of society. The connection between actresses and prostitution pre-dated the Georgian era, but it was cemented by the rise of an entertainment region in Covent Garden, in London. There were two licensed theatres there, but there were also many brothels. It was not unheard of for men of society to have affairs with actresses, most notably George IV who while he was still a Prince had a relationship with the actress Mary Robinson. Inevitably, Inchbald could not entirely avoid being associated with this even if she did not engage with that behaviour herself.
While working as an actress, Inchbald engaged in a controversial practice, taking on what was known as a ‘breeches role’ in the play ‘Philaster’ in 1780’, playing the character of Bellario. Breeches roles were those in which women wore men's clothes. This was controversial for many because the close fitting nature of the breeches exposed the form of the actresses legs and buttocks - something that was seen as risque. Others disapproved on religious grounds as the Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes and visa versa, as well as feeling that this behaviour encouraged women to behave inappropriately.
At the same time however, Inchbald frequently wrote and spoke about moral topics and was a friend of many notable philosophers and political figures. She appeared to have a strong desire to promote good moral values. She spoke out against the sexual harassment she had experienced while working in the theatre. She had been a good friend of William Godwin the political philosopher, but publically disapproved when he married Mary Wollstonecraft in 1797, as this exposed the fact that Mary had not been married to the father of her first child.
Interestingly, Inchbald was able to support herself financially for many years after the sudden death of her husband. This is perhaps something Austen felt some interest in?
Inchbald wrote an introduction to this version of ‘Lover’s Vows’ which it appears was published sometime after her version became a success, as she speaks of the play as if many people have already seen it and refers to its popularity.
In her introductions she admits that she made several changes to the play to make it suitable for the delicate feelings of the English audience. She also admits she didn’t know any German, but was given a rough translation of the play by a German woman, which she used as the basis of her own version.
I don’t speak German, so I can’t read the original and compare the differences myself, but Inchbald gives us some idea of what she changed and why.
It’s maybe worth your while to read the introduction for yourself to see what she changed, because it’s a lot, so much so that she admits it would take pages to explain what she changed and why. She admits she changed the characters drastically and shortened many of the speeches.
She says that the original was unfit for an English audience and seems to imply that she meant morally unfit. She further hints that this is perhaps why no one else seems to have undertaken to translate this particular work of Kotzebue when others have been translated.
She states she also made significant changes to Amelia. In the play, as you will see if you read my synopsis, Amelia is indirect about her feelings towards the man she loves, stating the truth boldly only when she is pressed to do so. She says that in the original version Amelia was completely forthright - something which she believes an English audience would find ‘revolting’. She believes that the popularity of this character in her version confirms her judgement was the right one. I think it’s illuminating that this is her take on what was expected of English women and their behaviour in her era.
What did Austen know and feel about Kotzebue and Inchbald, and what can we infer from that for the characters of Mansfield Park?
It’s not clear, at least to me as a non scholar, what Austen knew or felt about the two figures behind Lover’s Vows.
In the case of Inchbald, it’s quite possible that she knew of her other works including her two novels which were nearly all published during Austen’s lifetime. She may even have respected her as a fellow female author. However her true opinion of actresses is not particularly well known. Austen was only 5 years old when Inchbald took on her ‘breeches’ role - so it’s very possible Austen remained totally unaware of that and may not have cared about the more controversial aspects of her life.
When it comes to Kotzebue, we do know that Austen saw at least one of his other plays, ‘The Birthday’ while staying in Bath in 1799, although again this was an English translation by someone else. Annoyingly I haven’t been able to find out what ‘The Birthday’ was about, other than it was a comedy. I’ve seen no evidence as to whether or not Austen was aware of Kotzebue himself and the controversial events of his life.
What do the characters of Mansfield Park know about the play and it’s author?
Austen never fully explains the plot of ‘Lovers Vows’ in Mansfield Park. It appears that she expected her readers to have a decent understanding of the plot of the play and the nature of its characters and exactly why the behaviour of her own characters in relation to the play is so controversial. The closest she comes to explaining it is during passage where Fanny, who appears to have no knowledge of the play, reads the text to herself and explains that “she ran through it with an eagerness which was suspended only with intervals of astonishment, that it could be chosen in the present instance, that it could be proposed and accepted in a private theatre! Agatha and Amelia appeared to her in their different ways so totally improper for home representation - the situation of one and the language of the other, so unfit to be expressed by any woman of modesty, that she could hardly suppose her cousins could be aware of what they were engaging in.”
The subject of the play is first introduced in the novel by Mr Yates, a casual friend of the eldest son of the Bertram family Tom Bertram, who is visiting Mansfield Park. In his first scene he talks at length about the characters and the strife and struggles of his own group of friends when they tried to perform the play - however it’s never expressly said that he has to explain the play or what the plot was.
Later it begins to emerge that the characters have various levels of awareness about the play. In an argument about whether or not the play is appropriate for them, three of the major characters appear to have different levels of knowledge about the play.
Edmund expresses shock when he learns that his siblings have decided to act Lover’s Vows, and argues that it’s inappropriate for women - but in that conversation he never exactly explains why that particular text is so inappropriate and it seems to be tacitly understood by the other characters why Edmund would have objections, which implies they have at least some understanding of the key events of the work.
When challenging Maria about her choice to portray Agatha, Edmund asks her to read the first few scenes, believing this will convince her the play is inappropriate, suggesting he feels this will be the first time she has read it. However Maria says “I am indeed acquainted with the play”. Of course, she could simply be saying this in order to win her argument - but in an early scene in which they choose their characters Maria does seem to know the play well enough to know that Agatha interacts a great deal with Frederick, who she wants to be played by Mr Crawford.
Others in the Betram household seem to have little or no knowledge of the play. Aunt Norris claims she does not know it and Lady Bertram is similarly unaware of what it contains. It’s only when Fanny gets the chance to flick through a copy that she learns what it contains.
This is important because which characters know what about the play, and how they feel about whether or not it is appropriate for themselves or others to act in the play - teaches the reader a lot about the nature of each character and also gives hints about what will happen to them in the future.
Neither author of the play is mentioned or referred to in Mansfield Park, so we have no way to know if any of the characters had reservations about portraying work by Kotzebue or Inchbald because of who they were as individuals.
It is worth noting however that some of Inchbald’s other writings included anti-colonialist sentiment. Given that Mansfield Park was being funded by overseas property and slavery, it can certainly be seen as hypocritical for the Bertram family to perform Inchbald’s work.
So what is Lover’s Vows actually about?
A much shorter synopsis is available on Wikipedia.
‘Lover’s Vows’ is set in and around the countryside estate of a Baron Wildenhaim, in Germany.
Scene One
It starts with a poor woman, probably in her late 30s early 40s called Agatha. We first meet her when she has just been thrown out of an inn due to lack of funds. She is in extremely ill health as she has been in poverty for a long time.
By chance, her grown son Frederick, who is a soldier, happens to find her. Frederick has been away at war for 5 years. He has only returned to that part of the world because he needs to get his birth certificate in order to leave the army and get a job.
This situation forces an ashamed Agatha to confess that Frederick doesn’t have one, because he is an illegitimate child and the laws of the country of that time forbid that. Frederick previously believed his Mother was a widow.
She confesses that she was born in the nearby village, to poor but respectable farmers, but that when she was 14 the Lady of the local estate asked to take her in and raise her, promising that she would provide for her for the rest of her life. Her parents agreed to this and Agatha lived there happily for three years.
The Lady of the Estate, whose name is never given but I have to assume it’s Lady Wildenhaim, had a son, the eventual Baron Wildenhaim, who was away in the army. When he returned he fell in love with Agatha, seduced her and promised to marry her. When he discovered she was pregnant he promised again that he would marry her, when his Mother died. His leave of absence from the Army was then up and he was forced to return. He forces a promise from Agatha that she will not tell his Mother that he is the one who has got her pregnant.
After he leaves, Agatha’s pregnancy is eventually discovered. She keeps her promise and refuses to say who got her pregnant - for which she is thrown out by Lady Wildenhaim. She attempts to go back to her family, but they refuse to accept her. They close the door to her and her Father condemns her (her Mother is more compassionate). In despair, she seeks out the village clergyman and swears to him that she repents her conduct and will attempt to amend. The clergyman helps her to go to a different town. There, she earns her living as a teacher and raises Frederick alone. Frederick grows up and leaves to be a soldier, after which Agatha slowly becomes so ill that she is no longer able to work.
I’m not exactly clear on why she makes the journey back to the village, it’s possibly to show the kind clergyman that she kept her promise?
Anyway, she further reveals to Frederick that she attempted to contact Baron Wildenhaim and informed him that he had a son, but that he did not answer her letters. She also reveals that he did not keep his promise to her, and actually married another woman - a rich woman of noble birth.
Frederick is furious at the situation and forgives his Mother for her part in it. He tries to get her help and eventually manages to persuade some local cottagers to take her in. He then leaves her alone with them so he can get other help.
In conversation with these cottagers, who have no idea what Agatha’s true identity is, it is revealed that the kind clergyman who helped Agatha died two years prior and has been replaced by a new, much younger man, who has the respect of the cottagers. Not only that, but Baron Wildenhaim, having avoided his estate since he inherited it, has suddenly returned and has been resident in the area for 5 weeks, alongside his daughter.
The cottagers reveal that the Baron’s wife has died in France. They appear not to approve of him, Cottager’s Wife (she isn’t given a name) says he is ‘haughty’ and mentions rumours that his marriage was an unhappy one. They also refer in disparaging terms to his seducing of Agatha (still not knowing who they are talking to) and mention that they believe the incident led her father to an early death - a fact she was perhaps not previously aware of. They speculate on what might have happened to Agatha, who they appear to have great sympathy for. In shock, Agatha faints.
Scene Two
The action then moves to the Baron’s Castle. The Baron is alone with one of his servants. He enquires of his servant about his guest, a man called Count Cassel. He makes it clear he doesn’t like the Count and that he fears that he wants to marry his daughter Amelia. He says he is reluctant to let this happen, and he doesn’t want his daughter to marry someone she can’t love or respect, but he doesn’t know what she actually wants.
Amelia enters and the two discuss her feelings for Count Cassel and whether or not she is aware that he is likely to ask her to marry him. In an attempt to ascertain her feelings, he asks her if she dreams about the Count, she admits she does not but says that she dreamt about their local clergyman, Anhalt, who was once her tutor who lived with them in France. The Baron sort of bulldozes over this hint, as well as other hints she drops about Anhalt, and continues to question her about the Count, pointing out that he is rich and well connected, but urging her not to marry someone she doesn’t respect or love. There follows a sort of comic scene in which Amelia evades her Father’s queries, although in fairness he doesn’t really directly ask her what she feels.
The Baron says he will send Anhalt to talk to her about the importance of matrimony.
There then follows a scene in which the Count enters and he proves himself to be a bit smarmy, trying to impress Amelia but making a bit of an arse of himself. This is interrupted by a servant announcing that Anhalt, the clergyman, has arrived. When questioning Amelia about who he is, it is revealed that Anhalt is financially poor.
The Baron takes the Count out hunting so that Amelia and Anhalt can talk in private. As he is leaving he explains to Anhalt that he believes the Count wants to marry Amelia. The Baron admits he doesn’t like the Count but that due to his experience of being compelled to marry someone he didn’t want to - he does not intend to influence his daughter either way. Anhalt is distressed by the news and asks the Barron what he thinks Amelia feels about the Count, but the Baron doesn’t give him that information.
The Baron tells Anhalt he wants him to explain the duties of a wife and mother to Amelia, in the hopes that this will force her to seriously consider whether or not she can really marry the Count.
The Baron also reveals that he has asked Anhalt to help him find someone. Anhalt says he has not been successful. It’s not expressly said who he is referring to, but we can assume that it was Agatha - who he has been obliquely referring to throughout the scene. The Baron leaves and Anhalth has a short monologue in which he reveals his distress about the news and attempts to calm himself and resign himself to Amelia’s possible marriage to the Count. It becomes clear he is in love with Amelia himself.
Act 3 Scene 1
In a field on his way to the cottage, Frederick returns with a little money, which he is angry that he has had to beg for because he is poor himself. He further reveals his anger towards his newly learnt about Father.
He is then caught up in the beginnings of a hunt, as gamekeepers and servants run about him. He realises this must mean that a noble man is nearby and resolves to go to him and beg for money for his mother, Agatha.
He first approaches the Count who dismisses him very uncompassionately. The Baron gives him something, but to the Count’s consternation, he asks the Baron for more. Also disapproving, the Baron dismisses him and refuses to give him more.
The desperate Frederick however attempts to rob the Baron, grabbing him by the chest and drawing his sword on him. The Baron calls for help from his servants and Frederick is quickly disarmed and captured.
The Baron orders Frederick to be imprisoned in the castle. Full of regret and aware that he now likely faces a death sentence, Frederick accepts his fate but begs the Baron to help his mother. After Frederick is taken away, the Baron sends a servant to see if there is really a sick woman in one of the cottages as Frederick says there was.
Act 3 Scene 2
Alone, Amelia walks into a garden.
Anhalt arrives. There is now a long conversation between the two in which Amelia hints at her feelings for Anhalt. Eventually she forces him to confess that he does indeed love her, as she loves him. Anhalth is resistant to admitting this and says he believes it is futile as they cannot marry due to their difference in status. Amelia insists she believes her father will support them, particularly as the subject of her marrying has been brought to the fore by the attention of the Count.
Their conversation is interrupted by the Butler, who comes to congratulate Amelia and says he is going to read her a poem about the occasion of her father’s recent escape from danger, a thing about which Amelia and Anhalt are still totally unaware of. They urge him to tell them quickly but he insists on reading a poem about Frederick attempting to rob the Baron, and his claims about having a sick Mother.
Doubting his account, they then see Frederick being brought into custody to the Castle, accompanied by the Baron. Feeling sorry for him, Amelia pleads with her father to have mercy on Frederick.
The Baron attempts to ask both Amelia and Anhalt how their conversation went but neither will give him a straight answer. The Baron demands to see Anhalt in private, but Anhalt leaves, claiming to have someone waiting for him. Amelia asks to speak to the Baron in private, but he refuses, believing she only wants to plead for Frederick again which he does not wish to hear. He leaves Amelia alone.
Amelia then has a conversation with the Butler in which he reveals that Frederick is only being given bread and water. Amelia resolves to take him something better.
Act 4 Scene 1
Imprisoned in the Castle, Frederick laments how quickly his life has changed from good to bad in just a few short hours.
Amelia visits him with her basket of provisions. Frederick wishes he could send them to his mother. Amelia questions him about his motives. In doing so, she reveals to Frederick that the man he assaulted is Baron Wildenhaim, her father, which shocks Frederick. Astonished, he repeats the phrase she uttered ‘My Father’.
Amelia cannot understand his reaction and believes that Frederick might be insane and she leaves.
Anhalt enters the room, probably unaware that Amelia had been there. He and Frederick speak and Frederick asks him to confirm the details that he has heard from Amelia. After confirming that the Baron he has robbed is indeed Baron Wildenhaim, he asks Anhalt to arrange an interview with the Baron - to which Anhalt conditionally agrees and he takes Frederick to see the Baron. To himself, Frederick prepares to confront the man he sees as his neglectful father, for the sake of his Mother.
Act 4 Scene 2
The Baron and Amelia are alone discussing Count Cassel. It is apparent from their conversation that she has recently had a private conversation with the Count. Amelia reveals she hates the Count. He has effectively proposed and has been boasting that he has had so many love affairs that his marriage to her will break the hearts of hundreds of women. The Baron suggests he is exaggerating, but Amelia believes it is true - because an acquaintance of their Butler has been seduced and ruined by the Count. The Baron sends for the Butler to question him about this information. The Butler arrives and the Baron sends Amelia out of the room. The Butler insists on giving his information in verse. He reveals that the Count had courted a young woman and promised to marry her, but slept with her the night before the wedding. On the wedding day itself, he never arrived - ruining the unnamed young woman.
Enraged, the Baron calls for the Count. He confronts him, but the Count is fairly indifferent and attempts to explain away his actions. The Baron becomes agitated by this conversation because he is keenly aware that he behaved in the same way as the Count has done - and feels he is on shaky ground. Confused, he asks the Count to leave the room.
Amelia enters. The Baron forbids her to marry the Count, to which she happily agrees and the two discuss how neither of them ever liked him. Nervously, Amelia brings him round to the subject of Anhalt and eventually confesses her love for him and that she would like to marry him and him her, and that Anhalt only didn’t ask because he felt it was inappropriate because of their difference in status.
As they are discussing how she came to find out Anhalt’s feelings, Anhalth himself enters the room and tells the Baron he has brought Frederick with him, who is waiting in the next room. The Baron at first refuses to see him despite the pleading of Amelia, but Anhalt persuades him that Frederick needs to hear his fate directly from the Baron. The Baron asks Anhalt to wait in the next room while he speaks to Frederick.
Frederick enters. The Baron expects him to use his Mother’s illness as a plea and points out this isn’t sufficient to excuse his crime. Frederick argues he has a second motive, a neglectful Father. Slowly suspecting the truth, the Baron questions Frederick who eventually reveals that his Father is none other than Baron Willhaim himself.
Frederick angrily berates the Baron for his actions towards his Mother and himself. Hearing the Baron’s agitation, Anhalt runs into the room as Frederick storms out of it. The Baron tells Anhalt what has transpired and urgently sends him to fetch Frederick’s mother from the village.
Act 5, Scene 1
Agatha is waiting in the cottage in agitation. She has received a purse of gold from an unknown benefactor (which we the audience know to be the Baron) but she is concerned because Frederick has not returned and asks the Cottager to look for him.
Anhalt arrives and he asks to speak to Agatha alone. Agatha tells Anhalt who he is, and Anhalth tells Agatha what has happened - leaving out the robbery and possible death sentence part - and persuades a reluctant and confused Agatha to go to the castle with him.
Act 5, Scene 2
Back at the castle we find the Baron and Frederick talking together much more calmly. The Baron asserts that he will financially provide for both Frederick and Agatha, and will make Frederick his legal heir.
Frederick asks, in a roundabout indirect way, if the Baron will marry his Mother, but the Baron refuses to say.
Somewhat annoyed, Frederick leaves the room to go and meet his Mother.
Anhalt enters, and he persuades the Baron that he must marry Agatha. He agrees, but expresses anxiety about meeting with her again and what she might think of him.
Amelia enters and they discuss the discovery of her new brother.
Thankful for Anhalt’s help in this entire situation, he agrees to the marriage of Anhalt and Amelia, to the joy and gratitude of that couple.
A physically unwell and mentally overwhelmed Agatha is led into the room by Frederick. She is embraced by the Baron and helped into a chair. She tells him she forgives him and it is implied their marriage will go ahead.
END OF PLAY
The particular text I have has an epilogue, a speech made by someone else which is about the benefits of poetry and has nothing to do with the play or the characters. I have no idea why it’s in there. I assume it’s justification for the changes she made to the Butler character which she referred to in the introduction.
EDIT: I'll add my character summaries over the next few days and link them to this post.

21 [F4M]/[F4F] Mexico/Anywhere Local Spinster Desperately Trying Not To Die Alone

Di-Jun Huang

#46
I’m cutting the character I’ve been complaining about no one else cutting for the entire round, who could have seen that coming?
I like Huang. Low B tier, I guess. Very low B tier. Scraping the top 50 is much more than far enough.
Turnabout Target
Turnabout Target is an excellent case. It’s fantastically paced with big reveals happening snappily one after the other, flying forward through its mystery like a bullet from a gun. It’s more densely packed than any first case has any right to be, and contains more hooks to keep you interested in the rest of the game than was even necessary.
Near the centre of this whirlwind is the titular character of this cut, Di-Jun Huang, the supposedly nearly assassinated president of Zheng-Fa. Isn’t this exciting! Kicking off the game with the attempted murder of the previous game’s rival’s country! And the assassin is the same fucking guy from 2-4? We get to finally take that guy down now, 4 games later, and in the first case no less??
That was enough. That’s all the case needed to be and I would have been satisfied with simply nabbing De Killer and having that be the end of it. But instead we get a great twist midway through the case where not only is Shelly not de killer, but he’s even meddling in the case’s investigation for the specific purpose of allowing Edgeworth to uncover the truth. I love it, and this is barely the halfway point.
The next section of the case finally concerns the man, the myth, the legend himself, the character who is ranked higher than Maya Fey, Di-Jun Huang.
Huang has been this commanding and authoritative presence throughout the entire case, he’s enormous and comically ripped in his stupidly tight suit, and never once lets up from his bravado. An overwhelming, powerful man who is a total fraud.
The assassination plot being a fake is just so fun? It’s fun. What a convolutedly dumb thing to do. The whole thing being an “asinine publicity stunt”, as Edgeworth puts it, isn’t a twist going for gasps so much as it’s going for laughs.
Look at this chubby chump. Pathetic.
It’s an ordeal entirely too entertaining to not captivate, which is great since the whole point of this portion of the case was to be a distraction so Knightley can do his Good Culprit Stuff behind your back. Or his back, technically.
And that’s about the extent of all there is to say about Di-Jun Huang, really. At first he looks like a tough guy. Then it turns out he’s not a tough guy. Pretty funny stuff.
I2-1 then proceeds to chug along without Huang since he’s outlived his purpose, but that’s whatever. He had his little thing, and then we move on from his little thing. Minor character doing minor character stuff.
But ending the cut here would be negligent of me, because there’s more to this president than meets the eye.
I lied his story does end there the next thing he does is die.
Di-Jun Huang is not alive any more. Shock and awe! A victim who we’ve already met when they were alive in a previous case? That’s kinda crazy. Sorta. The game literally just did this with Knightley but whatever, two people can share the spotlight, it’s fine.
In I2-5 we learn about Di-Jun Huang’s sordid past. Namely that the Di-Jun Huang we met in I2-1 wasn’t Di-Jun Huang at all, but a fake who’d stolen his identity. Fake-Huang had served as Real-Huang’s body double for a long time, and began to grow resentful. Why should the Real-Huang get all the glory of being the president when he’s not even the one putting himself in danger most of the time? Fake-Huang’s the real hero for always putting himself in danger’s way, until one day his grudge and envy became too much to bear.
He has the real president killed, and then assumes his identity.
In an attempt to cover his tracks, Fake-Huang attempts to kill the very same assassin he hired to kill the Real-Huang, only to fail in his attempt to assassinate the assassin due to the intervention of a young clown looking boy from the nearby orphanage. This clown boy would in turn bare a terrible grudge against Huang, leading to his murder a decade or so later.
All of this is to say, when I played I2-5 I said to myself “wow this lifeless corpse sure does have a shockingly convoluted backstory.” Cool stuff.
I2’s plot is a big step above basically every other Ace Attorney game’s plot because of how interconnected each case truly feels. The murders of four out of five cases were orchestrated all by the same man for the same reason, and everything clicking together in the end is rather satisfying. I2-3 is the only case that wasn’t set up by our favourite animal tamer, but no one even died in I2-3, it’s a cold case. All in all, the interconnectedness of the whole thing makes for a rather gratifying experience, and Huang being greatly involved in the backstory and motivations of our main villain only adds to that fun “everything is connected!” feeling.
I will say that in writing this writeup that I’ve realised that Huang/Roland/Blaise’s plan is a little bit contrived now that I’ve thought about it for more than a minute. Not only was there no need to try and kill off Dogen to buy his silence, but if we assume that is was actually necessary for them to be so overly cautious couldn’t Fake-Huang just fucking. Kill Real-Huang himself? He 100% had the opportunity to do that himself, all things considered, and it saves them the trouble of having to kill Dogen. Saying Fake-Huang wouldn’t do it because he’s too cowardly to do the deed himself is likely untrue since he also murdered the journalist dude by beating him over the head, and was also planning on killing Courtney because he was afraid she would uncover his secret (if Lang’s speculation is to be believed).
But I’m not cutting Huang because of this dumb nitpick that probably has an in-game explanation that I missed. That doesn’t really matter. The point of all this backstory they give Huang is to make him feel like an unexpectedly crucial element of the plot because, again, that “everything is connected” feeling is very fun! It achieves what it set out to try and do and I’m sure no one cares enough about Huang enough to put the finer details of his actions under scrutiny.
The only thing that really matters about the summation of events I’ve provided for you is that Simon Keyes has a reason to want Huang dead. That’s the only crucial detail since Simon Keyes is the character who actually matters and does cool character things. Di-Jun Huang aids Simon Keyes in doing cool character things by being dead. Very considerate of him.
And that’s all, really. Huang’s a gag character in the first case, which is fine, it’s a funny gag. He’s a corpse in the last case, that’s fine, he’s a good corpse.
I could leave things at that, but I feel committed to crafting the best Huang writeup I possibly can. There must be more to delve into.
Imposters
I think it would be prudent to compare and contrast Huang with characters of a similar archetype. As far as Ace Attorney is concerned, I think Furio Tigre would be a good candidate, especially considering the fact that Furio was another option for me to cut this round.
What makes Furio work as a character is the offensive, unashamed implausibility of everything about him. This guy who looks nearly nothing like Phoenix. He puts on a shitty cheap suit complete with a cardboard cut-out lawyer badge and proceeds to fool the entire courtroom through sheer force of will which is, quite frankly, delightful. Furio is a character that bakes himself into the tone of Ace Attorney, he’s a character that couldn’t work in basically any other murder mystery visual novel except Ace Attorney because Ace Attorney is extremely stupid. Ace Attorney is a dumb series where silly things happen and I need to emphasise that I say this with love. And Furio roars onto the scene (sort of like a furious tiger, if you will) and embraces that tone wholeheartedly. He looks you, the player, dead in the eyes and asks you if you’re man enough to actually be angry about how purposefully contrived this entire situation is. We all know the answer to that question.
Huang carries surface level similarities to Furio: they both barely look like the person they’re impersonating, they act nothing like the person they’re impersonating, and they’re able to completely fool everyone into thinking they are, indeed, the person they’re impersonating. They’re also similar in that the “reveal” of how they’re nothing like the person they’re impersonating is played as a joke.
But where I think Huang fails whereas Furio succeeds is in that special Ace Attorney quality that Furio has that I already went over. While the reveal that Huang maintains his appearance of strength by constantly sucking in his gut is pretty funny, it’s pretty easy to imagine this kind of bit character existing in another series. The impossibility of Furio’s existence is what makes him work, whereas Huang just doesn’t have that extra unique factor that his contemporary has.
You could argue that Huang is a slightly better character because they gave him a tiny bit of depth with the whole thing about him feeling intensely envious of the real president. However, this is a throw away piece of information that barely impacts the game in any form, and only serves to give Huang any old motivation to justify his actions. This (admittedly human) side of Huang simply doesn’t get explored by the game at all, because the game has no interest in exploring it. I don’t think that’s a fault with the game, in truth. I2-5 is long enough without also adding in a few scenes where we lament the tragic twisted life of the fat guy pretending he was fit. We don’t need to explore Huang’s depths, he’s better left alone as the more or less bit character that he is.
And besides, Furio Tigre himself arguably does get a sprinkle of depth on top of the comedy in the same way Huang does. Often overlooked by people is the fact that Furio’s actions were primarily motivated by self-defense. He was under threat from the Cadeverini crime family to pay up an extraordinary amount of money or else he’ll find himself sleeping with the fishies, as they say. It’s an interesting spin on the killing in self-defense motive, since the man Furio killed, Glen Elg (may his soul find peace), didn’t pose any kind of threat to Furio at all, yet he still felt the need to kill Mr Elg to save his own skin. This extra dimension of his character, unlike Huang, is actually featured more prominently in the case. All in all, I brand Furio Tigre the superior imposter character, which is why I’ve chosen to cut Huang over Furio here.
However, I don’t want to get too sidetracked. I realise I’ve slightly wandered away from the point by going on about Furio, so let’s circle back to reflecting on Huang’s character a little more by comparing him to another character.
Fair warning: the character I want to draw comparisons to now isn’t an Ace Attorney character. They’re a Danganronpa character. I know that both fandoms tend to have a lot of overlap, however I think it would be prudent for me to at least provide a spoiler warning for Danganronpa before we proceed.
Oddly enough, I think the Ultimate ImposteTwogami shares more similarities with Huang than even Furio does. Coincidentally, Investigations 2 and Danganronpa 2 happened to release one year after the other, so is it possible that Twogami maybe took some inspiration from Di-Jun Huang? It’s not a secret that Danganronpa draws heavily from Ace Attorney in terms of gameplay/concept, so I don’t think it’s impossible that this is true… It’s just extremely improbable.
Imposter is a character who feels a kind of envy toward the real Byakuya. He laments how he wishes he had been born with an identity as grand and full of opportunities as a Togami, so he simply pretends to be Byakuya. What Imposter comes to understand during his FTEs with Hajime is that all of Imposter’s friends like him for Imposter: they don’t know or understand what the real Byakuya is like (which is nothing like Imposter) and that everyone likes him because of who he is, not as who he pretends to be. Huang is similar in that he also takes on the identity of someone with much more renown than himself because he believes he could never acquire it on his own. The clear distinction being that Huang is right in sussing that he will never be as great a man as the real president.
Another funny coincidence is that both of these characters are basically the fatter version of their doppleganger, but I think it’s interesting to contrast how each of these characters feel about their fatness. Imposter has an interesting sense of pride in the fact that he’s overweight, always going on about how hard he works to maintain his ideal perfect weight. There’s a moment I quite like where another character tries to mock him for being fat, but Imposter just smiles and says he’s happy for people to acknowledge the truth about himself: the truth being that he’s fat. Imposter’s weight is the only distinguishing physical feature he has from the real Byakuya, therefore he gets an odd sense of comfort whenever people make reference to his “true self”. This stands in stark contrast to Di-Jun Huang, whose weight is treated like a source of shame or mockery. Huang feels no sense of empowerment in the occasions that he shows his true body, and instead seems rather embarrassed that he isn’t as physically fit as the real president.
I think that’s the heart of what the difference between those two characters’ identity issues are: Imposter wants to take pride in who he really is without having to take on the guise of another, yet he feels like he has to impersonate another person out of fear that his true self isn’t good enough. But he’s wrong, his true self is good enough, and that’s what he needs to learn. Huang stands in stark contrast because his true self is portrayed as most definitely not good enough. He has no positive qualities, and must leech off of another person’s good image so he can feel like a good person himself. But he will never get out of his identity issues rut because his deepest insecurities are true: he is nothing without the name Di-Jun Huang. Without that name he would be nothing bat a lazy, incompetent coward.
One of these characters needs to realise that he’s a good person who doesn’t need to transform into someone else. The other is terrified of the knowledge that transforming into someone else is the only way he’ll feel fulfilled. (Notice how both of these characters draw attention to how they are overweight as a form of comedy. Funny coincidence.)
I’ve gone on two tangents now about two characters that aren’t Huang, but that’s because I don’t think I’m capable of making any interesting analysis of Huang when looking at him in isolation. By standing Huang up against at least two other characters who are similar to him, I hope I’ve been able to squeeze out enough critical analysis to satisfy you.
Logic Chess
One notable thing about Di-Jun Huang that I would be remiss not to mention is the fact that he serves as our introduction to the Logic Chess minigame. (Logic Chess also happens to be the most useless skill in aarankdown)
The bread and butter of Ace Attorney gameplay has always been the cross examinations. It’s by far the most fun part of the games and the reason I wanted to play through this entire series at all. Rifling through bits of evidence to find the lie in someone’s story is a fun and satisfying little puzzle (almost) all of the time. That said, this series has never felt the need to leave well enough alone and likes to introduce little side mechanics that can be hit (therapy session, divination seance) or miss (magatama, perceive).
Logic Chess happens to be one such minigame that I think is pretty fun. There are many instances in the Ace Attorney story where the protagonist coaxes out information from another character in some way, and Logic Chess is a way of putting that process in the players’ hands instead of it just being a part of the story.
Admittedly, it’s a rather easy minigame. The options are always a) I respectfully disagree with what you have to say; b) I disrespectfully disagree with what you have to say you stupid git; or c) Wait and see. In spite of this, the game still feels rather engaging simply with the addition of a time limit that depletes faster everything time you select the wrong answer. That little bit of pressure not to fuck up turns Logic Chess from what would have been a bit of a tedious slog to something that actually feels rather engaging. Our chess battle with Huang is no exception, and a great first exposure to the mechanic.
Chess is a running motif throughout Investigations 2. It’s brought up how Edgeworth really enjoys the game, and we can even graph many of the characters we see in the game onto each of the chess pieces. Rooke is the rook, Knightley is the knight, and Huang is the King. On the Ace Attorney wiki page for Di-Jun Huang it says that Roland is supposed to be the queen and Blaise is the bishop. Personally, I don’t see the resemblance, but for the sake of keeping up the metaphor I’ll just sagely nod my head and agree.
If we were to then consider I2 a game of metaphorical chess between Edgeworth and The Mastermind, then I feel like the whole chess analogy begins to fall apart. Chess ends when one side captures the other side’s king, and if Huang represents the king then Keyes sure captured him. Perhaps it’s best that we don’t look into this chess imagery too hard, since it’s really just a surface level aesthetic rather than anything meaningful.
I’ve never personally been too great at chess. I know how to play chess, however the problem comes from the fact that I don’t know how to play chess well. I still really enjoy the game though, I find it fun to read up on the tactics involved with different openers and whatnot even though I don’t think I’m personally capable of utilising them well in a real game.
That’s probably why I degrade myself by playing Fire Emblem so much. Strategy games that emulate the feel of chess in the sense that you’re moving pieces along a grid to capture/kill the other team’s pieces. I don’t think the rudimentary similarities are lost on the Fire Emblem games, since there are multiple characters who invent games akin to chess to practise their war tactics on. For example, the main character in Awakening is this tactician using chess to hone his tactical skills, and then this other guy called Virion comes along and offers to play him since it’s hard for the MC, Robin, to practise by himself. However Virion keeps whooping Robin’s ass in chess, and he begins to feel like he shouldn’t be the army’s tactician if he can’t even win at chess. Virion then points out that he only wins because he makes tons of sacrifices out of his pieces, and such strategies would be cruel to employ in real life and it’s Robin’s strong desire to never lose one single piece that should be valued over Virion’s more ruthless tactics. I always really liked that support thread, I like how it knows that the player is always desperate to keep every unit alive and uses that to draw the distinction between the best way to play chess vs the best way to play Fire Emblem, plus Virion’s a very cool character. Just a shame he’s not that good of a unit.
I think I find strategy RPGs much more appealing than normal RPGS because with the ordinary RPG the enemies stats are always hidden from the player and everything feels like a shot in the dark. I like how Fire Emblem allows you to calculate exactly how much damage you will deal and take, it really makes me feel like the outcome of a fight is in my hands.
The only problem with Fire Emblem when it comes to feeling like you’re always in control of the outcome is when they use same turn reinforcements, or STR for short. Basically, STR are when extra enemies show up on the map that weren’t previously visible and attack you before the game lets you do anything (they attack on the same turn they appear). There’s never any way to plan around it, and for a game that’s supposed to be strategy oriented, losing because of something you literally cannot plan around saps the fun out of the whole experience. What’s worse is that in the most recent FE game, they made it so that STR only exist in the hardest difficulty, so the developers 100% know that they are frustratingly annoying to deal with and utilise them to artificially inflate the difficulty without having to design the enemy layout in such a way that the player is decently challenged without feeling cheated. It’s a shame how FE can be such an old series with so many installments and yet it can’t get mechanics that everyone hates removed after so many years. It seems like it’d be easy to do.
I think that if Di-Jun Huang played Fire Emblem his favourite character would be Caspar von Bergliez.
Caspar is a really small guy who wants to be a big tough strong guy one day, and I think Huang would identify with his wish to one day become a big muscular manly man. I like to imagine that even though Huang and Caspar appear quite different on the surface Huang would still relate to him because of how badly he wants to be buff like the real Di-Jun Huang.
Getting Buff Like President Di-Jun Huang
Well, maybe not buff, but at least as big as Di-Jun Huang. People can dismiss Huang as a useless bit character if they like, but even if he is a bit character I think we should look into his bit just a little bit more!
Just by eyeballing Huang, I’d say he weighs about 220 pounds. The Wiki says he’s 6 feet tall, and if we estimate his age as about 50 years old, then in order to maintain his weight he would need to eat roughly 2700 calories every day, which is a pretty respectable caloric intake.
When it comes to weight gain/loss, people tend to overestimate just how important exercise is compared to how important your diet is. Always remember, your muscles are made in the gym, your weight is lost in the kitchen. That is to say that your diet should be your first priority when managing your weight (not that exercise isn’t important too, of course!)
When calculating Huang’s required caloric intake I assumed that he would have a very light exercise routine, however not quite sedentary. As I already mentioned, if you want to impersonate the Fake-Huang and look like him, the required amount of daily calories you must consume is 2700. To put that into perspective, that’s 450 shrimp every single day, assuming you eat nothing else.
I pick shrimp because shrimp is the kind of food that you can eat forever and never feel like you’re getting full. I always thought I loved shrimp when I was younger, but eventually I realised I just like Old Bay. You see, my family’s from the US, but I don’t live in the US, and every summer when I was a kid we’d go to visit, and every summer we’d eat at this restaurant that served seafood and holy shit I fucking loved devouring those shrimp. But then back home whenever I had shrimp they tasted boring as hell? As I grew out of adolescence I came to understand that the reason that American shrimp that I loved so much was so good was because they were burying those fuckers in Old Bay seasoning.
What sucks is that Old Bay’s not available in stores back home, which means if I want shrimp that doesn’t taste like ass then I have to find my own substitute.
How to make homemade Old Bay Seasoning
You will need:

2-3 Bay Leaves (dry, no stems)
1/4 tsp of Ground Mustard Seed
1/2 tsp of Celery salt
1/8 tsp of Thyme
1 pinch of Nutmeg
1 pinch of Cinnamon
1 pinch of Ground Cloves
1 pinch of Ground Ginger
1 pinch of Ground Cardamom
1/8 tsp of Cayenne Pepper
2 pinches of Allspice
1/2 tsp of Paprika
1 pinches of Black Pepper
1/8 tsp of Fennel Seed

The only tricky part of this recipe is making sure you have all of this crap somewhere in your kitchen, but if not then one trip to the grocer ought to have you sorted. Once you have everything, it’s not hard to make that sweet, sweet Old Bay with no hassle at all: all you have to do is toss everything together and mix well!
It’s important to note that these ingredients have been sussed out by folks trying to recreate Old Bay, and it may not actually be the real recipe. But I’ve tried this myself and I can attest to the fact that it comes pretty damn close to the real thing. Also, since this isn’t the exact recipe, don’t get too hung up on the exact measurements: feel free to measure how much of each spice with your heart rather than a tablespoon!
If there are any extremely novice cooks out there, just a word of advice from someone who's made very dim cooking mistakes before: when a recipe asks you to put thyme in something, you’re supposed to just add the leaves, not the stem. When I was first learning to cook I would mindlessly do exactly what the recipe said, so when a recipe said to use a sprig of thyme I’d toss the whole fuckin sprig in there because that’s what the recipe told me to. My sister caught me cooking by tossing the whole sprig in and had to explain how you’re actually supposed to do it and that was embarrassing finding out I’d been doing it wrong for so long but like. Is it my fault I had gone through my life so long never being taught how to properly use thyme? Everyone is born without knowing anything, and we grow and learn by our experiences, so really it’s everyone else in the world’s fault for not cluing me in earlier on how thyme works.
Some people may want to blame me for my lack of culinary knowledge. I, however, prefer to blame God.
The Answer To Job
The story of Job (pronounced Jobe) is one that teaches that God should not be blamed for the misfortune of man.
For those unfamiliar, the story goes like this: Satan tells God that he thinks that his most devout followers only follow God because God rewards their faith. However, if God were to take away a good person’s happiness, then that person would turn against God and no longer be faithful. God sets out to prove Satan wrong.
Job is their test subject. Job is a holy and faithful man, who is happy with his life. He has a wife, many children, and a luscious farmland to live on. God decides to murder all of his children and livestock, leaving him destitute and grief stricken. His wife then leaves Job because he can no longer provide for her.
Some of Job’s mates then come round to Job’s place and are like “buddy, what grave unforgivable sin have you committed? We all know you’re being punished for something so fess up.” The catch, of course, is that Job has done absolutely nothing wrong: his misery is not a punishment. Job argues with his friends, but they simply don’t believe him.
Frustrated and angry, Job yells out to God and demands God explain why he’s torturing Job so much. And God answers by showing Job all of the universe: he takes Job to places that have monstrous behemoths and leviathans, to the farthest reaches of the stars, to all the little quiet places on earth. God says that he maintains all of it at once, and all of it is connected. Job realises that he could never maintain the entire universe the way God does, and so he learns his place in the world.
I think this story’s a load of bullshit. God hand waves away Job’s suffering by telling him it’s part of some grand cosmic scheme that he couldn’t possibly comprehend but. We know God’s fucking lying! God was just fucking with Job for the sake of it! The fable doesn’t teach us anything about why good people experience misery, it seems to imply, to me at least, that God does it for fun? To score points against the devil?
So this bloke called Carl Jung from a wee while ago decided this story was bullshit too. Fun fact, Carl was such a big fan of Dual Destinies and Athena Cykes that he invented analytical psychology in real life. Anyway, he looked at all the misery in the world caused by war and the like that he was like God what the fuck? Same way Job was that one time, and he writes a whole book about trying to figure out why God is such an asshole.
The problem with god, he says, is that he contains many contradicting traits. He is all powerful, all knowing, and all loving. If God is good, and God is all powerful, then the reason that misery exists must be because God is not omniscient. Or we could say that god is all knowing and all good, and in that case the reason that God does not prevent misery is because he is powerless to do so, ergo he is not omnipotent. The final combo is God is all powerful and all knowing, which is the most sinister scenario, because this means God has the means to prevent suffering and chooses not to do so. How can our hero Carl reconcile this conundrum?
His answer for Job’s question is Jesus. Job’s story was set in BC, before God had taken human form as Jesus so he could truly learn what it is like to suffer as a human being. When God realizes that being a person is actually very hard and painful, he chills out and stops being so needlessly cruel. What Carl is positing here, basically, is that God went through character development during the bible and he’s like, a top tier character.
Now, after God has come to understand the human condition first hand, he would never inflict suffering on people like Job again. Now all suffering is truly a result of God’s master plan for the universe, and none of it is out of place.
Everything is part of God’s plan, which is why it’s his fault I put the stems of my thyme in my egg stir fry that one time.
My Mandarin Teacher in Senior School was named Mr Huang
At my senior school everyone had to take a foreign language class. Most people there took Spanish or French, but I took Mandarin because. Well. Not sure why. Guess I was curious about how on earth those symbols work to make words. Plus I’ve spoken English my whole life, you think I want to learn to speak another romance language? Fuck off. If your language evolved from a bunch of latin tossers you can suck me.
Anyway, so my Mandarin class only had 5 kids in it including myself which was a bit of a laugh. Lessons were always very casual with barely anyone present and I enjoyed myself. Was in that class from S3 to S6, that’s four years, and I currently don’t know a lick of Mandarin at all. I tried to be a good student in that class since Mr Huang was an extremely cool teacher, plus it was important to not fall behind since every lesson felt like a competition against my few other classmates. Despite this, every word of Mandarin I used to know has seemingly fallen out of my head since the last time I used it, which was during my final exam for the subject which was three years ago now. Take this as a warning, if you’re learning a second language you gotta keep practising it or it will fade away over time. I also got a C on that exam, which was bullshit by the way, pretty sure I am amazing at everything and never get anything less than 100% on every test I take? Rigged.
So the thing is with Mr Huang, right, is one day we were learning about colours, and can you guess what yellow in Mandarin is? It’s Huang. Like his name. It wasn’t a homonym, it was literally the same character. (The character is 黄 for those curious) That’s at least one bit of chinese that stuck with me over the years, so I guess I didn’t totally waste my time trying to learn it. Immature 14 year old donuter and his classmates had a bit of a giggle at the fact that our Chinese teacher was literally named Mr Yellow, but Mr Huang was chill and thought it was funny too so no one got in trouble for being edgy and a teenager and mildly racist.
However, what isn’t chill is the fact that the I2 fan localisation team would use such a clearly inflammatory name for what is clearly supposed to be a Chinese character (we all know Zheng Fa is very obviously derivative of China). The characters who were localised to become American aren’t named Gunjamin Hamburger, so what gives? Racism is what gives. They saw an asian character and thought they would be clever and call him Yellow, very edgy, I applaud you fan localisers (I am being sarcastic). They literally renamed this character so he would be President Yellow, amazing.
What is even more sickening is that the Ace Attorney Wiki is complicit in their casual bigotry, electing not to divulge the fact that Huang is a common Mandarin surname meaning yellow. They try to hand wave away this discrepancy between the badass original name meaning KING by saying they “changed the pronunciation”. Yeah, they changed the pronunciation into a completely different word, you bellends.
But perhaps… my outrage may be unjustified. For you see, yellow can also be slang for cowardly, and Huang is for sure cowardly, resembling a cowardly lion in his deflated form. It is possible that the localisation team was only intending to make reference to this facet of his character, and provide particularly perceptive players with a hint about his true nature just by his name. This misunderstanding is not too uncommon.
So in the end, maybe it’s for the best that I chalk this one up to an unfortunate coincidence.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that if my high school Mandarin teacher Mr Huang had come into class one day and exhaled with superhuman vigour and revealed himself to be secretly very fat all along then I think that would have been quite funny of him.
In Conclusion
You know what I did last round? I wrote a cut about a character that just doesn’t matter. I wrote a short cut. But I realised that’s just not acceptable from this point on. Series defining characters are leaving the rankdown now, prosecutors whose characters cemented me as being a fan of the series, characters who have arcs spanning multiple games or who are so quintessential to Ace Attorney as a product it wouldn’t be Ace Attorney without them. Such characters deserve respect when they’re cut, and should be given a rigorous analysis when they leave, just as all my fellow rankers always do. And I realised that, if a character like Huang can outlast multiple franchise icons, as well as some genuinely richly written/multifaceted characters then, he too, surely, by the law of transitivity, must also be a series defining icon, a rich and compelling character with true depth, and thus deserves the same amount of rigorous analysis we would afford to them.
I don’t see how anyone could argue with Di Jun Huang in the top 50. He objectively deserves it. He’s that good.
I can anticipate the ugly comments that I will receive on this post from mouth breathers with no respect for the infallible opinions of us ten ordained-by-god rankers. They’ll say:

“Donuter, I don’t think you really believe that Di-Jun Huang is a masterclass of character writing. This cut reads as uncaring and dismissive, almost as if you believe that there’s some sort of problem with Di-Jun Huang outlasting Pearl Fey, Mia Fey, Trucy Wright, Ema Skye, Maya Fey, Franziska von Karma, and Nahyuta Sahdmadhi, when characters like Larry Butz are still available. I think that while you appear to sometimes approach Huang’s character with earnestness you still make enormous stretches in your analysis as if you’re trying to mock the idea that Huang could be seriously analysed. I also think the long meandering asides you delve into are meant to emphasise how little there is to say about Di-Jun Huang, and how one would expect that we ought to only be covering good or interesting characters by now if so many key character have gone out already (or at the very least if not good characters, characters that can spark any kind of edifying discussion at all, even if a ranker happens to dislike them). But I don’t think you have considered the fact that there are many huge Di-Jun Huang stans out there who will be saddened that his character has been reduced to an excuse for you to soapbox about your opinion about the state of the rankdown. It’s insulting to all of us who genuinely love Di-Jun Huang, and it’s disrespectful to the rankers who have worked very hard on cuts for major characters that truly believe they are inferior to Di-Jun Huang. I dislike how it feels as if you’ve been irony poisoned, incapable of truly appreciating the depths of Di-Jun Huang, and are unequipped, or worse, unwilling, to analyse those depths with a sincere and unbiased critical eye.”

To these people I say: sod off? You can suck my nads too if you like.
How dare you, how dare you insinuate that I’m not taking Di-Jun Huang’s cut completely seriously? I have never in my rankdown career received such unfounded criticism, such- such biased critical opprobrium that I can hardly contain my anger at the unjustness of the accusation.
Di-Jun Huang is fantastic. Amazing. I truly believe that with all my heart. So save your toxic, mean-spirited and conspiracy riddled comments to yourself, because I won’t read them. I always turn notifications off on all my posts. I have too much self-respect to engage with those who hate me blindly for no reason.
I think Di-Jun Huang is so good, in fact, that I only cut him as a form of self-hatred, because I was afraid that the rankdown was reaching levels of quality that’s entirely intimidating to spectators. When I said Huang was B tier at the start of this writeup I was lying, you gullible fuckin rubes! He’s S+ tier at the bare minimum.
This should be a lesson to you all: quality of character is never rewarded. If it were, my face would be on the stirling coins instead of the queen’s.
Ahem. Uh. What I’m trying to say is. Next ranker to cut a major character is having the top of their tier list scrapped off like shit off my shoe. At least two other rankers have agreed to cooperate with me on this so your revive will be pointless.
Di-Jun Huang is a character in Gyakuten Kenji 2. I like the part where he exhales and find out he has a gut.

Virtual Drag Race All Stars 6 PREMIERE: Episode 1- All Star Talent Mega Show

All Stars.
Sophie Srs sits on her throne.
Bring them to me.
And…
Bring the Assassins too.
~
https://i.redd.it/o9eccu40pha61.gif
“Oh my.” Melodrama struts in a dress that looks as if it is made of purple rose petals, that go all the way up to her head and on top of her glamorous black wig. “Did somebody call for some… Melodrama?”
Melodrama: “Oh hello, hello hello.” Melodrama winks. “It’s me, your Broadway Darling. I am Melodrama, Season 11 Super Starlet of The Stage, and I'm here to win.” She chuckles. “I had… an interesting run on season 11. I was perhaps a little too into my fantasy- but who isn’t! But i’m a little more in control of it now. A touch of self-awareness, but this.. fantasy is still mine - and now i’m even more on top of it! The people love me! You all know you do, darlings.” Melodrama winks. “With a sewing lesson or two… and some lip sync skills… well, i’m ready to win.”
“Again, the first?” Melodrama laughs. “Oh that’s ever so exciting.” She walks over to the mirror. “Wow, I look lovely.” Melodrama begins to sing a tune. “And I…. Will Always…”
“And…” Gigi St Frostfur walks in an Angelic huge Operatic Gown, and a French Aristocratic White Wig. “I-” Gigi begins to sing a whistle note, so loud that a glass on the table cracks. Melodrama gasps as Gigi spins around, her wig and dress falls, and underneath is a bright pink latex bodysuit and big blonde wig. “Am craving… Tiger Meat?” Gigi purses her lips and then smirks.
Melodrama: “Of course, the other SINGER! Dear LORD.”
Gigi St Frostfur: “I’m Gigi St Frostfur, and I ain’t no Saint.” Gigi winks. “I’m known as the artist formerly known as Saint St Frostfur, from Season 9 of Virtual Drag Race. On season… let’s say I was.. Held back. Physically and Mentally. I wasn’t at my peak, and honestly.. I let myself get mumbled in the mess. When I got back home, I took a beak. Reevaluated my drag… and Gigi was reborn. I like to think of my drag as the intersection of the Opera and… a Trashy, Messy Roast. Comedy and Performance is where I like to shine, and that’s what my skills lie. A St Frostfur doesn’t always have to be Heavenly… but she has to stick with your heart, and make you roar. And that’s what I plan to do here.” Gigi winks.
“Oh, you look lovely.” Melodrama smiles and hugs Gigi.
“And you look like you’re going to give me a Hayfever Allergy.” Gigi laughs.
“I am just happy to have someone here who respects the arts.” Melodrama smiles. “It’s been far too long.”
“It has.” Gigi grins.
Gigi St Frostfur: “Melodrama and I know each other in both the drag… and theatrical circles. We studied at the same school. She’s certainly a spirited Queen, and has a helluva voice.” Gigi grins. “I’m excited to compete with her.”
Producer: “Do you think she’s a threat?”
Gigi St Frostfur: “Everyone’s a threat. Until they’re not.”
“Now, let’s hope our next Queen can match our level of Sophistication and Grace.” Melodrama smiles.
“Oh, I’m not classy.” Gigi looks at Melodrama. “Did you watch Season 9? I was a cunt.”
Melodrama gasps.
Gigi shrugs. “It’s true.”
Sabuki Dubidu appears, wearing a pastel pink dress with splats of rainbow paint all over. “I’ve calculated…. And by the square root of pie, you’re a dumb bitch.”
“Oh God.” Gigi laughs.
“Oh Lord.” Melodrama gasps.
Sabuki Dubidu: “What do you get when you cross the most beautiful woman in the world with All Stars? Well, statistically speaking, the winner of course. I am Sabuki Dubidu, Queen from the most important Season of Virtual Drag Race, Season 4. On season 4… I didn’t care, and I wasn’t bothered. So I just float through. I was the Queen with the most safe placements of all time.”
\This is not accurate*
Sabuki Dubidu: “I’m here with the beauty, the grace and the performing skills to take the crown I so rightly deserved.”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Sabuki screams.
Gigi jumps in the air.
“Hello.” Sabuki nods. “Who are you two?”
“Hi Sabuki, I am Melodrama…” Melodrama smiles.
“NEXT.” Sabuki turns. “You are?”
“Gigi St Frostfur.” Gigi smiles. “Or you can call me Totalee Spi.”
“Meh. Bad Joke.” Sabuki shrugs.
Sabuki Dubidu: “Melodrama the lip sync flop and the boring St Frostfur? Is there no budget this season?”
Lady Charlotte enters the workroom in a Victorian Era look… with a twist. Her dress… is missing her head, which is… in a fitting illusion, in her hands. “Off WITH HER- Oh.” Lady Charlotte purses her lips.
Lady Charlotte: “I am the Lady Charlotte, and I am the most classic of Queens.” Lady Charlotte smiles. “I am Top 5 from Season 7 of Virtual Drag Race, and I am over the moon to be here. It’s been… quite a while since my season, but alas… I am glad to finally be here, back on the show! I’ve blanched a little bit away from the old lady gig- I’ve played a role in a Broadway Musical, I’ve dabbled in the horror form of drag and I am proud to say I am an Insta-Sickening Queen!” Charlotte chuckles.
“Hello Ladies of the Drag Stage!” Charlotte smiles. “How are we today?”
“Your outfit is inaccurate. At the time, the Victorian English did not chop off heads- execution by hanging. That was the method.” Sabuki looks at Charlotte.
“Oh.” Charlotte laughs. “Silly me! The headless Queen!”
Gigi eyes Charlotte.
Gigi St Frostfur: “Lady Charlotte is a comedic threat- but I sense… more of the same with her. I hope to gain a bit… of authentic Charlotte. I’ll be honest, I don’t know her… that well? But does… anyone?”
Dressed like a Plastic Bratz doll straight out of 2004, Nancy Doll, full of plastic in her face, winks. “I’m a Plastic Whore, in a Plastic World.” Nancy looks determined. “Yes.”
Nancy Hook-Doll: “Is it on?” Nancy adjusts her hair. “Hi World, I’m Nancy Doll, the Barbie Doll of Drag… gone Bratz. I am from… past seasons of Virtual Drag Race, that you don’t need to know about. It’s been a while. Since Season 6, I’ve proudly transitioned, becoming my truest form- a boss bitch.” Nancy whips her hair. “I’m here to win, on point, periodt, okay.”
“Sabuki!” Nancy Hook-Doll runs over to hug Sabuki.
“Do I know you?” Sabuki looks at Nancy.
“We were on the same season.” Nancy looks at Sabuki.
“I’ve never seen you in my life.” Sabuki looks confused.
“Wait, am I… am I wrong?” Nancy pouts. “What season was I in again…?”
Melodrama, Gigi and Charlotte all struggle to stifle a laugh.
Melodrama: “The worst part is… I don’t know if she’s serious.” Melodrama laughs. “I mean, I forget people too. I also just… pretend they don’t exist if they aren’t important or valid to me.”
Esther Rosenberg walks in a christmas themed sweater, a glass of wine in her hand, and a comfy pair of jeans. “Am I late to the party?”
“Oh yes.” Gigi grins.
Esther Rosenberg: “Oh hello! It’s me, Esther Rosenberg, the Wine Aunt of Drag. Now, you may recall me… Jewish Drag Queen, winner of the Virtual Drag Race Christmas Special. I was wallowing in early out hell- happily, performing in New York City, furthering my large drag family just like every Jewish icon should… and then I was thrust into fame after winning this season. It’s been a few years, and i’ve picked up a few tricks… but most of all, i’m just here to have a gay old time.” Esther smiles.
“Nancy Doll! Sabuki… Melodrama! Charlotte… and Gigi, my friend!” Esther smiles and hugs Gigi.
“I instantly feel welcome when she grins.” Charlotte chuckles.
“I feel thankful that there’s one grandma I know I can beat in a lip sync.” Gigi winks and looks at Esther. “How are you, Aunty Esther?”
“Sweet as pie. Did your drag mother know what you’re saying? You nasty, little sexy singing comedic drag Queen.” Esther chuckles.
“I’m a bad girl.” Gigi laughs, and two smile.
Esther Rosenberg: “Gigi is a daughter to Heaven, so of course, a friend of mine. I love that dear little Queen!”
On a high-fashion, diamond studded skateboard, Iris Kettle skates in gold tight leather outfit. “Did someone call for… risky business?”
“Trade of the season….” Sabuki winks. “Delicious. I want to claim her soul.”
Iris Kettle: “Heya Dudes, Dudette’s and Icons of the non-dude variety!” Iris winks. “I’m Iris Kettle, and I’m the daredevil drag darling here for round 2. On Season 9, I was a risk taking, high flying Queen who found the Queen of his dreams. And now… i’m still the same gal! Just… no longer broke and on a budget, so the quality is a lot better.” Iris winks. “Oh… and bigger muscles of course, man!” Iris looks at their arms. “You can see them.” She flexes.
“What the fuck is UP!” Iris laughs. “How are we all doing?”
“Oh, my dear!” Nancy runs over, her large heels clattering on the floor. “You look FABULOUS. Like a Hawk.”
“Good to see you Nancy. You look gorgeous, and… a bit fresher. I like seeing you in your own element, solo.” Iris nods.
“What do you mean?” Nancy curls a piece of her hair with her finger.
“Oh, just like when you’re wit-”
Maya Hook struts in wearing a belt studded with what appears to be the heads of Gigi St Frostfur, Iris Kettle, Lady Charlotte, Melodrama, Nancy Hook-Doll and Sabuki Dubidu. “Heads will roll, when the hook is in town.”
Esther looks startled. “How did she know- how did she get our heads? How did she know it was-”
“The Power of Mistress Hook.” Nancy smiles wistfully.
Maya Hook: “I’m Maya Hook, and I cannot be tamed. I am the true legend of drag race- the first out, but never the first forgotten. Did you remember Norma Joans? No, nobody does. Because she’s not Maya Hook. It’s been years, and I am ready for this competition. I’ve trained, I've prepared, and no one is getting in my way.” Maya cracks her knuckles.
Nancy grins. “Sissy!”
She hugs Maya. Maya rolls her eyes during.
Nancy Hook-Doll: “When we moved to LA together, I took the name Hook, because Maya thought it was a good idea. I suggested hook-doll for us BOTH, but she didn’t like it for herself, so I just took it. Oh well! I’m just… so happy to see my roommate here… with me.” Nancy smiles.
Maya Hook: “I hate the bitch. Plastic.”
“So, we’re all looking… interesting.” Maya purses her lips.
“Your shrunken head of me is inaccurate. You should’ve done better.” Sabuki looks at Maya. “It is poor quality.”
“Well… heads will roll because of that.” Maya winks.
Sabuki stares at Maya.
Britt-Maj Canth smirks as she struts in a classic look- a sickening, perfectly fitting power suit with a gorgeous blonde updo… with just the jacket and no shirt underneath. Business, but fashion. “Kom igen All Stars ... dags att få avel.”
“Yes French!” Nancy smiles.
“It’s actually German.” Maya looks at Nancy.
“It’s Swedish?” Esther chuckles.
Britt-Maj Canth: “I’m Britt-Maj Canth, and I am not playing it safe, no no.” Britt purses her lips. “I’m proud to be the FIRST All Star cast from Season 13 of Virtual Drag Race. On my season… I floated a lot. As someone who viewed myself as a perfectionist… it fucking hurt, okay?” Britt laughs. “I’m back with the look refined, and the personality to throw at my performance. In season 13, I had that personality- I mean, I always had a lot to say…” Britt smirks. “But I didn’t show it enough on the stage. I don’t plan to be safe. I plan to win.”
“Hell yes.” Iris smiles and extends her arm to Britt. “Big fan. Good to have someone my age here.” She laughs.
“Oh, and we are just old dinosaurs. My bones, brittle. My eyes, crying from the pains of AGE.” Lady Charlotte laughs.
Britt looks at Charlotte and laughs.
“Season 13, mhm?” Maya smiles. “A notorious season.”
“A groundbreaking season.” Britt shrugs. “Perhaps these are the words you’d want to use.”
“I don’t know about that.” Charlotte laughs. “Season 7 put it on the map.”
“Season 9 took the time to give a show of a lifetime.” Gigi smirks.
“At least we can all agree.” Melodrama smiles. “Season 8 was-”
BOOM. Big, stomping heels bend around the corner, and Jess Deadly arrives, wearing a mini dress made out of the Indigenous Flag, covered in jewels and a long black wig that goes to the bottom of her high, HIGH studded boots. “Fucking Deadly, Mate.”
“Oh lord.” Gigi laughs. “Pack it up!”
Jess winks.
Jess Deadly: “I’m Jess Deadly, and just like my ancestors, I am a hunter, warrior and a fierce spirit. I’m Top 5 from Season 8 of Virtual Drag Race… and I am…” Jess smirks. “A bit of a divisive figure. I was younger, I was fierce and I was surrounded by an idiot who loved to cause drama. Since season 8, I’ve toured the world, stepped up my drag, performance and comedy… especially the comedy, and now I’m back, ready to take the crown. This time… I promise I'll play nice.” Jess grins. “Unless someone peeves me off, then no promises.” She laughs.
“Fucking sickening.” Britt smiles.
“All of you. Stunning.” Jess grins. “How we all doing today?”
“I’m feeling like a Queen who made it to the Top 3.” Sabuki smiles.
Jess looks at Sabuki.
Jess Deadly: “First thing you say? Oh no. That’s not on. Especially looking like that.”
“Well done, you managed to diss every single person here bar Iris.” Jess laughs.
“An 8 for one roast, don’t we LOVE that.” Britt smirks dryly.
Sabuki shrugs.
Oh, Sophie!
“Oh I MISSED that.” Melodrama smiles. “Lalalaaaaaa…”
Hello, my All Stars! When you’re back, you gotta give it all. This time, not just on the stage. But in the WORLD.
“Whatever could this mean?” Iris laughs. “Fuck I’m excited.”
“Agreed.” Gigi laughs. “I’m ready.”
Hello Beautiful People!
My All Stars…
Each of you has been here, handpicked by myself because you represent the best of the best in Drag, some of my great successors and in my eyes, potential next Drag Superstar. As someone who got her rudemption on All Stars… I know the power of this competition, darling. With that in mind… For this week’s maxi challenge, we’ll be doing our classic talent show. But with a twist. This time, you’ll get to do it on home territory. Each of you will get to fly away for your talent show, perform at a location of your choice… and then return for the runway to give us your very BEST DRAG.
Maya Hook: “Talent is my middle name. I’m ready to slay, filet and dominate this challenge. Call me The Queen of All Stars.”
~
Sophie visits the Monarch’s as they get prepare to fly out.
Iris Kettle!
“Sophie Srs. You look HOT.” Iris winks.
Always a flirt, which I love.
“Always.” Iris smiles.
So tell me Iris, what are you doing for your talent show?
“Now on Season 9, I had a lot of talk about being the drag daredevil. So, I want to show that. I’m doing a parkour routine.” Iris grins.
Already excited… how are you going to show you’ve leveled up through your show?
“Well, I like to think of myself always being at a high level, without coming off as too cocky…” Iris smirks.
I don’t think that’s cocky. You made it top 3 for a reason.
“So this is showing an elevation. Me at my best level, that is my talent show performance.” Iris nods.
I’m looking forward to seeing it, Iris.
Iris grins.
The Lady Charlotte!
“Hello Ms Sophie.” Charlotte smiles.
So, I saw you in GayMerica last year…
“It was a blessed time. To originate a role on Broadway- in drag! I loved it.” Charlotte smiles.
Now, are you singing for your talent show?
“I am not. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and doing a burlesque horror themed performance piece.” Charlotte grins. “Showing I am a different performer than season 7.”
I like that. I think that’s a smart choice. But I’d also say this is a first impression. Make sure you deliver. You slayed season 7…
“And I plan to do the same here.” Charlotte grins.
Good. Make sure you do.
~
The Monarchs fly out for their various talent shows.
~
“Hiya.” Mr Bangock winks. “Straight from Thailand, I’m Mr BANGCOCK, and I’m… here on the stage of drag race? Oh, we’re here? Okay!”
“You’re with me.” Maya Hook adjusts her black wig. “The one, the only Maya Hook.”
“You’ve heard it, the one, the only!” Bangkock smiles. “Though I thought this was the third-”
Maya glares at Bangcock.
“So, Maya, you look lovely. What are you doing for your talent show?” Bangcock looks at Maya.
“Well, I practice the art of Voodoo, and I am also a fierce ass bitch. So I’ve created my original performance to my new song, ‘Voodoo.’” Maya winks. “It’s fierce.”
“I love this name already!” Bangkok grins.
“Well, get off my stage so I can DO THIS.” Maya winks. “I’m about to slay.”
~
“Helloooooooo! W am Sophwe Vwolet Cwumble! And W am hewe in DOWNTOWN LAS ANGWLWS! WOW! Wwth… Wwws Kettle!” Sophie winks.
“Hello you gorgeous fans. It’s good to be here, and I hope you’re well too.” Iris winks and flexes.
“So… what awe you doing for youwe tawent show!” Sophie beams.
“We’re here…” Iris looks into the Camera. “Downtown Los Angeles on a Rooftop of a high rise..” Iris straps down a knee protector in full drag. “To do a Parkour Routine through some high rises building. Drag is fun, wild, and entertaining for me… so i’m ready to slay this.”
“Oh My GODS!” Sophie gasps. “Awe you scawed?”
“This is what I do, Sophie. I’m ready to run, jump and wow. What’s drag without some risk?” Iris grins.
“That’s wt, my vwwew! Let’s watch!!!” Sophie smiles.
~
“Oh hello.” Nicotina Rush takes a drag of her cigarette. “I’m Nicotina Rush, and I’m in Country Nebraska, in the middle of this outside auditorium, right next to the Gigi St Frostfur.”
“Otherwise known as the one something something Priya Tigress… something some something wigs.” Gigi winks. “Let’s hope she steps it up this time, because Priya sure did…” She gulps, then chuckles.
“Now, Gigi, lovely. What are we doing in this Nebraskan Auditorium for your talent show?” Nicotina breathes out the fresh air. “Tell me it’s gay.”
“It’s always gay when you’re with Gigi.” Gigi adjusts her huge white wig, tucking in the gown that has hints of a neon catsuit underneath. “As a Professor of Music, I know howif you like blowing and fingering… to give you a good time.”
“Don’t we all?” Nicotina smiles wistfully.
“5 Genres. Operatic Singing. Piano Playing. High-Intense Yodeling. Saxophone Show… and ending it with a dance pop singing performance of course, with my fabulous backup singers and dancers, my students from the University of Nebraska.” Gigi winks. “Now let’s do it.”
“You heard here, people! Now let me get my lighter whilst I watch this show…” Nicotina lights up the lighter, and winks.
~
“Hi Ya’ll, I’m the Missy with a Hart.” Blessia Hart winks. “I’m the Lady Blessia Hart, and I’m here to SLAY the Day with Lady Charlotte!”
“Oh hello, hello hello!” Lady Charlotte waves like a Queen. “It’s lovely to have a country dame here with me today.”
“Now, we’re underground in CHICAGO in some 1920s style Bar… where there ain’t no… boring men in pants.” Blessia looks in the camera. “Tell me, Charlotte… whatcha doing for you show?”
“Now, we’re going to be reflecting the Lady Charlotte flair with a Comedic Burlesque show!” Lady Charlotte smiles. “And… there’s a bit of a twist.”
“Oh yes twist!” Blessia snaps her fingers. “Tell me… what is the twist?”
“The Lady Doth holds a master in The Queen's English… and Horror. I’m going for a deadly twist. I’ll be rising from my… little Old Lady Corpse.” Lady Charlotte gasps. “How vulgar!”
“Oh, this is going to be FUN.” Blessia grins.
~
“Hiya!” Vantrilicia does a peace sign. “What’s the T? It’s me, Vantri! And I’m here in AUSTRALIA, in the highlands of New South Wales. This is Virtual Drag Race’s first time in Australia, and it’s madness!”
“And they’re here…” Jess Deadly smirks. “With me. Ms Deadly.” Jess whips her long black hair, and smiles.
“So, Ms Deadly. Tell us… What are you, the Queen of Deadly, doing for YOUR talent show!” Vantrilicia smiles. “Dance. Tell me it’s dance. I love DANCE. Like when you won Season 8’s Musical, Baddest Dudes In History!”
“Well..” Jess grins. “I’m a proud Indigenous woman, and tonight I’m showing that. My Mob believes in telling a story through the art of dancing. So today, I will talk of the dreamtime, of my own journey through a traditional performance.”
“I’m into it already. I see you’ve painted yourself with white paint…” Vantrilicia grins.
“It all leads into the story. This is a moment of meaning, power… and pride.” Jess smiles. “And I am proud to show the world.”
~
“Let’s Rock this thing.” Eva Munroe winks at the camera. “It’s Eva fucking Munroe, and we’re in SWEEDEN, on the same stage as 2024’s EUROVISON with Britt-Maj Canth. How sick is that?”
“So sick, obviously.” Britt smirks. “Can these Queens do any better? I think not.” She winks.
“Now Britt, what are you doing tonight?” Eva grins.
“Easy. Well, complexity. Britt-Maj Canth is a lot of things, and I wanted to show that. I’ve decided to do something quinsenntal me. Meaningful, impactful… and fun.” Britt laughs.
“Okay, i’m in. What are we doing?”
“Waterloo.” Britt winks.
“Waterloo?” Eva looks confused.
“By ABBA. A song that won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1974. On other hand, the battle in France in 1815 that Napoleon lost. The perfect intersection of society and entertainment.” Britt smiles. “And I’m so excited to do it.”
“Waterloo.” Eva smiles.
“An all-lip-syncing, all-dancing, all-comedy performance with an ABBA mashup as the basis. It’s got all of your favorite hits: Mamma Mia, Dancing Queen, Gimme Gimme Gimme and so on. And Waterloo as the big finish, of course. I emote so strongly in my lip syncs, and I hope that I can convey the audience as much joy as the performance gives me joy. It’s a fun number, and I’m so excited to show it to you all.” Britt smirks. “Now Eva, go take a seat. It’s showtime.”
~
“Oh my God I need to fart.” Dahlia St Frostfur looks into the camera. “AHH, WE’RE LIVE? I mean HI!” Dahlia waves. “I’m Dahlia St Frostfur, standing here… in front of a brick wall SOMEWHERE with the lovely MELODRAMA!”
“It is I!” Melodrama jumps, sparkling in a gorgeous starry gown. Isn’t she lovely…. Isn’t she Wonderful….” Melodrama continues to sing, oblivious.
“Okay, earth to Melodrama?” Dahlia eyes Melodrama.
“Less than one minute old! I never thought through love we'd be… Making one as lovely as she…” Melodrama smiles. “Oh happy days.”
“Now, what are we doing here, for your talent show performance?” Dahlia smiles.
“Now, I am the Queen of the THEATRE. But I have… a DARK PAST.” Melodrama gasps.
“A DARK PAST?” Dahlia gasps.
“I am a former graffiti artist… so for my talent show, I will be pulling out my tricks.. Whilst dancing and singing a number of my own.” Melodrama smiles. “Now, you can begin to zoom out, my dear camera…”
The camera zooms out, revealing Melodrama high above.
“Oh I'm getting scared of heights just feeling this, can I leave PLEASE?” Dahlia tears up.
~
“Hi Beauties.” Gianna Belíssima smiles. “I’m Gianna, the original and the prettiest in all the land.” She winks. “And I’m here with Ms Nancy Doll in a Los Angeles Doctor’s Surgery.. And that’s weird.”
“But isn’t it gorgeous, Gianna?” Nancy winks. “Just like this beautiful, gorgeous body of mine?” Nancy spins around. “And these curves? You know you love these curves…”
“I don’t.” Gianna looks awkwardly. “I mean, not for me. Somebody would love it. I think.” She smiles.
“I’m sizzzzling.” Nancy smirks.
“So… what are we doing for your performance here today, beauty?” Gianna smiles.
“Well, I’m Plastically Fantastic. I’m fierce, and I’m hot. So we’re doing a burlesque show with a twist, daaaaahling.” Nancy winks.
“What’s our twist?” Gianna looks at Nancy.
“I’m here with my doctor and as part of my burlesque show, Plastic Fantastic… I’ll be getting my lips filled, and my head botoxed. Sex AND Surgery. Isn’t that fun.” Nancy winks.
“I can’t WAIT to see how this turns out.” Gianna grins.
~
“HIYA!” Frida Tits shakes her chest. “I’m FRIDA TITS, and i’m here to free the world!” Frida winks.
“I used to Frida Tits, but now it’s just Saggy Tits.” Esther chuckles and clutches a glass of wine.
“Now, we’re in a New York City Club with you, Esther. What are we doing here?!” Frida yells.
“Now, I believe a drag Queen works best in her home domain. I work best with a glass of wine in my hand, a smile and a dingy, dingy club in the background.” Esther laughs.
“Oh, I LOVE dingy.” Frida smiles. “IT’S SO QUAINT.”
“So quaint!” Esther laughs.
“What is your talent?” Frida says to Esther.
“I’ll be grabbing the Mic in a Comedic Show. Stand-Up Fun. That’s what i’ll be delivering on Esther’s Eating and Drinking Delight.” Esther beams. “I’m excited, Frida.”
“Oh, I am too!” Frida yells.
~
“YAAAAAS QUEEN.” Mari Huana tongue pops. “I’m MARI. HUANA. OKURR? And i’m here with SABUKI DUBIDU! YAAAAAAS!”
“Hello, children of the world. I hope today will be an enlightening experience for your brain, your soul, and your heart and minds.” Sabuki smiles.
“So GIRL, where are we, what are we doing here today what’s all the TEA?!” Mari Huana tongue pops.
“We’re in my homeland, Osaka, Japan. Today we are going to be doing an exquisite, charming and exciting performance by myself, the one, the only, the legendary Sabuki Dubidu.” Sabuki winks. “Gorgeous.”
“Okay girl, so tell us, we’re in this lovely Japanese theatre… what’s the show.” Mari winks.
“What else but the art of Kabuki Theatre, conducted by myself?” Saubki smiles. “It had to be that.”
“Oh, i’m LIVING.” Mari clicks her fingers.
“Oh… did I mention.” Sabuki smiles. “IT’S TORTURE THEMED!”
“Oh my GOD.” Mari gasps. “No, Sabuki, where are you TAKING ME!”
~
As they get ready for their ‘Best Drag’ runway following their talent show performance, Maya chats with Britt-Caj Canth and Jess Deadly.
“I feel… excited for this runway.” Jess grins. “This gown is… jewelled for the gods.”
“It’s good to show an elevation of my drag. Some of my looks… Season 13 was crunchy.” Britt laughs.
“Girl, we always have some… moments we best not remember. But we live, we fight, and we get on All Stars.” Jess winks.
“Round three’s the charm.” Maya smiles.
“I’m hoping for round two.” Britt chuckles.
“Can I say something?” Maya looks at Britt and Jess.
“Sure girl, say it.” Jess nods.
“I’m a little worried for Nancy… like… she’s going to go home tonight.” Maya frowns.
“Oh?” Britt looks at Maya in the mirror as she applies makeup. “How so.”
“Like, I told her that this plastic idea was a bit out there and like… it was much. But she’s.. A bit weird? She thought it was smart and like…”
“You didn’t. Did you give that advice?” Jess eyes Maya.
“Here’s the thing. We ain’t even friends. I barely know the girl… I mean, she’s a bit obsessed with me.” Maya shrugs. “And now, we’re here and… it’s kinda awkward.”
“I thought you two were… best friends? Roommates?” Jess raises an eyebrow.
“Not even. Like… I have some stories to tell you….” Maya rolls her eyes. “Don’t get me started.”
Jess Deadly: “Alarm bells are ringing. This is… this is episode one, girl.”
“Tell me.” Jess smiles. “I’m all ears.”
Britt smirks in the mirror, and looks at Jess. “Yeah, go ahead…”
~
Who Wins?
Spreadsheet

Can someone help me to find me type?

I posted this on enneagram, but there I didn't find the answers I was looking for, so I'll post it here with some modifications.
First, sorry for my bad english guys, it's not my native language.
Usually I score high on 5, 4 and 9, but I can't fully relate with any of it.
I share the intellectual curiosity and pursuits of 5s, but I'm not so uninvolved, independent from people and detached emotions as it's described. I'm not an extroverted and spontaneous person, but if I don't hang out with someone at least once in a week, I feel lonely.
I share the 4s mood swings and somewhat the creativeness. I also am in touch with what I feel and try to understand my emotions, and I can need some time to do so. But I'm not so dramatic and absorbed in them.
Probably I score high on type 9 because I'm usually more laid back, lazy and don't often push people to do what I want. I don't like to be stressed with things I don't care, so I avoid them. A lot of things that are secondary I usually postpone until it's necessary. I prefer to don't disagree with people and keep the peace. I can disagree, although sometimes I can feel bad by disagreeing and thinking people would dislike me or something, so I prefer not to. The thing here is that I just don't see it as vital for me.
Also a trait that I share with 9s and also 6s is that it's not too easy to draw a conclusion. For 9s it's because of seeing all alternatives, while 6s is because they don't believe in their mind. I just think that it's not that easy to draw conclusions because people tend to oversimplify while I tend to be more accurate, so it takes time while I ruminate ideas and gather more information, mainly because there are a lot of things that I don't know and premises that I haven't considered yet. Also, sometimes I don't even draw a conclusion, because it would take an effort that I don't wanna devote, so I just let them open.
I can share the playfullness and distraction of 7s but I'm not too spontaneous and pleasure seeking. I can enjoy the time, have fun, be joking around and explore new things, but it can be overwhelming for me if it's too much, I need time to process stuff. I also tend to explore more controversies than I think a 7 and a 9 would do.
I'm quite perfectionistic too, but 1s seem to be more extroverted and focused on changing the world around them, while my perfectionism is more focused on my private interests. Also, it's quite easy for me to be angry if I'm not in a good mood. I don't like it but it can come to the surface and I can't hide it too much. If the angriness takes control, it's really hard to change my mood. I 'd need some kind of distraction that makes me forget what made me angry. Funny thing is that after I cooled down, I can look to what happened in a more healthy perspective.
I'll answer this questionnaire and see if it can help.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I'm a male 26 yo. I don't know how to appropriately describe myself, I hope I can make it more clear in the next questions.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
5 years ago I suffered PSTD paranoia after a psychedelics trip, but today I can say I'm quite okay about it. But in some ways my world view is still different because of it.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My family is spiritualist. I don't know if you guys know this doctrine, but here in Brazil it's quite popular. Anyways, I grew up believing in spirits and was afraid of them. Also, I was quite interested in the concept of God. There was a phase in my life which I considered myself an atheist, but still, God existence could by one of my favorite subjects.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I'm a salesman in a streetwear store. It's a good job and I'm used to it, but it can bee painfull sometimes to deal with people and try to please them. I learned to do small talk and I can handle it, but I can't connect too much with customers. I think that what I most feel confortable doing here are photoshop editions and creation for social media.
I'm a philosophy student on university. If I am optimistic, I'll be a university professor, that would be economically rewarding. But my true goal here isn't about being an educator. What I think I really want is to understand and know the best way to look to reality, to make the best model I can of it. Because of it, my main interests in the course orbit around philosophy of the mind, philosophy of science, epistemology and metaphysics. And if I have the discipline to do so, I would study CS or physics. I like continental philosophy too, and I think that I can innately understand it easier, maybe because it's "more human". But still, what approaches the hard sciences are my main goals right now.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Probably lonely, I got used to do something with my friends in the weekend, so I always expected to go out. Now I spend it mostly with my gf. I 'm usuually alone on other days, so I enjoy doing what I want, but if there's a program to do with friends, I would like to participate.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
What I most do is play on my PC. I played mostly FPS and RPGs, but I also have an interest on crafting games too.
I like to learn an catch up my intellectual interests, but it can be a painfull activity, because it's cognitively demanding and there are periods which I postpone it a lot. I enjoy mostly the reward of studying, not the process. But I like watching lectures and interviews on the subjects I like on youtube. It's more comfortable because I can do it with less commitment.
I like to read too. I prefer books that make me think about reality, that's why I mainly read sci-fi. I read around 5 ficion books per year though.
I like movies and series, mostly the ones that makes me think, learn and see the world in another perspective. If it's not like this, I just prefer to watch a comedy and laugh.
I do play basketball and soccer and I enjoy it, but I don't think that's too much I can say about it.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I'm very curious. Usually the ideas I have aren't executable in the strict sense, they are conceptual. I spend most time of my days making annalogies and trying to draw conclusions. I simulate situations too, like dialogues, for example. I usually plan things and imagine the future by giving an possibility, but I'm not well disciplined and I tend to hype it in the beginning and give it up later. It's something that cost to learn about myself, there aren't so many things that are constant in my life, but I try to be true to what remains.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Nope, I just want to be my leader. I don't have the interest or the patience to be anyone else's leader.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I can be not bad in sports, for exemple, but I don't have too much coordination. I'm somewhat disconnected to sensorial external stimuli.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I'm not sure if I'm an artistic person, I could relate more to it when I was younger. These days the only art I wondered about creating was writing a disturbing sci-fi, like Philip K. Dick ones, but I didn't think too much about it anymore, maybe in the future.
I appreciate art more than I'm artistic. I like to see some visual arts on instagram, I like to listen and enjoy music (a few years ago I went to a Roger Waters concert, it was one of the best experiences i had in my life, the immersion it had made me a fan of pink floyd in all its dimensions: the instrumental, the conceptual, the lyrics, the visual...), recently I've been listening mostly to trap and hip-hop. I really respect Kendrick Lammar as a musician, and Travis Scott, although I can't relate to the things he say in his songs, I enjoy watching his videoclips because of the concept and the visuals. Recently I've been interested in aesthetics of movies and series, like the colors, the positioning of cameras, the way they tell the story, etc.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I don't dwell too much on my past. I think about the future mostly when I'm planning something, but I don't make too much plans. Sometimes I worry about the future, because while I'm getting old I didn't accomplished things that I wanted to myself because of my indiscipline. Also because of my health, I'm afraid of getting sick because I smoke and some gastrointestinal problems I have. The problem is that I don't try to solve a lot of my problems until the water hits the butt. In the end, I think I live mostly in the present, enjoying what I'm doing or inside my head.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I usually help people when they ask. I can be hard for me saying no, so when I help, sometimes is because I care, sometimes is because I force myself to it, mostly because I force myself so I don't feel bad about it.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Yes, I mean, I usually look for logical systems to explain what I experience in life. I don't think my wills are rational tho.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Mostly when it's needed, or if it will result in less engagement required in the future. The problem is that I tend to struggle in being productive in the things that interests me, the way I mentioned earlier.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
Sometimes I can be pushy and try to make people think like me, or have the same values, but I try to avoid it.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I prefere classes involving logic and creativity, I think. But in high school I didn't like math, physics or chimestry. Today I'm more interested on those subjects, not because I like to do the math, but because of the sense that resides underneath those subjects. It's really more about understanding than executing or implementing. All about building the model. I prefer to focus on the logical structure rather than the output that I will have if I input an information and follow a set of rules.
The way I learn better is by taking notes and then trying to writing the concepts with my own words.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I tend to improvise as I go, because I and the world changes, so it can happen to the project too. But if it's in my work, I tend to be more practical focused.
I don't know if I'm good at strategizing, but I do like some strategy games :v
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
Professionally I think I already said enough. Personally, I'd like to just be happy, keep doing the things I like to do, keep my relationships and have a good time. I don't think about it often.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
Tbh, I don't really know. I fear don't accomplishing what gives meaning to me.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I daydream a lot, I'm quite disconnected from my surroundings.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
"What the fuck is happening?"
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
It's quite painfull for me to make an important decision. If it's really important, I think I tend to don't change my mind, but I'm not sure. Maybe if I realized it was a bad decision and it's reversible.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I think I don't process my emotions very quickly, I tend to give it its own time. For a period I tried to repress them and it didn't went very well for my emotional and mental life. Now I give them space, probably because there's a reason they are there that I just don't realized yet. It made me feel better.
I think my emotions are quite important, even in the intellectual interests I mentioned, they have a emotional charge that I deposited on them, about wanting them and thinking they are important, valuing them anyway. Also, my emotions always played a role in my life, even if I didn't wanted to feel them, if I wanted to repress them, if I just didn't agree with them, they were all present, I always felt emotions in one way or another.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
I try to avoid conversations that I need to do this, but I still do. If it's with an intimmate, it's because I like the person and prefer to keep things peaceful. When I disagree, I try to keep it healthy, if possible. If I get angry and be an asshole, I regret it later. When it's not an intimate, I do it because I don't excell in social skill and I just want to get through it with no problems. Sometimes if it's not an intimate and I have 0 possibilites to have contact or interest again to the person, I don't try to be polite and just react the way I want at the moment. I don't mean that I will necessairly be arrogant or an asshole, but I'll just not try to force sympathy.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don't break rules for da sake of breaking rules, but if I disagree with something and it's a rule, it's possible that I break it. I think authority (in the general sense) should both be challenged and also could know better. If they're authority, there's a good change to be competent on the subject they are an authority. But they should be challenged often to justify they authority and not become a demagogue.

[S] King's Survivor Japan: Back to Basics

For the fourth to last season, we are heading to Japan where 16 castaways will face off in a more classic version of the format King's Survivor (and a whole load of other series) uses. There will be no idols, no Exile Island, no Edge of Extinction, and the only twist is that there is none, besides the swap. Now, we'll see who is competing on this season:
Taiyo (Japanese for sun) Tribe:
Alexa Dunn, 22, Singer, u/LordYeet777
Alexa was born into a very religious family. They always went to church, always had sunday lunch, and were always conservative. Alexa went to an all girls private school, where she excelled in her extracurricular activity in singing. Her teachers were so impressed by this that they applied her to appear on AGT, where she won s4 of AGT for her singing. Her life was great, until one night after a night of partying she put rude remarks on twitter. While Alexa doesnt remember this (in fact, shes certain someone stole her phone that night), her reputation was hindered. Alexa hopes that Survivor will redeem her reputation back to what it once was.
Aurora Yasir, 29, Medium, u/CaptainkKenny148
Dana Llywelyn, 21, Math Student, u/Dadaist-Drama
Dana is a Welsh-American who has taken three years of college and has developed into a skilled mathematician, but unfortunately she might not be able to attend next year. Her older brother Hercule, in an incident of drunk driving, severely injured the mayor of the town her family resides. Needless to say, the resulting lawsuit case has left their family in severe financial straits. In a fit of desperation, her mother signed her up for the show without her consent, and a lot of pleading managed to land Dana a spot on the show. While Dana believes this definitely isn't the best course of action her family should have taken to earn enough money (she could have just gotten a second job) she won't turn down the opportunity to visit a tropical island for a while.
Darla Adora, 24, Swimsuit Model, u/HazuMega
Darla is nice to everyone she meets, and everyone loves her. She's klutzy, ditzy, even scatterbrained, but noone else minds because she's fun to be around. She's also seen as being really emotional, and if anyone brings up those high school rumors that her cute and ditzy persona is a facade, prepare for the waterworks. In truth however, those rumors are true. She's really a cruel uncaring person ready to do anything to get the million dollars. She'll flirt, she'll hurt, she'll do it all for that cold hard cash. Her strategy going in is aided by the tube top she chose to wore because it draws attention to her bust size making her appear more attractive.
Malik Love, 25, Soccer Player, u/JokeForsaken3856
His mother was a muslim, a father was a christian, but a the end pick Islam as his religion. Both of his parents died when he was 8. He wanted to make something of his life so he became soccer player. He was in MLS dream 11 3x. Now he wants to do something for his kids and make them proud.
Pablo Chavez, 43, Comedian, u/asiansurvivorfan
Growing up, Pablo was always the class clown, he would always manage to make not only his classmates but also his teachers laugh. At the same time, every one of them would say that he could never make a career out of it especially in a poor Mexican city. While he struggled in school, didn’t have a lot of money, and and was a little chubby and got teased because of it, he always had a positive outlook on things no matter what. Pablo thinking he could make a living through comedy, decided to drop out of school but little did he know he was way over his head as this caused him to struggle to make any sort of money for a while, he eventually picked up a corn selling job which gave him enough money to pursue his true dream of moving to the United States and becoming a well known comic. But once he got there, he only continued to struggle as English wasn’t his first language and he was still lacking financially. He eventually stumbled upon a small comedy club that was free of charge, this is where he was exposed a wide variety of struggling comedians and actually began to learn English through the club. He started performing every Friday night and he was instantly adored by the regulars. His success only got better as he started getting paid gigs at bigger venues and finally achieved his dream of becoming a successful comic. He now lives a stable live with his wife and 2 young daughters. He came on Survivor to spread good vibes and laughter but to also prove to all the people that thought he couldn’t succeed as a comic that he made it.
Ryoma Hashimoto, 25, Internet Reviewer, u/swoldow
If you look up "toxic fanbase" in the dictionary, there would probably be a picture of Ryoma Hashimoto right next to it. Ryoma is an internet personality, who usually makes reviews on YouTube on anime and movies. However, there is one problem, as nobody from Ryoma's subscriber base even takes him seriously. The reason being that Ryoma is a toxically loyal fan to a universally hated anime series called Dragon Maidens, a series where a young traveler seeks companionship with three anthropomorphic dragons, who are also cute girls. Due to the unnecessary fanservice, lack of a coherent storyline, and annoying protagonist, literally everyone besides Ryoma and like three other people hate this show, and as a result, everyone only watches Ryoma ironically. However, Ryoma doesn't know this as he has such a big ego, and continues to make blatantly biased reviews on anime he usually scores low, simply for not being Dragon Maidens. Ryoma is playing survivor just for the fame that goes along with it, and wants to play as evil as possible, just like the generic villain of his favorite show. Ryoma will get into fights with anyone who doesn't share any opinion he has, and he doesn't care, as he is still a smooth talker, which backs why his sponsorships have stayed with him despite him being a glorified meme.
Zach Dalton, 25, Waiter, u/SilverOwl24
Zach fits the stereotype of a varsity athlete. Good at sports, confident and also egotistical. Now that he's out of college pursuing life after being a star athlete both there and in high school, he's currently trying to find himself and he's confident Survivor will not only help him figure it out, he'll win the money to set up his life. And he doesn't care who he'll backstab in order to get there.
Tsuki (Japanese for moon) Tribe:
Alex Dohte, 26, Lifeguard, u/SilverOwl24
Alex was originally born in Australia, but her family moved to California when she was 13 years old. Although she was new to America, she quickly adjusted and quickly became a star swimmer on her school's swim team. Now that she's adjusted to the USA, she's ready to face whatever other challenges come her way and is ready to tackle Survivor.
Bradley Worth, 37, Motorcycle Mechanic, u/Twig7665
While Bradley wasn't the most well off fellow for most of his life, he had an inexplicable interest in engines, specifically motorcycle ones. He would spend days at a time working on, fixing, and modifying motorcycle engines, until he decided to open up a motorcycle repair shop sometime in his early 20s. One day, he took a customer of his's motorcycle out for a spin after fixing it, and ended up totaling it in an accident. He survived without much injury, but he became senile afterwards, getting drunk frequently and just doing whatever he feels like doing, for a lot of the time he was drunk. His repair shop was closed down, and now he just spends his time on the streets, not knowing how to get out of his situation. He signed up for Survivor, not knowing much about it, but he saw the one million dollar prize, and he wants it desperately.
Chayna Varne, 25, Illusionist, u/asiansurvivorfan
Chayna grew up with parents that were always busy with work and never cared to spend time with her. Due to spending most of her time with her grandparents, she picked up the art of magic from her grandfather due to him doing it in the past and the art of stage presence and charisma from her grandmother due to her being a performer in her past. She decided to combine both into her own type to illusion show that she would perform in from of her grandparents. As soon as she could, she started performing on the street in an attempt to reach her ultimate dream of getting a show in Vegas. Unfortunately it wasn’t easy as she didn’t get much attention at first and the offers she did get was to just be an assistant. She then realized how many limitations there were on her due to her trying to get into an industry dominated by men. She managed to get enough money through busking to buy a small venue where she could perform she art. While now in Vegas, she still hasn’t gotten that big headline show she’ll always wanted and came on Survivor to get closer to that
"Hurricane" Hailey Barranda, 24, Clown, u/AngolanDesert
Hailey, or as her friends call her “Hurricane Hailey” has had quite a life story. She had a very normal childhood growing up in a 2 parent household in the suburbs. While she was in high school, Hailey started to develop severe mood swings. Her parents took her to the psychiatrist, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Her symptoms only got worse and she ended up dropping out of high school. When she saw that there was a job opening at the circus for a new clown position, she knew she had to join. After joining the circus as a clown, she had grown much happier and her personality became very intense. She still has mood swings here and there but has found out how to cope with her mood swings more efficiently.
Marley "Mar" Wett, 31, Marine Biologist, u/swoldow
Mar is a very awkward man who is basically always out of his element. He was told of stories of pirates with his brother as a kid, and Mar always had a dream to sail the sea as a result, and this led to an addiction to basically anything involved with water. He geeked over all the pirate movies in high school, memorized hundreds of different species of fish, and both him and his brother, Bateley, made plans to move to florida together, study marine biology and navigation respectively, and save up money to go sailing in the atlantic and they both were able to do so. Mar was having the time of his life until Bateley got suddenly attacked by a shark on their voyage, losing his eye, and causing Mar to have to bring the boat back. Bateley immediately moved away from Mar, abandoning him and never seeing him again. Mar is now alone, and quite literally a fish out of water, as he doesn't fit in with the usual beachgoers of Miami, however, he now works as a marine biologist for an aquarium. He hopes to use this experience to show Bateley he is sorry, as Bateley was a fan of the show, and win for him.
Matthew "Matt" Harrisburg, 41, Security Guard, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Matthew was the eldest of four kids, and has always felt like he was responsible and was forced to take charge. A natural born leader, Matt's always strived to help others. Initially, his childhood dream was to become a cop, but due to an injury in his hip during training, he ended up dropping out of the academy.
He became a security guard instead, a humble work which he enjoys. Matt's currently married to his wife of 10 years, and together they have two kids: Both sons. He hopes to be able to win the grand prize for them.
Rodger Cunningham, 55, Construction Worker, u/HazuMega
Rodger watched Survivor's first three seasons to watch people survive in the wilderness. But when the strategy started to evolve, it became more focused on the tribal councils and less focused on day to day camp life, so he quit watching. When his coworkers told him Survivor was doing a "back-to-basics" season, he was overjoyed, and he even applied. He has no strategy going into this season, he only wishes to survive in the wilderness. He is a workaholic and spends more time working than even sleeping or eating, as he keeps mobile foods like apples, burgers, or even space food. He's fine with others as long as they don't try to disturb his work. He is also very biased. He is kind to cute women and hard working men, but if he feels that any of the men aren't working to their fullest potential, he will severely reprimand them.
Yan Horiuchi, 38, Brain Surgeon, u/swoldow
Yan Horiuchi is a stern, serious, and deadpan woman. You will never hear Yan laugh, or see her smile, as she is always in business mode no matter what. Yan was raised with 6 brothers and a sexist father, so she was constantly mistreated by her father, as well as her brothers due to being influenced by him, leading to her to simply not care about her family during her childhood. The thing that hurt her the most was how her father had dreams for her brothers, but not for her, as her dad sent her brothers all of these fancy books, as he wanted them all to pursue medicine like he did, but gave nothing to Yan. However, Yan's youngest brother, who also felt picked on by the rest of his siblings, realized how badly Yan has felt her whole life, and offered to help her pursue her dreams by letting them share his books on medicine. As a result, Yan became driven to prove her father and the rest of her siblings wrong, and graduated at the top of her class, got into every big medical school there is in the country, and continued working until she graduated on top of her class too. Yan is now a successful Brain Surgeon, and makes a ridiculous amount of money. However, she is still not much of a people person due to her childhood, and will enter the game seeing her allies like chess pieces rather than people.
Link to Season
Episode 1: The sixteen castaways arrive in Japan, where the host announces that they will be split into two tribes of eight, just like the first season. They draw buffs, some draw yellow buffs and form Taiyo, while the others draw black buffs and form Tsuki. Then, they are tasked to get as much stuff as they can off the boat within a minute, and everyone dashes madly to get stuff onto their raft. They are then directed to their islands. When the Tsuki tribe hits their beach, Matt decides to go running to look for the idol, and is noticed by Alex, who calls him out for it. Matt then elects to help with the shelter, but Hailey steps up as the leader of the tribe, which causes some people to want to target her. Over at Taiyo, Alexa and Pablo get off to a great start by arguing over how to build the shelter. This causes Zach to side with Alexa, and Dana sides with her as well, and soon the whole tribe is siding with Alexa. The Tsuki tribe wins immunity, and back at Taiyo, Zach wants Pablo gone. He reveals he did not trust him the moment he and Alexa had the fight, and that he should go to Dana. Dana then tells the rest of the alliance about the plan. Pablo decides to vote for Malik, thinking he's a physical threat down the road. At tribal council, Pablo becomes the first boot in a unanimous 7-1 vote. He is not phased by it, and wishes his tribe luck, despite all of them voting him out.
Episode 2: After Pablo's unanimous boot, the tribe seems to be more unified, although cracks soon emerge. When Dana tries to go out of her element to get to know everyone better on her tribe, it makes people see her as threatening. When Ryoma calls her out for it, it causes her to feel isolated in her tribe, so she leaves her alliance. Zach feels bad about her getting called out, so he and Dana try to form an alliance with Malik, who was originally in the majority. Alexa and Aurora, despite being very different, start the become very close. At the reward challenge, the Tsuki tribe wins reward, and they are shocked to see Pablo voted out, who they thought was strong. Matt and Roger get into a fight over their differing beliefs surrounding the game, and Hailey bonds with Yan, which is noticed by the tribe, so their heads are on the chopping block if they were to go to tribal. Alex and Chayna also bond, and they form their own final two deal. Tsuki wins their third challenge in a row, the immunity challenge, and at Taiyo camp, the verdict seems to be voting out Dana. Dana, Malik, and Zach try to vote out Alexa, seeing her as the biggest social threat, but Alexa is able to convince Malik to flip from his side to vote off Dana, and at tribal council, Dana is voted out 5-2, and Zach is pissed at Malik.
Episode 3: After Dana's blindside, Malik decides to flip back to the minority, since Zach was so angry with him. Also on that beach, Alexa and Ryoma form their own final two. Tsuki wins a fourth challenge, the reward, and they get extremely cocky. Bradley gets into a fight with Hailey that results in Hailey wanting to vote out Chayna for some reason, and Taiyo finally wins something, the immunity challenge. Hailey desperately tries to get votes to eliminate Chayna, a huge strategic threat, and convinces Yan and Mar to vote with her, but then Chayna learns that Yan would be voting for her, so she gets her counter-alliance to cause a counterstrike against Hailey's alliance. At tribal council, The five stay strong, and Yan is voted out 5-3.
Episode 4: Now halfway through the premerge, Hailey earns her nickname "Hurricane Hailey" and absolutely freaks when the votes don't go her way, causing the tribe to see her as a loose cannon. People get angry at Chayna for some reason, namely Bradley and Alex, and they start to distance themselves from her. Alex and the four men even form an alliance against Chayna, thinking she has the idol. Tsuki goes back to winning challenges, by winning reward. At Taiyo, Ryoma somewhat cuts ties with his alliance, and nothing else happens. Tsuki wins immunity once again, and Malik tries to target Aurora, one of the most well liked members of the tribe. The others are having none of that, and they all pile votes onto Malik, except Zach, who votes for Aurora with him. Malik is blindsided in a 4-2 vote, and he is the fourth person voted out.
Episode 5: After Malik's blindside, both tribes are asked to pick three representatives for a challenge. Aurora, Darling, and Ryoma are chosen for Taiyo, and Bradley, Chayna, and Mar are selected for Tsuki. They are then told to drop their buffs, as a swap is about to commence. The three representatives from each tribe switch tribes, and now, on the Taiyo tribe is Alexa, Bradley, Chayna, Marley, and Zach. On the Tsuki tribe is Alex, Aurora, Darling, Hurricane Hailey, Matt, Rodger, and Ryoma. They then compete in a reward challenge, which the Tsuki tribe wins, their seventh win. Absolutely nothing occurs on the Taiyo tribe, while on the Tsuki tribe, Matt and Roger go rogue on their alliance, with Roger even having a fight with Alex. Taiyo wins immunity for the second time, and at the Tsuki camp, Matt decides he wants to make a power play by getting rid of the biggest strategic threat on his tribe, Hurricane Hailey. He talks to the newcomers to get them on board. He then goes to Roger and Alex to stop them from killing each other to get Hurricane Hailey out. His plan succeeds and Hailey is voted out in a 6-1 vote.
Episode 6: After one of the bigger blindsides of the season, Matt inadvertently caused himself to be seen as the biggest threats going into the merge, and Alex starts to really hate him for whatever reason. He tries bonding with Darling to get a better standing, but it doesn't really work. The Tsuki tribe wins reward, and at the Taiyo tribe, they vow to not be in the minority come merge. Alexa and Chayna get very close, and Mar and Bradley get into a bit of a fight. Despite being quite unruly, the Taiyo tribe wins immunity again, and Matt starts to talk to people about blindsiding Aurora, since he thought Aurora was too big of a social threat. This backfires, and the rest of the tribe votes him out unanimously 5-1.
Episode 7: The merge occurs. The blue Jiyu tribe consists of Alex, Alexa, Aurora, Bradley, Chayna, Darling, Mar, Roger, Ryoma, and Zach. They then immediately jump into immunity, which Chayna wins. A new, mixed-tribe alliance consisting of Alex, Bradley, Chayna, Darling, Roger, and Zach forms, and Chayna also tries bonding with Ryoma to get him on her side. Alex and Bradley choose to vote for Aurora for her being too likable, while Alexa, Mar, and Ryoma opt to vote for Bradley, thinking he is a physical threat. The rest vote for Mar, and Mar, without an idol is the seventh person voted out in a 5-3-2 vote.
Episode 8: Now with only nine people left, the remaining contestants participate in a reward challenge, which is won by Bradley, who brings along Alex, who he wanted to form a tighter bond with. Zach starts to improve the shelter, which is appreciated by the other tribe members. Roger picks a fight with Bradley upon his return for not taking him, and leaves the alliance. After Bradley wins immunity, Ryoma starts to see Zach as threatening, so he chooses to vote for him. Chayna lets her alliance know that she wants to get out Aurora, but Roger is still wanting to get rid of Alex, so despite him leaving his alliance, he still talks to Alexa, Aurora, Chayna, and Darling and they all decided it was in their best interest to help him out, and vote off Alex. Alex, Bradley, and Zach decide together to vote off Alexa, seeing her as the biggest threat. When the votes are read, Alex becomes the first juror in a 5-3-1 vote.
Episode 9: After Alex's blindside, eight people remain in the game. A second post merge reward challenge takes place, with the contestants split into pairs. Bradley dominates the challenge alongside Darling, and they win reward. Back at camp, Zach feels left out of the vote, and voices his opinion quite loudly. This causes him to be somewhat disliked and him to leave the alliance. Roger also has a huge meltdown out of nowhere, causing people to feel threatened by him. Ryoma starts to heavily dislike Roger after this, so he decides to vote for him. Bradley wins immunity again, and the tribe figures out just how dangerous Bradley could be. When word comes around of Aurora wanting to target Chayna, Zach lets Chayna know, and the two of them, plus Bradley, Darling, and Roger, vote for Aurora. Aurora is voted out 5-2-1, becoming the next blindside victim of the season.
Episode 10: The final seven compete in yet another reward challenge, this time the Survivor auction. Literally everyone except for Darling wins something, and it's all food related items. Chayna decides that now is the best time to go rogue, so she leaves her alliance with Bradley and Darling. Sensing he's in trouble, Bradley wins a third immunity challenge in a row, and Chayna decides to stay true to her ailing alliance one more vote, by pulling in Zach to make a tight four and learning that Zach wanted to target Ryoma, who was quite the loose cannon. Ryoma talks to Roger, and the two of them plan to vote off Zach, who Ryoma did not like at all. Alexa, completely out of the loop but not giving up, decides that voting for Roger would be her best bet. At tribal council, Ryoma is voted out in a 4-2-1 vote. He is shocked and confuddled, and becomes the third juror.
Episode 11: After Ryoma's lukewarm blindside, the final six compete for reward, which Roger wins. Bradley calls out Chayna for absolutely no reason at all, causing them to get into a massive argument, and Darling and Roger have a similar fight soon after Roger returns from reward. Alexa and Zach form a final two right before the immunity challenge, despite voting for each other before. Chayna wins her second immunity challenge, and Bradley immediately believes he's screwed, so he talks to everyone besides Roger and tries to get them to vote off Roger, who he didn't trust, and he figured, since Chayna had immunity, he'd try and get rid of one of her closest allies. Zach lets Chayna and Roger know about the plan, so they vote for Bradley, not trusting him, and a 3-3 tie happens at tribal council. Nobody changes their vote on the revote, and then the host announces a new twist, whoever has the most past votes will be voted out. Bradley had one more vote than Roger, so he becomes the fourth juror. He is not happy about this new development.
Episode 12: After an interesting tribal council, paranoia is rampant within the tribe, and nobody knows who to trust. Darling wins the final five reward, a car, and is given the option to give it up to someone else, but doesn't do it. Instead she keeps it for herself, angering the rest of the tribe, who view her as selfish. Zach forms a new alliance with Chayna after this, and Roger wins immunity, saving himself until the final four. Alexa, still sympathetic for Darling, chooses to vote Chayna with her, and the rest vote for Darling, and she is voted out in a 3-2 vote and becomes the fifth juror, leaving only four people left in the game.
Finale: The final four, under the impression that there will be a final three, really work up a sweat trying to win the final four immunity. Alexa surprises everyone and wins, and everyone starts looking for a new target. Roger becomes outspoken about how he wants to target Chayna because she controlled the whole post merge up to this point, and the other tribe members see this as being spiteful, so Roger is voted out 3-1 and becomes the sixth juror. The next day, the final three are dismayed to learn that it will be a final two like the last two seasons, and they compete in another immunity challenge, which is an endurance comp. Chayna drops out first, leaving Zach and Alexa, and Alexa pleads for Zach to drop, which he refuses to, and Alexa falls, making Zach the winner of the final immunity. He sees he has alliances with both Alexa and Chayna, so he decides to vote off... Alexa, due to him thinking he could beat Chayna. Our final two is Chayna and Zach. Zach is criticized for being out of the loop a lot of the time, and his loyalty to Chayna really cost him, while Chayna is penalized for being in the minority for the premerge portion of the game. Ultimately, they go with who they thought was the better player, and Chayna Varne becomes the winner of King's Survivor: Japan. Darling is announced as the fan favorite due to her being likable and for the audience feeling bad that she got screwed over by winning the car.
Winner: Chayna Varne, u/asiansurvivorfan
Fan Favorite: Darla "Darling" Adora, u/HazuMega
Potential Returnees: Chayna, Zach, Alexa, Darling, Bradley, Matt as a second chance
The next season will take place in Gabon, where 16 new contestants, and two returning captains will face off in a battle that may end up being ridiculous. It will be King's Survivor Gabon: Champions Vs Contenders II!

comedy jokes in english for students video

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